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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

MATH-MANTICS

SEP 24, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

      Men have a different style of math when it comes to relationships and how they talk to women and their friends. Men either exaggerate or play down their numbers depending on who they’re talking to or about. He’ll hook up with 4 women over the weekend he’s rated as a 4, but he’ll combine them and tell his friends he hooked up with 2 women who were rated as an 8.


      The rule of 3; Men will multiply the number of women they had sex with while on vacation. He’ll tell everyone he had sex with 5-7 different women during his week in Hawaii or Vegas, but in reality, it was only between 1-3.


      Men lie because his image is at stake; every time he goes out, his manhood is on trial, and he has to prove himself. His math is twisted because he needs to maintain his standing in his social group, especially if he’s a founding member, So he'll lie about how many phone numbers he’s gotten and how many women he met; he’ll embellish the number of women who approached him, as well as the number of women he charmed with his “Game.”


      Man’s misunderstanding of his own mathematics will make him bend the truth on how many different women he’s having sex with. Men have the hardest time judging length and thickness when it comes to bragging about their package size. Younger men misrepresent their length; They brag about being able to gag a woman or claim she won’t be able to take it all in. Older men are more delusional about thickness or girth; he won’t brag about hitting the back of her cervix, but he’ll claim to choke her with a mouthful.


      Men have a hard time equalizing their build and weight compared to a woman’s weight and build. Men will refer to a woman’s checking him out or who likes him as “That big girl.” He’s 6’0, 280-305 pounds; she’s 5’5, 160-175 pounds, and in his eyes, she’s bigger than he is or too big for him to be interested in. In his mind, she should know better.


      Men lie about how often he’s had sex with a woman in particular and how many orgasms they had. He’ll double that number at the very least. If he’s done and she was close enough, he’ll count it as an orgasm, or he’ll hunker down and try to get it out of her if it’s her first one of that night. He’ll risk dehydration and losing consciousness from the gravitational force he’s putting on himself to keep going while he’s holding his breath, curling his toes, and giving all his might to keep going until she does have that orgasm. He’ll tell his friends she had 3-4 before passing out; he won’t tell them HE was the one who passed out after her first one.


      Men lie about how many children he has. When asked, he’ll admit to how many children “He takes care of,” not how many he has with women he doesn’t acknowledge. He’ll lie about how many different women he has kids with.


      Men lie to their friends when he wants them to go somewhere in particular for example, heHe wants his friends to try a new place to hang out, so he’ll tell them the drinks are cheaper than they really are and how many women were there the night he went and checked it out by himself or with his co-workers.


      Men misrepresent their own personal ratings from looks to personality. He sees himself as a much better catch than the women around him, or his friends will give him credit for. When he’s describing himself for the first time, a man’s math makes 5’6 and 6’2 the same height; if he’s even 1/64ths of an inch over 5’6”, he’ll say he’s 5’7”. He’ll subtract a quarter pound from every pound he actually weighs if he’s overweight and adds a quarter pound for every actual pound if he’s underweight. He’ll lie about his age to younger women he knows won’t talk to him if she knew he was the same age as her favorite uncle, or he’ll lie about being older because she has a son his true age.


      When caught cheating, men will subtract at least 2 months for every month he’s actually been cheating. He won’t admit to how many times he’s cheated or how many different women; it’ll always be once and his first time. He’ll only answer questions related to the person he was caught with. If he’s been cheating with 2-3 women over the past year and a half, he’ll only admit to what he can get away with; that’s why he doesn’t want to be in between his lady and the other woman at the same time; they’ll keep him honest.


      He got his sneakers on sale with an online discount coupon for 20% off, but he’ll claim to have paid full price to his friends but got them at an even bigger discount to his lady. He truly only paid $140, but he tells everyone they cost $200; he told his lady they were only $110. The rims on his car were $1,100; everyone else thinks he paid $2,000Again, heHe told his lady they were only $850.


      Men will inflate how many points he scored last Saturday while playing basketball. He’ll embellish about how much he won at the casino. He’d add about 25-30 pounds to his bench press claim if you weren’t there. When it comes to his income, $11.05/hour is $13.00 to everyone he talks to. For every month he actually spent in college, he’ll tack on 3. Talking numbers with some men is like a tire sale; buy 3, get the 4th tire free.


      Time also falls victim to a man’s interpretation of improper mathematics. He’s “Almost there,” which means he just left his house. His 5-minutes turns into 20 minutes when he’s complaining about how long he was waiting. He blew his load 5 minutes ago, but he’ll fake lasting longer to keep from being a 2-minute man.


      Men lie about the weight or figure of the woman they hooked up with if no one was around to dispute his claim. He’ll convert her actual weight to “Dog Pounds.” For every 6 pounds of weight she actually has, he’ll only claim 2.5 pounds to his friends. If she weighed 250 pounds ACTUAL, he’d tell his friends she was 104 pounds, and she was smoking hot! Men will add a cup size or 2, and when he says her breasts were a handful, he might be talking about a small child’s handful, not a grown man’s handful.


      You have to be careful when dealing with the mathematics of men. You can’t take everything at face value. They don’t make calculators for the type of math a man comes up with. There aren’t any equations to find a correct answer to embellished algebra. If you didn’t see it for yourself, chances are it might not be the standard addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division you and the rest of modern society learned. Cornbread calculus only makes sense in the mind of the person performing the computations. 


~~~~~~



Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

LAUNDRY DAY

AUG 30, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

      You can’t be in any worse shape than you are now, so why not just bite the bullet and show all your cards now? You got caught, they’re giving you another chance, and they’re even allowing you to come clean about everything. So why wouldn’t you choose complete amnesty and empty your pockets when they can’t get any more hurt, pissed off, or feel worse than what you just put them through?


      Why try to hold on to shit that could very well come back and bite you in the ass later down the line? Why not be upfront in case something comes up after they’ve forgiven you, only to have all the work you put into proving yourself trustworthy again flushed down the toilet because you held on to something that happened before you got caught?


      Men are expected to admit everything he’s done wrong for the entire length of the relationship; women will only cop to what he knows about. She wants his slate completely clean, but she won’t share any more than what he’s aware of. That’s usually because men are likely to have more skeletons in his closet than she does, so he has more to confess. In addition, he’s stereotyped to repeat or have repeated his infidelity more than once, and this just happened to be the one time out of a dozen he got caught. So he’ll have a harder time convincing his lady this was his first and only time cheating than the other way around.


      Women won’t tell more than what he knows because women have always been seen more as a victim of cheating than men, so her screw-up not only betrays her man, but it also provides men ammunition to point out how much women cheat too. In addition, her infidelity has jeopardized her solidarity among women. The last thing women want is to let it out in the open that they’re just as underhanded and scandalous as men. That way, they can continue being the stereotypical victim and maintain the stigma that men cheat more than women.


      Coming clean about everything once you’re caught should be a no-brainer, so why hide shit that could later come back up like spicy food? Because they want to seem genuinely sorry for what they did, based on what the other person knows. They want to avoid admitting to a pattern that could jeopardize their forgiveness and cause more damage to their relationship. Admitting to cheating once during their 5-year marriage is a hell of a lot better than admitting to cheating 3-4 times. It’s better for their defense than to admit they were cheating the whole time. The focus is on what’s known, not what’s best in the long run. They want the quick-fix, and for them to cop to more than what’s known would be suicide.


      Here’s your chance to change your future for the better, so take it. If they’re allowing you to come clean about anything and everything, you can almost bet they know more than you think they do. That’s your first test to convincing them you’re truly remorseful, serious about putting your bullshit behind you, and moving forward like you’re claiming you want to. They know about your other men or women; they’re testing you to see if you’ve learned from your “Mistake” and are ready to account for what you did and earn their trust back. As soon as you lie and say there’s nothing else to tell, you told them they couldn’t trust you, and you’ll most likely do it again. That’s all they need to know to cut your ass off and send you packing.


      You got caught lying, and now you’re trying to get them to forgive you for lying, but you’re still lying; you’re lying by omission. Now’s not the time to be cute or get technical with your wording. They’re giving you a chance to expunge your record; why aren’t you making the deal? They’re offering you the choice of going to traffic court or losing your license. Why would you show up to a restaurant and request your main course be served on your used salad plate instead of a clean, fresh one? Why would you start your journey on the road to forgiveness on a lie by not claiming everything you did wrong the last time you took this trip? You’re on the freeway and took the same wrong exists that got you lost the last time.


      Because you don’t want to make things worse, you won’t come clean after you’ve been caught. You don’t want to add more weight to the bar because you think it may be too much weight, and they won’t even try to lift it. You’ve not only underestimated their strength; you’ve set yourself up for failure because it’s too heavy for you to lift. Now, you’ve lost your credibility and reputation as a competent training/relationship partner.


      They know you’re lying and keeping things from them because they know more than you think they do. They’ve put two and two together, and all the funny feelings and red flags they’ve had during your relationship started to make sense when they found out you were messing around. So they tested you, and you failed; miserably. You told them you hadn’t changed a bit; you’re not sorry you lied; you’re sorry you got caught in your lie. You’re not sorry you cheated; you’re sorry you got caught cheating and what it did to you. You didn’t want to come clean because you’re going to go right back out and do it again, just as soon as you get past getting caught. You haven’t changed a bit, and they know it.


      They’re going to take advantage of your own bullshit and make you pay. They’re going make you sit at home, being a goody-goody shut-in while they go out and have fun without you. They’re going to dress better, lose weight/get in shape, upgrade their wardrobe, and flirt with other people. Expect them to give some attention and interest in that person you knew had a thing for them when you were together.


      You’re going watch them meet other people, date, and even have sex with someone else while you’re trying to prove yourself. They’re going to allow you to jump through every hoop they can come up with to earn back their trust, and when you’ve suffered through all they can throw at you, then they’re going to leave you high and dry with your heart and ego crashed into a fine dust. All because you couldn’t come clean about all your bullshit when they gave you a chance. They offered you detergent with fabric softener, but you chose to wash your clothes in the same dirty water from the first load, and they sat back and let you.


~~~~~~

 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

SIMPLY THE BREAST

AUG 16, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

      What’s the fascination with breasts? Men like them big because they make a cool clapping sound when he’s hitting from behind; he enjoys watching them bounce up and down when she’s riding him. The sound of her breasts smacking against her body is just as much a turn-on as when her ass cheeks are clapping when he’s holding her by her hips and pounding her from behind. The sound of her ass contacting his pelvis encourages him to go harder and or faster; it’s a motivating indicator of how rough and vigorous your sex is. The same applies to her chest.


      Her breasts are versatile; he can play with them, suckle them, masturbate, kiss, or stare at them. Bare skin on skin contact feels incredible; that’s why he enjoys her leaning forward on top of him during sex. Keeping her breasts moving and bouncing in sync helps him maintain his stroke and rhythm; being preoccupied with keeping them moving in a particular pattern is like making them dance; it allows him to detour his focus and attention somewhere else other than trying to orgasm too quick so he can relax and last longer for her.


      Her breasts make her sexy; they enforce her femininity and show she’s definitely a woman. He thinks it’s a quick way to get her aroused; he’s infatuated with her chest and believes that’s all the foreplay he needs to invest in getting her in the mood for sex. He’ll get beside himself when she tells him it’s not enough or she needs more or other types of additional stimulation. In a man’s mind, his mouth on her nipples is the same as her giving him oral.


      Men relate how easy it’ll be to get her into bed by how much cleavage she shows when she’s out. He believes he can dictate how much effort he should have to put into her before she’s contracted or obligated to have sex. When he introduced himself, she only had the top button on her shirt undone; 90 minutes into getting to know each other and a few drinks later, 3 buttons are undone. She knows he’s checking her out. He likes larger breasts because he likes how her body looks with just the right breast showing.


      Unlike her backside, she can make them appear bigger, shapelier, and more voluptuous. How she shows them off or chooses and wears her bra dictates how her clothes fit and look in them. How she looks standing in front of him in a skirt and her bra makes her sexy in a forbidden aspect. The simple act of taking her bra off can be enticing and erotic. He gauges her weight, curves, and figure by how her breasts look. He believes how hard they are or whether or not he can see her nipples through her top is an indicator of how or if she’s attracted to and interested in him.


      He likes them because he doesn’t have them, as funny as it sounds. They’re mysterious, even though they’re prominently on display with whatever she wears. She’s completely covered up, but there they still are out into the open, plain as day and big as hell. Breasts are an easy way to experience variety through imagination and graphic stimulation. He can visualize himself with different women with different breast sizes, types, and shapes.


      Men like breasts in general because they can be more discreet when checking her out when she’s walking towards them, as opposed to breaking his neck to turn around and stare at her ass, especially if she’s with her man or he’s with his lady. Men would rather have other men staring at his woman’s chest in passing than disrespect him by turning around to check out her backside. Her breasts are a big part of how his friends will judge her worth and sex appeal.


      They’re a source of rivalry between women when it comes to presentation, and he knows it. They’re both attracted to him, and women know men are visual creatures. He likes that they’re both trying to entice him with their figure, and he’s getting off on it. He wants to see who’s interested and invested enough to go the farthest distance to seduce him visually.


      She enjoys showing off, and someone’s going to have their face in between them at the end of the night, and he’s determined to be that someone. He believes she’s showing off to get attention or show she’s on the prowl, looking to meet someone or hook up for the night. Women with large breasts make great pillows and comfort companions. She can relate to how he could feel self-conscious about being smaller than average or unable to satisfy a woman, and her breasts are huge, and they turn men away. He’s self-conscious about being too small in the pants, and she’s self-conscious about being too large-chested.


      Men will take credit for his woman’s breasts as if he had something to do with them. He feeds off the attention and popularity her breasts get him from other men. He’ll send to get the drinks, knowing the bartender won’t charge her as much, if at all.


      Because men relate breasts size to weight, shape, tone, and figure, some men prefer smaller breasts because they prefer smaller women. Even if she wears a smaller clothing size, being busty will make her appear overweight, out of shape, or bigger in his eyes. He’s not into bouncing breasts, the slapping sound annoys him, and he sees it as her being too chubby for his liking. On the other hand, he knows if they’re too big for her frame, they’ll sag as she gets older, and he wants her “Perky.”


      Her breasts are a reward; she may not be ready or comfortable enough with you to have sex, but she does want you to know she’s sexually attracted and letting handle her breasts and body was that message. They enhance arousal and foreplay. Some women can orgasm from the manual and oral stimulation. Her breasts are to do with his hands, so he doesn’t feel awkward or say something silly.


      A man’s attraction to breasts comes from every corner of the sexual galaxy, and to try to pinpoint why we enjoy them would take as long as trying to figure out why men prefer butts to breasts. Women have issues with their breasts; some wish they were bigger; some wish smaller. Some men prefer smaller while others view breast meat like money; you can never have too much. Whatever you enjoy, make sure both you and your partner are on the same page regarding how much attention and contact you prefer vs. what she’s comfortable with. Once you’ve done that, please sit back and enjoy yourself; the breast is yet to come. 


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

STOP THE MUSIC

AUG 08, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

      You told him to stop, and he stopped; then you asked him why he stopped. Whatever he was doing differently or whatever position he had you in felt so damn good; you could barely form comprehensive thoughts, much fewer sentences. He had you on all fours, barking like a dog, or you were on top, and he was taming you like a wild bronco. He stopped because you told him to stop. He had you folded up like half a pretzel and dipping his meat inside you like barbecue wings in ranch dressing, but it was too much for you at the time, and the first thing that came to your mind was to scream for him to stop.


      Then you asked him why he stopped, and he looked at you like you were crazy. Then you turned around and asked him NOT to stop, and he kept going. Later on, you asked him why he stopped, and he told you why, but you don’t even remember asking him to stop. You didn’t know what else to say because you’re not usually so verbal or vocal. You wanted to praise him and tell him the sex was incredible. Asking him to stop was a compliment and giving him fuel to brag about breaking you down into submission or “Tapping out.”


      He was doing damage as you’ve never had sex before, and you have no idea which way is up; you’re panting and sweating like you’re at the tail end of your first cardio-kickboxing class. You needed to catch your breath, or your head needed to catch up with the number of orgasms you had up to that point. You’ve never had multiple back-to-back orgasms or one that made you cry. You’d never experienced aftershocks while you were still having sex. He had the biggest package you’d ever seen and could work it blue-collar style. You were pushing him off because he was bigger or deeper than any other man has ever been, and even though you really didn’t want him to, you told him to stop.


      When you told him to stop, you were wriggling and squirming, and you gave the impression you were trying to get away from him. You didn’t know what was happening during your orgasm. Your head got twisted up, and your ears were ringing. You were light-headed because you were holding your breath, bracing yourself for the next wave of orgasms. You really didn’t want him to stop; you needed him to stop; your orgasms were too close together, or you’ve never had so many at one time. Finally, you came, and it felt like you just dumped every ounce of fluid from your body on top of him and soaked the hell out of the sheets. You were over-stimulated or dehydrated. You didn’t mean or want him to stop for good; you needed him to slow down or take a pause while you recovered. You really didn’t mean stop; you meant “Time out.”


      You didn’t know what else to say because you’re usually nowhere near as vocal or verbal. So finally, you said stop, but you meant don’t stop. You’ve gone so long without good sex in your relationships or marriage that when you got divorced and moved on, you came across someone who was more in sync with you sexually, and they fed off your enthusiasm and body language. They paid attention to what you liked more, and they gave a damn about your satisfaction where your past partners were always so selfish. It felt good to be turned into a slobbering, shaking, orgasmic sex puppet, and you can’t comprehend the concept of gravity right now.


      You couldn’t find anything else to say but stop; you really wanted to compliment him on how he was putting it down, but you twisted his head sideways when you told him to stop, then asked him why he stopped. He stopped because you told him to stop, and why wouldn’t he? You just needed a break, but when you told him to stop, that meant stop! What if you’d truly meant and wanted him to stop, but he didn’t? What if he kept going against your wishes and used the excuse he didn’t think you meant for him actually to stop because you were hurting or for another reason? Then he’d be in some serious shit. Blaming or criticizing why he stopped is wrong on your part. He stopped because he respected you and wanted to ensure you were still okay with what you were doing.


      There’s no grey area, no room for interpretation or mind-reading. “You know what I meant” doesn’t apply or exist in this situation. You may have meant something else, but it’s what came out of your mouth that counts. You’re frustrated because he’s frustrated you stopped him right before he blew his load inside of you. You weren’t the only one having some of the best sex you’ve ever had, and you threw a wrench in his good time, his stroke, and rhythm. He’s wondering what he did wrong and could get upset when he finds out he didn’t do anything wrong, but your reaction freaked him the hell out. Don’t giggle or laugh; it’s not funny; you made him nervous as hell.


      He’s not mad or blaming you for telling him to stop; he’s confused about why you’re upset when he did. Your mental overload made you say stop; instead of “Hold on a second; let me catch my breath.” There’s no reason for you to be upset because he stopped right before you had the earth-shattering orgasm you’ve been building up to. There’s no reason for you to be upset because he got upset. Your reaction gave him the impression he was doing something wrong or painful. All you had to do was start back up again or tell him to keep going.


