Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

COMMON KNOWLEDGE

June 9, 2019

BY D.K. LION

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     I don't know if it's the concept of entitlement, lack of intelligence, the progression of technology, or just not giving a fuck if it doesn't come in an application on your phone, but I can't stand by and continue to be a witness; a silent bystander when there's so much ignorant bullshit floating around modern society. I could care less what this is or how much technology has made our lives easier; there are STILL some things people should just fucking know or know better.


     It's not about being from the old school, or not wanting to evolve with technology; it's about basic shit we should just fucking know how to do. We did away with art and music. Driver's ed wasn't a waste of time. Sexual education wasn't just a class about the reproductive system; it was also about avoiding unwanted pregnancies and how to protect yourself from STD's/STI's. The easily offended thought it was too much of a useless or inappropriate subject and should be left up to parents to decide when to have that conversation with their children; it never happened because they were uncomfortable doing it. How the few felt was more important than being informed of the dangers that lurked around the corner from their children. So, ALL children missed out.


     I remember that week we spent in school, learning how to fill out a job application properly; how to write a resume. How to navigate a job interview, from what/what not to wear to how to answer questions during the interview.


     What's happening to us as a society? Have we really become so dependent on computers, the internet, and phone apps. That we've forgotten the basic shit, every person should just know? What if the computer goes down? What if the network fails while your business is full of customers who want to pay you for your service or products? What if you walk into a potential employer and they hand you a physical application AFTER you've emailed your resume? Without the basic knowledge of certain skills, you're pretty much fucked.


     The truth is, everyone (Or at least 85% of all people) should know:


- HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE. Even if they choose to wait on their roadside service company.


- WORK A MANUAL CREDIT CARD MACHINE. Are you really going to turn away paying customers because your manager doesn't know how to use a knucklebuster?


- LIGHT OR RE-LIGHT A PILOT FLAME.


- THREAD A NEEDLE/SEW A BUTTON.


- USE A MEASURING CUP.


- BOIL WATER FOR PASTA. Just a little vegetable oil and salt in the pot will not only keep the pasta from sticking together in clumps, but it also keeps the pot from boiling over.


- IRON A DRESS SHIRT/PANTS.


- TIE A WINDSOR KNOW FOR A NECKTIE.


- USE A TAPE MEASURE.


- CHECK YOUR VEHICLE FLUIDS. Not knowing how to check your brake fluid, transmission fluid, engine oil? You're asking for costly repairs for your vehicle that could've been easily avoided.


- JUMP START A CAR/USE JUMPER CABLES. Yeah, there's a lot of people who don't know red doesn't mean positive or black means negative; they're color-coded that way to keep you from crossing the cables and fucking up the battery or your car.


- NOT TO REMOVE RADIATOR CAP RIGHT AFTER SHUTTING OFF YOUR CAR. Unless you want a scalding hot chemical face peel.


- READ AND UNDERSTAND NUTRITIONAL INFO ON FOOD PACKAGING.


- CHECK/UNLOAD A GUN.


- RESET A TRIPPED FUSE/REPLACE A FUSE.


- HOW TO DO A PROPER PUSH-UP. Elbows should be at your side, close to your body, not out like a, "T."


- SEPARATE LOADS AND WASH LAUNDRY.


- SHINE/POLISH A PAIR OF SHOES


- SHAVE WITH A RAZOR. The battery in your electric shaver might take a shit, or you just may have left it at home or somewhere.


- SIT PROPERLY WHILE WEARING A SKIRT OR DRESS. Believe it, or not a lot of women don't know this; more than you think!


- PICK UP SOMETHING FROM THE FLOOR WHILE WEARING A DRESS OR SKIRT. It's called a squat, not the bend and reach.


- FIND A BOOK IN A LIBRARY. Remember Dewey Decimal? It wasn't a dream & it's NOT a fucking cartoon character.


- FIX A RUNNING TOILET. Don't be afraid to take the fucking top off the back of the toilet, that's actually clean water!


- READ A MAP. "GPS signal lost? FUCK ME!!!"


- DRIVE IN RAIN AND SNOW. Slow the fuck down and be careful. Crash into me because you're stupid and in a rush? I'm kicking your ass!!


- PROPERLY FILL OUT BANK DEPOSIT/WITHDRAWL SLIP.


- STOP TALKING AND LISTEN. You don't know everything; sometimes it's best to shut the fuck up.


- DRIVE A STICK SHIFT.


- THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SAE AND METRIC. The U.S. Is the only place in the modern world that STILL uses SAE.


- APOLOGIZE. Enough said.


- ADMIT MISTAKES.


- PARALLEL PARK. Why the fuck isn't this skill a requirement in every state?


- HOW TO SHAKE HANDS WITH A MAN AND A WOMAN. Yeah asshole, there IS a difference!


- BALANCE A BANK BOOK.


- WRITE A BUDGET.


- WRITE NEATLY/LEGIBLY. I don't read shorthand or that bullshit you call your handwriting. If it looks fucked up, I won't even try to read it. As far as I'm concerned if it looks like shit, I didn't see shit, and I don't know shit.


- SPEAK PROFESSIONALLY. When you're with your friends, etc. slang is cool; but know how/when to put your speech game on point when necessary.


- BASIC CHESS MOVES. Just how the pieces move on the board. If you try to jump me like you're playing checkers or yell, "King me" during a chess game, I WILL smack you with the fucking board!


- USE A MANUAL CAN OPENER. There aren't any outlets in the woods when you're camping, jackass!


- START A LAWNMOWER.


- ACCEPT AN APOLOGY.


- ACCEPT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.


- SOLVE A DISPUTE WITHOUT ARGUING, YELLING/SWEARING, OR FIGHTING.


- PROPERLY USE, "THEIR, THERE, AND THEY'RE."


- PROPERLY USE, "YOUR AN YOU'RE."


- PROPERLY USE SINGULARS AND PLURALS. "Feets"? "Tooths"? "Gooses"? "Peoples"? Really? "No, I didn't see those 4 MOUSES running across the fucking floor!"


- CHECK TIRE PRESSURE.


- WRITE A RESUME.


- WRITE A BOOK REPORT OR TERM PAPER.


- READ BASIC BODY LANGUAGE.


- TELL TIME, USING A CLOCK.


- USE A COMPASS.


- USE PUNCTUATION.


- USE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.


- PUT ON/TAKE OFF A CONDOM PROPERLY.


- TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.


- SET UP/USE A CROCK POT.


- SET A MOUSETRAP.


     Sure, some of you may be wondering why these things seem important. Some may wonder how the fuck do people not know how to do them. Some may believe that when the time comes to know, they can just whip out their phone, go online, and find out how to do it at the moment they need to. The truth is, right then & there might just be too late. You may be stuck in an area with no internet or no phone signal, then what? Your battery's dead, or your tires flat and you're staring at a spare you don't know how to fucking change it.


     You may think a lot of this is common sense until someone walks into your office for a job interview with an application filled out in light blue ink, with scribbles all over it from where they messed up, their resume has more misspelled words than a rap song. Your son tells you he's going to be a father at 14 because he either didn't use a condom, or he or his girlfriend didn't know how to take the rubber off the right way. You get a phone call from the manager at your business, telling you the card reader's down and they have to send paying customers away because they don't know how to fill out a manual slip. What happens when your son does the laundry, and your whites are red because he just threw a pile of clothes in the washer? Do you wonder why you're always getting overdraft Notices? Because one or neither of you is balancing the account properly; Then what?


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

MATCH POINT

June 2, 2019

BY D.K. LION

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     As teenagers and young adults, one of the most important and critical duties of being a girl was found a boy too, "Hook up" with her best friend. Hooking up didn't mean the same then as it does now, it simply meant playing matchmaker. It was the responsibility of a girl's best friend to find a guy who was suitable for her. Back then, almost every girl wanted an athlete or someone popular; then it went down from there. Nevertheless, being a matchmaker was a sacred responsibility, one reserved for only the best friend. She was entrusted with finding the best guys who would take her friends to the movies, skating, the mall, dances, formals, and finally, the prom. That type of responsibility was an honor, and it wasn't taken lightly.


     Even now, grown women STILL see it as their duty to play matchmaker. While it was fun and sometimes necessary to nudge two people who obviously liked each other towards one another, things have gotten far more complicated; and with complication comes the potential for disaster. Where some women still think it's cute to play matchmaker, it's really fucking annoying and can cost you far more than you're willing or available to pay.


     First off, you know your friends as just that; FRIENDS. Unless you've dated one of them, the scope of your experience and knowledge of both people are based solely on a friendship level, no matter how long you've known them. Again, unless you've dated one of them, you're pretty much ignorant to how they are or how they function in a relationship. He could be a player, and SHE could be a slut. You could be setting your friends up with a stalker, abuser, sexual deviant; or even worse Even the best of friends don't share everything about themselves or their past; there are and will be things even your closest friends won't share with you, but will with their partner.


      Putting 2 people in the same place at the same time then walking away, allowing nature to take its course is the safest route to go when trying to make a love connection between friends. Playing matchmaker as an adult isn't the same as it was when we were younger. Matchmaking is manipulative. Mildly, "forcing" 2 people into a situation to interact, whether they really want to or not, for the sake of your friendship is pretty shitty. Of course, that may not be your intention, but that's how some people will take it. Part of the reason they're even going along with it is because of their obligation to your friendship. On the inside, they may secretly wish your gasoline-fuel flaming torture.


      Matchmaking is a form of intrusion and gossip. Before you shake your head in denial, it is; YES, THE FUCK IT IS! You've inserted yourself in someone else's personal life and nominated yourself as the confident, the ambassador, and the go-between in relation to their dynamic. You have to accept a few truths when playing matchmaker. Just because YOU believe two people would make the perfect couple, doesn't mean they will. It's not your place to take it personally. Your friends may not like your choices; hell, it may actually offend the fuck out of one of them. Matchmaking can destroy friendships; Your friends could actually get offended by your choice in who you thought they are attracted to. They could get pissed at you for choosing someone with a fucked up personality or ugly as fuck in their eyes. They'll assume you think they're equally ugly as fuck and call you an asshole for fixing them up. Your view or definition of what's attractive may differ from theirs. Playing matchmaker can give your friends a complex that you believe they can't find someone on their own.


     Your friends may stay in a match-made relationship far too long past its time; an obligation to your friendship. They'll feel as if they've let you down if things don't work out. The matchmaker will unknowingly make the person who isn't interested feel shitty about not being interested. They'll feel like they failed as a friend and the matchmaker will sometimes not even realize it. They'll ask 50 million questions as to why you weren't interested or why there was no spark, all the while digging a hole of guilt for the uninterested person to sink deeper into.


     The thing to consider before trying to play matchmaker is your role doesn't end after the set-up. You're going to have to choose sides; no matter what you think or say. If/when it doesn't work out and there's a breakup, your allegiance will have to go one way or the other. You'll deal with the blame of putting them through the heartbreak they would've NEVER had to go through had you minded your own business. Even if things progressed to marriage, during the divorce, you'd STILL get blamed for setting them up. Be ready to hear about every argument, fight, or disagreement. Every time one of them does something the other views as an issue of discussion, you can bet your ass, you'll hear about it. It's YOUR fault if one person's interested, but the other isn't. Be prepared to tell your friend why someone you thought would be perfect for them doesn't want to go out with them again. Be ready to hear all about the sex; EVERY DETAIL. Good or bad. Strap yourself in to hear about how big or tiny your friend's dick is or how bad she sucks dick or how much she enjoys anal.


      Matchmakers will also try to influence their friend's decision as to who they think they should be with. The matchmaker may not agree with the choices of their friends and believe they deserve better or different. In the interest of inner social group matchmaking, the matchmaker may want to keep all their friends as couples, with no outsiders involved. They may sabotage the relationship between their friend and an outsider to keep all the matches, "In-house" Another danger when matchmaking is the "Unforeseen" factor. Keeping in mind your experience with your friends is purely on a friendship level, seeing a friend of the opposites sex interact in a romantic capacity may backfire, causing the matchmaker to develop or realize their attraction or feelings for their friend. Even more, fucked up, you may become jealous of the relationship you actually set into motion.


      A little known 3-part tool of matchmaking:


1. The Self-matchmaker. A woman will comment on a man who just walked into the room, knowing her friends will take it upon themselves to approach him and try to match them up if they find him attractive enough.


2. The Middleman matchmaker. A woman's friend will send her man over to initiate the match, after hearing how hot her friend thinks a guy is


3. The third-party matchmaker. A woman will comment on a guy she finds attractive. Her goal? Her best friend's man will take it on himself to approach that other guy and, "Suggest" he comes over and talks to her.


     Overbearing matchmakers will go as far as to create online profiles for their friends on dating sites. They'll shop their jobs, their children's after-school activity groups, or daycare facilities for eligible, single people to fix their friends up with. Their circle of friends is a pool of choices for each other. Some people view matchmaking as a violation of their privacy. When someone tells you they're not interested in being fixed up. Remember; no means no.


     So, what have we learned about matchmaking? It's a bad fucking idea. It was funny and cute as teenagers when our idea of relationships was limited and underdeveloped. As adults, there's much more that could go wrong and even more to lose. When matchmaking, you're placing yourself in the path of a drug-fed rhino, on the verge of, "Roid-rage," waiting to charge. Don't assume someone's single because they can't get anyone or because they're shy. They just may not want to be with anyone. Respect your friendship, respect their wishes, and respect their privacy. If they tell you to stop, don't take it personally, JUST STOP!


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A Vol. 6

May 19, 2019

BY D.K. LION

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Q: Does he want oral more often?

A: Absolutely not. It's EVERY man's dream to go the rest of his life with dry, chapped dick.


Q: Is sex REALLY that important to him?

A: Depends... Do you mean in general, or with you?


Q: Why are more black men dating white women?

A: Because white women aren't black women!


Q: Where does he go when he's out with her friends?

A: Depends on how cute or in shape YOU are...


Q: Why does she always want to go dancing?

A: That's the only time she's able to see a man with stamina and rhythm.


Q: Why doesn't he want me to know where he's going when he's with his friends?

A: Because if you showed up, everyone would wonder why his babysitter is at the club and not at home, watching his kids.


Q: How do I know he's being honest with me?

A: Because you haven't asked him anything yet.


Q: Why does he like porn so much?