      You know why he stopped; you freaked him out. It wasn’t funny the way you stopped him. You not only asked him to stop; you TOLD him to stop and were pushing him off. You owe him an apology, if nothing else. You could owe him an explanation if that’s not something you usually say if you are the vocal type. You’re not going to be able to play innocent or claim a slip of the tongue when you’re normally able to communicate your pleasure or discomfort. When you ask him why he stopped, be ready to answer why you said STOP!


~~~~~~



Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

HARD LABOR

JUL 18, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

      We all have pain; it lets us know we can still feel. Where and when we feel and how we can deal and heal; it may not be easy, but we have a choice. We can choose our hardships. Some pain lasts longer, and some pain will always be there. Pain lets us know we’re somewhere we shouldn’t be or need to be. Pain gives up something to look forward to the day the pain stops. Hard is difficult. Choose your hard; love can be hard and rewarding. Love can also be hard and damaging. Living with false love is hard. Losing love is painful. Missing out on love or a better love is hard.


      Are we hurting, or are we in pain? When you’re hurting, you can heal and move on eventually. However, the pain will always be there, and it’s something you’re going to have to deal with and learn to keep it harnessed without allowing it to consume you or hinder your future. So, will you continue to live in pain or choose the path that hurts for a while but you’ll heal?


      Moving on from a bad relationship may be hard, but staying in one where you’re going through physical, emotional, or financial abuse is painful. Losing weight is hard work but living with the physical and emotional effects of being overweight is painful. When there are so many things you want for yourself and your family, saving money and being financially responsible can be hard, but struggling from one month to the next is painful. Getting knocked down hurts; staying down is painful when everyone’s stepping on you to get where they’re going. Being bullied is painful; standing up for yourself will be hard.


      Doing the right thing versus doing nothing. Facing failure after trying your best is hard to accept. But, on the other hand, dreaming and missing out, only to see someone else succeed where you didn’t, will hurt like hell. Change is hard; staying in a bad situation is hard; choose which hard is harder. Drug and alcohol addiction’s hard; getting clean will be one of the most painful things you’ll ever do. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated and positive; dealing with negativity is hard as well.


      Admitting you were wrong versus holding onto your pride and losing something important to you. It was hard, to be honest, but keeping up with your lies was equally hard and potentially more painful the longer you kept lying.


      Having kids is hard as it is but having them when you’re not ready or taking care of them properly is even harder. Seeing a friend being hurt by someone when they’re unaware hurts, but you know the pain they’re going to go through if you tell them the truth. You’ll hurt them if they found out you knew about it, and you’ll hurt when you lose them as a friend. It hurts to see someone you know in pain, knowing you caused it by doing the right thing. Being a good friend hurts both of you. Being alone hurts just as much as risking rejection or heartbreak.


      Asking for help can be just as hard as allowing someone to help you. It’s hard to admit you don’t know and stepping aside to let someone else take over, but at least it’ll be done right. Putting your pride in your pocket will always be hard.


      Can’t, don’t, or won’t is hard; doing it anyway is even harder. Choosing which hard is harder, but not choosing or doing nothing will cause you more pain down the road. So choose hard now, choose hard later, choose to live with pain or the pain of losing what’s causing your pain. Whatever har you choose, make sure it’s worth it.


      Hurting by choice is something you do to yourself; it’s a product of your actions or the absence of action at all. Pain is what you get from someone or somewhere else. Physically or emotionally, being hurt and living with pain is hard; how you deal with it will be hard. Likewise, healing from hurt and pain will be hard. Decide which hard you can live the rest of your life with. Doing what’s right is hard; staying right where you are will be harder for you in the long run. You can choose to recover from your pain, or you can choose to live with being hurt. You can continue to be in pain, or you can begin your hard.


      Hard is what you allow for yourself; don’t accept what’s already hard in your life because you know it’s hard to change. Pain is what others cause you. Hardship is what happens whether you stay or go, so choose your hardship. Be careful when you give advice, or you’re telling someone to choose a specific hurt. A path of pain versus hurt versus hard; if you’re not going to be there the whole journey, it’s best to keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself, even if you’re asked. Fear, doubt, obligation, or pressure choose our hard, hurt, pain, stress, envy, anger, and jealousy. Our hatred for ourselves chooses how long we hurt. We can’t control how hard things will be when we finally decide, but at least when we choose the right hard, sooner or later, the pain will heal.


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

MARRIED ALIVE

JUN 27, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

      You’re married, and you’re cheating; with someone else who’s married. You know they’re married, and that’s the point. That’s what you were looking for. For men, it’s the thrill and excitement of the chase. You convinced somebody to step out on their relationship and risk everything, their marriage, family, reputation, and integrity. Why? Because you wanted some ass. Married men chase married women because married women are safer for their relationship. There are no expectations, and the risk of being caught is lowered because he doesn’t have to convince her he’s a great guy or looking for a relationship. It’s about sex, even if they like each other and want more; their respective marriages prevent that from becoming an issue. He doesn’t have to worry about being caught with phone calls, texts, photos. She doesn’t have to worry about him being jealous or possessive.


      You intentionally go after people who belong to someone else because you think a younger man or woman will keep you young. You only have to lie and deceive one person, and they already know and trust you. Your husband or wife is too old to keep up, and you need someone who understands you’re still young at heart, just because now you drive a sports car. You lost weight, and they still look the same. You feel like you’ve evolved, and they don’t do it for you anymore; you need a change of pace that doesn’t include your spouse.


       You see cheating as adding thrill and excitement to your otherwise boring life, and you’re passing that thrill on to someone else. That’s why so many men lie about being police officers, firefighters, military, and so on. The danger and mystery of certain professions give the person being lied to a little “Edge of their seat” adrenaline boost. The same as women who cheat on their suburban husbands with the “Bad body” or a man who cheats on his “Soccer mom” wife with a stripper or party girl. They get to live out a fantasy; it’s a change of venue from what they’re used to, and they love it.


      When cheating with someone married when you’re married puts you both in a position where you still lie to each other, even though it’s unnecessary. You both know the other’s married, yet you’re still trying to “Date” in a modified fashion. You’re telling each other things that are pointless and ridiculous, especially when you know neither of you is going to end your marriage to be together. You’re trying to convince one another you’re a great person, worthy of trust, and interest in getting to know each other, and you both are soaking it up.


      Why are you wasting your breath? You both know your affair’s more about sex than anything; developing feelings for each other is the first sign you need to end that shit because that’s when the mistakes happen and how you get caught. You’re both after sensuality and intimacy; you’re boosting each other’s self-esteem or scratching an itch for good, better, or fantasy sex. You want the attention you’re not getting at home.


     There’s no reason to fake an orgasm. There’s no need to tell each other you’re better at sex than their spouse. You don’t have to lie about how good the sex is. There’s at least one person who’s worse than you are, the person they’re married to. It might not be even the spouse that sucks, and it could be you; there are only two options. Why would you say you’re thinking of them when you’re having sex with your spouse? Really? Is reminding each other that you’re fucking them AND someone else supposed to get you more turned on or in the mood to have sex? The same goes for oral; why would a woman tell a man his cum tastes better than her husband? Why would a man tell another woman it feels better to shoot his load inside of her, or she gets 3 times as wet as his wife does? He doesn’t realize she’s swallowing another man when he’s kissing her, and she’s going down on him when he’s going in raw with another woman!


     Compliments are always good and should be graciously accepted, but you don’t have to give them if you don’t mean them. Again, you’re not trying to court or date, and there’s no reason to fake or pretend. The point is to get what you need and be on your way or enjoy the time as it is in the moment, not set yourself up for anything serious later. If the sex is good, say it’s good; if it’s mediocre, don’t say anything. If you’re a 2-minute man, be proud of it; it’s not like she can go around the office and tell anyone without admitting she’s fucking around on her husband.


      Stop feeding each other bullshit. Stop trying to boost each other’s confidence or make you out to be soulmates meant to be together. You’re not Romeo and Juliette; you’re not star-crossed lovers, trapped in marriages your parents arrange for a heard of goats, horses, and land you chose to get married to someone else, now you’re cheating by your own choice because you think you deserve more than what you’re getting at home.


      Stop telling each other you’re better for them than their spouse. You have more in common. You wish the two of you could’ve met sooner. They wish they could pick up and leave to be with you. Their friends and family would like you better. Why the hell are you sweet-talking each other? You’re married friends with benefits! No one has ever given them the sex and orgasms you give them. They wish they could tell people about you, take you out, and show you off to everybody. You wish you could have them over or spend the night together. What’s the point of all that? It’s not going to happen, and you both know it. Again, neither of you will end your marriage, and you both know it; stop that romantic shit! Don’t be a cold asshole, but all that “I wish shit” is you both trying to convince yourselves what you’re doing isn’t as bad as it really is.


      You’re messing around with someone who’s married because your spouse won’t do things you want them to do; did you ask for it or demand it? Why’s it easier to bring it up to someone who belongs to somebody else instead of the person you’re married to? Why can’t you do for your spouse what you’ll do for someone else? I can’t tell what’s worse; being married while cheating with someone married and trying to act like you’re a couple, or being married, cheating with someone married and expecting them to leave their marriage for you.


      You’re both married, but because they’ve been married longer, you think they have all the answers and will be better for you than your own spouse. Neither of you realizes you’re both cheating while you’re married, and neither of you has the answer!


      Younger married men have more stamina, and they’re not interested in trying to get you away from your husband. He’s in his mid-late 20’s, and she’s in her mid-40’s; she knows what he’s after; there’s no reason to bullshit otherwise. Older married men are the opposite; he doesn’t realize that 20-something he’s been messing around with is interested in what he has, can, and will do for her and believes she truly loves him; she’s just stuck in a situation she can’t get out of at the moment. He’s convinced the married woman he’s been cheating with to leave her marriage, and now she’s in limbo, waiting for him to leave his marriage. It’s been 3 years; he’s not leaving.


      You tricked each other into believing your marriages are for convenience or the sake of your children. “Just wait until the kids get a little older.” Or “I just need to work some things out first.” Your spouse cheated, so the only way to forgive them was to show them how it felt, and the best way for you to do that was to cheat with the married man or woman your spouse thought you were cheating with in the first place.


      You’re both in marriages you want out of, but you don’t want to leave or end it. You complain to each other about your spouses, and it makes you want each other more. That’s not because talking about having bad sex with your spouse is an aphrodisiac; your sexual, financial, or emotional problems aren’t why you can’t stop having sex with each other. When you’re married, having sex with someone else who’s married while comparing and complaining about your spouse, it’s not about that person you’re cheating with; you’re fucking that other married man or woman because you’re pissed off at your own spouse. You’re cheating out of hate and/or anger at your own wife or husband.


~~~~~~



Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

WEIGHT IN LINE

MAY 30, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

      It’s not society’s job to make us feel beautiful or sexy. We give others the power of responsibility in making us feel like shit when we don’t fit what they think is beautiful. How attractive we see ourselves is an internal issue that we alone control. How we feel about the way we look isn’t up to anyone else but us. No one can make us feel any way about ourselves without our permission. Good or bad, there’s nowhere else to look besides inside ourselves for acceptance.


      We’re responsible for how we see ourselves and value our own self-worth. When we don’t like what we see or how we feel about how we look, we’ll blame how everyone else has made it hard to be ourselves when there’s so much pressure to fit in. When it comes to physical beauty, it’s our own choice to chase and meet the expectations of others. If we fail or don’t get the results we want fast enough, we give up and sink into a deeper depression. That’s right around the time we compromise to salvage acceptance from others.


      Society’s ideas of what’s attractive and pretty have always been fucked up. We’re sheep, thought to believe we have to be built or look a certain way to be beautiful or desirable. If you wanted to be a model, you have to be so rail-thin, your torso looks like a fucking harp, and your ribcage was the strings. You have no tits or ass, and your face looked like you’ve been sucking on a vacuum-like dick while it’s on. Women starve and kill themselves, trying to be what other people think is beautiful, and men don’t make it any easier. Between the media, society, and even our friends, we all have that one person who doesn’t look like the rest of them. They’re the “Chubby friend with the great personality,” Or they’re not as pretty as men think they are, compared to the rest of the company she keeps.


      She’s the only one who had to pay to get into the club, or the only reason she didn’t have to was that it was her birthday. Her friends flirted with the doorman, and they endorsed her to get her in with the group. She’s the designated driver, the one who secures and guards the table and purses while the other prettier and thinner women dance on top of the bar and get drinks paid for them all night long. She’s the woman who doesn’t get asked to dance until less than an hour before the last call. The selection of available women has been reduced to an insulting low point, and she was the best last resort for some guy to try to take home and fuck.


      He’s always the wingman, the detour and distraction when his friends are all hooking up with the hot girls in the group, and there’s that one leftover at the table who wants to leave because nobody’s hitting on her. Her friends want to leave and go somewhere; all of them will get attention, but the guys don’t want them to leave just yet. That’s where the distraction guy comes in. His job is to keep the less desirable woman interested for the sake of the rest of the group. He’s not as good-looking, buff, or socially graceful, his personality’s a little off, and no one wants him, so why not use him to their advantage and keep their female version of himself occupied? It won’t occur to anyone that there could be a good-looking man or woman interested in the “Babysitter” or wingman, so they’re invited to serve a different purpose that’s beneficial to the group.


      If you’re happy with your height, weight, and how you look, then who gives a damn how society sees you? Why are you defining yourself by what people who don’t even know you think of you? Why are you starving yourself? Killing yourself in the gym, wearing trash bags under your clothes, stuffing into body-shaping torture devices? Why are you trying to meet someone else’s view of how you should look and feel about yourself? Why are you spending money on the trash you don’t need every month? You’re not going to find magic in a bottle at the supplement store and risking your cardio and respiratory health by trying to lose every pound in one workout! Why are you wedging into clothes that are obviously too small and tight for you? You’re afraid to admit you need to go up a size and put that “X” in front of the large you just pulled off the rack?


      Why let someone else tell you you’re overweight or unattractive? Why are you allowing other people to tell you you’re not good enough to attract someone attractive? What makes them better than you? Because they’re smaller or better looking? Because they have lighter or darker skin? Because they think the person you like is out of your league? Who sets the bar for the league? Other people, who look different from you?


      People put themselves through hell to keep up with how society has brainwashed them into believing they’re hotter than you. Why aren’t you good enough for anyone else? Because you’re not good enough for yourself and others can see it in everything about you. You can’t go a day without feeling there’s something about you that makes people not want you; that something is YOU!


      You talk bad about yourself all the time, and nobody wants to hear that shit day in and day out. You’ll run people off who actually like you because you don’t like yourself, and you accuse them of seeing you as an easy lay, or you think they’re talking to you and showing you the attention and interest out of pity. It’s natural for people to crave affirmation of their physical beauty, but there’s a line between needing affirmation and being obsessive.


      You think you’re too unattractive for someone to want because you’ve allowed others to convince you you’re not worth wanting. It would be best if you settled for whatever you can get. You make yourself a target by fucking anyone who shows you the least bit of interest because they told you how much they like you or just by being seen in public with you. You make yourself an easy fuck because you’ll give it up to anybody who approaches you at 1:30 am, and the bar closes at 2. They’ve been there the whole night and didn’t look your way even once; they didn’t just notice you, and they didn’t just walk through the door. They waited until there was no other option. You’re just happy as hell to be getting attention, and you hope by fucking on the first night, they’ll want to be with you.


      He thinks he can buy, gift, or good deed his way into a woman’s heart. He doesn’t think he has the personality or the looks to attract the number or caliber of women his friends do. His friends always leave him with the chubby girl with glasses and grown-up braces because he’s chubby, one with grown-up braces and glasses. He’ll let his friends limit his options because they refuse to give his looks or personality credit just because he doesn’t look the way they do.


      Do we ever stop to think the reason people judge us by the way we look is that they’re jealous of something we have that they don’t? Even though we may not look the way they think we should, has it crossed your mind that other people aren’t as secure in themselves as they want you to think they are? They’ll result in a grown-up form of bullying to compensate for their own shortcomings. The amount of “game” a man pretends to have is actually an indicator of how unsure of himself he truly is. Like a bully, he wants to dig after someone else and talk shit about them before their insecurities and faults come out, and others make them feel like shit.


      Be proud of what you look like or do something about it but because YOU want to do something about it. Don’t hurt yourself physically or emotionally trying to make someone else happy or accept you. If they truly like you, they’ll like you for being you. If you choose to change, change for yourself. People who are on your side and want the best for you will support your desire to change, not demand your change or criticize you for not being what they want you to be. 


~~~~~~


     Your relationship needs to change, but you’ve let it go on for so long, it’s not going to happen. You’re complaining to other people about what’s going on in your personal life, and you want it to improve, but you’re asking for way too much because you haven’t said anything before, and you’ve allowed yourself to be ignored for so long. There’s no reason for anyone to change their way or how they treat you or disrespect the relationship.


    You want things to change, but they’re not going to; you want them to change, but they won’t. The only way for things to get better in your life and relationship is to change who you’re in a relationship with. You have to end it; walk away, and start over with someone new; someone you can start with a clean slate and communicate your needs, expectations, and dealbreakers. You’re not going to be able to do that with who you’re with now because you’ve been silent or accepting for far too long, and they’re used to how things are. You can’t expect them to change after years of being a certain way, and you tolerate it.


     If you want to be treated better, you’re going to find someone who wants to treat you better; the person you’re with now won’t step up and change their ways; you’re living in a world of make-believe. You may love them, and they’re the mother or father of your children, you’ve been together since high school, whatever. Their behavior isn’t going to change, and if they were treating you like shit back then, and they’re treating you like shit now, they’re going to continue treating you like shit because you’ve let them treat you like shit.


     The change has to come from you! You have to step up and change your situation. They’re not to bend when you threaten to leave if things don’t get better; they’re going to dare you to walk out the door. You’ve threatened to leave before, and they called your bluff. You left for a while, but you turned right around, and they made you beg to come back.


     They’re going to say you’ll never find anyone else like them. They’re going to make you feel like they’re the ones who have to put up with you and how messed up you are. They know you need someone in your life; you can’t be alone. You’re not happy by yourself because you’re not happy with yourself, and they know it; they’ll play and depend on it. They encourage the poor image you have of yourself; that’s why they won’t change. They know if you push too hard for improvement, all they have to do is disappear for a few days or treat you worse than they normally do, so when they go back to their regular ways, it seems like they’ve improved how they treat you.


     They don’t have to change because you won’t change; you won’t change because you’re scared to ask for more; you might lose your relationship. You won’t ask for more because you’ve accepted the scraps from their plate for so long; they’re used to eating the full meal and leaving what’s leftover for you. You’re not going to get your equal or fair share from them, and you’re going to have to find balance with someone else.


     This is your life; as long as you stay where you are, your sex is how it’s going to be until you die, cheat, or leave. You’ve dealt with the same mediocre to abysmal sex for so long, and they have reason to do anything different. You’ve allowed them to be selfish and controlling the entire relationship. You’re not going to increase or decrease the frequency of sex; you’ll get it when you get it and on their terms. They’re going to keep watching porn and making you do whatever turns them on, including sharing you with their friends or cutting you off when you piss them off.


     Don’t ask for romance and affection. When you go out, he’s used to ignoring you while checking out other women; she’s used to you not saying anything when a man buys her a drink or asks her to dance because you don’t like to. Don’t get pissed off now because you don’t like seeing another man’s crotch grinding on your lady; they’ve done it countless times in front of you before without so much as a peep. He’s used to leaving you by yourself to flirt with other women. Why should they change now? You’ve given them a hall pass for this long, and they’re not going to let you put them on lockdown now.


     The drugs, drinking, and all-night partying, with or without you. You’ve kept your mouth shut up to this point, so keep your mouth shut that much longer or leave; those are your only 2 choices. You’ve gone to pick them up after a weekend-long drug or drinking binge, and that what they expect you to do. You pull up and see them exchanging phone numbers, or they’re not where they’re supposed to be, but out in the parking lot in someone’s back seat; they tell you they were talking and getting high, and you believe them. You don’t even go out together, and you’re always stuck at home because someone has to watch the kids and that someone is always YOU!


     You want them to stop treating you like shit and talking crazy? After all this time? Seriously? They’re wondering what the hell is wrong with you; they think you must be out of your mind. They don’t see anything wrong with how they talk to you because that’s how they’ve talked to you the whole 3 years you’ve been together. They’ll blame your family, co-workers, or new friends for putting bullshit in your head when you start speaking up for yourself and telling them they need to change.


     Chores? You always did the cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the house and the kids; why should they lift a finger to help now? You did just fine before you got that job. They’ll say you need to quit and go back to taking care of the house; even though the extra income keeps the family head well above water, the idea of them stepping up and helping out now makes no sense.


    You haven’t required your kids to do anything to earn what you give them in addition to the necessities.                        They behave like assholes at home, but now they’re doing it in public, and you want them to calm down and act right? You pay their car insurance, cell phone, music, and game subscriptions and allow them to run around the house like jackals. You knew they were bullies, and you treated it like a phase they would grow out of. You’re afraid of your children; they’re raising their hand to you when they “Lose their temper”.


     You spoil them rotten, and now you want to teach them the value of hard work? You want them to start doing chores, and they basically told you to go to hell. You can’t get rid of or walk away from your children, but you can cut all their paid privileges off! When they raise on you or threaten you, call the police. They can start doing chores and earning an allowance. If they think they’re so grown, they can come and go as they please, drink, smoke pot, and have sex, and throw things at you, and then they’re old enough to get the hell out and support themselves.


     This is your life, for as long as you choose to stay where you are. Things aren’t going to get better for you until you leave. There’s no fixing your situation. They were shitty with money when you met, they’ve been shitty with money the length of your relationship, but now you have a house, and you need them to step up and be more responsible? That’s not going to happen; the house is in YOUR name; it’s ultimately up to YOU to make sure the bills are paid because their credit score has less value than the number on the jersey of their favorite basketball player.


     They won’t try to change to keep you, not even temporarily. They’re still going to knock you upside the head when they think you’re talking back or getting out of pocket. They know you’re not going anywhere because you bring the money home and hand it over even though you’re the only one who works. On the other hand, you have no money of your own, no job, no car, and they’ve made you alienate your entire support system, so you have no one to go to for help. You’re a prisoner of your own acceptance.


     It’s been years, and now you want things to change. The only change you control is who you’re in a relationship with. Change won’t happen here; it’s not going to happen with the person you’re with; you’ve let things go on far too long, and there’s nothing you can about it except nothing, like it, or leave. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

CHANGE MACHINE

MAY 23, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

BREAKING NEWS

APR 28, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

     You broke up, and you’re trying to have a half & half relationship; you’re still doing everything you were doing when you were together; you just dissolved the label of being in a monogamous relationship. You both acknowledge the breakup and telling people you’re single, but you’re not. You don’t act like it at all.

You didn’t mean it the way you said it when you said it. As soon as it left your mouth, it turned into the thickest milkshake you’ve ever had, but the cherry got stuck in the straw, so you couldn’t suck it back in before they said “Whatever” and walked away. Pride kept you from taking it back because you didn’t want to look weak or indecisive; you wanted to avoid being one of those “Psychos” men and women talk about to other people when they’re talking about their ex.


     You may have broken up, but you’re still together; you’re only fooling yourselves. All you did was tell each other you’re no longer “Official.” You took your exclusive commitment to each other and made it an open relationship. You both acknowledged the breakup, but you don’t act like it. You enlisted yourself into the side piece military and awarded each other the rank of Captain. Your “Contract” with one another may have been terminated, but your practical interaction hasn’t changed other than being open to sampling offers from other people.


     Apparently, there’s a difference between breaking up and not being together anymore; clarification and affirmation are needed to define which category your relationship just fell into. One means you’re pissed off, and they don’t want to look at you right now; they’re mad and need to be away from you for a while, but they’ll be back when they calm down. The other means it’s done; they’re over you and the relationship, and they want you gone for good.


     You can’t trust phrases like “It’s over,” “We’re done,” “I can’t do this anymore,” and “I’m leaving.” Back in the day, when a woman told you she was done with you, and it’s over, that’s what she meant; you weren’t together anymore. You both were single and free to move forward; there was no need to follow up on it. Times have changed.


     You didn’t say it unless you meant it. In this day and time, there’s a grey area hidden within this statement. When a man says he’s done, he wants you to do whatever he wanted you to do or not do to stop him from actually leaving. When a woman breaks up with her man, she’s telling him if he doesn’t get his act together, this is what’s going to happen.


     When you’re breaking up or being dumped now, you have to ask if it means you’re no longer together and if you’re free to see and meet other people. Just because you broke up doesn’t necessarily mean you’re single or back on the market.; it doesn’t mean they won’t see you as a cheater if you meet someone else during the breakup. You may have broken up, but you should’ve known it was temporary.

You’re automatically supposed to know which category you fall into. As soon as you ask, you’re putting your cards and your intentions out on the table. You’ll either sound excited and anxious to be single again, which will piss your partner off, or you’ll be pissed off because they’re throwing your relationship away over what you think is trivial.


     Neither of you really wants to break up, and you’re using it as a behavior modification tactic that just blew up in your face. They’re telling you there’s something that needs fixing, and they want you to hurry up and fix it so you can get back together.


     You didn’t want to break up in the first place, but you were pissed, and that’s the first thing that came out of your mouth. You got sick of asking for the same things over and over again. You said it was over, but that’s not what you meant. You used it as a threat and warning to get their attention, to make them notice and take you seriously. Like a suicide attempt, you swallowed a bottle of pills and ran a razor blade across the wrists of your relationship, trying to get them to change, but you locked the door from the inside and cut way too deep; they couldn’t get to you in time to save the relationship.


     Breaking up was your cry for help in the relationship, not an end to it; that’s why you’re still dating and having sex; you’re hoping to dissolve what you said into a glass of water and hope they drink it all before they realize you used breaking up like Rohypnol to get them to do what you wanted or stop them from doing what pissed you off in the first place.


     You’re the only people who are convinced you’re not together anymore in your half and a half relationship. Nothing’s changed physically since you “Broke up.” You’re arguing and fighting less because you’re both pretending you can walk away, so there’s no point. Your sex is ten times better now because she’s more open, expressive, and adventurous without feeling like she has an image to maintain. He sees this situation as a thrill because he’s having “Unattached” sex instead of a relationship, and he gets to do it with someone he already knows. He can go out and meet other women now and keep her as a pseudo “Sidepiece.”


     You told your friends you broke up, but they don’t believe you because you don’t act like it. You tell other people you’re single, and it doesn’t bother either of you because you subconsciously know you’re still together. You’re trying to win the best supporting actor in a breakup role. You have coffee, dog park, dancing, and dinner dates with other people, but you don’t want anything past that; you’re not ready. No matter how many people you tell you’re single, you’re the only people who actually believe it!


     Everyone who knows you knows when you broke up, it was because you were pissed off, and instead of saying you were pissed off, you got impulsive and ended the relationship. As soon as you said it, you wanted to take it back, but then they said “Fine” and threw a 6” titanium wall a mile wide between you and blocked you from going after them.


     You claim not to be together anymore, and you’re both seeing other people, but you made an agreement not to have sex with anyone else but each other, and you’ve honored that agreement without question.


     Your breakup allowed you to equalize your time between each other, friends, family, and your alone time. Your breakup ended the expectation and obligation of spending every waking minute together, talking to each other, and doing things for one another. You’re still spending the night together, calling and texting, just not as frequently. You don’t have to account for your whereabouts, and if you don’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere, you don’t have to. You’re broken up, but does that mean you’re not together anymore also?


     Half broken up half together doesn’t work; it doesn’t even really exist. You’re letting each other have their cake and eat it too, because you’re too stubborn to admit you shouldn’t have broken up in the first place.


     Instead of breaking up, you could’ve said you needed to take a walk, drive, run, or go into the other room and not be disturbed for a while. You could’ve asked them to do the same. When you calmed down, you could’ve come back and talked about it or hoped you both realized how silly your argument was, and it dissipated on its own.


     You said it because you meant it for about 3 seconds, hoping it would change your situation, but you put yourself in a casket. You used the breakup too many times, and your partner’s sick of it and told you to stay gone. The half and half will eventually come to an end without the results you were hoping for. One of you may enjoy the situation as is and want to continue while the other wants to get back together or end things permanently.


     Men send their lady to work with a guy who’s been into her from day one, and nothing’s keeping her from going out with him now; Women break up with their man and give him a taste of what single life at the club is all about.


     We’re impulsive by nature, and sometimes we will say and do things we wish we could take back, but ego and pride will have us continue the route we’re going, hoping things will work out in our favor. Half will and half won’t. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

CLOCK TOWER

MAR 28, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

     You’re ready to have a baby. You want to get married. You want a family, and your biological clock is going haywire! You’re in love, and he loves you. You sincerely believe you have the perfect man. He’s a great man; he’s never given you any reason to doubt him, question his whereabouts, or think he’s doing anything but what he tells you and what he’s supposed to be doing.


     He’s not out in the streets, chasing women. He’s not drinking every night, smoking pot, beating up on you, hanging out at the strip club, or playing any of those stupid-ass games men play. He works hard, and he comes home. He’s a great example and will be a damn good husband and role model for your kids.

But you’re living with his parents or with yours. You want to get married, but you’re living in a basement. You want to have a baby, but you’re in a bedroom in your brothers, sisters, or soon-to-be in-law’s house. Everything you own fits into that tiny bedroom. You work, and he works two jobs. It’s just the two of you; now you want to bring a baby into the scenario?


     Your biological clock is ticking, and you’re letting it take over your common sense. You got pregnant, and you don’t have your own place. You want to get pregnant, and you don’t even have a car to get back and forth to your medical appointments if you did get pregnant. You can’t afford the prenatal care you need or take time off when you give birth. You have to rely on friends, family, or your man and pray his car runs well and holds up.


     You relate his not wanting a baby right then and there as a reflection of his commitment to your relationship. That’s how you want and need him to prove he’s all in. Now he has to work harder and longer, and you’ll see less of him, and you’ll take it as his not wanting to be around or avoiding you and the baby. You’ll feel ignored, and he’ll feel unappreciated.


     That’s not the ideal situation for a man, especially a good man. He doesn’t want to have a baby in someone else’s house. He doesn’t want to get married and live in a damn basement. He respects your biological clock, but you refuse to respect his “Life clock.”


     You have your biological clock; he has his life clock. He wants to wait. He’s not ready. You want a baby, but ask yourself, does your man have to job he wants? Does he have the career he wants? Is he making money to raise a child without having to go on government assistance to take care of you AND a baby? Does he even have health insurance to make sure you’re getting the best care possible? If not, then he’s not in a place where he’s comfortable or ready to have a child or get married. He’s not dismissing you; he wants the best for you, the baby, and your life together. He wants to be secure before taking such a giant leap. It’s not that he doesn’t want what you want; he doesn’t want to struggle to give you what you want. He doesn’t want to go through what his parents went through.


     He remembers how hard it was for his mom and dad to raise him and his siblings on government programs. He remembers having to take public transportation everywhere, having to swallow their pride and ask for favors or rides to the grocery store or doctor’s appointments. He remembers being made fun of for wearing old clothes donated by other kids’ parents. He doesn’t want that for his child. He doesn’t want to have to choose between paying rent and eating. Diapers and baby formula’s expensive, and trying to get an appointment if your child gets sick at the public clinic is a nightmare. He wants to be able to give you and his child what you need, and he’s not where he wants to be to do that.


     You don’t care about the struggle; you’ll make it work because at least you’ll have a baby, and you’ll be married. That doesn’t work for him because when you’re broke and living in a shitty scenario, you won’t be the one who’s called a bad husband or irresponsible for having a child when you’re in such a shitty living situation; HE will! He’ll be the one who’ll get shit on because he can’t take care of his family. He doesn’t want the struggle. He recognizes and validates your biological clock, and it’s not that he doesn’t care about what you want. Still, he’s hoping you understand his perspective and how he feels about being financially secure, independent, and in a better place in life. He’s not ignoring you; he’s trying to get you to understand he has a clock as well.


     Your clock is easier and takes less time to satisfy than his. You’re delusional in thinking you both can concentrate on fulfilling your clock while he chases his. He can make your dream of being married parents a reality while he works on his dreams. You don’t understand or refuse to accept that both your clocks intertwine and are equally important to each of you. You feel yours is more important because you’re in the “Happy wife, happy life” mentality. You want a baby, and he should, too, if he wants to prove his commitment to you and your relationship. His clock takes too long. He can work on his clock while you’re struggling to raise a baby, and he’s trying to support a family.


     You tell him if you had a baby and were married, that’s all you’d need to happy, and then he’d be able to work on HIS clock, but he’s smart enough to know that’s not true. He knows after the baby comes, you’ll be complaining that he’s always working, or he never has time for you or the baby. He knows you won’t be happy; he’s looking farther into the future than you are.


     Your families can help; your friends can help but have they actually offered or volunteered to help. Are you assuming they’re going to help because they’re your friends and family? The truth is, most of them won’t want to babysit, loan you money, or help you out. Nobody told you to have a baby; they told you it was a bad idea when you talked about it BEFORE you got pregnant; they told you getting married wasn’t going to solve your feelings of insecurity. You made your own bed, so they think you should lie in it.


     What about the financial aspect when it comes to the health of the mother or the baby? What if there are complications during the pregnancy? What if there’s an issue with the birth or something goes wrong? What happens when you find out government assistance won’t pay for needed treatments or cover the cheapest option? What happens when you have to see your child in a shitty state-funded hospital, surrounded by staff who don’t really care about you as a patient. They hate working there, but at least they’re getting their student loans paid off! He’ll feel like hammered baby shit because he didn’t have the coverage to make sure you had the best care. You made your biological clock more important than his wanting the best for you and his baby!


     You feel like time’s slipping away, and he’s thinking about how hard it’ll be to get married and raise a child in the situation you’re in. You’d rather apply for government aid than wait; after all, that’s what it’s there for, right? He doesn’t want that for you and his family. He doesn’t want to depend on other people; not only is his pride at stake but his position as a man in the relationship.


     Don’t use having a child or getting married as an ultimatum. Your biological clock will get so strong you’ll use it as a threat to leave if it’s not satisfied on your terms. He wants the same things you want, but he wants to give them to you without struggle or hardship. He doesn’t want to be working two jobs and never see you or his children. He doesn’t want to borrow money to get you a ring or swing by the courthouse to have a judge sign a certificate. He wants to give you the wedding you deserve. He wants to do right for his children and his family.


     With so many men having kids and not taking care of them, you have a good man who wants to be in a good place to be a great husband and father, You’ll tell him you can get married now and have a ceremony when he can afford it, but that’s not what you want either. You’re talking out your ass by way of your biological clock. The only way to prove himself is with a ring and a baby.


     You think getting married will keep him faithful. You think having a baby will fix your problems and bring you closer together. You think if you wait too long, you’ll be too old by the time he’s truly ready, but he wants to provide for you and the baby on his own. You have a family timetable, and he has a timetable for his life. He’s not saying his clock is more important than yours, but you’re sure as hell making him feel like yours is more important than his. juhg


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

SWEET & SOUR

MAR 13, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

     Why do good women choose shitty men? Why would a woman with so much going for herself socially, economically, or professionally prefer men who’d choose laziness, the streets, and lack of ambition over someone who has their shit together? Before you answer, look at the type of woman you’re talking about and consider what she may have gone through to where she is now.


     On the outside, you might think she grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. You assume she was pretty and popular, dated the quarterback, captain of the basketball team, or whoever. You thought her grades were always on point and her extracurricular activities read like a professional resume before she was even out of high school. You assume that she is now she has the best life growing up, but you don’t know shit about her. Some women have had some serious shit go down in their lives no one knows, and she won’t talk about it. No one understands her struggle or where she comes from except a guy who’s still in the streets.