A: He likes women who don't look like they have on big, baggy sweatsuits when they're naked.


Q: Why doesn't she want me watching porn?

A: Her weekend in Vegas 2 months ago.


Q: Why does she want to work out all of a sudden?

A: She's tired of you wearing her jeans all the time.


Q: She'll NEVER meet another man like me!!

A: That's what she's hoping on... ASSJACKET!


Q: I've been home from my week-long business trip since Monday... Why haven't we fucked yet?

A: She's still sore from Saturday night.


Q: Why does he jack off so much when he has me to fuck whenever he wants?

A: Because he has you to fuck.


Q: Why doesn't he take me out anymore?

A: Because you always find your way back home.


Q: What's her favorite scent on a man?

A: Memphis BBQ.


Q: Why can't he just lay with me after we have sex?

A: Seasickness.


Q: If all men are players/dogs, what does that make women?

A: Habitually stupid.


Q: Why does he always leave the room when his cellphone rings?

A: He doesn't want you to hear what he's saying... STUPID!!


Q: What do those bitches at the gym have that I don't have?

A: Less...


Q: Why does he watch sports instead of spending time with me?

A: Because if he doesn't watch sports, he'd be spending time with you.


Q: What's your wife's Bra Size?

A: Just above the knee.


Q: Why won't she wear dresses?

A: Her bra size.


~~~~~~

       

Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

APPROACH WITH CAUTION

May 12, 2019

BY D.K. LION

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     Women complain there aren't any good men out there; just like people say there aren't any jobs. The truth is there may not be many basic, entry-level, retail, or gas station attendant jobs; but there are plenty of jobs for people who are qualified for them. Those who put themselves ahead of the competition by making themselves competitive, based on their experience, training, and education. The same goes for good men. If you have something to offer what the competition lacks, then you should have no issues attracting a good, decent man, or getting one to approach you.


     You may be out with your girlfriends or solo, enjoying a drink after work, or waiting for your friends to show up. You see a good-looking man who might seem to have his act together, based on the way he's carrying himself and want to get to know something about him. He notices you, and you exchange smiles, thinking you gave him the, "Go ahead, come on over signal." He remains right where he is, and you're wondering what the hell the problem is. Fifteen minutes later, another woman approaches him, and after a few dances and some conversation, they exchange phone numbers and continue the night, getting to know each other.


     Was she prettier than you? Maybe/maybe not. Was she sexier? Thinner? What was it about that other woman that got his attention when you were pretty sure your body language or whatever hints you threw out were obvious enough for a 3rd grader to pick up on? The simple answer is she saw what she wanted; she got out of her seat, and SHE approached HIM! She made herself open and available to be approached. Her attitude, demeanor, and her more outgoing personality are what snagged his attention.


     Finding a decent guy isn't as difficult as women make it seem. Sure, there's a shitload of players, just looking for a piece of ass. Women can normally sniff these guys out and send them packing before they can annoy her with his, "Game." But what about positive men? The decent guys? The guys who seem to have something going?


     You aren't being approached because you've turned down every guy so far, and everyone in the room has been watching. Apparently, there was something wrong with every last one of them. Having standards is great, but you just may be expecting just a little too much. You aren't being approached because the look on your face says you're not interested. You look like you just don't want to be bothered. Your body language says, "Leave me the fuck alone!" You were down-right shitty to the last person who approached you. You were WAY too fucking animated with the last guy. All he did was ask you to dance, and you did this crazy, weird, "Hands waving in the air" thing when you turned him down. That behavior had no purpose except to humiliate him and bring unwanted attention to the fact that you turned someone down and wanted to make a spectacle of his rejection. I hope you feel good because the guy you REALLY wanted to approach you saw it and was NOT impressed in the least bit.


     You may see a guy you like, but you don't remember him from the past when he may have been chubbier, or not dressed the way he is now. Facial hair or he may have been wearing a hat, or whatever. He came at you a few weeks ago, and you were downright rude to him, and he didn't forget it. You were rude to one of his friends. You were dismissive; not even eye contact. That's why he's not approaching you now, no matter how much you smiled at him.


     Men don't approach you because they've learned from other people that you feel as if they have to earn you. You feel you deserve to pursued. If he doesn't pick you up and pay, you'll attack his masculinity and question his respect for all women. You preach about being an independent woman; not needing a man. How you pay for all your own shit. You're the pinnacle of a strong, independent, modern woman UNTIL it's time to pay for dinner at the end of a date. You have a reputation of preaching your independence when it's beneficial, but want tradition when it's convenient for you. Men won't approach you because you think you're an "Alpha" You may be the boss at work, but you don't know how to be a woman in a social setting.

Men won't approach or put time into a woman who just assumes ALL men are ass-seeking players. Sure, there are a lot of them out there, but not as many as people think. Just because a guy goes out, doesn't mean he's on the prowl; he may just want to be out and enjoy himself. Every man isn't looking for ass, and every guy shouldn't be viewed or treated that way. If a decent guy does happen to approach, you've pretty much already stacked the deck against him, based on your past.


     You can't control who walks up to you and tries their luck for your attention and conversation, but a decent man doesn't want to be just another member of your fan club. He'll think you'll see him as just another guy, trying his luck. It's hard to pin you down to interact with you. You came in with a group of friends, or you're hanging all over your male friends. You're not getting approached because you're on the dance floor, wedged between 2 men, bouncing around and grinding back and forth between them. If you're the type that likes to flirt and hang all over every guy that smiles at you, a decent man will look right past you; only a player will approach a woman like that. You seem to live and feed off the attention you're getting, and that's a turn-off for him. Whatever the situation is, a good man won't be disrespectful and approach you in case one of the men you walked in with is your man.


      You're always with you girls. You seem to be focused on just spending time with them and don't want to deviate from that plan. A decent guy won't want to interrupt your girl's night out. You don't give yourself a chance to be caught alone to be approached, not unless you're heading to/from the bar, restroom, etc. You've stuck yourself in a corner, or someplace where a person would have to have jungle warfare training to get to you.


      You're always on your phone. Nothing turns a guy off like a woman on her phone all night long. That tells him you're either texting your man, or there's something that's going to take your attention away from the effort of getting to know us. Some guys just don't want to be on social media. You or your friends can't go 2 minutes without snapping a picture or taking a damn video. For one, that bright ass light is fucking annoying. Before you run to your fallback and assume we have something to hide, some people just aren't into that social media shit.


      Men don't approach you because you're still wearing your wedding ring. Men don't approach you because you swear more than a gangster rapper. You smell like weed, you smoke, or you've had six beers in the last hour, and you can barely stand. The people you're with don't even seem to like you. Your friends don't approve of your choices, and they treat the guys you choose like shit. When it comes to interracial attraction, you may unknowingly have racists friends. Or they'll want you to be with someone they've already chosen for you; who they believe is the best match and everyone else fails by comparison.


     You choose men who wouldn't be interested in you anyway. You're not their type at all. You're literally in a place where the typical guy who goes there wouldn't be interested in you. For example, you may be attracted to the cowboy type, but you're not the typical type of woman a cowboy would go for. You may be turning men down, waiting for a fitness, bodybuilder type; but you may be a little bigger than what they're attracted to.


     You may not get approached by the men you're into because they don't think you'd mesh well in the long run and they're saving you from future bullshit and heartbreak down the line. He may be into health and fitness, but you're obviously not. He could be into his work at the moment, and he doesn't have the time or availability to put into anyone. He could be focusing on spending more time with his kids. It could be a laundry list of things.


     You misrepresented yourself. Online dating has made it much easier to do that. Looks. Body type. Height/weight. Behavior. When the 2 of you met, you were more outgoing and flirtatious with him. You put more interest and focus on your interaction and your chemistry. Fast-forward to the first date, and you're absolutely NOTHING like you were when you first met. Everything about you was the product of how much you had to drink. The kissing, touching, dancing, making out was "Totally out of character for you" Even the short, tight, low-cut top and skirt you wore. Basically, when you're drinking, you're fun, but when you're sober, you're boring as fuck.


     You're worried about your image; you care more about how you're viewed to strangers than to be who you are or comfortable with yourself. You don't want people to get the wrong impression of you. You're worried people are talking about you behind your back, making comments about your behavior, just because you met a man and had intense physical chemistry. You're too worried about being disrespected. You won't interact in certain situations, because you don't want to look goofy on the dance floor; you'd rather sit there, wanting to dance. You have an obvious low self-image and hearing you talk about it all the time will frustrate the hell out of anyone. After a while, he'll find a reason to walk off and find someone else.


     The truth is there are a lot of good decent men, looking for good decent women. Not to put all the blame on the woman, but it's far easier for women to approach men. We're in a new day and time; if you see a guy you're interested in, walk up to HIM; approach HIM, let your attraction and interest be known. We don't respond to subtle hints or signals. You preach independence, and how you're such a strong, modern woman; put your money where your mouth is and step the hell up; it's time leave that, "Traditional" shit in the past.


     Where are all the good men? We're right here, staring you in the face. The chubby guys, the hard-working guys. The guys who don't drive luxury vehicles, or have a pocket full of money. We're not smoothest guys, or the guys with, "Game" We don't dance, or maybe we do like to, but we're not good at it. We're the guys you stick in the "Friendzone." The men you complain to when the man you pushed us aside to treat you like shit. Let us know you want to be approached, plain and simple.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

EJECTION SEAT

April 28, 2019

BY CHARLES and SAMUEL

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     We all like having friends; no one wants to go through life not having at least one or two people in their lives who they can truly count on or confide in. Social interaction not only boosts our self-confidence and self-esteem, but it also affects the way we participate in relationships. Our early friendships help form and develop us into the type of adults we are. Our intermediate and later friendships teach us about loyalty, honesty, trust, acceptance, communication, problem-solving, selflessness, and compromise, to name a few. Friendships are essential to our social development and positive interaction in our personal and interpersonal lives.


     Then there are those friendships that are just plain toxic; poison to everything we are and strive to become. From childhood to yesterday, we've all had or have someone in our lives who isn't good for us. Someone, we're better off not knowing, never meeting, or getting the fuck out of our lives. They allow the worst in us to show. They give others such a shitty impression of who we are by association, we've probably missed out on good friendships and possible relationships. These are people we need to eject out of our lives, no matter how long we've known them.


- THE SERIAL CHEATER - This person can drive away not only your good friends but prevent you from meeting someone special. Especially when it comes to men, in a woman's eyes, if one of your group is a cheater or player, you're ALL fucked up, and none of you are worth shit!


- THE CRITIC - No matter what the situation, this person can find SOMETHING to complain about. 100% free trip to Europe? They'll bitch about about flying coach. If they won $5 million the lottery? They'll bitch about the $1.7 million they have to pay in taxes. There's always a catch to complain about.


- THE PROFESSOR - The person who believes that no one knows how to do anything. If they can't do it or figure it out, then it can't be done. They always feel as if they need to correct every imperfection in a conversation. They'll bombard you with unnecessary facts that have absolutely NOTHING to do do with the main point of the fucking conversation. They want to show how smart they are.


- THE INTERRUPTER - That person who always finishes your sentences with his/her own story about the subject. They could care less about what you have to say. They want the spotlight. Everyone else's' opinion is insignificant.


- THE BORROWER - Why buy something for yourself when you can just borrow someone else's.What's the point in having your own shit when your buddy has one, and they won't tell you NO when you ask for it. Then after six months, you have to go them to get your own shit back. It's sad when a person has to actually ASK someone you thought was a good enough friend to loan $250, but you have to track them down to get your money.


- THE NARCISSIST - The guy/girl who believes EVERYONE should fall to their knees and thank the heavens they allow people to hang out with them or even be seen out in public with them. The man who believes every woman should want to fuck him and woman who believes she deserves to be treated better than, "Normal people."


- THE FIGHTER - That guy who wants to kick everyone's ass for staring at his girl, bumping into him, or scuffing his shoe. Any little thing will set him off, resulting in a fight or your entire group being thrown out.


- THE DRUNK - They can't go out and have just 1 or 2 drinks, they ALWAYS have to go overboard. They're loud, boisterous, and unruly. The drunk will sometimes evolve into the fighter. Then this asshole will fight his friends when they try to prevent him from driving or fighting.


- THE OVERAGED PARTY GIRL - She got married/had kids far too young and now that she's divorced or her kids are old enough to be at home by themselves, she has a lot to make up for. She'll want to go out every night she can, get shit-faced and drag her friends out with her. She'll grind on, flirt with, and try to fuck every guy that smiles at her, leaving her friends to rescue her when she gets herself in a compromising situation, ruining their night and bringing animosity on herself.


- THE ARGUER - This person can't have an intelligent conversation without getting loud and causing a scene. This is someone you can't disagree with, no matter the subject. If you don't see things their way, keep it to yourself to avoid the bullshit.


- THE DOOR CLOSER - This person just shuts the fuck down when they don't want to talk about anything serious, especially when it comes to problems in their relationships.


- THE MOUNTAINEER - This person ALWAYS has to be right about EVERYTHING. No matter how small the subject or infraction, they know how to make a molehill into a fucking mountain. True, seatbelts are required by law, but these people with recite word for word the statue on the wearing of seatbelts, plus its penalties. This person will flip the fuck out if a can of green beans is mismarked by .17 cents and will proceed into a 15-minute presentation about false advertising. They will make any issue more than what it really should be, then spend the next 3-5 business days talking shit about it.


- THE LAWYER - This person may run a cash register at the local retail store for a living, but for some reason, feel that makes them qualified to give legal advice on ANY fucking subject under the sun. They have an opinion about everything. They've been through it all and feel they have the knowledge to give anyone sound, credible advice, and direction, and will get absolutely piss-bent if you don't accept and apply it. These are the people who feed off the need to say, "I told you so." and can't survive if someone won't admit they were right for once in their lives.


- THE SUPERFAN - This is the asshole that screams at the TV in the middle of the fucking restaurant when someone scores a touchdown, or the referee makes a questionable call. They behave as if the people in the game can actually hear his stupid ass. This guy will ignore his woman/family for a fucking game. This is the ignorant fucking ass-dragon that will fight another ignorant fucking ass-dragon because they're wearing rival team jerseys.


- THE PORN FREAK - After infidelity and finances, porn can be viewed as another cause for problems in a relationship.


- THE LIAR - Enough said!


- THE ONE-UPPER - No matter what you've read/heard/done, they know someone who did it just a little bit better. If you know of someone who ran into a smoke-filled building to rescue three people, they know someone who ran into a BURNING building and rescued eight people. If you saw someone eat 25 hot dogs in 2 minutes, they've seen someone eat 35 in 1.5 minutes.


- THE-LOUDMOUTH - The HAVE to be the center of attention. They HAVE to be heard. They HAVE to be the alpha male of the group. Even when they realize they're wrong, they'll just get louder and obnoxious until they get their way.


- THE LATE RUNNER - This person knows how to fuck up plans. Once in a while is understandable, but when it comes to when your friends having to invite them 30 minutes early in order to get you there on time, you're a problem.


- THE MISERABLE ONE - This pertains more to women. She's had shitty relationships one after another, and because of it, she's always miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable as well. She's unhappy with her life and resents any and everyone who's doing better than she is. She'll intentionally cause rifts with her friends because she wants them to share her misery.


- THE BABYSITTER/THE BABY-SAT - These two go hand in hand. Again, referring almost solely to women, the babysitter is the "Mother hen." She feels she has to look out for everyone, to keep them honest, under control, and faithful; most of the time going WAY overboard. Then there's the woman who can't keep her tongue out of every man's mouth or control how much alcohol she had. She can barely stand, needing everyone in the group to take care of her, fucking up their good time.


- THE BIBLE THUMPER - As a religious person, I don't consider talking about religion to be toxic, but don't force your beliefs on other people. If you know someone isn't religious, don't force yourself on them. If they're not interested, respect their wishes and leave them the fuck alone.


- THE BUM - They ALWAYS want to go do something, but they never have the money; and they won't tell you they're broke until it's time to cough up funds, forcing everyone else to cover for them. They'd rather smoke pot, spend money on cigarettes, liquor or strippers than save for a rainy day. They use your loyalty to the friendship to their advantage.


- THE HUMILIATOR - This is the person who thinks it's funny to make you look like a fucking idiot in public whenever they can. Essentially a bully who doesn't hate you, they try to embarrass you in ridiculous and almost cruel ways, they think it's funny and you should too. They generate entertainment and pleasure from making you look stupid as fuck and will blame you for not being a good sport who, "Can't take a joke."


- THE SNOB - If it's not top-shelf, 5-star, or on the best of the best list, they're not interested, or they'll turn into the CRITIC. These people don't know how to, "Be normal." They enjoy being seen, being in the spotlight, being at the coolest places, surrounded by the coolest people.


- THE OPPORTUNIST - This person only wants to hang out and associate themselves with people who they can benefit from. For example, a ride to work or the grocery store, picking up their kids from school or a night out on the town. Someone to borrow money from. For professional or personal connections. Pretty much, anyone, they can latch onto and siphon what they need.


     How do you deal with a toxic friend? First, accept the fact they're never going to change. Keep them at a safe distance and respect your other friends if they don't want to hang out with you because your best friend may be the asshole in question. Don't get sucked into their misery or negativity. Stay positive. Don't be afraid to or worried about ending a toxic friendship due to misplaced loyalty or obligation. Do what's best for you.


     While there's no such thing as a perfect friend, you shouldn't have to subject yourself to people who are toxic to you as a person or the dynamic of your social circle. It could be someone you've to know for just a short time or all your life; it's YOUR choice to allow them to continue alienating you from your other friends or potentially sabotaging future relationships. Not all your friends are going to get along or even like each other, but as long as they're capable of respecting one another for their individual differences, that's all you can ask for. If you've gone through this list and you can honestly say you don't have ANY of your friends who behave 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A Vol. 5

April 22, 2019

BY CHARLES and SAMUEL

Click Here to Add a Title

Q: It's been two years, what's he afraid of?

A: Muscle strain & early arthritis.


Q: Who's her favorite author?

A: Betty Crocker


Q: What does she eat with her steak?

A: 2 more steaks.


Q: I meant, what vegetables?

A: Vegetables are for the weak.


Q: Are any men at her job interested in her?

A: Not unless she works at a blind school.


Q: What's her favorite color?

A: Cookies & cream.


Q: I said, COLOR

A: Gravy.


Q: Gravy isn't a color

A: Brown gravy.


Q: How do I get him to notice me more?