     Not to say men don’t go through shit either, but they also don’t normally take on any interest or responsibility in women they can’t benefit from. If being involved with her and her situation seems like too much work, he won’t put in the interest or effort. He wants a woman with her shit together to help him get his shit together.


     Women choose these types of men because they make them feel safe and secure. He’s a fighter. He’s been fighting for every inch of respect he has, and she’s part of that respect. He came to a single-parent home where he had to be the man and look out for his mom and/or his sisters. No one’s going to treat her like shit or take advantage of her anymore because he won’t let that happen. She believes he’ll protect and defend her with his life, and she’ll do the same, not completely knowing what that means. She’s been bullied, molested, or hurt, and he came to her rescue, and it felt amazing to have someone to fight for her without pause, even against her own father.


     He doesn’t care if none of her friends or family like him; they don’t have to, but they will respect him and her, and he’s not afraid to stand up for the both of them and demand it. They both came from abusive homes, and where she was able to overcome and make something of herself, he wasn’t as lucky. Her fight didn’t last as long as his because she had a support system he didn’t. They understand each other, and even though they’re older, they still have that fight in common. She feels responsible and obligated to him because he defends her and stands up for her. No one’s ever made her feel like she mattered, and she loves being the center of his world, even if he does get a little crazy jealous and possessive. To her, his love for her is unmatched.


     She has abandonment issues stemming from her relationship with her father, whether he was in her life or not. He’s a substitute for an absent father or a continuation of taking care of the household if it was just her and her father growing up. She takes pride in her housewife or homemaker role, the same as when it was just her and her father. He takes care of her, provides for her, and fills a part of her heart that’s both paternal and romantic but separate. She gets to do still the things that made her feel valued and appreciated in her home. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Plus, she gets a man who wants to satisfy her physical and sexual needs as well. He makes her feel needed in the family role she’s used to living in.


     Women turn to those types of men to fill a hole her father left in her due to emotional or sexual abuse. Her father was the catalyst to her depression. When she detached herself from her father, she chose a man who reminded her of him, and that situation turned her hypersexual. She may give the impression she’s a “Good girl,” but she’ll sleep with any man, any place, and at any time. She lets her man dominate and humiliate her sexually because that’s what she’s used to, and submission is the only way she knows how to show her love. If she has a man, he’ll think it’s about him and their sexual chemistry, but not to her; she’s having sex with her father by having sex with him or other men.


     Women like this will seek approval from any man who’ll give her the attention or affection she missed out on when she was younger. Sexual attention was how her father or other male role models showed their “Love” for her, and she continued that into her adult life. She believes she has to sexually submit to men in order to earn their love and commitment. Men will take advantage of that and exploit it to the fullest.


     He fills her need to nurture. Her instincts and drive to take care of him are so strong, it blinds her to whatever bullshit he’s doing, which can damage her beyond repair. It doesn’t occur to her that this is a grown-ass man who won’t lift a finger to help himself and will battle her when/if she tries to upgrade him. He doesn’t want to be upgraded; he’s happy laying on her couch and letting her be the breadwinner. He wants to be taken care of, not rescued.


     His “Hustle” is their hustle. Instead of going out and getting a job, he’s in the streets, hustling, selling drugs, doing package runs, stealing, whatever. She knows what he does when he leaves her place in the morning, but she doesn’t see it as a crime; she sees it as his pride keeping him from sitting on her couch doing nothing. She tells him she’ll take care of things while he goes back to school or looks for a decent job, but his hustle won’t allow that. He won’t be caught dead, eating her food and living under her roof without bringing something to the table and working fast food is beneath him. He’s working for temporary employment agencies, even standing out, searching for day labor type work. He hustles for every dollar, and he brings it home to her, even though she works and earns more than enough that he doesn’t need to. She sees his hustle as another way to prove there’s no way any other man could love and care about her the way he does.


     He’s not interested in being self-sufficient. He doesn’t want to learn to fish; he’s comfortable with her buying, cooking, and serving the fish. She’s obsessed with having someone as dependent on her as he is. He fills her need to take care of someone. She wants to save and rescue him from himself and the life he chooses to continue to live by his own choice. He’ll come up with every excuse not to look for a job, so she’ll find him one and do everything for him, short of going on the interview in his place. Even then, he’ll find a reason not to go or accept the job if offered.


     She’s been raised for “Service.” Her mother was a housewife, and her father was the breadwinner. He brought home the bacon, and she and mom cooked it any way he liked it because he took care of them and all their needs. That was his role, and her role was to keep him happy. She was raised to believe a woman’s priority was to the home. She takes pride in her ability to keep her home in order and still rock the business world.


     She has no problem with the word “Submission.” She knows her place in their relationship and allows him to be the man, even though he contributes absolutely nothing. She embraces her “Housewife” role, and she has no problem with it; she actually craves it. He values her ability and choice to maintain a feminine role, but he’s okay with her working because he doesn’t have to; he doesn’t have to strive for better. Her strength and independence at work are encouraged. He likes that she can be dominant when making that money and submissive when she gets home.


     She lets him do whatever he wants, as long as he comes home to her. She knows what he’s doing in the streets, but as long as she’s his number one, that’s all that matters. She knows he’s selling drugs, in a gang, and getting into shit every night. She’s had her place searched a few times, and she’s no stranger to police visits, inquiring about his whereabouts, and she knows the drill. Her father was the same way, and her mother let it happen. She can’t say for sure he’s messing around behind her back, but she trusts he isn’t. She doesn’t think about other women coming at him; she expects that. Her friends tell her he ain’t shit, but his need for her outweighs her common sense, and she earns more than enough to share with him.


     Women choose the worse men possible because she loves the thought of loving someone and being in love. She doesn’t think a man who has options won’t and can’t love and appreciate how a man who has next to nothing can. She sees his jealousy, possessive nature, and maniacal expressions of love as the only true love. When he gets out of pocket and angry when other men look at her or think she’s looking at other men, it excites her and makes her feel wanted, desired, and needed. She enjoys being the center of her world.


     He opened her up and showed her a type of sex she never thought existed. She grew up thinking sex was one thing, and he took to another level: then 5 more levels past that. She was raised to think sex was more about procreation than recreation, and he turned her out from the bedroom to the back seat to bending her over halfway out the trunk in a dark parking lot. Her experiences up to that point were child’s play compared to what he showed her. She’d never had an orgasm before, or she’s only been able to have one by her own doing, and he has her moaning and squirting like a water fountain every time they get together. He’s still a lazy piece of shit who has no ambition, and he’s okay with doing nothing while she takes care of him. He treats her like shit, and she knows he’s out, doing her dirty, but when he puts that dick down on her, all is forgiven.


     Women choose shitty men because she’s a good woman. She’s a good woman because both parents raised her, and she was tired of being a “Good girl.” The expectations of doing the right thing all the time became too much for her, and she wanted to try something “Wrong” for a change, and it was liberating. She spent so much time living for everyone else’s expectations and finally decided to start living for herself. Good women choose shitty men because shitty men don’t ask for much more than what they’re used to because they’re not used to having much to begin with. juh

 

~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

FAKING YOU 4 GRANTED

MAR 7, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

     Nobody wants to be shitty at sex. It's even worse when you feel inside yourself that you're not up to par. No matter what she tells you, it's not good enough. No matter how she reacts or chooses to show it, if it doesn't meet your standard, you're not convinced, and it shows in the way you act when you have sex, and she doesn't respond the way you want her to or thinks she should. It doesn't matter how she shows her satisfaction; if it doesn't fit what you think it should be, it's not sincere or good enough.


     You try to dictate how she shows how much she enjoys sex with you. Forget how she shows she likes the dick and enjoys what you're putting down; if it doesn't go along with what you want, she could give you a standing ovation and ask for a dick encore, and it wouldn't make any difference. You're focused on what you think is an acceptable display of satisfaction, and everything else is smoke up your ass.


     Every time she has an orgasm, she becomes paralyzed and gets the “Taser face”; that looks on her face like somebody just hit her with a taser gun. She can bust a nut, then slump over like she was just hit with a ray gun set to “Stun.” She can barely take the dick, and she’s so exhausted sometimes you’ll put her right to sleep. You can hit that shit from behind and have her screaming, crying, and begging for more or for you not to stop, but if she doesn’t brag to her friends about how good your dick is, none of that other stuff matters. Your ego’s at stake, and no matter what other ways she shows you she like your sex, it’s that one thing she doesn’t do that gets under your skin that makes you think she’s not into it.


     You’re focused on why she doesn’t get instantly wet when you’re ready. In your mind, if she truly enjoyed it, she’d be wet and ready at the drop of a hat. You don’t consider it takes the average woman 3-4 times longer to get physically aroused than men, even though she may be instantly turned on. When she does orgasm, she turns your bed into a jacuzzi or wading pool because she squirts so hard and so much.


     Because it took her a few minutes to get wet enough for you to get all the way inside, you’ll accuse her of not wanting you or not being in the mood. It could be outside factors, such as age, medications, etc. Even though she gives you 3-4 other indicators she likes and craves your sex, that one thing will turn you into a whiny little bitch who complains that your brother’s piece of cake is just a little bit bigger than yours, instead of just enjoying your own slice.


     You want your woman to show her satisfaction, according to your standard. If she doesn't show it the way you want her to, you'll get pissed, throw a tantrum, and not want to fuck at all. If things don’t go your way, you’re taking your bat and ball and going home so nobody can play. You throw blame and accusations at her, or you'll become obsessed about getting her to do that one thing she doesn’t that makes you feel like a man.


    She has no issues letting you know you're at the top of the list when it comes to how good you are and how good it feels every time you have sex. Her reactions will let the average man know he's handling his shit, but there's something about you who needs to have it shown your way. All or most of your ex-girlfriends could barely stand up without stumbling after you were done; that’s primarily because they were smaller or not as experienced with some of the positions you put them in. Maybe they weren’t as limber as the woman you’re with now. Maybe they didn’t stretch beforehand, and she does because she knows you bring that damage with the dick, and she wants to be ready for it. Perhaps she’s more athletic than your ex’s.


     She could be covered in sweat and panting like a thirsty puppy when you’re done. But if she doesn’t have the “Dizzy legs” when she rolls out of bed to clean up or shower, you’ll ask her what went wrong that she didn’t stumble over because that’s how she should respond, according to you. Because of that ONE thing she DIDN’T do, she didn’t enjoy it.


     She doesn’t moan the way you want her to. She grabs your head and says, you eat pussy like a king, but her toes don’t curl when you go down on her. She doesn’t call you daddy when her ass cheeks are slapping against your thighs, but she always wants it from behind and begs you not to stop. She doesn’t make choking or gagging sounds when she’s sucking your dick, but she does get watery eyes and a runny nose.


     She sweats like a slave on the run for freedom when you’re fucking, but she doesn’t get light-headed. She compliments you every chance she gets, even when you’re not in the middle of it, but because she doesn’t brag to her friends as your last girlfriend did, that’s what you focus on. Why the dick isn’t good enough to brag to her friends about will be his focus. The sad but funny thing is that he won’t tell HIS friends how good she is when it comes to sex. Most men don’t want to hear it anyway because they can’t have it. They don’t want to hear how good head or pussy is that they can’t have.


     So, she does what you want her to do, even though it’s not in her nature. You know it’s not organic behavior, and she’s only doing it to make you happy. You don’t care; you want her to show her satisfaction the way YOU want her to convince you she’s honest, genuine, and sincere. She gives you so much, but it doesn’t involve what YOU want her to do; the 5-6 things she does naturally doesn’t hold a birthday candle to what you WANT her to do, and that other shit means nothing to you until she stops doing it. THEN you’ll wonder why she stopped doing what you used to ignore for something she’s faking.


     Don’t force her to lie to you, to make you feel better, much less just because of one thing she doesn’t do when she does so much more. You’ll put your woman in a position to fake her satisfaction, to make shit up as you go, and to salvage your ego. She’ll fake an orgasm or lie to you about the experience to keep you from hounding her. If your sex drops off, she’ll avoid telling you because she knows you’ll turn bitch, and you won’t want to have sex at all unless it’s a quick fuck for you to get off. Stop worrying about what she isn't doing and be proud of what she is doing. Please stop trying to be the very best she’s ever had; it’s not going to happen, especially when it comes to middle-aged or older women. You’ll put her in a position to fake it until you make it, and she’ll fake it for the sake of it. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

MOURNING AFTER

FEB 14, 2021

BY D.K. LIONS 

     You love your kids, and your hope is they'll grow up with good morals and judgment, along with a decent sense of right and wrong. We all know that's not going to be the case all the time; otherwise, the prisons would be empty, there would be no need for rehab facilities, and death would be a product of natural causes.


     No matter how much we hope or how hard we try to raise our children, to be honest, law-abiding citizens, the truth is we know when our kids ain't shit. They're not about shit, not trying to be shit, and they don't give a shit about not being shit. Our kids are thieves, burglars, armed robbers, pedophiles, rapists, drug users, drug dealers, and even murderers. So my question is simple yet complicated; Why do women fall on the floor and act like a fucking fool when their "Baby boy" is sentenced to life without the possibility of parole AFTER he's been tried and convicted for multiple murders. They'll get 20+ years for drugs and act like they were innocent fucking saints caught in the wrong place at the wrong time when they're killed because of their lifestyle?


     People give their kids names like Christian, Angel, Jesus. Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John, with the hope they'll live up to their biblical namesake, but that shit won't happen.


     Parents sit in court, hoping and begging for mercy when their child's about to be sentenced. What about the 10-year-old girl he raped? Who speaks for the man he murdered because he was in his "Hood" wearing a hat with the wrong fucking color or baseball team on it? How about when your kid gets knocked the fuck out and kicked in the teeth while he's unconscious because he's a documented bully?


     I realize the love for our children is unconditional, but your daughter's a drug addict who broke into someone's house with her boyfriend for drug money, and the homeowner was killed during the robbery. Your son was shot on the same street corner he sneaks out to sell drugs on every Friday night. You bang your fist, cry, and sling snot across the 3" glass that separates you and your child because they drank or smoked pot, got behind the wheel of a stolen car, and ran over someone else's child while they were riding their bike home from school or a friend's house. Your son shot up the wrong house, thinking it was a rival gang member, and killed mother and father sitting on their couch and watching television.


     Your children will fight, shoot, stab and kill another person because they wear a specific color but won't defend their country. You stand at their grave when they're killed in a drive-by shooting in retaliation for a drive-by they committed 2 weeks prior. Your drug-addicted daughter overdosed on cocaine. You hold candlelight vigils, have car washes, airbrush their names and faces on Rest in Peace t-shirts. You raise your fists in the air and curse God when their life sentences come down. Your son molested 8 girls under the age of 13, and you beg the judge and the parents of those children to ask the judge to go easy on them. Who speaks for the victims? Where's the compassion for them?


     In the media, we're more focused on the criminal than the victim. Why did they do it? Let's spend $100,000 of taxpayer money on a trial, witnesses, experts, etc., to conclude your child's a fucked up outcast of society who SHOULD be locked away. Your child wasn't innocent; he was the drug-dealing murderer who met the same fate as his victims. She's not your little girl anymore, and she's a grown woman, a grown woman who drowned or smothered her baby because it wouldn't stop crying.


     Let's get down to it. Your kid killed somebody else's kid. You kid got his ass kicked because he's a fucking bully. Your grown-ass son who lives in your basement posed as a child and went online lured another person's kid to a meeting place where they took her and assaulted her. Your child got high and decided to break into someone's home and was killed by the homeowner. Your child sells drugs and has killed others he saw as competition to protect his drug business. Your daughter has HIV and knowingly has unprotected sex without telling her partners. Your son's a pedophile. Your daughter stole money and drugs from her boyfriend and got the fuck beat out of her.


     You want to fall to the ground, kicking and screaming like a warrior heading into battle at your son's funeral, but he's a fucking drug dealer. He kills people every day with the poison he sells. He's killed people who owed him money or sold drugs to. He's attacked and killed other people for being in the wrong, "Hood" He's going to prison because he can't keep his hands off little boys. Your child's a serial rapist. He doesn't understand the concept of a woman saying, "No!" He's going to fuck her, with or without her permission. Your child doesn't deserve the mercy you're begging for when they end up in front of the judge; where's the compassion for his victims? You can't beg for forgiveness for them AFTER they're dead. They died the way they lived. Do you want justice for the death of your child? The chance for their justice went right out the fucking window when they rolled it down during that last drive-by that cost him HIS life. Stop begging for mercy and leniency. Get off your knees crying and screaming as if your child was an angel who didn't do anything wrong to anyone; they weren't innocent. Justice? It's a high price, and someone has to pay for it. Your child wrote the check for his victims' justice with his own freedom and signed it with his own blood at his funeral.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

MOOD SWING

JAN 31, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     We've all been there; you've made it to the promised land. You're on your way to the bedroom for some loving, and all systems are go. Everything's progressing exactly the way you planned. She's looking fine as hell and starving to ride you like a racehorse. You've been thinking about her all damn day, and you can't wait to flip her over and hit it slow, deep, and hard. Your engine's going at 10,000 RPM and tearing that ass up until...


- She pushes you against the wall and drops to her knees. She grabs your dick by the shaft and puts the head in her mouth. As much as you're trying to enjoy her stroking and sucking your dick, you can't because her fucking teeth keeps scraping your dick. Learn how to suck dick without using your teeth. Covering your teeth with your lips doesn't work either. Also, it's not a thick vanilla milkshake, so trying to suck his balls through his urethra hurts like a bitch!!


- She's licking the head, kissing the tip, kissing around it, kissing the shaft, or half-ass licking the dick. Put it in your fucking mouth if you're going to suck it. If you're not, don't put your mouth anywhere near it, or don't get pissed if we grab you by the back of the head and try to put it in your mouth.


- If it feels good, let us know; if you like what we're doing, open your fucking mouth and tell us. Lying there like a dead fish is another way to make us feel like we're violating you, and you're just biting the bullet until it's over so you can get dressed and forget the whole thing happened. Some people think that if a man is confident, he knows he's handling his business; that may be true, but what guy DOESN'T want to hear how good he's fucking you?


- You try something new without warning him first. I promise you, if your try to stick your finger in a man's ass without warning him, don't get pissed if you don't get the reaction you were hoping for. Anything short of a boomerang chop the throat area should be considered a blessing. Unless you've had a prior discussion about it, keep your fucking fingers away from his asshole.


- Check your underwear, especially if you're wearing a thong, a light-colored thong at that. Very few things will kill a mood quicker than to see your light pink thong with a light brown streak on the inside right before you climb on top of him!


- Cleanliness is another thing to pay attention to. I understand when you get home from a date or a night on the town, you're not shower fresh, but there IS a difference between dancing sweat and you didn't shower since dropping the kids off at their dad's this morning scent.


- If you don't swallow, let me know WAY beforehand. If you have a gag reflex, let us know that too! Hearing you choke uncontrollably or throwing up cum on your man if/when he cums in your mouth WILL kill the mood.


- You pull her panties down, and she doesn't shave, trim, or groom. Her crotch looks like a landscaper's nightmare. I realize some women think shaving clean makes her feel like a little girl, but at least cut that shit down to where he's not tasting your piss when it goes down on you.


- If you're going to talk dirty to me all day at work before we see each other, while we're out for the night, on the drive home, and during foreplay, to lie there quietly when we're having sex, know that's fucking annoying.


- She gets up and takes a piss or shit RIGHT before, knowing he's about to give her oral.


- He turns her over on her back and climbs on top. He spreads her legs, and she grabs his shaft and slides it inside. Next thing you know, she's barking orders like, "Harder, faster, slower, deeper, don't cum yet, etc."


- She's making him listen to everything she hates about her body while she's riding him and complaining about the lights being on.


- You realize she has no idea what to do. She's so used to a man doing all the work, and she has absolutely no initiative whatsoever.


- You realize she's content with the same normal positions everyone seems to be doing; missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, from behind, etc. Her willingness and desire to experiment with different positions and techniques are non-existent.


- Start acting like a dysfunctional porn star.


- She has ridiculous expectations. She wants a man with a foot-long, who can go for hours & hours, for example.


- You realize she's on her period AFTER you've penetrated her.


- She does that stupid fucking, "last-minute pull away kiss" shit, making you look and feel like an asshole. It's not cute, funny, endearing, or flirtatious. It's just fucking annoying.


- You're ALWAYS making the first move; that shit gets old really quick, and it makes us not care if you get yours or not. Take the fucking reigns and initiate some shit too.


- Tickling. Playful hitting; most guys hate that shit, and they deal with it.


- You have a great sex session. You're lying in bed together, and she starts drawing those stupid fucking shapes with her finger on your bare chest.


- Acts like she's doing you a favor by allowing you to have sex with her.


- Make him sleep in the wet spot after you squirt.


- Fall asleep after he cums inside of you without cleaning it out, then wanting him inside you again the next morning. Most guys actually find thank incredibly fucking gross!


- Making him feel like shit because he can't go for multiple rounds immediately, one after the other.


- Your fucking dog jumps on the bed and wants to cuddle or see what you're doing.