A: Give him less surface area to notice!


Q: I don't know why he keeps looking at that other woman; I'm twice the woman she is.

A: That probably why he's looking at her and not you.


Q: Why hasn't she called to let me know she got home after her night out?

A: Because it's still rude to talk with her mouth full.


Q: When you guys fuck, what's YOUR favorite position?

A: Blindfolded.



Q: What's HER favorite position?

A: Upright, fork in her left hand, spoon in her right, and extra napkins on the side.


Q: What song gets her in the mood?

A: The Oven Timer.


Q: When is it acceptable to allow another man to buy a woman a drink?

A: Right after he breaks up with her for accepting a drink from another man, no sooner.


Q: What's her favorite drink?

A: Log Cabin.


Q: I mean, what drink gets her in the mood?

A: Log Cabin Butter Flavor.


Q: Is he cheating?

A: Depends... Is it Halloween, or do you REALLY look like that?


Q: Is he lying to me?

A: Are you asking him a question?


Q: Why do men always want their cake and eat it too?

A: It's pretty obvious you're eating more cake than he is.


Q: Does he miss me?

A: Obviously... sooner or later, he'll buy a better scope.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

ACT RIGHT

March 31, 2019

BY D.K. LION

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     When people comment on the way others behave or represent themselves, what exactly does, "Acting black" or "Acting white" mean? Does it refer to the way they dress, speak, or carry themselves? Is it about the company they keep or who they choose to be friends with? Is it the music they listen to, or their dominant peer group from their younger years? The truth? All of the above, and then some. It's funny how people will categorize each other in such a ridiculous and trivial way when the truth of the matter is that no one race or ethnicity is any better than another, and there's no patent or copyright on how a person, "Acts."


     How does a black man or woman, "Act White"? Because they pronounce the ER or ING at the end of their words? Because they'd rather read an actual book instead of searching social media, keeping up with the stupid shit the latest idiots are doing to perpetuate negative stereotypes? Maybe acting white refers to those who choose to watch something on television other than sports? Maybe it's a black man who enjoys playing hockey or LaCrosse, instead of football or basketball. Could it be because a black woman chooses to associate or hang around white or Latina women, instead of limiting herself to women of similar skin tone? Perhaps a black man who walks into a room and doesn't seek out the only other black man and immediate segregates himself from everyone else earns him the title of, "Uncle Tom." His interest in music may extend past Rap and Hip Hop and include country or classic rock. Black women may want to expand their horizons and open herself up to the experience of other cultures, due to being bombarded by the stereotypical, "Black culture" for most of their lives. That may have been enough for them.


     "White" isn't plastic surgery, breast enhancements, botox and/or liposuction. It isn't more successful than anyone else in the corporate world. It's not an excuse for why other races or ethnicities can't or don't advance professionally. White isn't swimming, poetry or fine arts and museums. All are welcome to experience ballet, opera, and fine dining. White isn't calamari and lobster bisque' White isn't pop music. White isn't doing well in school or wearing your pants up where they're supposed to be.


     "Black" isn't being good at basketball or football. It's not just collard greens and BBQ. It's not sagging pants or $200 sneakers with ballplayers names on them. Being black isn't malt liquor or throwing up gang signs whenever the latest East Coast/West Coast bullshit rivalry starts up again. Black isn't underachieving because you're expected to, based on being black, then turning around to use it as a shield to rationalize a person's conscious choice to underachieve.


     We look at white men and women who can put it down on the dance floor like a circus attraction. White women who can shake and earthquake that ass is seen as a freak of nature and be accused of acting black. We've gotten so bad that we've even assumed racial ownership of specific body shape. Anyone other than black women with thick legs, hips, and ass is trying to be black. Black women with who aren't built stereotypically or choose to get/stay thin are shunned as not being, "Real." A black woman with no rhythm will have her, "roots" questioned. We expect every black man to know how to shoot a basketball or throw a football. Black doesn't mean he's smooth with the ladies and white doesn't mean he can't pull any ass. Black doesn't mean she cooks/eats traditional, "Soul Food" and white doesn't mean Sushi and rack of lamb.


     When a black man becomes successful, he doesn't go out and, "Get himself a white woman" It's funny when black women turn their nose up and call a man out for not bringing a black woman up with him. The chances are that black man and a white woman were together BEFORE he became successful. Calling him names makes you look ridiculous. When a black woman walks in with a white man, it's because she's tired of the BS black men bring with them, and she's a hero and a survivor.


     People accuse others of acting a certain way based on what they feel belongs to them. They feel they have a right to claim particular racial interests and behaviors as their own. We accused black kids who did well in school of acting white. Kids who didn't wear, "cool" clothes were nerds. If black kids hung out with more white kids, it was because other black kids made them outcasts. Adults assign a label to people who chase the corporate ladder without crediting themsleves by their ethnicity as not having pride in their race. We call them, "Uncle Toms", we question their, "Blackness" and comment on how they, "Forgot where they come from" Why can't a person just be promoted to CEO of a company or win an award, based on the quality of their work or contribution to the company? Why is it so damn necessary to inform the world they're the first BLACK person to receive an honor or the first LATIN person?


     Rap music doesn't belong to black people. It's lyrics weren't meant to be recited strictly by those who aren't white. Certain brands of clothing, speech patterns, slang, mannerisms, etc. are NOT the property of one or two particular ethinc groups. We see a white guy with his pants sagging, hat turned to the side or with cornrows and readily call them out. We see a black man getting as excited about hockey as others do about basketball and other black people look at him like he's a freak of nature. Black women think every black man belongs to them and white women are stealing them away. We call them sellouts. White women are still worried about what their family and friends will say if they bring a black man home.


     There's no such thing as, "Acting" black or white. How a person represents themselves stems from the life and experiences of growing up, and continue to acquire during the course of their life. Infuences by their peer group, their upbringing, along with lessons and values instilled or left clueless to by their parents. Claiming a percieved right to something based on race, skin color, or ethnicity is not, "Acting" anything. The truth is those who label another person's character or personality by the color of their skin is racist. Call it what you will; Racial misappropriation, Ethinic misrepresentation, or whatever the hell you want to call it to make it sound like you're NOT a racist fuck, but it's just plain, old-fashioned racism. The type of racism that our anscestors fought to overcome, only to have it dug up again by so-called, "Modern society" It's the same racism, just wrapped in a different package.


     Why does it seem like I'm picking on black people? I'm not. That's not my intention in the least bit whatsoever. The truth is that white people don't normally accuse each other of, "Acting Black". Most of the time, they could care less what type of music their friends or family listen to, or the brand of clothes they wear, and so on. Sure, there are racist, white people out there, quite a few, but they normally keep their opinions, thoughts and comments to themsleves or share them with like-minded peers. They don't call out others of the same skin tone for how they represent themselves. So think about that before looking to me as being a so-called, "race hater"


     Black or White isn't a culture. It's not a personality, a behavior, or state of mind; it's a fucking color. Actually, one is the abscence of color, while the other is a combination of ALL colors. Nothing more, nothing less.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

March 24, 2019

BY D.K. LION

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      Triple-scooped ice cream, drizzled with caramel. From chocolate-covered strawberries to the richest pineapple-topped cheesecake. No dessert is as sweet as the taste of victory. Competition is an experience we've all had and will continue to have until the day we die. Whether we actively seek out competition or it finds it's way into our lives by circumstance, the mantle of victory will eventually be awarded.


     The battle between genders can and will come to us all, even if/when we're prepared for it or not. Woman vs. Man. Woman vs. woman. Man vs. man. The battle can take place over any subject, at any time, at any place, and at the drop of a hat or after adequate planning and preparation. One key truth about the battle is understanding the risk, what's at stake, and the prize. There are two aspects to the gender-based battle plan; the physical and the psychological.


     Men are brainwashed into thinking he has to stay single for as long as he can. In his mind, when he's single, he can't find a woman ANYWHERE; but as soon as he gets into a relationship, he's getting women all over him; they're coming out of nowhere and everywhere; he'll even think his female friends or co-workers are coming at him now that he's in a relationship. The truth is, that shit's just in his head. There isn't a regiment of women, hiding in the trenches, waiting until he has a lady to spring some sort of sexual ambush on him. There's no jumping out of trees, from behind bushes, or strategically-placed firing positions bombarding his base with smiles, winks, waves, or sexual innuendo. Women are more cordial and likely to interact with a man they don't see as a threat. Women will avoid a man they're not interested in when he's single because they don't want to have to deal with his attacks on her installations.


     Ninety degrees to the right or left. There may be a few instances where the man's scouting party may be right on the money. His spies could be correct when it comes to a woman being interested in him AFTER he's in a relationship. While the guy believes he's THAT damn smooth or good-looking, the reality is he's NOT the "Hot shit" he thinks he is. When pursued by this type of enemy, he needs to realize the goal of his adversary; it's either compete with the woman he's with, or she sees him as a skirmish; nothing more than training to get her soldiers warmed up and ready for the REAL battle she's seeking victory over.


     What do I mean? Meaning, a woman will pursue a man who's in a relationship (Even marriage) for 1 of 2 reasons. 1. She doesn't want a commitment, and she knows you're attached, so she doesn't have to worry about you becoming attached to her. They can flirt, fool around, fuck, whatever; but eventually, you're leaving. No overnight stays. No expectations past that night. No dates, trying to get to know each other, and DEFINITELY no drama. 2. It's a competition between her and your lady. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you, past being one of the spoils of victory. You're nothing more than a trophy to be held high and a source of bragging rights when she tells her friends about how she's hot enough to make a man fuck around on his wife or girlfriend. The funny part is that she may not even fuck you; just the fact that she knows she could if she put it out there is enough for her to claim her victory.


     A woman will see another woman as an enemy. She'll compare the strength and capabilities of her army against that other woman and if she judges her enemy inferior in terms of beauty, figure, ass, hips, and tits, she'll wage war. She'll deploy her forces and do whatever she needs to in order to wipe that other woman off the map and have that man's eyes and interest on her. Resources drained soldiers beaten; the other woman will surrender, walk away and show interest in someone else. As soon as the victor knows she can have you, she'll lose interest. It's not about him; it's about destroying that other woman's army.


     The same will go to a man, although his battle strategy is much more stand-up and head-on than a woman's stealth approach. He won't take rejection lying down. To him, if a woman says, "No, thank you," it ceases to be about the woman as a person, and she becomes a conquest. A prize. The flag of his enemy that must be captured at all costs. If she has a man or a husband, he doesn't care about that. His goal now is to convince her to change her mind about him. He'll use, "Game" and smooth moves to weaken her defenses. He'll brag about what kind of car he drives to how much he makes to flank her. He'll use high-altitude bombers to weaken her fortifications until she concludes she may have been hasty and decides to give him a chance. He won't stop there; once her walls have been breached, he'll send his infantry in full force and slaughter the remaining opposition, ending up at her place or his. And after she gives up the ass, he'll take his victory lap, hoist his flag and she'll never see him again. Or at least until he can't find any other pussy to invade.


     A man won't care if a woman's single or married; it's all about pussy to him. There's no more glory in fucking a married woman than a single one; to him, it's all about the competition; the conquest. HIS glory comes from the battle itself. Beating his enemy into submission and claiming victory. Going back to his command base and reporting to his comrades his battle campaign was successful for the night, and they WILL celebrate this victory with high-fives and beers all around.


     A woman will use her spies, her sleeper agents, and her assassins to carefully maneuver her armies in place before executing her offense. She'll pretend to be a friend and confidant to another woman and earn her trust. She'll spend weeks, even months learning her enemies reaction plans, response time and vulnerable areas. Men will use brute force, armor and the courage of his infantry to attack from multiple angles, relying on sheer firepower and strength of number to win his battles. 


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

OVERPLAYED

March 9, 2019

BY D.K. LION, CHARLES, SAMUEL and LISA JILLS

Click Here to Add a Title

     Seeing a player at work is entertaining. Seeing someone TRYING to be a player for the first time is funny. Witnessing an over the hill player at work is fucking hilarious! There are few things funnier but worse than watching a 50-year-old player, trying to remain relevant when it comes to working his, "Game." What's worse, the gut, his floppy man-boobs pressed against the tight fucking shirt he bought, thinking just because he got it on, it works for him. He doesn't even notice the buttons hanging on for dear fucking life around his belly area. The threads are unraveling and tearing every time he exhales. He could be wearing his Sunday best; that SAME fucking suit he wears every weekend, thinking he's going to bring the polyester/rayon blend back into popularity. Perhaps he went the other route, raiding his grandson's closet for the latest in clown clothes that make him look like a fucking idiot, I mean, the latest hip hop star or entertainer. Nothing says, "Single and ready to mingle" Like a man 50-year-old or older, wearing a fucking t-shirt three sizes too big with a marijuana plant on the fucking front.


     The player past his prime will go out for the night, dressed in his best, feeling like a fresh, crisp $20 bill and bitch about paying $5 to get in the door. (Because he's on a fixed budget). He'll sip on the same drink all night long, scared he won't have enough money left over for gas to get him home PLUS that obligatory drink he feels compelled to offer a woman he's trying his game on. Secretly, he's praying to the gods she declines. That's why he gets pissed when he gets turned down because he spent half his gas money for the week on that drink for that woman and now he's left assed out. Every weekend, you see them, sunglasses on (at night), ball cap turned backward. Basketball jersey and shorts or sweatpants with one leg rolled up, strolling through the door. He's eye-fucking every woman in the room, trying to figure out who the single women are and who looks like they're going to require the least amount of alcohol (Again, because he's on a fixed budget) and conversation to get his shriveled dick a go-around.


     The truth is these guys could barely satisfy a woman when they were in their prime. Age, gravity, that trick knee, bad back, heart issues, and his stomach became an issue, the chances of his success are as non-existent as his receding hairline, which now looks like the U-shaped second seat you sit on to take a shit when you're in the bathroom! This is the guy that looks at porn and believes if those guys can land hot women, HE should be able to as well — weighing in at just under 290 lbs. At 5'10, he'll dismiss a woman who weighs 180 lbs. and will adamantly refer to her as, "that big girl over there." Are you fucking kidding? Do you think you deserve to be selective when you have seen your dick since Bush Sr. was in office? REALLY?


     Players past their prime are a direct insult to any woman they approach; that's just the sad truth. It's bad enough to be hit on by an OBVIOUS player, but to get hit on by a washed-up player will make the wrong woman suicidal or homicidal (Metaphorically). You risk causing irreparable damage to her self-image and esteem. She's holding her breath while you're talking, wondering and thinking what is it about herself that's so fucked up at that moment that made you feel you had a chance. Call it shallow, arrogant, or whatever you want. A washed-up player can't afford to be choosy, even though he believes he has a right to be. Any woman who goes for him will be more than likely, overweight, unattractive, desperate, low self- confidence, and just fucking happy someone's talking to her. She'll know what he's all about, but she won't care; she's just glad she gets to brush the dust and spider webs out her pussy. That being said, ANY woman he hits on will think that's how HE sees her; that's why she'll take it as an insult.


     MORE truth? You're old. You're out of shape. You're built like someone double-wrapped a rubber band around a pillow. You look stupid as fuck, wearing skinny jeans and a jersey when you are 50+ years old. Turn your fucking hat forward. Your feet are ashy and crusty as fuck. Your big toe looks like a fucking eagle talon hanging past the front of your open-toe leather sandals. You've smoked for so long when you talk, you sound like a coat zipper, and your cologne smells like a mixture of sore muscle cream, bad aftershave, and old adult diapers. You'll walk up to a group of PROFESSIONAL women, with the worst and lamest pickup lines that didn't work for you even when you were in your 20's or 30's, thinking you've got game. When you get rejected, you'll turn into a pouting fetal bitch and insult her and her friends because your breath smells like old, wet cigars and denture glue.


     Knowing when to stop trying to be a player and graduate to being a man isn't a hard thing to do; it's hard for men to accept they don't have it anymore. Hell, they may have NEVER had it in the first place. Seeing a guy walk up to a group of women and asking each one of them to dance makes you look stupid and desperate as fuck; believe me, EVERYONE in the building is watching your dumb ass, whether you realize it or not. No matter how much of a player you think you are, there's absolutely NOTHING you can say to a woman she hasn't heard at least 20 times before in her life, so save that shit.


     The old man, "Cockblock" is even funnier. That's when a guy KNOWS a woman isn't interested in him in the least bit, but he'll be damned if anyone else will get a chance. He'll hang around her; far enough away to not creep her out by his smell or be obvious, but close enough to keep other men at a distance, out of respect. They'll see another man, checking her out or vice versa, and that cockblock now and then will lean over and ask her a question or make a comment, hoping to spark enough of a conversation that the other man will look somewhere else. We have a name for those; we call them scarecrows. Don't be an old, dirty, fucking scarecrow. That shit's creepy as fuck.


     Old time players are stuck in their high school and college years. They're either trying to relive their days as a ladies man, resurrect their player status or hang on to their youth WAY too hard. Or they were NEVER players, and they want the experience.


     Players past their prime feel they have to take advantage of every situation they can, no matter how potentially explosive the possibility; for example, in the workplace. I don't know where some of you learned about being a player, but one rule that should ALWAYS be observed is that you NEVER fuck with that are co-workers. That's drama, with cornbread asshat stuffing, seasoned with scalloped bullshit, basted with pineapple-flavored stupid, baked at 400 degrees for 2 hours with dumb fucker pie for dessert. Of all the women in the world, there's no fucking reason to be dating women you work with, especially if you're trying to be a player. That's just as fucking dumb as trying to to be a player, dating multiple women in your apartment complex; WHAT THE FUCK???


     The old saying goes, "You're only as old as you feel." That's a fucking lie. You're as old as your age; act like it.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

CANDY PORN

March 2, 2019

BY D.K. LION and LISA JILLS

Click Here to Add a Title

     An alternative to cheating. An expression of wanting something they can't/won't ask for, or they're afraid to ask from their partner. To safely experience various types or multiple partners. Research into the improvement or experimentation of their own sex life. To better understand themselves or discover/unlock subconscious fantasies and desires from their partner. To fill a void in their sexual life. To satisfy a voyeuristic urge. To experience a level of previously unknown sensuality and intimacy. Excitement. Entertainment. It could be as simple as a release when their partner isn't in the mood.


     Is watching porn REALLY a form of cheating? It depends on who you ask. Although there's no right or wrong answer to this question, the primary objective in determining the impact porn has on a relationship resides in the level of communication between the people involved. Is porn addicting? It can be. For more reasons than I care to get into, the rationalization why people choose to watch porn could take a hell of a long time to get into, and we'd STILL be unable to cover or address them all. Can porn be harmful to a relationship? Absolutely. Understand, porn isn't a reflection of a person's sexual performance or ability. Some people have very healthy and abundant sex lives, but still, have partners who obsess over porn. When someone's choosing to watch and get off on porn than to be with their partner, that damages the other person's self-confidence and self-esteem, it puts the other person in a state of mind to question their adequacy not just in the bedroom but in other aspects of the relationship. It tells them what they're doing isn't good enough. They could see the amount of time spent watching porn as a precursor to actually cheating.


     People will use, "Sexual addiction" as a reason for the substantial amount of porn they watch. That's a lie. If someone's TRULY addicted to sex, they're NOT going to get the same satisfaction or gratification from porn as they would from the actual act of sex. Besides, a TRUE, "Sex Addict" would be trying to fuck his/her partner as much as they could, instead of just watching others have sex on a screen or even getting themselves off. The same would apply when/if it turned from watching porn to cheating. Why would someone leave the guarantee of sex at home to go searching for the POSSIBILITY of finding a willing first-night fuck?


     Although porn can be an entertaining experience between two adults, there are some hard-hitting truths associated with the irresponsibility behind porn. In the age of technology and the internet, caution and vigilance MUST be at the forefront. Underage pornography is at an all-time high. We buy our kids cellphones with extensive internet capabilities. We expect and trust them to be responsible without safeguards or limitations and believe they'll rise to the challenge, un-tempted. If you believe that, you're a blind fucking moron! The truth is if YOU'RE watching porn, SO ARE YOUR CHILDREN!!! Just as easy it is for an adult to sit down, punch a few keys and search site after site of every conceivable type of porn, so can your children. Another truth; most kids between the age of 12 and 17 has either sent or received at least one provocative or fully nude photo from someone of the opposite sex on their phone. An even higher number has had, "Video sex" 'with someone they liked. Especially with young men, you can almost guarantee they've shown that picture of your daughter in her bra and panties or, "Birthday suit" to all his friends.


     Porn can give people a false sense of what's acceptable or can be expected in real life. Realistically, most older/mature women know a much younger man is only interested in sex. Hell, she may go out, looking for it. Not because she wants dick, but the vitality and stamina a younger man brings to her bed, in comparison to the men her age who can barely last through the commercial break of her favorite TV program. When she accepts a younger man's advances, she knows, understands, and accepts his intent without expecting much of anything more than that.

On the other hand, men, being stupid as fuck, watch porn, believing his balding, 2-minute, short dick deserves a much younger woman. He views women his own age as, "Too old" for him. Porn will falsely boost a man's belief in his own ability; thinking his 50+-year-old dick can ACTUALLY satisfy 2 twenty-somethings who spend 5 days a week in the gym. No, old man. Not even on your best day!


     Women watch porn differently that men. Women like women. Society approves of and accepts, "Girl on girl" porn more-so than the male alternative. Women secretly like rough sex, but most are still stuck in the mindset that asking for or initiating that type of sex from their partner as being, "Off-limits" or, "Slutty" Women watch porn on their phones or mobile devices more than men. Women take longer than men to get aroused and they don't have the time to sit on their ass, waiting to get wet or in the mood to please themselves. They'll begin the arousal process earlier. Men are more biomechanical; they can sit down, jack off, bust a nut and be up and back to whatever they were doing in a matter of minutes, if properly motivated or time will allow. Men get hard just by the THOUGHT of watching porn and jacking his dick off. Women secretly watch interracial porn more than men; particularly when it comes to black men. White women find the skin color contrast between themselves and black men incredibly sexy. An insatiably euphoric aphrodisiac. Because men are usually identified as the dominant gender who watches, women who also enjoy porn are labeled "Nasty freaks who just like to get fucked."


     "How can you be okay with your partner watching porn?" I could ask how can you be okay with YOUR man going to the strip club? How can you be okay with your lady watching male OR female strippers? While some view porn as cheating, the truth is, it's not. Even if a person's substituting porn for actual sex with their partner, it's STILL not cheating. Most people know it's fake. No matter what they say, they're going to do it anyway, so why hide it? It's better to make it known and discuss it. Porn fulfills the same fantasy as action movies do for men and, "Chick flicks" do for women. Porn isn't cheating because a couple can do it with each other's knowledge or even together. It could open and spice up their sex life. They're thinking about you when they're watching it. They want to try the things they see with each other, as long as they're both willing to experiment.


     If your partner tells you they have a problem with you watching porn, quit promising you'll stop watching porn; that's a fucking lie. When they catch you doing it afterward, THEN they'll view it as cheating if they hadn't before because you’re the dumb ass promised to stop. Porn isn't to blame for the issues in a relationship, it's a coping mechanism for an already pre-existing problem. You don't have the right to ban your partner form watching porn; that's no different from banning horror movies or romantic comedies in your home. No one leaves their relationship for porn. It may be a final reason, but the issue that caused a person to leave stems farther back then one person's porn-watching. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

BIG MISTAKE

February 24, 2019

BY CHARLES and SAMUEL

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     When it comes to things we don't understand or are unable to relate to, our insensitivity can get the best of us. What we see as an innocent gesture, question or statement can fuck with someone else's head, causing them to feel like shit. Of course, the majority of us don't do it on purpose, but the effect and damage are still the same. Most people ask or say shit without thinking first, and it makes them look like a fucking idiot or a raging asshat, as well as the other person feeling indifferent about themselves, the question or statement. One such subject is about a person's physical body. People will say the dumbest shit, thinking it's funny or makes sense to ask while trying to mask it as a concern or the seeking of information.


     I've been both underweight and overweight, and I can tell you firsthand, people are fucking stupid. They'll say and ask some of the dumbest shit and not see any issues with it. As I've said before, I hate the word, "Fat" Even as an adult. I know how much it hurts and the emotional damage it can cause.


"Are you STILL hungry?" There's no way you can ask that and not come off like a fucking asshole who EXPECTS a bigger person to be more hungry.


Don't ask someone if they want to work out with you. If they wanted to, they'd bring it up. Especially if it's your significant other; your job is to tell them you love them.


"Did you lose weight? Have you been working out? You know they haven't. They know they haven't. You're an asshole.


"Are you sure you want more?" Fuck you.


"When are you due?" Fuck you twice.


" Do I look fat in this?" You're 5'8, 125 lbs. They're 5'4, a deuce and a quarter. Fuck you three times with a red ribbon in your hair. Bitch!


"Are you okay to go? (Hiking? Work out? Bike riding?) Asshole.


"Would you like seconds?" Of all the people in the fucking room; why the fuck would you ask the largest person first if they wanted more food? Why would you assume they were still hungry? Just because they're big doesn't mean they eat any more than someone of a smaller size.


"Do you really want to eat that?" It's on my plate, isn't it, you assdragon?


"Have you tried?" (Insert latest diet trend here). NO, I haven't! I sure as fuck don't want you to pull out your phone and search for it. I don't want to spend the next 20 minutes standing side by side with your inconsiderate ass as you read about that shit out loud, thinking I'm fucking interested.


"Don't you want to be healthy?" No fucker, I WANT to develop high blood pressure, I WANT to have a fucking stroke. I WANT to have heart disease or a heart attack. What the fuck kind of question is that?


"Have you ALWAYS been big?" Fuck you in the ass with an old, dirty wooden broom handle, riddled with thick fucking splinters in it.


"Don't you want to meet someone?" No bitch, I want to die alone. Asshole.


"When's the last time you worked out?" When was your last business trip you had out of town? Your husband sure as fuck enjoyed working her big ass from behind because fucking your skinny ass is like him wedging his dick in a fucking vice!


"How much do you weigh?" Why? Why the fuck does that matter? They weigh more than the person who's asking. Why would you put someone on the spot with a question like that? Even if they're confident in themselves enough to answer honestly, in their mind, you're still a fucking douchbag for asking.


"How much weight do you want to lose?" Who cares? Even one pound is a step in the right direction; support that 1 lb. Don't fucking worry about the total goal. Celebrate the small victories with them first, you inconsiderate fuck!

"Did you just fart?" REALLY? Did you really just assume just because someone in the room farted, it's one of the big people in the room? The truth is, smaller people tend to experiment more with new and exotic foods, so if someone ripped a vicious, stinky fucking fart, most likely it was one of them skinny fuckers!


"Do you want the leftovers from the potluck?" Fuck you. Fuck your mother and father. Fuck Your brother and sister. Fuck all your aunts and uncles. Fuck your dog. Hell, fuck the last person who changed the oil in your car! Bitch!

Along with stupid fucking questions, some people go even farther and say shit that could get them fucked up on many levels:


"At least you have tits and ass."Why's that a fucking shock? Can't big women be sexy? There are a lot of men who find sex with bigger women far more enjoyable than smaller, thinner women. Big tits and a nice, big, thick ass? Sign me up! Some women prefer bigger men because they're more eager to please a woman, instead of thinking they're the best thing since jelly in a fucking squeeze bottle.


"Oooof!" You are an asshole!


"I wish I could eat that much" WHAT THE FUCK???


"You're not fat, you're just fluffy" That's not a compliment. On what fucking planet would you think it would be? Nothing would make my dick harder and ready to fuck quicker that being called, "Fluffy."


"You're lighter than you look" Fuck you. Just... FUCK YOU!


"You should model PLUS SIZE or BIG & TALL."


"You have such a great personality" Don't be an ass; we ALL know what the fuck that REALLY means. "Mooooo!"


"That's cute; I might want to borrow that skirt/dress sometime." Bitch, you're a size 4; I'm a 14. You know it, and I know it" Fuck your first born child.


"You'd look better if you were smaller" Your husband doesn't think so. He loves the way her big tits slap together when he's fucking her from behind. It sounds like she's clapping for him, applauding his ability to wear that thick ass out.


"You're: Pretty cute. Pretty flexible. Pretty cool. You Can move/dance for a big girl."


"I love you, regardless of how much you weigh or what you look like." Translation: You look like shit, I don't want to fuck you, but you're a great person.


"Wanna see the pussy parachute? Try, "Damn baby, You can FUCK for a big girl!"


Telling your man you can't suck his dick because his belly sweat makes your face break out in acne isn't the best thing to say, even if he asks why you don't give him head anymore. Don't be an ass an grab your woman in the places you know she's self-conscious about. Don't play with your man's chest, pretending he has tits; that shit ain't funny or cute. Jiggling a person's belly fat should most certainly be a good reason to smack the fuck out your partner. Pet names about your partner's weight or size are also fucked up, and they're not fucking endearing in the slightest.


     Knowing they're a great person with a lot to offer, but no one wants to give them a chance because of their weight/size and settling for some jackass who's beneath them — being the fat friend who's always the DD. The purse/table watcher. Depression. Cancer. Premature death. Diabetes. The relentless teasing or the barrage of unwanted advice on how to lose weight. The "Cute" nicknames. Don't you think big people have enough to worry about already without your insensitive bullshit as the cherry on top? 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A VOL. 4

February 17, 2019

BY CHARLES and SAMUEL

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Q: Why haven't we had sex in the past week?

A: Because it usually takes seven days for antibiotics to work


Q: Where are all my SKINNY JEANS?

A: In the drawer, next to your fucking legwarmers!!!


Q: Why won't he ever go clothes shopping with me and offer his opinion?

A: Because he's honest, he loves you, and doesn't want to lose you.


Q: What does he do when he goes out with his friends every other weekend?

A: Tries to forget he eventually has to come home to you.


Q: Why doesn't he say, "I love you" anymore?

A: He does, you're just not around when he tells her.


Q: Why does she always criticize me and everything I do?

A: Think about it.


Q: What does she want from me?

A: Fresh breath, good dick, and an orgasm for once in her life.


Q: Does she think I'm fat?

A: Why would you think that? Just because you're the same cup size?


Q: Why don't we go to the beach anymore?

A: It's unlawful to remove marine life from the property.


Q: Does he still want me after all these years?

A: Depends... Do you still swallow after all these years?


Q: What's that white girl got that I don't?

A: Gym membership.


Q: What's he think when he looks at me?

A: FUCK!!!


Q: Is he not attracted to me anymore?

A: If you have to ask, then NO!


Q: Is he embarrassed by my big butt?

A: Nope, he knows every brother in the room wants to fuck you.


Q: Why won't she give me road head?

A: You can't drive with your gut on the steering wheel because your man-tits are in the way.


Q: What's her favorite candy?

A: Morning after pill.


Q: Why won't she role play with me?

A: She does; every time she tells you she came or had an orgasm.


Q: What's his favorite color?

A: Any color you don't have yoga pants in.


Q: How do I get him to eat my pussy more often?

A: Eat less often.


Q: Why does every guy like pulling my hair when we're close?

A: They're checking for an Adam's Apple.


Q: How much longer should I wait to bring up moving in together?

A: 35 pounds.      


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

KING B*TCH

January 26, 2019

BY D.K. LION

INSECURITY GUARD PART 2

     Since we've covered the different types of jealousy and how to deal with them, I feel I should also point out a different form of jealousy that I've started to notice more recently, even though I'm pretty sure it's been around for quite some time. We all know when it comes to certain things, women have been known to be what pop culture refers to as, “Catty" to each other.


     We've all seen it before. We've been the subject of it, some of us have personally fallen victim to it. It's the first 5-10 minutes, that initial spark that lights the fire on the road to full-on jealousy. Men don't behave the same way as women when they're catty to each other, but you can bet your ass they exhibit the same emotions and reactions as women when faced with certain situations. I wouldn't necessarily refer to a man to being catty, because we react differently and on a different level, but it does happen. For the reaction and behavior exhibited by men in those instances, I've coined the phrase, "Bitch-Up" or, "Turning bitch" about men who display the same symptoms as being Catty.


     We've all seen it at one time or another. Either at work, in our social lives, even at church. A group of women will be the best of friends until an attractive, eligible man walks into the room and suddenly the claws come out.


     Jenny, Sarah, and Maria are the closest of friends. They belong to the same gym and frequently work out together. Darius is the new trainer to the facility; 6'2, 235, Dark-skinned, single accompany his great personality and willingness to offer workout advice. He DEFINITELY has the eye of all three women. To keep from causing friction in their friendship, each agrees not to pursue him. In actuality, they're all plotting to get Darius to approach them to honor their agreement. Jenny starts her work out a little earlier than her friends, hoping Darius will notice her attempts at eye contact and approach her. Sarah will pretend to struggle with her workout to catch his professional attention, positioning him to offer assistance and/or one on one sessions. Maria might wear more revealing workout clothes to catch his eye.


     Men, on the other hand, will turn bitch when it comes to someone, they've expressed an interest in and was either rejected or categorized as just a friend by his intended interest. He'll respect her, but will get Grade A, all-beef American hot dog, and apple pie butt-hurt if the subject of his attraction shows interest in someone else, particularly someone she doesn't know or just met. In the mind of the bitch he sees and interacts with this woman regularly; she knows him and, in his mind, has at least an idea he's a good, decent guy, but for some reason, doesn't want him. He'll rack his brain trying to figure out what it is about himself that makes him undesirable to her, but some guy in the passing.


     John and Megan have worked together for almost three years. Some time ago, John asked Megan on a date or expressed his interest in more than just a friendship or professional relationship which she politely declined, stating she didn't want to ruin the bond, or she'd just gotten out of a long-term relationship and focusing on herself at the moment.


     While working on a project, the new water delivery guy stopped at John's desk, asking for the locations of the water machines, to which Megan immediately offers to escort him around, leaving John to continue working. After 10 minutes, John finds Megan next to the water cooler by the break room, chatting up the delivery guy with small talk and playful flirting, showing no intent to disguise her attraction and interest. She sees John and assures him she'll only be a few more minutes. Ten minutes later, John finds her at the elevator door, smiling/laughing, etc. Returning to their project, Megan is now so OBVIOUSLY distracted; she doesn't even realize the look on John's face or the change in his demeanor towards her.


     You may be wondering, "What's the difference between being jealous and "turning bitch?" The answer is pretty simple. Jealousy normally manifests itself over some time and involves people who know each other. It takes longer to get over jealousy. Both men AND women can experience jealousy. When a man turns bitch, it's because he knows the woman involved and the other man is either new or temporarily introduced into their dynamic. People are far more able to conceal their jealousy, while a man's facial expression, immediate demeanor, even his interaction with the woman in question will be apparent almost immediately after he turns bitch on her.


     Usually, I'd say a man would only turn bitch when a woman is involved, but there are those rare occasions when he turns bitch in the workplace. We all know women will turn catty if one of them receives a promotion or special recognition. Rumors of flirting, being inappropriately social, or even accusing each other of sleeping their way to the top aren't beyond the scope of being catty. Men are less likely to react in that manner. They're much more discreet about how they turn bitch. They'll strike up a conversation with the big bosses about their interests and try to insert themselves into situations to be invited on fishing trips, golf rounds, etc. They'll take credit for a subordinate's hard work and pass it off as their own or ignore the chain of command and walk right into the senior manager's office with an idea if there's a credit to be given.