- She digs her nails into his back while he's on top or into his chest & legs while she rides him.


- She grabs his dick and strokes it so hard, he feels like she's about to snap it off at the base.


- You realize she's sucking your dick like shit on purpose, hoping you won't want her to do it anymore or not as much as you'd like.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

TABS

JAN 3, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     It's in our nature to want to protect ourselves, both physically and emotionally. Self-preservation and our sense of survival are two of our most dominant primal instincts. When talking about our love life and our relationships, no one wants to be made a fool of, or one day wake up and learn what we thought was there wasn't. While it's our nature to hope, the truth is, we bring a certain amount of unavoidable bullshit with us into each new relationship. We expect our partner to do the same, and there's usually an unspoken, mutual agreement that the bullshit is there. We pretend it doesn't, but we know better. It shows itself to the point where it gets too much or obsessive to the other person, but sometimes it can't help. Nevertheless, you both know the baggage is there, and you do your very best to keep it in check.


    Trying to remain positive and remembering your new partner isn't your ex is the easy part; getting through those times where they say or do something that triggers a painful memory or shady situation from your past is easier said than done sometimes. Not returning a call. Their phone goes to voicemail after one ring. A last-minute cancellation of plans. Hearing another man or woman in the background. They stutter a bit during an explanation. They tell you they're working late when it doesn't happen very often. All of these things can remind someone of the same shit they went through before, only to find out the person they thought was their partner was being dishonest.


     Finding yourself in a situation where you begin to question your partner's fidelity is a shitty place to be in. It's cold, lonely, aggravating, depressing, and painful. It wrecks havoc on your self-esteem and causes you to question where things may have gone wrong. If it goes on long enough, it also takes a physical toll; stress, blood pressure, hypertension, mood swings, headaches, and so on. The worst part is you don't even have proof in the slightest there's even anything for you actually to be suspicious about. That's the part that fucking sucks.


     Some people believe that if they feel something's wrong, then there's something going on. That's' not always the case. There's no science in "sensing" something being fucked up in a relationship, so there are 1 of 4 options. 1. Deal with your suspicions and continue the relationship as is and hope you're wrong. 2. Sit down with your partner and discuss your concerns. When I say, "Discuss," that's what I mean. Talking about it doesn't mean sit down and start throwing out accusations; that'll do nothing but put the other person on the defensive, making them seem even more guilty in your eyes. 3. Leave the relationship as is and hope you did the right thing; because it'll fucking suck for you if/when you find out later that guy/girl you heard in the background was a relative or their roommate's partner or sibling. 4. Turn detective and start a formal fucking investigation.


     My truth about this option is pretty simple if you feel like you need to play detective, leave the relationship. If you're right, you're going to leave anyway. If you're wrong, they're probably going to end up leaving your bat-shit crazy-ass because you're a fucking loon. Save yourself the heartache, stress, and time. If something isn't right, sooner or later, it's going to come to light. There's no sense in trying to hack their cellphone, Following/stalking them, making sure they go where they say they're going. You don't need to ask your friends to make a move on your partner to see if they take the bait. Checking their social media page and contacting everyone on it to make sure they know who you are or asking who they are to your partner. Creating fake pages to catch them chatting with or trying to hook up with other people. Making profiles on dating sites to see if they're on them. That'll also backfire the fuck on you because if they're doing the same, and they see YOU on these sites, you've just fucked yourself.


     Stop going to your friends, telling them the intricate details of your suspicions. Especially if you don't have proof. What's going to end up happening is that a guy's male friends will try to convince him to go out and find some new pussy, and he'll end up cheating on you. His FEMALE friends will see that as an opportunity to make a move and sabotage your relationship possibly. A woman's girlfriends will either try to talk your lady into accepting that invitation for a drink from that guy at work who's been flirting with her, or they'll convince her to go out and allow them to hook her up with someone THEY approve of. Keep other people out of your relationship, especially when it comes to the possibility or negativity. We all have that one person we confide in, but be careful with what you share and the advice they give.


     Trying to keep tabs on your partner is ridiculous. The truth is, if they're going to fuck around, they're going to fuck around, no matter how hard you try to keep them anchored to your side or in your sights. If they want to go, let them go. You're fucking your own head up, getting pissed because your man goes to the strip club every weekend. Apparently, he gets something there he's not getting with you. Stop trying to keep your lady from going to the club with her girls, or you're going with her, trying to see if anyone walks up to her she may have fucked behind your back or playing the bodyguard role. Friday night's also ladies' night at the shooting range? So what? You don't like shooting, so HE can't go? Her girlfriends go out for a happy hour on Fridays, but you work late, so SHE can't socialize with her friends/co-workers? If your partner WANTS to do dirt, trust me, they're going to do it, no matter what you do to try to stop it. It's a fucking tornado, wrapped in a hurricane, surrounded by a tidal wave, with a 7.5 earthquake, dipped in an active volcano for dessert. Run the other fucking direction as fast as possible, stay right where you are, and get yourself fucked up.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

OPTION B

DEC 27, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     You're the option; congratulations. You're the second choice; the fallback. The backup. Plan B. You're the one they want when the one they REALLY want doesn't want them, or they realize the one they want wants someone else. It could be worse; at least you're not the side piece; there's your silver lining, the lemonade when life gives you and what you thought was a relationship with someone, a huge bucket of lemons.


     The option. The guy/girl you settle for when your first choice doesn't work out for you, or they turn you down. The option is the person you go to when the person you wanted turns out to be more of a headache than you want to deal with. The option is the one you go to when you're between relationships until you find someone you like more. Think of the option as the side piece for a single person.


     The option is different from the side piece in that the option is someone viewed as being relationship material, but for whatever reason, it isn't. It could be distance, kids, body/figure, sexual differences, etc. The option is different from the side piece because you can date them. You're single, so you can take your time and get to know them while not feeling guilty or being seen as a cheater because both of you are single. There's no accountability to be concerned about. You can't do that if you have a lady at home to account for yourself, your time, money, etc.


     The option is different because there's an emotional attachment. There's a romantic interest between the 2 of them. Because actual interest and feelings are involved, a person normally won't have more than one option, even if they're meeting and sleeping with other people. He/she WANTS to be with the option, but they can't or won't. Most would assume it's because they don't want to settle down with just one person, but that's not the case. There's more than just a physical attraction to the option.


     The side piece is more about the physical/sexual because that pretty much all they can give when they have a partner at home. But make no mistake, there's definitely a sexual attraction to the option; after all, to be considered an option, they're seen as someone they could have a serious relationship with. The option's not just for being the go-between when someone takes a break from dating or waiting for their next relationship; the option's for when a person really doesn't want to be with anyone but doesn't want to be alone either.


     Even though they know they're not together, the option will sometimes use that status to justify turning someone down they're not interested in or to keep an undesirable at bay. Female options won't actively look for someone else to meet, but she sure as hell won't turn a good man away either. A man will always be looking for something he likes better than his option. When a woman meets someone, she's interested in, and she'll tell her option immediately after realizing the new guy is someone she wants to spend time with and see where it leads.

A female option knows she's more than just a fuck, even though they're not together and they both have feelings for each other. Given enough time, those feelings can, and most likely will, turn serious.


She'll give the option a choice to remain just friends and hope he can respect her wishes to keep it on that level. She doesn't want him to walk away completely, but she won't try to re-kindle things with her option if it doesn't work out with the new guy. Men will be more hesitant about how long he waits to tell his option about his new lady, in case it doesn't work out. He doesn't want to risk her leaving, and it doesn't work out, and the option ends up meeting someone herself. If he chooses NOT to tell the option, he's essentially turning her into a side piece he has feelings for, and that a fucking disaster in the making.


     Unlike trying to keep aside a piece for as long as possible, a decent person will let their option go if they end up meeting someone else. They hope they'll stay around and remain friends, just without the physical aspect. They'll risk the option of leaving instead of hurting them by spending time with someone else and pursuing a relationship. Think of it as giving a two-week notice at your job to remain favorable for re-hire if things don't work out at the new job.


     Women generally won't sleep with her option, and men will. Women won't force themselves to overlook the reason they can't have a relationship with her option. She won't waste his time or hers. Women are more capable of realizing she won't be happy with their options in the big picture. Men will ignore the long-term view and attempt to have a relationship with his option. By the time he realizes it can't be done, or the relationship has run its course for him, he's going to be an absolute asshat for putting her through the heartache. Women will burn through options much faster than men.


     A man will disguise or fool himself into seeing his option as just a friend (Who he has feelings for). Whatever reason they've decided they can't be with their option, they sure as hell don't want them to be with anyone else either. For all purposes, the option belongs to him; they're just not together. He'll get jealous as hell if he sees someone else showing interest in his option or if she shows interest in someone else. He'll never admit his love or true feelings to his option, but all his friends know.


     After an option meets someone they want to pursue a relationship with, the best thing to do is sever all ties from the person you have been spending time with, even if temporarily, to give yourself and the new person your time, interest, and attention. Otherwise, it creates a sticky situation. Having feelings for someone already, there would be a possibility of not giving the new relationship a fair chance of falling back to what's comfortable and familiar and messing around with two people. Women will severe her contact ASAP, while the man wouldn't.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

SLIP RESISTANT

DEC 23, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     Nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news, much less a witness to the aftermath that may come with it. It does happen, though; sometimes, it HAS to happen. It's inevitable; a runaway train with no brakes or way to stop a crash from happening. The truth was bound to come out eventually, and the fucked up situation that unfolds afterward can range from awkward as hell to funny as fuck, depending on how warped your sense of humor is


     Bad or funny, awkward or uncomfortable, to witness someone's discovery of some fucked up truth, what if you're the reason the truth came out?. It wasn't intentional; the wrong info came out at the wrong time in front of the wrong people. How do you react? What do you do? What can you say? Do you try to help the guilty save face and pretend it's a joke? Run the other way and watch that ship float or sink on its own? Dash in the opposite direction to avoid being caught in the middle or shanked by mistake? Or do you pull out your camera phone because you know some fucked up funny shit about to go down?


     What if an innocent question, comment, or even complaint to or in front of the wrong person causes a scene or situation you're stuck right in the middle of, with no avenue of escape? You meant well; you're just doing your job, and the result was spilling some shit someone else has to answer for. What if you come across some information you have no choice during the normal performance of your job but to reveal, knowing it's going to lead to a volatile situation?


- The cop who just pulled over a car and the woman inside just found out the guy she's on a date with is driving another woman's car; what's even worse is they've had sex in that car. An even bigger smack in the face will be when she finds out the other woman is actually her date's wife!


- The co-worker or supervisor who just asked the girlfriend/boyfriend if they're the spouse. Or the subordinate who just wished his boss and his girlfriend a happy 15th anniversary.


- The friend who just put it out in the open that you actually DID date/sleep with the opposite-sex friend you lied to your partner about while you both were in college. Hell, you almost got engaged.


- The priest baptized two children over the course of two weeks; the first was a married couple, the next weekend was the same guy but with his girlfriend.


- The doctor who tells you that you have an STD, but your partner's test came back negative.


- The stranger who just let it out that the girl you just started seeing isn't the front office manager she told you she was, but actually a stripper who gets drunk and sucks dick for money.


- The teacher between parents who just found out their spouse has been fucking someone else who turned out to be their kid's best friend.


- The doctor in the room just gave a pregnant woman her 6 months check-up. She tells the happy couple everything looks normal and healthy, but the confused husband tells the doctor he's only been home from deployment for three months.


- The pharmacist who has to stand there while someone has to explain to their partner why they just got a prescription for antibiotics for an STD when they told their partner they were getting meds for a UTI.


- The cellphone retailer just asked the girlfriend if she's the wife on the account in front of the married man.


- The friend who just asked you about the guy/girl you were out in the parking lot with to fuck or went home with and fucked last weekend; not realizing their fiancee' was standing at the bar behind them.


- What do you do when you're the cashier who just rang up $150 sneakers for a couple when the girl's boyfriend shows up, catches her using the cash he gave her on another man, and demands the cashier to refund and return his money.


- The waited who's serving the table when someone just got caught with somebody else having dinner. They already ate, and he can't pay the bill because his date walked out pissed, and his woman took back her bank card when she dumped him.


- The hospital staff has to tell a man his son/daughter isn't his when there's a serious medical issue or accident, and he wants to donate an organ or blood to his child. Or when a man finds out, HE has a medical condition that made him infertile for years, but his wife is six months pregnant.


- The new friend you recently met they call your spouse by your side-pieces name, thinking they were the lover you've been bragging about.


- That person you've known for a few years who didn't know you were married, and they say so when they meet your spouse for the first time.


- That person who compliments or comments on a change in the appearance of the person you're with from the last time they saw him/her, but they've never met.


- Confuse spouse or significant other with their child.


- The banker who just revealed the secret account or credit card in someone else's name.


- The mortgage broker just gave away the presence of a second address while a married couple is refinancing their home. How about being the car dealer who just spilled the beans about the purchase/payment of an unknown 2nd vehicle when their car's brought in for service.


- The doorman at the club just called out and confiscated the fake I.D. from the 16-year-old girl trying to get into the club with her 22-year-old boyfriend, who she lied to about her age. And they've been dating/sleeping together for the last four months.


- The police officer who pulled over and has to arrest the guy for a warrant and suspended license. Plus, he has to impound and tow the car, leaving the woman he's on a date with stranded 20 miles from her place.


- The coroner has to show two different people who show up to identify the same body of their spouse.


- The tax person who just asked you in front of your girlfriend/boyfriend if you'll be filing separately this year or married like last year.


- The hotel manager who asked you if you'd like your normal suite when you and your significant other show up to get a room for a romantic getaway; and the other person's never been there before.


- The jeweler who just showed you the wedding ring you took in to have cleaned, instead of the earrings you had made for your girlfriend.


- Your regular mechanic/car detailer who just called to tell you the car you don't have is ready.


- The saleswoman who just asked your wife how she liked the sexy lingerie her husband bought her two weeks ago she NEVER got.


- Everyone in the delivery room where the husband's white, the wife is white, but she just gave birth to a biracial baby.


- The bartender who let it slip that you were at the club last weekend when you told your partner you were working late; commented who he thought was the two of you in the parking lot last week after closing.


     What if the person who's just learning about something for the first time has questions for you? What if they want details as to whatever it is you just threw out in the open? If your profession dictated the release of information, one person tried to keep it private, that's not your fault. If you happen to let some shit slip, I guess they should've been more careful about their bullshit or not have been doing it in the first place. The point is for you not to feel like you betrayed someone's trust or confidence. Definitely don't risk your job trying to keep someone from getting caught in their personal bullshit. If one of them is your friend, how do you think that friendship will continue after the storm clears and they're single, unemployed, or plain assed out? If you find yourself in the middle of some shit, the best thing to do is turn your signal on, get all the way over to the right, and get off at the next exit and let traffic continue without your participation.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

BORED GAMES

DEC 16, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     Women are quick to accuse men of playing games when it comes to what they really want. It’s not a big secret that men appear to be more focused on the physical or sexual aspect of the male/female dynamic. Men rely on rehearsed lines or “Game” to get a woman to believe his bullshit. Women are quick to call a man a player and accuse him of playing games, and while men are more obvious, women play just as many games as men do to get what they want. Men may be out for the ass, but women want the relationship and will pull out an equal amount of dirty shit men will to get what they want. She’ll tell a man she’s 100% on board for being friends with benefits and turns right around and try to fuck him into a relationship.


     Women say, “It’s complicated” when you ask if she has a man. “I’m talking to somebody.” “I’m single-ish.” All this means is she has a man, but she’s allowing you to convince her you’re a better choice than what she has at home. You’re so fucked up in the head, trying to get some ass, you’re blind to the game she’s playing on you when you’re the one that approached her, trying to run YOUR game. You just got set up to chase her and prove yourself to her when your goal was to set her up to want you, and you fell for it because your battle plan was on some cardio kickboxing shit and her Kung Fu was strong.


     “Do you see a ring?” “If I was married, would I be at the club?” “Why would I be asking you for your number if I had a woman?” He hadn’t answered one of your damn questions when he met you at the spot last Saturday night. He played on your deductive reasoning because you thought you were such an “Alpha female” you could spot a player a mile away. He used your own overconfidence in your street smarts against you, and you fell for it, instead of asking him if he had a woman who THOUGHT they were together. When you find out he’s married or has a girl with a baby on the way, he’ll tell you he never told you he DIDN’T have a lady.


     Men want sex. They go out, hoping to hook up. Not all, but more than half. No such place exists where men aren’t hoping to meet women he can hook up with, from the club to church to the grocery store. The gas station and the free clinic are open fields of play when finding worthy opponents for the game. They don’t care about what you do in your spare time. He could care less about how many kids you have as long as they’re not going to be there when you get back to her place.


     Women go out, looking for something, and they’ll say or do shit they normally don’t do to get what they want. She’ll step out of her box and do some shit, then turn around the next day and tell him her behavior was completely out of character. She’s secretly hoping she put that ass on him well enough that he’ll want to stay around. If she doesn’t go that far, it doesn’t mean she’s not playing the game any less than men. She told you she’d been hurt recently, and she’s guarded. She put the pressure on you to show her you’re not like other guys when you really are. Now, you’re going out on dates, spending time together, and proving yourself to be relationship material when all you wanted to do was fuck. CHECKMATE!


Men talk shit to fuck. They pretend to be genuine, sincere, and trustworthy, all to get a woman to lower her guard enough for him to roll his Trojan horse through her front gates. He’ll make himself look like the perfect catch; respectful, polite, and interested in getting to know her as a person, all the while plotting to get in that ass. Women will pretend to be okay with it, thinking she can give him just enough to hook him in without going all the way.


     You’re both playing a game; you’re both in the woods, hunting prey you’re unprepared to come face to face with. Men are playing their game in tutorial mode or on the easy setting. Women are playing their game on hard or insane mode. Men are playing Checkers while women are playing chess. He’s fishing while she’s hunting predatory animals. No matter what game he’s playing, women are playing it on a higher level, but they’re both STILL playing games.


     Men may seem like they play more games than women, but that’s not the case. Men play more games because he feels the more games he plays, the better the odds are winning. He’ll make 20 random bets, hoping at least one will pan out, where women will place 5 bets, based on research. Men will spend $35 to win a $5 carnival prize, and women will walk into the gift shop and spend $15 on that same stuffed animal. They’re both getting ripped off, but the woman made a better choice because she had nothing to prove.


     And for what? Because he’s afraid to be upfront and tell her he wants some ass? She’s afraid to tell him she wants a relationship because she’ll run off men who only want to fuck? Wouldn’t you want to know that upfront, instead of learning it 6 months down the line after your feelings are involved, or even worse, you have an STD or a child on the way together? Was playing the game worth it then?


    You’re trying to gain the upper hand in a game of control; neither of you wants to be the first to admit what you really want because even if you both want the same thing, you don’t want to be the first to admit it because you might get rejected. You both might want to fuck, or you both want to explore something deeper, but winning the game means more to you than playing by the rules. Playing the game means more to you than skipping the bullshit altogether and being upfront. Why you haven’t thought about w relationship isn’t a single-player game; it’s an adventure meant for two people with two controllers, using the same screen with the same levels, big bosses, power-ups, finishing moves, and objectives.


     Women are better at playing the game better than men because men are more impulsive; men are quick to hit the restart button when things get hairy for them. Women take their time, make a plan, or take time to assess their situation and the pieces on her board before making a move. Men are playing the first-person shooter, and women are playing survival horror.


     You’re both playing games, and at some point during that time, he’s trying to get ass, and she’s trying to fuck him into a relationship; the game takes an unexpected turn. She turns out to be a great person, and he starts having feelings for a woman he was trying to fuck. He wasn’t what she thought he’d be like, and she lost all interest in him. So now, HE wants the relationship, and SHE wants to get the fuck away from him.