     Nowhere near as frequently as women, but a man will turn bitch towards his friends. Mike and Jay are hanging out at the club, and Mike sees a woman he's interested in sitting at the bar, having a drink. After a light conversation, she decides to join Mike and Jay at their table. Instantly, her attention turns from Mike as she clearly shows more interest in getting to know Jay. Seeing this, Mike will immediately turn bitch, even though Jay shows absolutely no interest in this woman. For the rest of the night, Mike will look at Jay in light of betrayal without giving any thought to the fact Jay turned her down.


     How does a person avoid turning bitch? The truth is, you can't. Whether you're prone to it or not, it can sneak up on you like a cobra. It can come out of nowhere and strike. The best thing to do is to recognize it ASAP and deal with it internally. If you're turning bitch over a woman, remember, there are so many fish in the sea, there's no reason to get bent because one of the many isn't interested. If at work, your time will come.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

INSECURITY GUARD

January 18, 2019

BY D.K. LION

Click Here to Add a Title

     We've all been there at some point in our lives; whether it be over someone we knew, someone we had feelings for, been in a relationship with, professionally, materialistic, or whatever, we've been jealous of someone else for one reason or another. As we get older, you'd think those feelings would go away, or it would be easier to identify and avoid them, but that's not the case for some people. Shoes, clothes, toys, and popularity have been replaced by professional standing, looks, talent/creativity, relationship status, etc. The variables may have changed, but the jealousy remains the same, and instead of being able to get past it quicker and easier as we mature, it gets worse as we come to terms with the realization of our mortality.


     Jealousy is officially defined as a feeling of resentment against something or someone because of rivalry, success, or advantages. There are four recognized types of jealousy.


(1) Sibling: Sibling rivalry or believing a parent or loved one prefers one particular child over another.


(2) Professional: Competition at work for a particular position, money, social status with co-workers, unofficial benefits, etc.


(3) Time: Resentment of the time spent at work, on a hobby or any other outside interests that don't include the person who's jealous.


(4) Sexual: Refers to the possibility that someone from their partners' past may have been more sexually satisfying and enjoyable than they are/were.


Plus, there are three types of sexual jealousy.


(1) Normal: Refers to an actual event. Jimmy meets Mike, his girlfriend Sarah's Ex who's a 6'0 255 lb. Former college football star or male model. Jimmy's 5'7, 185 lbs. Jimmy played the flute in his high school marching band. Upon meeting Mike, Jimmy starts to become jealous and wonder how he compares to Mike when it comes to sex with Sarah.


(2) Delusional: Believing your partner's cheating with someone specific. Because they're working on a project together which causes them to interact more at work or on the phone than normal, Jenny believes her boyfriend; Matt is having an affair with his co-worker, Megan. Even though there's absolutely nothing going on between them other than the project, Jenny has convinced herself they're spending an unnecessary amount of time together, so they must be doing something suspicious.


(3) Projected: Seeing something innocent as something else or thinking something that's not there. This type of jealousy comes around usually when one person is doing something dirty, and they believe their partner's doing the same. It can also happen as a result of an outside influence convincing them the behavior of their partner is a sign of infidelity. When talking about projected sexual jealousy, more times than not, there's usually no specific individual or concrete evidence of infidelity; residing only in the accuser's mind.


     Another form of jealousy can include resentment among friends. One person can become jealous of how 2 or more members of the same social circle may interact with or without their presence. Sarah will get jealous because Megan and Pam go out dancing on Friday nights without inviting her. Another version of this situation Would be Jenny getting jealous if she saw her friend, Darius out on a date with another woman. Although Jenny and Darius are just friends, Jenny may want more and seeing him with another woman will awaken the monster. Jenny may not even realize she has feelings for Darius until that moment.


     What are the causes of jealousy? They are having little to no self-confidence doubts about a person's ability or skills. Insecurity. Shitty self-image, fear, depression, anger, anxiety, or feelings of inferiority. Honestly, it would be impossible to cover or even understand every cause of jealousy. It's just as impossible to determine how and when the green-eyed monster will rear its ugly head and cause someone to be jealous of another person. One thing's for sure though, men and women deal with and show their jealousy in completely different ways. For example, I'd venture to say men are more jealous of other men based on looks, ability to attract/interact with the opposite sex, and materialistic acquisitions, where women are more jealous of each other's age, professional standing, and background/education.


     Dealing with jealousy can be just as complicated as understanding the causes. Re-affirmation, both physical and verbal would serve as a HUGE deterrent from jealousy. If two people are reassuring each other they have nothing to worry about, the chances of either becoming unnecessarily jealous would decrease by a huge margin. It's when one or both partners aren't communicating their feelings for fear of being dismissed or appearing needy. Communication is another way to deal with or eliminate jealousy. It's also VERY IMPORTANT to communicate with your partner in an appropriate time frame; don't hold onto something that may have bothered you for days or even weeks before bringing it up, but that doesn't mean it needs to be addressed in public right after an incident either.


     Don't act on your feelings; you may end up doing or saying something you'll have to apologize for later or cause damage to your relationship. Calm down and address the situation in a way to not make the other person defensive. When facing jealousy in a relationship, trust yourself AND your partner; don't allow outside influences to affect how you interact with your partner. If you were cheated on in your previous relationship, take the time to heal; don't just jump from one to another with a massive hole in your heart or covered head to toe in armor, expecting the next person to make up for every other person in your past. If you're the jealous type, learn from your previous issues of jealousy, whether justified or not. Don't repeat the same mistakes over and over again.


     Dealing with jealousy of a friend is no different. Ask yourself what about them that makes you jealous. Remind yourself that everyone's different and some people excel in certain areas you may lack in but also remember that goes both ways; John may be jealous of Jimmy because of his natural ability to attract and interact with women, but Jimmy may also be jealous of John because of his professional status. Michele may be jealous of Sarah's weight/looks/figure, but Sarah may, in turn, be jealous of Michele's relationship with her husband or boyfriend. In any case, no matter what drives your jealousy, keep in mind there's more to you than insecurity. Focus on building your self-confidence and self-esteem, don't let your emotions get the better of you. Open the lines of communication, and above all, STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE!!


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

2 MINUTES AWAY

January 5, 2019

BY D.K. LION

Click Here to Add a Title

     SCENARIO 1: After a long week at work, and still pissed off at your EX when you found out he'd fucked around on you during your entire relationship. Your friends convince you to slide on the shortest, sexiest thing you own and hit the club for girl's night out. After putting down your 3rd or 4th drink, he walks up and grabs your hand. You follow him out to the floor and IMMEDIATELY get to grinding your ass on him, grabbing his hands and letting him up your dress and all over your body. You've spent the last two years being the good girl for your EX; now it's time to let the slut loose for a night. During that time, you give him the short, brief version of how fucked up your week has been, on top of catching your EX with some other female, who KNEW he was already in a relationship.


     After a couple more, drinks and another 2 hours or so, you're standing outside his car, making out and he's fumbling to get his zipper down. You reach inside and wrap your hand around his shaft, and you're pleasantly surprised. He's a pretty decent size, and you can't wait to ride that shit, especially since he's been telling you all night how good he is and how good he's going to give it to you. You may be ready to fuck, but you'll still be damned if you're going to do it next to a fucking trash dumpster, so you suggest going someplace private, which he jumps at the chance at the pussy, so you head to his place. Once inside, you drop to your knees and take him in your mouth. He wastes no time flipping you around, pushing you against the wall, dropping his pants, and pulling your panties to the side...


     SCENARIO 2: You're sitting at the bar, sipping your long island iced tea, or laughing with your girlfriend’s, enjoying girl's night out when he walks up. He's nicely dressed and seems to carry himself pretty well, judging by his approach as he introduces himself and takes your hand, leading you out on the dance floor. After a song or two, you return to your seat and invite him to sit down and chat a bit. He's pretty impressive as well as interested in getting to know you as well. The chemistry is obvious an after a few more drink and dancing before either of you realize, it's the last call. You exchange numbers and make plans to see each other again, which also goes without a hitch. The physical interaction gets more and more intense each time you see each other, but he respects your boundaries and always makes sure he hasn't crossed any lines or made you feel uncomfortable.


     Fast forward to a month to 6 weeks later when the two of you have decided to take the relationship to a sexual level. He comes over, you enjoy a nice home-cooked meal, then settle down on the couch for a movie.


     Soon after, begins the kissing and touching, leading to a massive amount of foreplay in the form of mutual manual and oral stimulation. This time, you're ready; you take his hand and lead him upstairs to the bedroom...


     In both scenarios, you're soaking wet and take that first deep breath in anticipation of having him inside you. You exhale as he slides inside and grabs your hips, pulling you back towards him or he climbs on top of you, spreads your legs and pushes himself inside. The then the unthinkable happens...


     After 3-4 strokes, "OH SHIT, I'M CUMMING!"


     "Wait, WHAT???"


     He pulls out, breathes a sigh of relief and heads to the bathroom to flush the condom and wash up, leaving you to wonder what the fuck that was and what just happened. After a few minutes, he comes out and asks if you want something to drink or if you want to watch a movie or something. You're still standing/lying there, looking at him like he's the biggest piece of shit you've ever seen in your life. You're trying extremely hard not to be shitty about what just happened or didn't happen, but you can't seem to let it go.


     "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" You get dressed, straighten your clothes and walk out the fucking door without saying a word. Two days later he sends you a text, saying he can't stop thinking about you and wants to know when he can see you again. Fuck him and his 2-minute dick, so you don't respond, and after a few days, he gives up and stops reaching out to you. Two weeks later you and your friends are the same spot again, and you see him there. By then, they already know what happened, and when he walks up to ask why you never responded to his texts, you try being polite, but he doesn't seem to take the hint. Finally, you tell him the truth, and after calling you a stuck-up snotty bitch, he slinks off, in search of his next disappointed conquest.


One of the most common things men do is build or raise an expectation he can't deliver on. He builds himself up to be a far better fuck than he actually is, setting a standard he can't reach in hopes of convincing the object of his conquest to want to fuck him. Another is he'll approach the situation drunk or, "Buzzed." They'll go even further to brag about their size and how the average woman can't, "Handle" what he's packing. Unfortunately, all these tactics set the guy up to be a HUGE disappointment to the woman. The sad truth is most of these men ALREADY know they're 2-minute men, and they'll use the old excuses,


"Oh baby, you're so good, wet and tight, that's never happened before!"


This is a lie and a shitty lie at that. Even if your pussy is fucking feather-light and feels like million-dollar memory foam, this isn't the first time that's happened, and if he enjoyed it THAT much, he'd had taken a break and came to get more. Some men blame stress from work or their personal life. I personally can't speak for anyone else, but nothing relieves MY stress better than having my lady ride me until she's dripping sweat and fucked all my stress out.


"My bad baby, I'm drunk or high, I don't usually cum that quick!"


More bullshit. If you'd rather drink or stay high than satisfying a woman or YOUR woman, you're a selfish asswagon, and you deserve to have your minuteman skills broadcasted to every woman who'll listen!

"It's YOUR fault! You made me wait too long, and I got too excited!"


     No comment... You ASSHOLE!!


     What DOES make a man a 2-pump loser? Is it physical? Psychological? Primal? We first have to realize and understand that during normal sexual intercourse the average guy will bust his first nut after about 3-5 minutes, what he does after that first one separates the minute man from 30-plus minute man. The truth is that some men are only really interested in their satisfaction and are okay with just getting HIS, whether it takes 5 minutes or 30 seconds. Most men want that first one, and that's good enough for him, and that makes him a selfish fucking assclown, especially if he has little to no concern to whether she gets hers or not.

But if you're the type who's actually interested in lasting longer than 2 minutes, try:


Breathing Normally


Slowing Down


Sticking to Basic Positions


Increasing Foreplay Before Sex; also, Between and AFTER Cumming


Jacking Off During Foreplay or Right Before Intercourse (Only if you're able to get hard or stay hard afterward)


Distracting Thoughts


Only Putting the Tip In


Taking Breaks In Between


Laying Off the Alcohol


Using A Condom


Increasing How Many Times You Have Sex


Stress the Need for Verbal Assurance That It Felt Good (Even though it didn't last long)


Go Until You're About to Cum, Stop Relax, Then Start Again.

 

     Does it make the woman a bad person when she walks out and refuses to communicate or see him again? Some will say YES, some will SAY no. The truth is that it's up to that woman. Would a man do the same thing if the roles were reversed if he came across a woman who gave him a horrible blowjob or even worse, the pussy was too tight to penetrate or felt like fucking a glass of water? The lesson here is that if you're just trying to fuck, bragging about how big your dick is or being able to, "Beat the pussy up" doesn't impress a woman at all; not in the least bit. She may STILL fuck you, but the whole time you're telling her how she's going to be limping after you get finished with the pussy, she wishes you'd shut the fuck up and just do it. If you actually like and care about him, don't be so quick to dismiss him; maybe he WAS nervous; perhaps he was a little too excited, and he came too quick. That's when verbal assurance and patience would come in. But it if happened again, not many people would blame you when you tucked tail and ran for the door.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A VOL. 3

December 30, 2018

BY CHARLES and SAMUEL

Click Here to Add a Title

Q: Why did he go right to the shower when he got home from the club?

A: He knows you don't wear lipstick


Q: Does my breath smell?

A: Yes


Q: Does he want to fuck any of my friends?

A: Of course, not... You dumb Fuckrag


Q: Is that video game more important than me?

A: Apparently.


Q: What's porn got that I don't?

A: Women who are prettier and weigh far less than you.


Q: What's that other WOMAN have that I don't?

A: 50 fewer pounds, the ability to see her feet, find clothes in her size virtually ANYWHERE


Q: What's that other MAN have that I don't?

A: Actual dick & the ability to piss PAST his balls.


Q: Is he telling me I could stand to lose some weight?

A: Not at all... He's saying tell your twin sister to stop following you so close everywhere you go!


Q: If she says, "Not right now," how long should I wait before asking her to dance again?

A: 3 months from that very second.


Q: Why does he always blast the music when we're in the car together?

A: You talk too fucking much, and your breath smells like ass


Q: Why does he look depressed when we're out together shopping or at the club?

A: Because you're still alive and breathing.


Q: Is she ashamed of me?

A: ABSOLUTELY!!


Q: Does any of HIS friends want to fuck me?

A: Depends... does he know you're walking up to the front door?


Q: Why won't he ever dance with me?

A: Probably because there are another 50-60 extra pounds of you to dance with and his arms will get sore sooner

.

Q: Why won't he kiss me in public?

A: Because every woman who knows him will think he's a nasty fuck for making out with his cousin or an asshole for kissing his best friend's woman.


Q: Why was that black girl trying to fight my man?

A: He ripped the sales tag off the back of her shirt, so now she can't return it.


Q: Why is that look on HER face when we go out?

A: It's 11 pm... Why does this ASSBANGLE have on sunglasses?


Q: Why's she so against anal sex?

A: She doesn't want to go where another man's gone before


Q: Does my pussy get too wet for him when I orgasm?

A: Depends... Are we heading out or coming home?


Q: When's the best time to tell him I don't suck dick?

A: 1941


Q: How do I know if he's lying about what he did last night while he was out with his friends?

A: Because you asked him about last night when he went out with his friends.    


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

DAMMIT GYM

December 14, 2018

BY D.K. LION

Click Here to Add a Title

     For some, the gym is just a place to kill time; because it's cool to go or be seen, for others, a place to run, bike, lift a little weight, etc. For an even smaller percentage, it's a haven, a sanctuary, a chamber of transformation from a newbie (caterpillar), to regular (butterfly), to Dreadnaught. Where goals are set, met, and crushed. The gym is an altar of personal pride, growth, and self-confidence.


     Just like high school, the gym has cliques, ranging from the, "1-2 days/weeks", to the cardio kings and queens, to the zealots. No matter your inspiration, motivation, goals, or reasons for walking through those sacred doors, a certain etiquette should be observed.


     THE GYM GOLDEN RULE... No matter what someone looks like, how they're built, how much/little weight they lift, what they wear, how thin or how big they are, you NEVER make fun or berate ANYONE in the gym!!!


- Benches are for working out, NOT FOR KEEPING YOUR SHIT OFF THE FUCKING FLOOR!! Be it your phone, water bottle, etc. Don't take up a bench someone else could be using!


- The SQUAT RACKS ARE FOR SQUATS!! There are plenty of other places to do curls, bench press, etc.


- Wipe off the fucking equipment when you're done; people have no idea how much shit can get passed through your nasty ass sweat because you're too fucking lazy and inconsiderate to wipe the bench/machine when you're done.

(For the example of what can be passed through your sweat: HPV, MRSA, Influenza, and a variety of Staph infections)


- "HOW MANY SETS DO YOU HAVE LEFT?" This is a pointless question; whether I have 1 or 100 sets left, I'm done when I'm fucking done!


- There’re no such things like a "Favorite" machine or bench; just sit down and lift, ASSJACKAL.


- Some gyms are set up to where a piece of equipment is behind or close to another; sometimes women perform exercises that may make them uncomfortable to have a male behind them while they exercise. Be respectful and make sure they're okay with you being close to, or behind them, they'll appreciate it.


- Stop bunching up... there’s nothing worse than 5-6 guys working out in a ten by ten area when there's three times the amount of space being unused


- The gym IS NOT a single or pick-up spot. Granted, some actually go to the gym, hoping to meet people, but not nearly as many as one would think.


- THE GYM IS NOT A FUCKING LIBRARY!!! People will grunt, weights dropped, dumbbells will clang together, or bounce placed back on the racks. There will be guys bigger and stronger than you, lifting WAY more weight than you. There's going to be women walking through the door with great figures, in workout clothes that leave very little to the imagination. Don't be a lightly-powdered bitch with sand in your crotch because you feel, "intimidated" by someone making noise or showing off their hard work and progress about their attire IT'S THE FUCKING GYM!


- Don't be creepy! Of course, there's going to be physically attractive people in the gym, with figures and outfits that look really fucking good; that being said, especially guys, stop following women around, trying to find reasons to work out behind them to watch them squat, etc.


- Headphones are gym language for LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!


- WARNING... OBJECTS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR ARE NOT STRONGER THAN THEY REALLY ARE! Back the hell up. Just because YOU can't lift it, doesn't mean nobody else can. It's rude as hell to put someone in a position to have to pick up and carry 85 lbs. Weights to the opposite end of the rack because you want to watch yourself curl 30 lbs. Weights right in front of the heavier weights.


- Working right off the rack makes you an asshole!


- If you absolutely MUST have a conversation with someone, get up from the machine you're on, or don't block or lean on the fucking machine, I'm using.


- If you're texting, GET OFF THE BENCH/MACHINE!


- This is something that only happens in the men's locker room; Guys will shower, and instead of wrapping themselves will walk around the locker room naked, with their towels OVER THEIR SHOULDER.


- Women don't go to the gym, looking for love, no matter what you may think.


- Women will talk to each other with another person in between them; this annoys the fuck out of people; or they'll sit on the machine, talking for 5-15 minutes, hogging the machine and doing nothing with it.


- If the bench has a towel on it, IT'S TAKEN, ASSHAT!


- Stop being focusing on your weight loss! Stay off the scale; there's absolutely NO REASON to weigh yourself EVERY DAMN DAY. What you eat and drink that day will affect your weight. The weather and time of day affect your weight. For women, her menstrual cycle affects weight.


- STOP WEARING TRASH BAGS UNDER YOUR CLOTHES!! Mostly women are the ones who wear trash bags and sauna suits, thinking they help sweat off more calories and fat; for one, you look ridiculous, wearing a trash bag. Second, the number of calories burned wearing a sauna suit just isn't enough to justify buying one, and as far was the WATER WEIGHT you shed during the exercise, as soon as your workout's over, you're gonna grab a bottle of water and put it all back on again...


- If you were BORN a man, use the MEN'S LOCKER ROOM! Of course, that doesn't apply to post-M2F surgery.


- To couples who come to the gym together... Not everyone wants to fuck your partner. There's very little need or reason to piss a ring around your lady or stop by to kiss her every 5 minutes, for the purpose of marking your territory, especially if she's near men who are lifting far past HIS ability.


- If you're using your gym's personal trainer program, understand that if you still NEED your trainer after 5-6 months to continue your workout for any purpose other than motivation, you have a shitty trainer. By the 6- month mark, any GOOD trainer would've provided enough information and results to make his/her client confident enough to branch out and continue without them. Otherwise, it just comes down to them stringing you along for the money.


- Women are more likely to accept workout tips than men, even from men; men take it personally or become defensive when another man tries to keep him from injuring himself due to poor form/technique.


- IF YOU'RE ROCKING, YOU AIN'T CURLING!


- IF YOU'RE BOUNCING, YOU AIN'T BENCHING!


- Everyone's different; some will gain size/strength/definition quicker and easier than others. It's fucking rude and insulting to not only assume, but to ask someone if they're on steroids or any other PED's. It's not even funny to joke about it.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

SHADES OF WHITE

December 8, 2018

BY D.K. LION

Click Here to Add a Title

"WHY DO BLACK MEN DATE WHITE WOMEN OVER BLACK WOMEN?"


     The simple answer is because they choose to; that's what they're attracted to based on preference, attraction (Both physical and emotional), even sometimes professional. The reason someone prefers to seek and cultivate a relationship is no one's business but theirs and should require very little explanation or justification past that and only has to make sense to that couple. However, if that reason doesn't satisfy your curiosity, there are also outside truths and factors that are considered.


     What would cause a black man to stroll past 30-40 eligible black women to approach 1 of 5 of the only white women in the same room? Let's cover a few of those reasons from a black man's perspective.

First of all, and most importantly, people of ALL races and ethnicities are attracted to who they're attracted to, and that should be enough of a reason to pursue someone of the same or different race, color, ethnicity, gender, etc.


- Physical attraction. A BASEMENT or FOUNDATION, the first rung on the ladder to choosing to begin and continue the possibility of going any further or running for the hills. Physical attraction gets your foot in the door.


- Chemistry. Is that "Spark" two people feel when meeting for the first time or the unplanned crossing of paths in a crowded room. Chemistry is almost instant; it can't be learned, forced, convinced, or persuaded, and it doesn't develop over time. It's there, or it isn't. Chemistry decides whether or not to graduate to mutual interest.


- Mental or Emotional attraction. Comes after the initial conversation or short-term exchange of information about one another; background, likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, etc. At this point, the decision is made to exchange contact information or simply thank each other and walk away.


Some black women will argue how hard it is for a decent black woman to meet an equally reputable black man when there so many white women out there, with their tits hanging halfway out, or walking around the office in skin-tight/short skirts and dresses. They complain about white women being more sexually submissive and use words like WEAK, DOCILE, and DOORMAT to rationalize why good, decent black men won't approach them. Whatever the excuse or defense anyone comes up with, attraction and freedom of choice is STILL the plain and simple truth; however, if black women are still unwilling to accept this, perhaps it'll help to view it from other aspects.


- White women ARE NOT, "Taking away all the good black men" In most cases, if asked, it's almost always the black man who approached the white woman.


- White women are NOT, "Doormats" which that is covered in more detail in another article titled, "Dynamic Duo." There are strong-willed, independent, mentally tough women of ALL RACES; black women don't have the market on personal strength and courage cornered. Black women are no more mentally or emotionally stronger than anyone else and not superior.


- Black men are no one's property too, "Take."


- White women are not only more giving and accepting of PDA, but they CRAVE it.


- Not all white women are, "Freaks." To what some people refer to another's behavior as NASTY or FREAKY, is nothing more than normal behavior for those two people. Contrary to what black women tell themselves or each other, black men don't choose white women solely on the expectation they suck dick, swallow, or take it in the ass, etc.


- Black men don't choose white women over black because he's WEAK or unable to, "Handle" a strong black woman! Nor does he choose white women because they have or make more money.


Now, let's examine a few more truths about black women that may give more insight as to why black men choose to pass you up.


     A black woman will claim a white woman as a friend, her very BEST friend. When approached by an eligible black man, if he shows that white woman more attention, the tables turn, and then it's, "That white bitch ain't shit."


     Although all women do this, black women openly preach and claim independence FAR more than others; they stress having their own money, car, pay their bills, and how they don't need a man for a fucking thing... UNTIL the dinner check comes, or they're standing at the ticket window at the movie theater. They wear their independence like armor, as long as it's convenient and beneficial for them. Black women say, "My money is MY money, YOUR money is OUR money."


     Say what you will about police, politicians, etc. When it comes to a white woman and a black man, black women can be just as racist as a modern-day clansman.


     Black women will express their disgust and disapproval of an interracial relationship, intentionally, out loud enough to be heard by others, especially that particular couple. They'll even comment and complain to THEIR man, as if he cares, or also WANTS to listen to her mouth about it.


     It is true, that white woman may look goofy as hell out on the middle of the dance floor with less coordination than a 3-year-old, trying to run an obstacle course. But at least she's enjoying herself and having a good time, instead of sitting on her ass, with a look on her face like she just took a bite from a shitty diaper.


     From my personal experience, black women are quick to want to say I TOLD YOU SO! They thrive on being right and want it acknowledged at every turn.


     More white women are turned on by having their hair pulled during foreplay and sex. A black woman doesn't want her new expensive weave pulled out her head when she's taking the dick, and if her hair DOES get messed up, guess who she's going to expect to pay for getting it fixed?


     Not limited to just black women, but from experience, black women are far too concerned about how they're viewed in front of others, much to the sacrifice of meeting their partner's physical needs. They worry too much about being disrespected, and they have a HUGE issue with PDA, thinking it'll make them look like a "Hoe" The, "Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" mentality doesn't work for some men. Some men enjoy having their woman show them attention and affection in public, along with physical intimacy and sensuality. Also, as long as the environment dictates, what's so wrong with getting a little dirty?


     White women can get sweaty during sex; they don't mind it at all; they ENJOY it. They don't care if their hair gets wet whether fucking or even making out in the shower without getting an earful about, "A sista's hair” Pool sex... Enough said. As soon as a black woman's hair gets messed up or wet, it's a wrap!


     A lot of interracial couples find the contrast in skin tone or color extremely attractive and sexy, also believing their union will produce beautiful children.


     In the eyes of black women, black men who date white women are weak-ass, "Sellouts." Black WOMEN who date white MEN are heroes who just got sick of a black man's bullshit.


     Black women believe black men use them to get where they want to be socially, financially, and professionally, only to ditch them for a white woman when they reach their goals.


     Some black women won't even blink if approached by a decent black man if he doesn't fit in a particular mold, she's set beforehand, but she'll have PLENTY to say when she sees that same man later in the night with a white woman.


     Not limited to just black women, but more so than others, black women have an issue with the word, "Submissive," believing they have to sacrifice their independence or whatever. They have minimal concept of how to be a woman in a relationship; they're too busy trying to play the role of an "Alpha Female."


Black women believe just because they share the same skin color or ancestry; black men BELONG to them.


     Black women have an "Entitlement" complex, coupled with a BLACK QUEEN mentality that leads them to believe that black men should approach and pursue them, while white women will more likely approach a black man, she's interested in.


     Black women are quick to say that black men choose white women because they suck dick and swallow; AND??? Even if that were true, why would doing what pleases your man be such a horrible thing to do? Perhaps it would benefit your relationship to suck more dick and bitch less?


     Seven words; "A SISTA WOULDN'T PUT UP WITH THAT!" Black women are always trying to give advice or convince other women to change; to not let anyone take advantage of them, disrespect them, or take away their power or independence.


     White women won't point out that a man has been talking to them for 10-15 minutes and haven't offered to BUY THEM A DRINK YET!


     Black women will HATE a white woman for the sole reason that she caught her man checking out a white woman, instead of being pissed at her man for being disrespectful.


     White women will THANK YOU if you tear the sales tag off their new top when they're out on the town with the girls, instead of wanting to cut you because they can't return it to the store the next afternoon!


     Black women believe they're superior in every aspect across the board, whether physically, financially, education, professionally, and mentally. They think the past challenges they've individually faced and conquered has made them stronger than other races and no one else could understand what it's like to be a black woman in today's society.


     Physical or sexual attraction being the case, Black men who work out frequently prefer women who do the same. From my personal experience, the percentage of black women who take a more than average interest in their physical fitness seems FAR LESS than white women. Black women take more pride in being big as hell, thinking every black man likes/wants that.


     In conclusion, instead of talking shit about white women taking away all the good, decent and eligible black men; perhaps it may be more beneficial to find out how and what that woman did to get her man. If it bothers you THAT much, try pulling one aside and asking what she did to get him to approach her and what she does to keep him; then take that information and put it to use.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

PUBIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

December 1, 2018

BY D.K. LION

Click Here to Add a Title

     It's sad but true, a large percentage of women are unaware of the real truth which once learned, can't be unlearned and that truth happens to be...


     "AT LEAST 60%-70% OF WOMEN OVER THE AGE OF 40 WHO HAS DANCED EVEN LIGHTLY PROVOCATIVELY WITH A MAN HAS HAD AT LEAST 4 OUT OF EVERY 20 OF THOSE GUYS DRY FUCK AND BUST A NUT IN HIS PANTS WHILE GRINDING ON HER!!!"


     Say what you will, but it's true. Most women don't realize it, and they never will because men are FAR more biomechanical than women; they have the ability to ejaculate (cum) from the act of continuous friction against their sexual organ. Even if they're not the least bit attracted to the woman they're dancing with, the physical act of grinding his shit against a woman is enough to cause him to bust a nut.


     Granted, a DRY FUCK may not be his first choice, but circumstances may come to play against him. Of course, his primary goal is finding the sexiest, most attractive woman possible to take home and fuck, but if he's having a slow/bad night, he'll be satisfied with getting his dick sucked, hand job, and lastly, the dry fuck.


     Also, we have to accept that a man's standards will diminish over the night; As the female pool gets smaller. There are, however, factors he does consider, such as environment and location. When trying to find something to get him off for the night, men have a hierarchy as to where he wants to fuck, depending on how attractive the woman he's fucking is. The order of location is as follows...


A. HER/her friend's place


B. HER car or outside the bar, club, etc.


C. HIS friend's place. (Depending on how she looks)


D. HIS car


E. Outside HIS apartment


F. Lastly, actually inside HIS place


     Trust me when I say that unfortunately, looks (Both face AND body) also determines what type of sexual release a man will seek from a woman.


     Ethnicity also plays a part in release type. Usually, white men don't really have it in them to accept the public dry fuck, due to the fact that most of the women they're attracted to, quite frankly, have ZERO ASS! So, there's a lot less potential for the type of friction needed to bust a nut, making oral and sexual intercourse their primary goal.


     Plus, white guys are normally unable to be as discreet as necessary if it came to the point where they actually DID bust a nut; meaning, their facial expressions would most likely give it away. Nothing would embarrass them more than the heavy-breathing, toe-curling, "Bitter Beer Face" everyone in the bar would notice.


     Black men are into an ass; plain and simple... ASS! The type of ass so thick when he's fucking her from behind, he can barely see his dick going in or out. That's the type of ass that'll provide the friction needed for a dry fuck nut.


     A large percentage of Hispanic men don't concern themselves with the dry fuck or getting their dick sucked as much as white or black men. For them, it's all about the pussy; that's their focus.


     Lastly, the important question: "HOW WOULD I KNOW HE JUST BUSTED A NUT WHILE GRINDING UP ON ME?"


     The answer is pretty simple; again, I promise many of you have noticed/experienced these signs, without giving a second thought to it...


A. He goes from bumping and grinding to simply walking off in the middle of the song with no explanation or warning; he may thank you for the dance, but he wants off the floor before you notice the huge cum stain on his pants.


B. He IMMEDIATELY becomes obsessed with pulling/keeping his shirt pulled down; or if he's wearing a shirt that was previously tucked in, he'll pull it out... Again, to prevent anyone from noticing the cum-soaked puddle in his crotch area.


C. He'll go from being all up on you, hands on your hips and bouncing you against his shit, grinding his boner on you, or rotating your ass on him, to an INSTANT foot or two of space between you.


D. He heads to the bathroom right when the song ends; obviously to use the hand dryer (If there's one available) to dry his pants off, praying there's no restroom attendant.


E. He actually TELLS you he's cumming...


F. He grabs your hips (Or your ass if he's facing you) as hard as he can and starts shaking, wiggling, or whatever he does when he busts a nut.


G. He goes from letting you touch, rub, and grab all on his dick, (Sometimes even shoving your hand in his pants to let you stroke him), then pulls your hands away suddenly, so you don't feel his wet spot.


H. He stops dancing for the rest of the night, or at least until his pants dry and maybe leaves the club altogether.


I. He doesn't want to dance anymore but still wants to sit and talk when he comes back from the bathroom, in hopes of still getting some pussy at the end of the night.


J. He shoves his hand in his pocket in hopes of pinching it off.


      There you have it... Right now, some of you are thinking back, trying to remember whether or not you've ever seen or experienced any of these in person or heard about it from one of your friends. I guarantee now that you've read this, you'll have an "Ah-Hah" moment, the next time you have or see somebody do one or more of these... You may laugh, be embarrassed, or even disgusted, but at least you'll be informed... Happy dancing!!


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A VOL. 2 

November 16, 2018

BY CHARLES and SAMUEL

Click Here to Add a Title

Q: Will a woman lie and say I have a tiny dick out of spite?

A: No... If she says you have a tiny dick, you ACTUALLY just have a tiny dick!


Q: It's been six months, why am I not his lady yet?

A: Because you haven't required him to do so; by the sixth month, you're

already doing everything two people in a relationship would be doing anyway.


Q: Does he think my tits are too flat and flabby?

A: Depends... Have he ever seem a D-cup pancake?


Q: Why do guys wait until 40 minutes before the club closes to ask me to dance?

A: Because you're the last resort... you're either fat or ugly as fuck!


Q: Does he think I've gained too much weight?

A: If you have to ask, you already know.


Q: Why's he dressing better and working out all of a sudden?

A: He's either fucking somebody else, TRYING to fuck somebody else, or WANT to fuck somebody else.


Q: Why does he always want to fuck me with the lights off at night or from behind during the day?

A: He's saying in some way, shape, or form that you look like shit, but he still wants some pussy.


Q: Why doesn't he ever want me to ride on the back of his motorcycle?

A: You're too big to balance the bike, or he doesn't want to be seen with you.


Q: Why won't he kiss me after I swallow?

A: Because he's an asshole.


Q: Why does it bother him that my child's name is tattooed on my breast?

A: Most of the time, it's not your son's name, especially if your son's a Jr. or because it would be weird to be caressing/sucking your tits and having your child's name in my fucking mouth!! No man wants to open his eyes and see any kid's name covered in his slobber.


Q: Why do all my friends get hit on when we go out, but I don't?

A: Because you're not only built like you were assembled by a 5-year-old, but you're also not pretty.


Q: Why haven't I met any of HIS friends yet?

A: He's embarrassed/ashamed of you.


Q: Why haven't I met any of HER friends yet?

A: She's worried about what they'll think of you.


Q: Does this outfit make my ass look fat

A: No, your fat makes your outfit look like an ass!


Q: Why won't he pause the video game if I want a quick fuck or to suck his dick?

A: Because he doesn't want to fuck you and you suck dick like shit.


Q: How do I get her to suck my dick more often?

A: Walk up to her, pull your dick out and put it in her mouth.


Q: Why doesn't he take me out dancing as much as he used to?

A: He doesn't think he should have to pay for three people.


Q: We fucked once, why hasn't HE called?

A: REALLY??


Q: We fucked once, why hasn't SHE responded to any of my texts?

A: Again, REALLY??


Q: Where are all my yoga pants?

A: Casualties of war in the great battle of, "Yoga pants make your ass

look like a trash bag full of jagged rocks" campaign of 2018.


Q: Why are all my pot leaf t-shirts in the garbage?

A: BECAUSE YOU'RE A GROWN-ASS MAN!!