     Whatever game you’re playing, you’re going to lose eventually. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to put the controller down and grow the fuck up. You’re going to meet someone who can play the game better than you. The games will advance far beyond your strategy and ability to understand them. The AI will improve, the big bosses will become harder to beat; the puzzles will be more complex. Your opponents will be younger, smarter, faster, and be able to see your bullshit skills as nothing but a speed bump to roll over on the way to the winner’s circle.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

FIRST CONTACT

DEC 09, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     In a long list of things NOT to say at any time, much less while you’re trying to get nasty, “Really? You’re the first person I’ve ever met that didn’t like that!” Tops the list.


     First of all, that’s some messed up shit to say. Second, so what? Who cares if they’re the first person to say they didn’t like something? They don’t like it! The same would go for you if you were the first person in someone else’s life that told them they did something YOU didn’t like; you’d still want them to stop doing it, right? People will not only say that shit to begin with, but they’ll say that shit at the worst time possible, while you’re having sex or getting ready to.


     Why would I care what anyone else in your past liked? Why do you care about your past if you’re past your past? Is it really in your past? It doesn’t affect what we’re doing, so why would you bring that shit up? To make a point? To get what you want? Why would you say that shit to the person you’re with now? Do you really think telling me what somebody else liked is going to change my mind about not wanting my nipples pinched, or my balls licked when I already told you I didn’t like that shit? I don’t give a damn if I’m the first or the 50th person who told you I didn’t want to try a prostate massage, no matter how many men enjoyed it before. If you try to put your finger in my ass and I punch you in the throat, don’t get mad because I told you not to do it. You thought it was okay to try because I was the first person you ever met that didn’t like it, and you thought it was just because I’d never had it done the right way.


     You’re comparing sex with me to sex with people from your past, which means you still think about sex with those people. That means you still think about when you used to have sex with them. You’re having sex with them mentally, but with me physically because you’re doing the same shit with me that you did with them, and you’re confused as to why I don’t know what they liked. You’re doing the same shit you did with everyone else you’ve had sex with. You think just because no one’s ever told you before they didn’t like what you were doing that you weren’t doing anything wrong or need improvement or adjustment.


      You reached a point in getting to know someone, and you need to have sex before you take the plunge into wanting to know them on a deeper level. They told you what they like and didn’t like upfront, but you weren’t really listening; that’s why they’re pissed at you now. You did EXACTLY what they asked you not to do, but it’s the main weapon in your arsenal, and it just comes to you automatically.


     Sex is adaptive; you have to change it up on the fly and get creative with your shit. You have to read each other and pick up on body language and subtle hints and make it good for both of you, not just charge in and do what you’ve always done and hope it works out for the best. “Working out for the best” is NOT the mentality you should have regarding sex. It would be best if you wanted the other person to enjoy what you’re doing for them, not everyone else you’ve pushed your meat into or climbed on top of.


     When you tell somebody they’re the first person to say they didn’t like something; you told them they weren’t special. You’re not a virgin, but you’re not just a roll of the dice either. You told them they’re no different than the last person you fucked. They’re saying you have no individual worth. They were upfront and told you they weren’t into oral sex, and your response made them feel like there’s something wrong with them. Did you think telling them they were the first person you’d ever met who didn’t like sucking dick or going down on you was going magically change their mind? Did you expect them to shove your dick down their throat or have him dive headfirst into your crotch just because you said that? Or did you expect the great big “Fuck you” that came out right before they hopped out of the car, got dressed, and walked out, or told you to get the hell out?


     They hate your signature moves, and instead of moving on or adapting, you turned the whole situation into something else, and you’ll ask about it right then and there. You want to know why they don’t like having the back of their head grabbed or forced when they’re going down on you, instead of enjoying a hot girl or guy going down on you; they don’t want you grabbing the back of their head. You’ll pull them away to ask why or to say they’re the first person who didn’t like it. He told you not to bounce up and down when you’re riding him, and instead of changing it up and rocking back and forth, you want to know who in his past made him not enjoy that. It’s their business; if you’re going to leave one of your best moves off the table, you think you have the right to know why and you want to know right now!


     You really don’t know what you’re doing. Your oral skills suck, or you don’t have any. You’re too big to get on top, or your dick’s too small to get all the way in from behind. Your rhythm feels like you’ve been exposed to nerve gas, or they had a traumatic event in their past that something you do triggers an unpleasant response. Whatever the reason is, they don’t care if they’re the first person you met that didn’t like it; the point is that they don’t like it. And pointing out they’re the first to say something about it isn’t going to change anything.


     You told them they weren’t special; they’re not worth getting to know them as an individual, and you’re going to give them the same sex you’ve been giving everyone else. That could be why you suck. That could be why you never get second dates. That’s why you never get repeat business, because your customer service skills suck, and your complaint department has been outsourced to a company that doesn’t give a damn about people, as long as you keep getting new customers.


     Based on the weirdest things, you stereotype men and women and adjust your technique to those weird things. You think all skinny women are frail or flexible; not all women size 4 can put their ankles behind their heads or spin like a merry-go-round. All big women don’t love it from behind or hate being on top because of their size. All black men aren’t hung like horses. You try the same things with different women, expecting the same results. You don’t know why they don’t like what you’re doing, and you're all messed up about it; you don’t know where to go from there. You have all your moves planned out because your shit’s scripted and on a timer. You had to skip something they told you they don’t like, which makes the entire session shorter.


     When they tell you there’s some shit they don’t like, try something else; ask them what they do like. Find out what turns them on and use that instead of what worked for someone else. Telling somebody, you’re having sex with about other people you had sex with isn’t going to suddenly make them okay with whatever they told you they didn’t like. Wake up, keep that shit to yourself, and maybe you can still salvage the night.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

HALF AND HALF

DEC 02, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     There’s no such thing as “Half-serious” You were COMPLETELY serious about whatever it was you said. You may have been joking about how you said it; there may have been humor in your delivery, but you were absolutely 1000% serious and sincere about what you said and the intent or message behind it. An accusation, a shitty comment, insult, demand, or situation that may have happened in the past you weren’t supposed to bring up. Whatever it was, you were serious about it, you just realized how it affected someone or would affect them, and you tried to play it off by saying you were only half-serious. No, you meant what you said and what you did, but you were joking about how you did or said it.


     You can’t make a statement, then act like it was a joke or you weren’t serious. You were obviously thinking about it; otherwise, you wouldn’t have said it in the 1st place. You tried to backtrack because you knew how it came out, and you planned it to come out that way, or you spoke before you remembered who was around and how loud you were talking. The other person realized you were serious, and you tried to accuse them of taking it the wrong way, or their reaction wasn’t what you thought it was going to be, and you needed to hurry up and avoid a confrontation. You thought they were going to take it as a joke, but they didn’t. Nobody laughed when you tried to play it off, and now, you’re stuck, trying to figure out how not to get called out or your ass kicked.


     If you have something to say, say it. You have a question, ask. You don’t have to hide behind being “Half-serious,” sarcastic, or a smartass. If something’s bothering you, ask for clarification; if you don’t understand, ask for an explanation. If they have nothing to hide, they’ll clarify themselves. People who go vague or get defensive are the people you should be thinking twice about. Those are the people who have something to hide, something to admit, something to tell you, or something they don’t you to know about.


     Those who try to double-talk or use the half-serious excuse are the ones who didn’t mean for the shit to come out the way it did or when it did. People stumble through their version of the truth, or they’re not smart enough to come up with any believable reason for saying what they said other than to be shitty, so they threw out being half-serious, hoping you’ll accept that and let it go. You can see the sigh of relief on their face when you accept that as their explanation and drop the subject. Wait 10 minutes until they think you forgot, or they stopped thinking about it and bring it up again. Watch how they sweat that shit like they just got caught butt-naked in the church basement with the pastor’s daughter.


     Whether you’re joking or not, you wouldn’t have said anything unless there was at least a small amount of sincerity behind it. You won’t make a shitty comment about how someone looks or dresses and be 100% joking. The comment was negative, and you were hoping it was enough to get them to change. You know they look way better than you, but you insulted them. You were hoping to give them just enough of a complex about how they look; it’ll bother them the whole night. Your envy caused you to fuck with another person’s self-image, and you think just because you said you were half-joking or half-serious, it made what you said something to laugh at. You thought saying you’re a smartass or being sarcastic was an excuse for you not to be taken seriously when all your friends know how you are, and they knew you were serious; and jealous.


     People don’t normally make joking accusations. There’s a small portion that believes it could be true. A person doesn’t jokingly admit to some shit out of the blue, just like no one will make a joking accusation out of thin air; it had to come from somewhere, and that somewhere was you! At some point in your past, someone either did, said, or you heard secondhand shit that stuck in the back of your head, and you forgot about it. You acted like you were joking about seeing if you could get them to admit some shit or explain something, based on the limited information you had. You both are dead serious about what you’re accusing, asking, and responding to, but you’re also gauging each other’s response to see if it’s worth bringing up and what type of response or reaction you’re going to get.


     Don’t act like you didn’t mean to say or do what you did. You meant every word, even if you claim you were only half-serious. You were serious about what you said or did, but the way you said or did it was the half not-serious part. You may not have wanted someone in particular to witness it, but you wanted it out in the open at that time to use it against somebody.


     You made a “Joke” about something someone did or said and tried to play it off because their spouse or partner overheard it. You didn’t want it to become some huge deal, but you meant to bring it up to spotlight someone in particular. You commented on your man or woman dressing a certain way, wearing makeup, cologne, or their new interest in working out as a reason to get noticed by someone else, and you tried to play it off as being half-serious. Still, there was truth behind what you said. You didn’t want to come out and say it if you were overreacting, or they didn’t think it was as funny as you hoped they would.


     You try to play shit off as half-joking because your man or lady is getting sick of your accusations and shitty side comments about them cheating or being interested in someone else. One day can’t go by without you talking shit about the same old shit, and they’re sick of you saying you’re just kidding. They know you’re not, and it’s annoying as hell. You bring up her weight every damn day. You think it’s funny to call him out and joke about him being a 2-minute man in front of his friends, and you both try to act like you’re just funny. Your friends may be laughing, but they’re not laughing because they think you’re joking; they’re laughing because they know you’re dead serious. Your partner knows you’re serious and all the “Just kidding” and “You know I’m just playing!” hugs and kisses you give don’t mean shit!


     “You know me, I’m always saying something stupid!” True, you always manage to say stupid shit, but it’s still the truth. The fact that it’s stupid shit has nothing to do with you being truthful about what you said. You’ll try to play it off as if you can never be taken seriously, and that’ll absolve anyone from believing you when you say stupid shit. You’re saying you’re only half kidding, and you’re right; you may be HALF kidding, but the other half is as serious as Diabetic shock.


     You may be a jerk and a smartass, but you’re still serious about what you said; the smartass portion was how it came out. When you apologized, you said you were sorry for how you said it, not for what you said. “Half joking” was rationalizing your tone, the words you used, timing, and volume. Your content was the “Half serious” part. You meant what you said, and you meant to say it. You’re not even apologizing for how you said it. You’re justifying how someone else understood what you said.


     You laughed, but only because you knew everyone around you knew you were serious, and they’re all looking at you, thinking you’re an asshole. You laughed, thinking they’d take it as you just being you, but you being you means you being an asshole. You already said it, whether you meant to or not. You said or did something the way you did, and you can’t take it back. Don’t try to bullshit your way out. Own that shit and take your lumps if it comes to that; at least you’ll be known as a standup person with integrity than a coward who hides behind double-talk and excuses to explain the stupid shit that came out of your mouth. Remember, when some say they were only “Half-joking,” there’s another half out there; somewhere that was also “Half-serious.”


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

AWARD CEREMONY

NOV 22, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     When a woman asks what your interests and hobbies are, too many men use taking care of and spending time with their kids as a response. Wait, shouldn’t that be an automatic thing to do? Why would you think that’s something to list as an interest or hobby? Are you really telling women your kids are your hobby?


     A hobby is something you do for fun; taking care of your kids, spending time with them, and taking an active role in their lives and development should be WAY more than a hobby or interest. You may not have meant it that way, but that’s what came out of your mouth, and to someone who doesn’t know you, that’s how they’re going to take it as well. You’re using something you should be doing as a responsible father and turning it into something no different than saying you like working on cars. A hobby is something you could lose interest in at any point; you can walk away from or change hobbies at the drop of a hat. You can’t do that with your kids unless you’re a deadbeat assclown.


     You’re using something you should be doing anyway as a bid for recognition or special acknowledgment. You’re lame and boring with nothing exceptional about yourself, so you have to scrounge for things to make you interesting to women. You used your responsibility as a man to impress a woman you just met, or you’re trying to sleep with. She’s not impressed at all that you look at your kids as a hobby or interest. She’s shaking her head internally. After all, you actually thought she’d think you were something spectacular because you’re active with your kids.


     You bailed on your kids when they were born or when you ended the relationship with their mother. You were so pissed off at her, the best way to get revenge was to disappear, or you weren’t ready to be a father yet. Now you’re back, and you think that qualifies you for some appreciation? You think doing right by your children makes you man/father of the year, just because you got your head out your ass or someone set you straight?


     What makes your children a hobby or an interest? Why’s taking care of them and spending time with them something to brag about to get into someone’s pants? You finally stepped up and claimed your children; is that supposed to make you a great catch when you’ve met someone new? Spending time with and raising your kids is something to be proud of and something you should WANT to do and not because showing responsibility will make you look like a stand-up man to impress a female. Being there for your kids, keeping them straight and narrow and out of bullshit should be a reward in itself, not something you think earns you an award or medal for meritorious service.


     You’re supposed to be a good father. You’re supposed to spend time with your kids. You’re supposed to take care of them and make sure they’re safe and can come to you when they need to. You’re supposed to be financially responsible. That shows you’re more of a man than trying to get in good with a woman. Knowing you did your best and they’re being raised right should be all the pat on the back you need. Why are you using it to gain favor with someone you’re trying to hook up with? He’s telling this other woman there could be a chance of him not being there if they got together and had a child. If he doesn’t get the recognition of being active with his kids he deserves, he’ll not be there. To him, it’s a big thing he’s doing what he should be doing with his kids, even though he’s no longer with their mother and deserves her praise and admiration.


     You may not mean it the way it came out, but when you said it, you told her you don’t see anything wrong with guys who bail on their kids when things are hard or they don’t want to be around. You’re saying it happens so much it should be expected more times than not. He isn’t like that should be celebrated and should tell her he’s better than the average man. He deserves a chance because he’s not like other men. She should see him as a hero, instead of responsible.


     Bragging about taking care of your kids, you’re saying their mom and the kids are lucky he’s not an asshole because he doesn’t have to spend time with them; he does it because he CHOOSES to. He’ll do the same with child support. He acts like paying what he’s supposed to be something he should be awarded for with interest, and that payment should come in the form of interest from the woman he’s trying to impress or get sex from. To him, that’s enough proof he’s better and deserves a chance with her; she should trust him enough not to think he’s a player.


     Men don’t usually have photos of his kids on his phone, maybe in his wallet, but not his phone. He doesn’t want a woman he’s trying to talk to to see them ask about them and take away time from getting to know each other. He wants to avoid her pulling out her phone and showing off her kids' photos because she really doesn’t care about her kids. He’ll pretend to care, wishing you’d stop shoving their photos in his face and send him some half-naked photos of sexy videos.


     Taking care of your children is something you should do; it shouldn’t be a source of praise, acknowledgment, or reward. Think about the next time when a woman asks you what your interests and hobbies are, and you respond, “I take care of and spend time with my kids” You see it as a hobby. Your statement made it a subject of interest. The way you said it makes being around your kids a pastime.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

LIGHT OF DAY

NOV 15, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS 

     Why is having the lights off such a big deal? This seems more of an issue for women, where men really don’t give a damn, as long as he’s about to get some ass. If he’s about to get knee-deep in his lady, he’s not thinking about stopping the flow to worry about the damn lights. If he’s a public person who likes to do it in the car, he’ll want the inside dome light out before he starts, or if he’s trying to get nasty and record himself getting a blowjob or some voyeuristic type shit, then he’s okay with the lights being on.


     People care about the lights because they’re ashamed or embarrassed about their body or their figure. There might not really be attracted to you, but you’re decent looking enough to have sex with. Between body fat, rolls, stretch marks, scars, webbed feet, there are way too many things to think about when it comes to being comfortable with being seen naked with the lights on. People want the lights out when they have issues with their own body, which is exactly what it is, issues THEY have with their body, and no matter how much reassurance you give, if they’re not ready to feel comfortable, leave it alone.


     Neither of them wants the light on because he’s not packing enough for her to want to see what he’s lacking. She doesn’t realize he’s a “Grower,” and she prejudged the true size of his erection by how small it looks when he’s soft. He has the girth of a soup can, but only 5-6 inches long. He’s self-conscious because he’s not big lengthwise and doesn’t want to be judged on sight before he gets hard. She doesn’t want him to see what having 3 kids did to her “Happy monkey” area. Parts that should be on the inside are hanging outside. If she’s a bigger woman, she doesn’t want him to see the dark areas between her legs where her thighs rub together.


     One or both of you have weird facial expressions that mess up the mood. You have the weirdest, most uncomfortable, or unnatural orgasm faces, and they’re really creepy looking. The faces he makes looks like he’s turning into a mindless flesh-eater right before her eyes, and she looks like she just stubbed her toe on the nightstand. You think your “Sex face” looks more like you just poured rubbing alcohol in your eyes. Your “Bedroom eyes” look more like you’re waiting on the 2nd half of a glaucoma test than trying to turn someone on or get them in the mood. Speaking of getting in the mood, no face will kill that dream faster than your fucked up porno face. They don’t want to see any of that, so they want the lights off to keep from laughing at you.


     They don’t want you to see how dirty or cluttered their bedroom is, plain and simple. You haven’t done laundry this week, and you have clothes all over the place. Maybe you switched outfits a few times before deciding on the one you wore and left the others on the floor. You think having the lights off makes it more romantic; until he turns you over and accidentally tries to put it in the wrong hole.


     Sex with the lights off gives the feeling you can be more adventurous and experiment with different positions and activities without thinking about how you might look. You’re more comfortable trying something new when the lights are off because you know you can’t see each other in case things get awkward. You believe what’s done in the dark doesn’t count, or it’s okay. Getting a little nasty is more accepted at night with the lights out because of the fantasy aspect. You can embrace more of your wild side when you don’t have to look at yourself or each other and feel like you’re being judged. When the lights are on, the type of sex they want feels weird and out of pocket from their normal routine. They don’t want to see the positions their bodies are in. She doesn’t want to see her ankles crossed and touching her forehead or bent over in front of the bathroom mirror with her tits swinging back and forth; he doesn’t want to see what his big, sweaty belly looks like sitting on her back, sliding from side to side.


     Sex at night gives you a sense of relaxation and solitude you can’t get from daytime sex. The kids are in bed, and they won’t be knocking or bothering you—less chance for interruptions. Having the lights off allows for transference; they don’t want to get caught watching TV or “Dozing out.” They’ll use these tactics to divert their attention from having sex to something else to make the experience last longer. Some people will close their eyes and concentrate on other things to avoid cumming too quickly and being done for the night.


     Some people want the lights off when giving oral, especially for women. They’ve been taught giving oral is shameful and degrading. Even though they do it, they don’t want to look at his dick while she’s sucking on it. The sight of his shaft going in and out of her mouth is something she doesn’t want to see up close. The same goes for men; He knows what it looks like, but not internally; he isn’t in a place mentally to appreciate what a woman’s vaginal area looks like, so he gets weird about being close enough to examine it and see what it really looks like. He knows she has a slit, but the inside’s still uncharted territory.


     They want the lights out due to habit. When they were younger, sex was awkward enough as teenagers or young adults, so as they got older, turning off the lights just became a habit. Day sex is weird; for some reason, they believe sex should happen at night when it’s dark or at bedtime. For some, it’s harder to get aroused during the daytime because they’re used to being active, dealing with kids, running errands, work, etc. They can’t really relax enough to enjoy sex without it being later in the evening. The solution? Buy some damn darkening curtains! Sex with the lights off and at night betters the chances of having them falling asleep after a long day and staying the night, instead of heading for the door as soon as it’s over.