~~~~~~      


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A VOL. 1

November 16, 2018

BY CHARLES and SAMUEL

Click Here to Add a Title

Q: Why does he ALWAYS seem to walk faster than me when we're at the grocery store?

A: It's 2 pm, you're wearing pajama bottoms, a dingy wife-beater, your hair looks like it was rolled with a fucking firecracker and you smell like the girl in high school who fucked every guy she went out with.


Q: What's that look on his face whenever we go out together?

A: "Yeah, I know she looks fucked up, but she buys me weed through."


Q: Why does he act like he doesn't hear me sometimes?

A: Because sometimes you talk too fucking much!


Q: What's he get at the strip club that he doesn't get at home?

A: Women with smaller waists...


Q: Why Does he want me to shave my pussy?

A: Piss isn't a very tasty flavor and he prefers to floss AFTER he eats...


Q: Why does she always want me to shower before giving me head?

A: Your balls stink.


Q: Why won't he let me ride him?

A: Because it's daytime and he can see you, or he can only bench 215 Lbs.


Q: Why do we ALWAYS have sex at my place and not his?

A: REALLY???


Q: Why do I have to call/text most of the time?

A: They're really not interested, or they're playing games.


Q: Does he REALLY mean it when he says looks don't matter?

A: Depends... Do you swallow?


Q: How do I know if she's faking?

A: If You have to ask, she just faked.


Q: Why are all the men who hit on me already drunk?

A: Plausible deniability, or FUI (Fucked Under the Influence).


Q: Why does he keep turning me around when we dance?

A: You're ugly as fuck, and he's trying to bust a nut, so he doesn't have to put any more time into you as needed.


Q: Why'd he disappear in the middle of the song?

A: He just busted a nut in his pants.


Q: It's 2 AM... Does he REALLY just want me to come over and watch a movie?

A: Yep... ASSHAT.


Q: Does she think I have a tiny dick?

A: She KNOWS you have a tiny dick, and by lunchtime, Monday, so will everyone else at work.


Q: Why does he need meds to have sex with me, but porn gets him hard?

A: Go look in the mirror.


Q: When's a good time for me to ASK for head?

A: When university-educated winged pigs are spotted soaring through the sky!


Q: Why does she shove her tits in my mouth when we're fucking?

A: You talk too much.


Q: When's a good time to ask or bring up having a threesome?

A: Anytime you want to be single again.


Q: Why does his shirt smell like perfume?

A: No comment... ASSJACKAL. 


~~~~~~  

  

Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

TRIVIAL PURSUIT

November 8, 2018

BY D.K. LION

Click Here to Add a Title

1. ROBERT P. ZURHEIDE JR.

2. MATTEW LAKOWSKI

3. ELIJAH TAI WAH WONG

4. LEE DUANE TODACHEENE

5. MICHAEL M. MERILA

6. ERIC F. COOK

~~~~~~

7. CHARLIE KEATING

8. CARLOS CARRASCO

9. WYATT MARTIAN

10. MARTIN BARRERAS

11. JOSHUA SILVERMAN

12. JONAM RUSSELL


     Don't recognize these names? I'm not surprised in the least. You may be wondering who these men are and what's so special about them; some of you may have already taken to google to find out. Allow me to enlighten you...


The first six names are of those with ties to Arizona who gave their lives in service to their country during one of the numerous stages of the Gulf War before April 22, 2004. The last six are servicemembers who ALSO made the ultimate sacrifice, but AFTER April 22, 2004, the day PAT TILLMAN was reportedly killed in action in Afghanistan. These twelve men were sons, fathers, husbands, and brothers...


Unfortunately, NONE OF THEM WERE FOOTBALL PLAYERS, ATHLETES, ENTERTAINERS, OR CELEBRITIES!!!


     My point? To congratulate as well as express my disappointment, and frustration.

Congrats to not only Arizona But America for showing so much support for Tillman and his memory, The Tillman foundation, numerous events honoring his memory and sacrifice, immortalizing him for all posterity. We've successfully made him a source of pride for not only the state of Arizona but America as a whole.


     Unfortunately, in doing so, we've also managed to trivialize the same sacrifice of not only the 12 men mentioned earlier but also the other 200 plus service members from Arizona. As well as the other 6,800-7,000 Americans who deserve the same respect, recognition, and attention as Tillman, but won't receive because none of them gave up a professional football career to serve their country... WE SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED & ASHAMED OF OURSELVES...


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

MARS vs VENUS

November 8, 2018

BY D.K. LION

Click Here to Add a Title

     As in any battle, one must assess and gauge the capabilities and limitations of the enemy in order to devise the best and most efficient offense and defense possible to achieve victory. The battle between men and women being no exception...


- Women have more sensually sensitive areas than men. The back of the neck, between her shoulder blades, her ears, waist, and thighs are just a few.


- Women can dance with other women, but it's weird as hell to see two guys dancing together, like a fruit-filled dance battle.


- A straight woman can kiss another straight woman; enough said.


- Men can sit with their legs open; well, so can a woman... as long as she's prepared to have a lot of men dropping shit and picking it up in front of her if she's wearing a dress or skirt.


- People generally trust a woman more than a man.


- A woman can compliment another woman's body/figure; she can compliment a woman's ass or tits... Men can't do the same; "Hey Johnny, your dick looks good in those jeans" just doesn't sound right.


- Women can compliment a friend's man more than once and in more detail. While a woman can complement specific parts of his body, anything other than, "okay, he's sexy as fuck" might get your ass kicked. A man can't say some shit like, "You bro, your girl's got some big ass titties and a fat ass!" no matter how long you've been friends.


- Men can piss standing up.


- It's easier and more discreet for a man to jack off and cum than a woman to play with her pussy.


- It's easier and takes less effort for a woman to suck her man's dick than it is for him to eat her pussy.


- Women are multi-orgasmic and will always be capable of out-fucking a man, which also makes her more capable of sexually satisfying multiple men at one time where a man can barely fully satisfy one woman, much less two or three.


- Men lose weight/build muscle faster than women; however, women are generally more motivated to get into shape than a man as they get older.


- The women's clearance section in any clothing store will always be at least three times the size of a man's.


- There are almost always FULL curtains in the shower stalls in the women's locker room of the gym. For some odd, nasty-ass reason, the shower curtains in the men's locker room all look like they were split in HALF to make two curtains.


- Men can play fight/wrestle more so than women.


- An overweight, unattractive female will always get hit on or offered dick before her male counterpart.


- A woman can maintain her standard for the entire night; a man's standard will reduce by a half point for every half hour closer to closing time; he'd rather get his dick sucked by an overweight beastmonster with no teeth and snot dripping from her nose before he goes home with a dry dick.


- Most women have more clothes in her closet than a man.


- A group of men won't let one their friends hang out with them looking like shit. It brings down the stock of the entire group. A woman will at least let one of her friends go out looking like trash. Either on purpose to make themselves look better, to keep from looking like a bad friend, or not wanting to hurt their feelings.


- Women won't try to have a conversation with each other through the bathroom stall while taking a shit.


- A man will abandon/sell out his friends or bail out on guys night out for random pussy quicker than a woman will ditch her friends for random dick.


- Women stay mad/angry longer than men.


- Women can go long without sex than a man.


- Most men cum/orgasm much quicker and with less effort than a woman.


- A woman will suck her man's dick before he eats her pussy.


- When it comes to sexual history, men will always lie UPWARDS to seem like a ladies' man, where women will most likely either tell the truth or lie DOWNWARDS to avoid been seen as a slut.


- It (should) take a man less time to get ready to go out for the night than a woman.


- Men are less noticed if they wear the same clothes to the club two weekends in a row more than a woman would be.


- Women put more care into how they look; men care more about what they have.


- Women wash their hands after using a public restroom more than men.


- Women will ALWAYS get hit on more than men.


- Men are more likely to take a shit in a porta-potty.


- Workplace dress codes are ALWAYS more strict for men than women.


- Women can give each other, "pet names"... A man can't call another man, "Baby Boo-boo" or, "Sugar-nuts."


- Women can give each other, "Just because" gifts, birthday cards, and say, "I love you," after a phone conversation. A guy can't say, "I love you, here's a teddy bear I saw at the store, and it reminded me of you" to his boy.


- Women can hug each other tightly with no time limit.


- Men will generally pay more for a drink at a bar than a pretty girl.


- Women take rejection from a stranger better than a man.


- Men bounce back from a breakup quicker than a woman. A man will use another woman to fuck in order to forget about his ex.


- More men dress up like women for Halloween than women will dress up like a man... Halloween; the one day a year where a man can come out the closet, without being judged.


- Women can give each other massages, men can't do the same; "Yo Brian, you look tense turn around and let me rub your shoulders"? Wait, what???


- Women can refer to her guy as, "Young man" or, "Dirty old man." You'd better not call your woman a, "Dirty old lady" It doesn't have the same effect.


- Women are better at reading body language.


- Women have a more accurate, "Gaydar."


- A 50-year-old woman knows that when she gets hit on by a 26-year-old, he most likely just wants the pussy. A 50-year-old man will actually try to have a relationship with a 26-year-old woman.


- When eating out, women are more likely to send food back to the kitchen than men.


- Women will lie more about her age or weight and body type while men will lie more about his income and education.


- Male strippers earn more in tips than female strippers. Men are cheap and tip smaller bills, where women are normally tipping with their husband's money and will generally tip larger bills. Plus, male strippers allow more physical contact than females will.


- Women are more likely to report sexual harassment.


- Women fake orgasms WAY more frequently than men.


- Men avoid commitment longer/more than a woman.


- Women generally fall in love before a man.


- Women are more likely to say, "I don't know."


- Women are more likely to clip coupons and bargain shop.


- Men watch more porn.


- Men are more likely to believe a stripper actually likes him.


- Men are more likely to attempt to operate/assemble something without reading the instructions.


~~~~~~


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