     Sex at night with the lights out also betters the chances of the experience not lasting too long, in case one person isn’t really into it or lost interest afterward they had an orgasm. There’s a better chance of “One and done” and using the time of day as a reason to roll over and go to sleep or make your exit.


     You want the lights off because you don’t want to see each other. He’s abusive, and she doesn’t want to look at the man who hurts her regularly. One of you cheated, and even though you’re working things out and you’re having sex, it stings to look at them. You want the lights out. She’s annoying as hell with everything he does wrong, and he refuses to listen to her when she tries to tell him how to make sex enjoyable to her, too—one of the looks bored as hell. Looking at one another irritates the hell out of each other.


     He could be recording their sex, and having the lights out keeps that from happening. Someone else or another couple is in the room in the case of sharing a hotel room. Someone could walk in and catch you on the couch, in the kitchen, in the backyard, or the pool. You’re in college, and you don’t want your roommate walking in on you and seeing you taking it from behind. Lights are a mood killer, and making someone stop just to turn off the lights, is something that should be taken care of before getting past the switch. If you didn’t think of it then, should it really be an issue after you’ve gotten started?


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

LOVE NO LIMIT

NOV 08, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS AND LISA JILLS

     They’ve loved BEFORE you. They’ll love AFTER you. They love you NOW, and that’s what should be the important thing to you; the present. You can’t expect to be someone’s first love any more than you can expect to be their ONLY love for the rest of their lives. We get fucked in the head in how someone we’re in a relationship with felt about the people they were with before us. Who cares how many times they’ve been in love or how many times they’ve said it? They’re saying it to you, and they’re feeling it for you now, so take that and hold on to it. Build your relationship from where the two of you are with each other, without worrying about their past relationship with someone else. Obviously, it didn’t work out because they’re not together anymore, so it wasn’t what one of them thought it was.


     Why are we so curious about the relationships each other had before we even met? How many people we’ve had sex with? Someone’s “Magic number” is for them to know, and you do not worry about it. How many people we’ve had sex with within a particular position or place? It shouldn’t matter how many women he’s fucked on his motorcycle or how many different men she’s swallowed. That’s just as private and personal as asking how many people they’ve been in love with.


     Love is different from one person to another, even though we’re attracted to the same qualities and traits other people in their past had. Some of those qualities come in different quantities and on different levels in everyone. Even though you’re turned on by a sense of humor, you’re not going to get the same type or level of humor in every person you’re in love with. That new person you’re with may have a HUGE amount of another quality you find attractive, and you’ll love them for that, along with their sense of humor.


     Love is love. Love can’t be measured, dictated, or rationed like supplies in a fallout shelter. Love has no limit, no boundaries, or exceptions. Love has no channel or volume control. You can’t put money on love like you put minutes on a prepaid phone card. People love how they love, based on their understanding of love. How someone loves one person won’t be the same as how they love someone else. You can’t gauge how much more or less someone’s loved another in their past or in their future, so stop fucking worrying about it. You can’t even influence how someone loves you in the present; all you can do is make the love they’ve offered you and enjoy it. Don’t twist your head sideways because they’ve loved someone else in their past.


     Worrying about someone’s love history is the same as wondering about their sexual history; it’s really none of your business. It’s like trying to be the best sex someone’s ever had; concentrate on not being the worst they’ve had. Focus on not fucking up and missing out on or losing out on the love they’re giving you now. If you’re doing what you should be doing, you’re not going to have to worry about them loving someone else in the future.


     If it bothers you so much that they loved someone before you, why would you date or get into a relationship with someone who’s divorced? What about men/women who have children from previous relationships? It’s obvious they loved someone else before you enough to marry them and/or have their children; does that mean you can’t or won’t be interested? It’s silly to question yourself with how many times someone’s been in love past a certain age. Of course, they’ve been in love, possibly with more than one person if they’re middle-aged.


     On a scale of 1-10, how much did you love your ex? What a stupid fucking question to ask. That’s no different from asking somebody to compare and rate your sex with others they’ve been with. Why can’t you let the past stay in the past? Especially when it’s someone else’s past? Are you worried you’ll never live up to the love they had for someone else? Would you be so forthcoming if your partner asked how many times you’ve been in love? Hell, what about if they asked how many times you’ve TOLD someone you loved them, just to get something you wanted, particularly sex? I can pretty much guarantee a man’s not going to truthfully admit how many times he’s told a woman he loved her just to get a piece of ass. In his mind, he’s never going to believe her 100% if she says she’s only been in love 2-3 times in the 40 plus years of her life.


     There’s no sense in asking because there’s no sense in getting yourself butt-hurt and turning bitch. After all, you asked a divorced man or woman to put a value on the love they have for you versus the love they had for their ex-wife or husband. No matter how long you’re together, you shouldn’t be worried or concerned about how someone loved before you. You shouldn’t even be thinking about how they’ll love someone after you. Do what you’re supposed to, and you won’t even have to worry about anyone they could love in the future!


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

NEEDY IN A HAYSTACK

NOV 1, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS

     Don’t confuse NEED with NEEDY. Someone else's needs in a relationship aren’t up for debate or criticism just because it’s not what you need. Everyone needs different things to make them comfortable and confident. It’s not up to you to debate, make fun of them, or trivialize, especially if they communicate it with you. It takes a lot to step up and tell someone what they need or what they’ve been missing without the other person taking it personally, lightly, or dismissing it, which is probably why their past relationships never worked out. Just because what they need isn’t what you need, it doesn’t mean it’s not important or makes them “Needy.”


     As we get older, our needs change; we want something new or outgrow the things we used to think we couldn’t live without. When entering a new relationship, not being upfront and honest about your needs and the willingness to meet the other person's needs will cause damage along the way. Sooner or later, one person will get frustrated with their needs not being met, and the other’s going to get tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again. Honesty. Trust. Security. Communication. Attention and affection; are needs essential for a successful relationship.


     It’s already difficult for some to communicate their needs because they want to avoid seeming needy or overly sensitive. Men want to maintain their masculinity and avoid appearing soft or emotional, and woman doesn’t want to seem needy or feel as if they’re surrendering their inner strength. They’re both focused on what man or woman from their partner’s past gave them what they’re asking each other for now. They’re wondering where the sudden need for more attention or reassurance is coming from. They want to know why all of a sudden, your sex drive diminished or doubled over the past 2-3 months. What they need may be something they’re ashamed of or embarrassed about asking for and don’t need you making it worse.


     NEEDY is something totally different. Needy is when someone wants constant around the clock reaffirmation. They’re trying to control the relationship when it comes to emotional and physical expression. Being needy isn’t communicating what you need to be confident in your relationship. Being needy is begging, begging someone to make you the center of their world, and vice-versa. Being needy is needing the same shit you’ve been getting since the beginning of the relationship, but no matter how much you say it or show your love, attention, attraction, and support, it’s never enough. Every day is a new day, and you have to start over, rebuilding what your partner has torn down. Every time they feel they’ve been broken by you not showing or telling them what THEY want to see or hear, they’re begging you to rebuild them.


     The difference between NEED and NEEDY is when your lady tells you she needs more romance. That doesn’t just mean sex. It means turning off the TV or video game and actually look at her when she’s talking. She wants you to pay attention to what she’s saying. He’s asking you to get off social media. He wants you to put your phone down and tell him what’s wrong, instead of telling him, “Nothing,” then posting it online for your friends to see and comment on. She’s asking for a regularly scheduled “Date night” without the kids. He’s asking you to get a little wild and leave the soccer mom mentality at home. She’s asking you to do more than bend her over, trying to shove your dick in dry, and not act like a little bitch when she’s not instantly wet. She wants to make love to you more than just when YOU want to!


     She’s asking you to communicate with her. He needs to know what time you’ll be home, not because he’s trying to keep tabs on you but knowing what time to start getting concerned about your safety if he hasn’t heard from you by the time YOU set for yourself. She wants to meet your needs as well. She wants you to talk to her and tell her what you want and need, but it makes you feel awkward and weird. She needs you to say, “I love you,” instead of, “Right back at you, babe.”


     Being NEEDY is freaking out if you don’t get a call every morning before work. NEEDY is getting bent because they didn’t say, “I love you” 1 time out of the last 45 times; they DID say it. Needy is having a time frame for returned calls or texts. Needy is calling, then texting to say they called you, then texting again to ask if you’re getting their calls and texts, THEN one more text to ask if there’s a reason you’re not answering their messages.


     NEEDY always needs approval, attention, and affection 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Needy is bugging the fuck out of someone to make sure you’re still friends if you still love them, and if you’re still happy with them in your life. Needy has to be told you need them. They need to make sure everything’s okay between you two, and if you’re too busy to hang out with them, they assume it’s because you; don’t like them anymore, and you’ll have to rebuild their confidence back up because they bug the fuck out of you, asking what they did wrong for you not to want to hang out with them.


     You can’t have an argument or disagreement with a needy person; they’ll apologize until the end of time and drive you up the fucking wall trying to make amends for something that wasn’t even their fault. Needy people are people pleasers; everyone MUST like them, and if someone doesn’t, they’ll make it worse by trying to win them over. You can’t have an outside life from a needy person; they want to know why you need to have other friends when you have them. In a needy relationship, there’s nowhere you can go that you shouldn’t be able to take them, and they’ll take any time you spend away from them personally. Even if they hate what you’re doing, they’ll see any outside influences or interests as a way to get away from them, and that’ll fuck their head sideways.


     It’s not that they don’t trust you; it’s that they don’t understand why you want to be away from them. They can’t exist without your constant reassurance, so you shouldn’t be able to survive without theirs. You could be the best, most faithful partner in the world, but it’s not about you.


     Needy is jealous and clingy. Needy people can’t enjoy their relationships because they’re always looking and wanting more than the day before. Needy people will never be happy in their relationships because they don’t know how to be happy with or by themselves. Their personal definition and identity revolve around you and the relationship. They can’t be without someone in their life, even if it’s the absolute wrong person. Needy people are overly verbal and physically affectionate, not because they want to be; because they want it from you, and they’re hoping you’ll take the hint and go equally overboard. Every praise and compliment they give is actually their way of begging you to reciprocate.


     Being needy keeps you from communicating your actual needs because you’re busy fishing for constant compliments and reassurance. They’re always looking for ways to “Trick” you into building them up when they’ve torn themselves down.


     When you need someone or something from your relationship, you’re telling your partner what you need to be happy, making you the best person you can be. When you’re needy, you’re telling them no matter what they say or do, you need more, and they’re going to have to keep repeating, feeding, and building you up regularly. When you share your needs, you’re trying to construct a stronger, more resilient, storm-resistant version of your relationship. When you’re needy, you’re just repairing the same damage over and over again.


    When your man or your lady expresses a need for something, don’t be an ass and use it as a negotiating tool to get something you want. When your man communicates his need for guy time, don’t use it as a bargaining chip to get him to paint the bathroom or fix the garage door. When your woman asks you to stop spending so much time at the strip club, don’t use that as an excuse to barter a threesome. Allow each other to express individual needs and take them to heart.


     When a man says he needs to see the same amount of effort he puts into you, you feel you deserve to be pursued when a woman accuses a man of being needy. No one wants to feel they’re putting in more than they’re getting, but that’s what HE needs, just like you feel you NEED to be pursued for him to prove himself to you. You want your need to be chased or pursued met, so why shouldn’t he want HIS need for equal effort met?


     When you tell your partner what you NEED is to strengthen the relationship, add something beneficial, or remove something toxic or damaging. NEEDY is about insecurity, and there’s nothing you can do to remove or decontaminate the fallout or hazards of doubt and poor self-confidence. When you’re telling each other what your needs are, you saying something’s missing or lacking in the relationship that could fix a problem or issue you’re having or something non-existent that could improve an already successful relationship. Needy people want more often; no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

REPORT DUE

OCT 25, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS

     We’ll give ourselves more credit than we deserve, so there’s very little expectation of an accurate report when asked. If our relationship was our class schedule, what would be our best and worst subjects? Where would we excel? Where would we need improvement, and what classes would we fail miserably? If your relationship was on the report card system, what grades would you get?


     GYM. How active are you? Are you in a lazy relationship that’s making you overweight and stagnant? Are you just going through the motions, trying to get by? Are you that person who always has a doctor’s note, excusing you from every activity? Do you do things together, or are you still trying to do the same shit from when you were single? Are you going out together, or are you binge-watching TV shows? Are you yawning at 10:30, ready to go home when you’re out together, and staying out until 2 am with your friends? Are you arguing to get out of the house by yourself? Does the idea of sweating and running around to be more active turn you off because your makeup will run?


     Do you include each other in your interests or hobbies? Do you show interest in what they’re doing for reasons other than keeping other men and women away from them? Are you the type who has no interest in what the other likes because it’s not what you like? Are you bumming it on the couch, beer in hand, watching the game? Are you ignoring your family, or are you making the best of your class time and opportunity to spend time together? Are you hiding in your “Mancave”? Does your partner and children avoid you altogether because you make them feel like they’re bugging you?


     HEALTH. Do you have a healthy relationship? If not, are you trying to make it healthy? Are you eating, right? Are you watching what you put into your system or bringing into your relationship? Are you exercising to stay fit? Are you where you want to and should be? Are you free from physical, emotional, and financial abuse? Do you practice safe sex? You don’t have any STDs or infections in your relationship, do you? Do you practice measures to prevent unhealthy situations and experiences? Are you able to eliminate the toxicity and diseases that plague your union and eradicate the infection eating away at your relationship? Are you keeping the negativity and nasty shit out of your life so you can stay healthy? Are you using birth control to prevent unwanted surprises?


     MATH. Are you ADDING positive people in your life? Are you surrounding yourself with positivity and the right people who bring out the best in you?


     How efficient are you at SUBTRACTION when it comes to negativity? Your friends who talk behind your back, who always try to convince you to do dirty shit? Can you let go of the bullshit your ex brings every time they drop off or pick up the kids? Can you let go of your ties to the children and family of your ex? Are you truly prepared to let go of anything that’ll cause issues in your relationship?


     Are you ready for a family? Is it an option when you know your partner wants one eventually? Do you even want to MULTIPLY your family with children? Are you prepared to take on a partner with children from a previous relationship?


    Can you effectively manage and DIVIDE your time and availability to be where you said you are; do what you said you would? Can you balance friends, family, and self? Better yet, can you prioritize what’s important?


     SCIENCE. How do you deal with issues in your relationship? Can you analyze a situation and approach it with an open mind and a desire to solve the problem? Do you attack everything half-cocked and cause your whole experiment to blow up in your face? Are you impulsive? Can you accept the ideas and theories of others and admit you don’t know everything about everything? Can you admit mistakes in your hypothesis? Are you open to constructive criticism and know it’s for the better of your relationship? Science is about experiments. Can you open yourself up to experimenting with something you’re unfamiliar with and admit it worked out better than you thought and implement it into your relationship?


     HISTORY. Have you learned anything from your past, or are you stuck in the best 4 years of your life, better known as high school or college? Are you trying to hold on to old shit from your past? Are you still trying to be the player, slut, party animal, class clown, etc.? Are you staying out until 3 am, trying to drink everyone else under the table? Haven’t you learned anything from your 2 DUI’s? Are you still on drugs? Are you still cheating in every relationship? Have you learned nothing from all the shit you’ve gone through in life to stop you from continuing the path you’re on? Have you finally given up on the bullshit?


     ART AND MUSIC. Can you be creative, or are you doing the same shit you’ve always done? From the same lame, selfish sex when you were younger to the cliché of red roses, candy, and dinner on Valentine’s Day. Can you put in extra effort to make each other feel special? How about a handwritten note instead of a store-purchased card? A home-made coupon book, good for free backrubs, bubble baths, massages? Date nights? Your art projects don’t have to be expensive or cost anything at all. Gift certificates for a free night of babysitting so she can go out with her friends. Is your sex always the same? How about getting creative and switching it up? How about going somewhere different for dinner, instead of throwing on something and going for wings or finger foods where you can spend time together and still watch the game!


     Music is about different sounds, tones, and voices coming together, making a masterpiece to the person listening. It’s about being in sync; if one person is doing their own thing, then the song sounds like shit; you’re just making noise. Can you not only lead but follow, or do you always have to be the first chair or the conductor? Can you follow the conductor, or are you just going to do your own thing because no one knows what they’re doing but you? That’s why your sex is horrible because you refuse to get in sync with each other; that’s why you’re always fighting because you can’t get in sync. That’s why people are able to infiltrate your relationship and cause havoc because you can’t get into sync. If your music is strong, your music is powerful.


      COMMUNICATION. Self-explanatory. Can you talk without yelling or arguing? Can you communicate your needs, issues, and problems effectively and constructively? Can you offer solutions, or are you just all about focusing on the problem? Can you take constructive criticism, or do you always have to be right? Do you get pleasure from saying, “I told you so”? Does having the last word mean that much to you that you’ll jeopardize your communication? Are you willing to accept another viewpoint if it contradicts yours? Do you shut down when you realize you’re wrong?


   SHOP CLASS. Are you doing what you need to in order to maintain the smooth operation of the machine, better known as your relationship? Are you doing your preventive maintenance? Regular oil changes, fluids, brakes, etc.? Are you changing your filters and checking hoses for leaks? Are you keeping negative shit out of your relationship? Or are you waiting for a major breakdown to slap a patch on the tire or throw on a quick fix instead of putting time and effort into repairing the problem the first time? Are you guilty of going the cheap route and constantly dealing with the same shit, spending more money than you would’ve had you done it right the first time? Are you quick to toss the whole relationship in the garbage and jump into a new one because of one flaw, or can you sand down the messed up part, paint it, and have it looking brand new like before? Can you admit you have no idea what you’re doing and ask for help?


     SOCIAL STUDIES. Taking time to learn about each other, instead of just doing what’s worked in the past. You haven’t taken the time or made any effort to know the person you’re with as an individual, not grouping them into the people from your past. You’re doing what you’ve always done, and if there’s any problems or complaints, it’s about them, not you. You’re not interested enough to learn what makes them the way they are; you’re just going through the motions until you get what you want or need from them or the situation.


     You don’t know what they like or don’t know about their hobbies or interests. You don’t even know their phobias or allergies. You won’t pursue someone you really like because your friends think you deserve someone better-looking, thinner, or with more money. Pleasing others is more important to you than being happy.


     HOME ECONOMICS. Are you okay with housework? Are you too manly to make dinner or do the laundry? Are you so wrapped up in being a strong, independent, working woman that you think housework takes you back to the 1950s? You have an issue with the word “Submission,” even in marriage. Can you use a sewing kit to fix a torn button? Are you expecting her to come home from work and make dinner when you had the day off? Are you beyond taking care of the kids? Would you be willing to stay home with the kids when daycare would be more expensive than both of you going to work when your lady earns more? Can you both be breadwinners AND homemakers? Are you willing to learn from each other how to do the traditional tasks associated with your gender, or are you stuck in the “Man’s work versus woman’s work” vortex?


     ENGLISH. Can you talk to each other intelligently, or does every other word that comes out of your mouth have to be filthy comments, names, or insults? Do you always have to talk down to each other to build yourself up? Do you always interrupt each other because you don’t like what they’re saying? Can you put the slang aside and speak like you’ve got some sense? Can you form sentences that don’t include swearing every other word? Can you admit you have no idea what you’re talking about, and you walked into the middle of a conversation and commented on something you don’t know about? Are you teaching your kids to speak like an adult, or are you letting your kids teach you how to speak like an uneducated idiot?


     Extra credit is always an option to bring up your grades, but it does have a time frame like school. The longer you wait to turn it in, the less credit you’ll get for it, and sooner or later, it will be too late and completely worthless. Some classes will give you the opportunity to take a make-up exam, but don’t expect full credit because you skipped most of the course. What does your report card say about you? About your relationship? How does your partner see your relationship and the direction it’s going? Are you on your way to a full college scholarship, are you riding the fence to barely pass to the next grade, or are you destined to be a dropout because you won’t do the work?


~~~~~~

 

Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

SALE PRICE

OCT 11, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS

     You don't have a price? Bullshit! Tell that to someone who may be dumb enough to believe you. EVERYONE has a price, and EVERYONE is for sale. Under the right circumstances, everyone has a price and can be tempted to accept the right offer. The right price doesn't necessarily refer to financial compensation; the price you pay could be personal, professional, or romantic.

You cheated on your partner or spouse; what was for sale? Your relationship or marriage. The price you paid or were paid was allowing someone else's dick or pussy where it shouldn't have been. More financial stability, emotional affirmation. Attention/affection. All these were bonus fees that made the price you paid seem like such a sweet deal.


     You lied to and ditched a friend who needed and counted on you at the last minute when you agreed to help them. What was for sale? Your dependability and reliability. The price you were paid? Tickets to a fucking concert, another friend invited you to at the last minute after his date canceled on him. You intentionally fucked someone over at work in order to land a promotion or raise. You fucked up at work and intentionally allowed someone else to take the blame for it, and they were reprimanded or fired. What was for sale? Your job, your ethics, and integrity. The price you paid was someone else's job.


     Even if the gain is purely financial, don't for one-second fool yourself into thinking you or your partner are 100% unsellable. You can say that now because you're not staring down the double barrel of any realistic offers. Don't think your friends or your partner's beyond putting a FOR SALE sign on your back or a SOLD sign on their ass if the price is right. She sold you out and fucked some unmotivated, lazy, unemployed brother who had nothing more to offer her than a huge, horse-sized dick and more stamina than you; what makes you think she won't put a FOR SALE sign on her pussy for a guy making a pass at her with a 6 or 7-figure salary behind him?


     He's sick of working fast food or retail; he already fucked around on you with someone 3 times your size, less hair on her head that he has, but more on her back than a monkey. She stocks the shelves in the department right next to his or works the fryer and drive-thru. He fucked her for free; do you really think he won't sell his dick to a woman half your size, who has her own house, car, and no fucking kids to stay in the tiny apartment or trailer with you and your bad-ass kids? Don't think for one second someone will sacrifice their job to save yours. At the drop of a hat, the last person you'd think of will put your ass up for sale and take pennies on the dollar to keep shit flowing while watching you pack up your cubicle, thinking, "Better them than me."


     You're not for sale? Really? Every Valentine's Day, you appraise yourself and compare it to the value your partner shows you based on what they bring home for this bullshit holiday. You relate their appraisal of your relationship by what they give or do for you on this particular day, not giving a fuck about the other 364 days a year they treat you like a princess; Feb. 14th is the day that matters, only second to your anniversary. You're not for sale? You don't have a price? Fuck you! Yes, you do. Let you man not do anything special for Valentine's Day and see how you react.


     Women will price themselves, based on their engagement/wedding ring. She'll relate her worth to him by the diamond size, what he paid for it, and where it came from, and so will other women. They'll convince her of her value to him by criticizing the ring and how he proposed. They'll fuck up the head of a woman who normally wouldn't price herself to do so when specific holidays and special occasions come around, but none will rival the ring. Men will stamp a big-ass FOR SALE sign on his fucking forehead whenever he can. For pussy, for work, for his friends, for himself, money, fame, respect, etc. Men are defined by their value, and most will break more than one rule to continually increase his overall value.


     You'll put a price on your children. You'll sacrifice their interests, hobbies, thoughts, and opinions in order for them to live out your unrealized dreams. Parents will pimp their kids out to make their past dreams come true. You'll force your son to play football, even though he hates it because your dream was to make it to the pros. Mothers will force their daughters into ballet or beauty contests. Parents will send themselves spiraling straight into the poorhouse, trying to force their kids into shit they have absolutely no interest in and guilt them into putting theirs all into it. What's for sale? Your past vs. your child's future. The price you paid was their respect, resentment, and hatred. Their individuality, their opinion, their voice. Their ideas and interests, as well as their own future.


     You're not for sale? You don't have a price? Every Christmas, you're trying to buy back missed time, support, attention, and love by going broke, buying all that bullshit for your kids. Half of it they don't even want past the initial 90 days; all they want to see is a shitload of gifts under the tree with their names on them. Your value as a parent is for sale and the price you'll pay is your credit, overspending, guilt, and debt. Some executive in her office knocks up your wife or girlfriend, and he offers you $250 000 to go away so they can raise that kid together. Lie and say you wouldn't take it! You fucked a hoodrat from the club last week for free in the back seat of her car without a condom; of course, you'd take the check and bounce.


     You won't go for that raise or promotion because you'll ask yourself, "What's the point? I'm not going to get it anyway!". You won't approach that hot guy/girl or ask someone out because you're sure they'll turn you down. What's for sale? Missing out on a great opportunity, the price you paid was fear, self-doubt, and self-confidence. Pro athletes? The role models of today? Every few seasons, they prove they have and show their price. They claim to love the fans, but won't play unless they're making $20 million/year, instead of $18 million. They could give a damn about the fans in the grand scheme; their price is obvious.


     Divorced/feuding parents regularly teach their kids to have and develop their price at a young age. Each parent wants to be the favorite, so you'll buy them whatever they want. Boys will get every sneaker to a video game they want. You'll let your daughter walk out the house dressed like a grown fucking woman with the bottom of her ass hanging out those super-short spandex shorts or her tit's hanging out, while you're getting coffee, hoping they see you as the "Cool" parent. Both men and women will put themselves and each other up for sale. Fuck it, for the right price, They'll put each other on clearance. Women will get pissed at her man for bullshit and charge him pussy for good or bad behavior. She'll give him just enough to keep him compliant, but go to bed angry and tell his dick he has insufficient funds for any transaction he attempts.


     You'll get shit-faced drunk then get behind the wheel of your car. You'll go out and fuck someone you just met without protection. You'll go home with someone you just met that night and not even know their last name or letting someone know where you are. You're not for sale? Fuck you; you're putting a price on your life and safety and paying with the possibility of an abduction or rape accusation. A man will go to another woman's ATM machine to do his business and pay a high fucking service fee for not using his home bank. As long as he can make that withdrawal (More likely deposit) in that ass, he's happy to pay whatever it costs.


     In addition to putting a price on your kids' favor, you'll put their safety up for sale; their reputation. You'll allow them to put a price on themselves. They're setting their own rule and boundaries in your house. Your 13-year-old is downloading porn by the truckload, and your daughter's making movies, sending pictures and texts on social media and their phones. They're meeting men on dating and hookup sites. Underaged drinking, smoking pot, and doing other drugs. They're having boys spend the night under your roof because you don't want them getting sucking dick or getting fucked in a car, next to a fast-food dumpster. You won't say anything because you want to respect their privacy and boundaries. Again, you're pimping your kids out for the price of not being as strict as your parents were.


    Money. Power. Respect. Popularity. Recognition. Love. Sex. Favoritism. Possessions. Career; all up for sale. Pride. Respect. Integrity. Safety. Freedom. Honor. Dignity. Self-esteem/confidence. Your family; your children. Your relationship. Your marriage. Your friends, that's the price you'll pay.  


~~~~~~ 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

NOW FEAR THIS

OCT 5, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS

     Whether they’re 11, 21, or 31, sometimes jail is the best thing for your kids.

No parent wants to see their children locked up and you have their best interest at heart, but some of your kids are fucked up, they don’t have the discipline you can’t or refuse to give them.


     Why the hell are you afraid of your children? As in literally afraid of being physically hurt by your 12-year-old? Your children are throwing shit at you, cursing at you, threatening you, destroying your home, stealing and doing drugs under YOUR roof. They’re bullying kids at school and their siblings. They’re starting fights and attacking other kids. They’re disrespecting and even threatening their teachers.


     They’re doing that shit because you let them do that shit to you at home. You let your children act any which way they want because you’re afraid of them. “They just have anger issues” is your defense whenever you get a call about your kids fucking up. You come to their defense when other adults tell you your kids are beating up and bullying their kids. You believe what your kids tell you over what other adults tell you about your kids.


     You know what others are telling you is the truth because what they’re telling you is the same shit your kids are doing to you at home. Your younger children are telling you the same shit teachers, principals, and the kids who USED to be your kid’s friends are telling you. It’s not a phase; it’s not something all kids go through. Every kid doesn’t raise a butcher knife or hammer to their parents and threaten to hit or stab them. Every kid doesn’t tell their parents they’re going to shoot them if they take away their cellphone or video game system. Your kids are that way because you make excuses for them being assholes who needed their ass kicked when they first tried that shit.


     You’re afraid for your life when your kids tell you they’re getting mad, and they’re going to hurt you when they lose their temper. You can’t find the family pet, or they refuse to come inside when your kid is at home. They’re always hitting, choking, or doing something fucked up to the dog to torture him and make your younger children watch. They get joy out of watching them cry and beg them to stop.


     You thought it was a phase they’d grow out of when they were younger. You let them punch and kick you when they couldn’t do what they wanted or didn’t get their way. Now they’re older, and you never set them straight because you didn’t want to be the bad guy. You didn’t want to be just like your parents. You let all these doctors and specialists attach a bunch of fucking letters in front of the word, “Syndrome” or, “Disorder” and used it to justify nothing more than your kid needs his ass kicked.


     Your kids know what they’re doing is wrong, there’s no disorder or syndrome; they’re just assholes who need a good, old-fashioned ass-kicking. They’re past needing the type of discipline a parent gives a child, but the type of ass-kicking they’ll only get in prison when the inmates find out that your piece of shit kid raised their hand to pull knives on and threaten their mothers. That’s just a small step below being a child molester or child murderer. Even the hardest of criminals won’t tolerate being locked up with some fucking asshole who disrespects their parents, especially their mother!


     Now, here you are, scared of your fucking 13-year old because he’ll throw his plate at your head because you made pasta, and he wanted pizza for dinner. You’re scared to go to sleep at night because they told you they were going to hurt you for not buying them a video game or letting them go to a party. Your children are making your home life unbearable and unsafe because you’re scared of your pre-teen! They’re that way because you’ve allowed them to be that way since they were younger. You refused to check that shit back then, and now they’re out of control. They weren’t perfect angels when they were smaller and just decided to become an asshole on a whim; your little angel was an asshole before then and you closed your eyes to it and made excuses for their behavior.


     Your kids know you’re afraid of them, and they use it every chance they get. They know you’re not physically strong enough to stand up to them because of the cancer treatments. You had them later in life, and now they see you as being too old or weak to defend yourself. There’s no one else in the house to protect you, so they have you living in constant fear for your life whenever they get mad. They can’t get past the big boss in their favorite video game, and they’ll turn their anger onto you.


     You made empty threats about punishing them and never followed through. You wanted to be the better, more popular parent than your estranged ex during the separation. You used them lashing out because of the divorce as an excuse for them being the way they are. Guilt is NOT a reason to let your children threaten or abuse you.


     You may not see it that way, but you’re being violently abused by your children. You don’t see it that way because, for some reason, you can’t accept the idea of your child being abusive. They’ve hit you. They verbally degrade and insult you. They threaten you. They steal from you. How’s that NOT abuse in its most primal form? When it comes to parental abuse, all the signs are the same as if it were spouse abuse or domestic violence. In most cases, it’s even worse because parents don’t see it as abuse; to them, that’s an adult problem.


     Your kids sneak out of the house and take your car whenever they feel like it. They hate getting up early and going to school so you let them wake up whenever they want and do it online. They got drunk, drove your car, and caused a fatal accident, and you’ll STILL defend what they did like its something kids just do to be rebellious. You’re taking the bus to work or they’re taking your bank card. You have to ask for permission to spend your own money or anything for yourself, and only if you buy them something as well. You won’t do anything about it, so they have no reason to change. They’re drinking, smoking weed, and having sex in your house, and you don’t even think about how you get to go to jail for that shit if their parents called the police. You can’t even leave the house because you’re afraid of what they’ll do to the house or your other children. You’re a prisoner in your own home, but you’re scared to be at home.


     It’s not a black thing or a white thing, it’s you as a parent thing. Race and ethnicity have absolutely nothing to do with this situation. You’re just shitty parents who’ve allowed your children to take over and ruin your lives. You’re too busy keeping tabs on each other, trying to make sure you aren’t being cheated on or being made a fool of by your partner or spouse. You’re not paying enough attention to raising your kids. You look to everyone and everything else to do your job, but they’re learning the wrong shit from the wrong people. You’re so scared of your children hurting you but you won’t put them out, and you won’t put them in their place. Your alternative is to let them have the run of the house, and you pay the bills.


     Your kids just may need to be locked up for a while; show them where they’re headed if they don’t get their shit straight. If you’re that much in fear for your personal safety or for of your family, put them the fuck out. If they’re grown enough at 11 years old to threaten you and raise their hand to you, then it’s time for them to go. If the government tells you it’s against the law, then let them law have them. The more sensible reaction would be to put your foot dead in his/her ass.


     If you supposedly love them too much to discipline them or your child’s too tall or more than you can handle physically, then go find some bigger kids and pay them to fuck your kid up. Even the biggest, most hardcore killer will not tolerate learning some little punk is disrespecting, threatening, and putting his hands on his mother.


     If they want to threaten you with calling the police, let them; and kick their ass until the cops get there. Show them the broken TV, the holes they punched in the walls when they, “lost their temper”. Show them the knife marks all over the house and the broken mirrors. Let them take that fucker into custody for the destruction of property, assault, and attempted murder. Talk to your other kids about how they’re treated. Ask them how fucked up their brother or sister is to them. They won’t lie, not about that shit.


     No one’s going to lie to you about your kid showing them a gun and threatening to kill them. No kid’s going lie about your kid pulling a knife out and taking what they wanted; that’s called armed robbery. You’re afraid of your kid s because you’ve given them everything they’ve demanded, not asked for or earned, for as long as they can remember. They’ve learned by your reactions that if they can’t get their way, violence gets them their way. You fear your kids because your kids don’t fear you. You’re a “Modern” parental home where you feel fear is an outdated and barbaric practice. You refuse to indulge in such primitive behavior, such as handing out an ass-whipping. You denounce fear and violence as a correction of behavior or punishment, but your kids thrive on it. They count on fear to mold you into what they want you to be.


     You’re scared of your kids because you feel guilty about not being there for them because you work all the time, or you understand their behavior as, “Lashing out”. They’re the oldest, and they’re jealous of their younger brother or sister who gets all of your attention. It’s not because they’re smaller and need you more, you show them favoritism and attention because they’re not throwing fucking knives at your head. Your kid broke their brother’s arm or dislocated their sister’s shoulder and they told you they were just play-wrestling.


     You actually allow your child to live under your roof, and threaten you with physical harm on a daily basis. They threaten your life and the lives of your other children; then you buy them whatever they want because you believe if you don’t, they’re going to hurt you in your sleep. You’re nodding behind the wheel, or you’re dragging ass at work because you can barely sleep. The only time you’re allowed to sleep soundly is after they’ve taken your car and disappeared for days at a time.


     You feed them, clothe them, pay the bills, and keep a roof over their head, and they show you no respect or appreciation. They know you’re weak, and won’t lift a finger to defend yourself or the rest of the family. You’re begging and bargaining with them for your personal safety and you avoid causing them to lose their temper. Fuck that little bastard. That’s YOUR child, and you’re the parent! Put their ass out, beat the hell out of them, or get someone else to do it. Call the police to come to get them.


     Your kids are the way they are because they’ve never had anyone who was willing to fuck them up within an inch of their life or scare the temper right out of them. They’re like that with you because you allow it; trust me, if you want it to end, you’re going to have to deal with your kid getting fucked up. One day, they’re going to try that shit outside the house and come across someone who’s going to seriously fuck them up or kill them. Don’t get weird when no one cares or sheds a fucking tear for that little asshole. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

HOCUS FOCUS

SEP 27, 2020

BY D.K. LIONS

     Nearsightedness: only being able to see and focus on what is right in front of you or for a limited distance in any direction. Not just about physical sight, you can get caught in a nearsighted situation in your relationship. We hold ourselves and the people we know and love on trial because of nearsightedness. We will accuse someone of not being there for us when we need them. We will believe we are being put on the backburner for what seems like trivial shit to us, but important to someone else.


     The bigger picture's blurry, and we strain to see it. We figure we will deal with it when it gets closer or can see more of it. We know the iceberg's there, but we believe anything that big can be handled or avoided when we get closer; it is too far away to worry about it now. You could be doing something else while you are waiting. You have no sense of pre-planning. We cannot look forward to the finish line because we can only see what is directly in front of us, or we are too busy looking behind us. Taking someone else's directions will not work unless we can see it for ourselves.


     Being nearsighted causes us to see and think about the here and now; down the road does not interest us because we cannot see it. If we cannot see it, it does not exist, interest us, or occupy our thoughts. What we WILL do is put so much into the small, visible area we CAN see now and make that the center of the entire relationship. We do not know what is down the road, so what is down the road does not apply. We will accuse our partner of ignoring us or complain that they do not spend enough time with us. They are working, building a business, chasing their dreams, etc. The nearsighted can only see what is directly in front of them; nothing else matters.


     The problem with dealing with someone who is nearsighted is that you are always going to have to defend yourself. Any time, effort, or attention is taken away from them will be questioned and criticized. If you are working, you are working too much. If you are chasing a dream, you are taking too much time away from them. If you are working out, that’s time you could be spending together, even though they asked you to come along. It is not what you are into, and you should only be doing things both of you enjoy so you can spend time together.


     Examples of being nearsighted would be a spouse getting irritated at the other for working extra hours for the past few weeks. What they do not realize is that the other person was getting that overtime to have money to catch up on bills or surprise them with an expensive gift for their birthday or anniversary. Their focus was on their partner spending so much time away from home. Another example is knowing your significant other's trying to start or run a business as a personal trainer. Still, the focus is on the clientele being the opposite sex, and nearsightedness will cause criticism, accusations, and jealousy.


     Nearsightedness and selfishness go hand in hand; it is all about what can be seen. Even when they describe the bigger picture in full detail, because you cannot see it for yourself and it does not involve you, it does not exist, and it does not interest you. You live entirely in the here and now; you will not be concerned with what is in the future. For all you know, there is nothing there, and that is what you believe the other person's doing; nothing. They are wasting time, rushing to get nowhere when they could be spending all or most of their free time and effort into the area you can see.


     You want to go out, but they have a long shift the next day, so they just want a relaxing night at home with you. Since they do not have to work until nine instead of seven, you do not see why you cannot go out for just a little while. It is because once you get out together, you are going to bitch about leaving while it is still early. You will wonder why they want to leave suddenly, and it will turn into something much bigger than it should have been. They think it is because you saw someone walk in you do not want to see, you do not want to be seen with them, or for some other reason besides, they want to get home and rest or spend alone time with you.


     You cannot see the bigger picture because you cannot SEE the bigger picture, and you refuse to get glasses. You must see it for yourself to believe it. You are too worried about how your partner’s spending too much time paddling towards a safe direction, instead of sitting in the boat, cuddled with you, holding hands, and enjoying the scenery. You will complain about them trying to get the motor running and get you both out of harm's way. When they are safe, you both are safe; when they are successful, you are BOTH successful. You would rather go over the edge together because you will be together; why shouldn't you support them trying to prevent going over the edge at all?


     A man or a woman will start to work out or take a more active interest in their health, fitness, and figure. They will get a gym membership and bust their ass to lose weight, build muscle, etc. The nearsighted person will not see it as a personal choice, interest, or effort; instead, they wonder who you are working out to look good for, other than for them. They will see the time spent at the gym as time away from them, or time around someone else or other people, even though they have invited to come along. Just because it is not their thing, it should not be yours either.


     Being nearsighted will cause ripples in a relationship, especially if one person is more motivated than the other. If you are not on the same page or have not communicated your thoughts and feelings completely, you are in for a bumpy ride, headed for a failure in your relationship. Nearsighted thinking can work the other way around too. You can be so wrapped up in what you are doing outside the home; you will “forget” and backburner your spouse, family, friends, etc. You will sacrifice time and availability and make promises you cannot keep. You will miss out on recitals, concerts, games, rehearsals, etc. because you are chasing your CEO or grooming one of your children for success while the others suffer your absence. You will sacrifice “Date night” repeatedly, trying to get every project done ahead of schedule.


     Nearsightedness will cause you to lose focus or sacrifice your goals and ambitions to keep the peace in your relationship. Nearsighted people will put you in a position to abandon your dreams and ambitions altogether. Anyone can be, and everyone is capable and has been nearsighted at some point in their lives, or under the perfect set of circumstances.


     The saying goes, "You can't see the forest because the trees are in the way." is a perfect representation of nearsightedness. This will cause blame and resentment in your relationship. You are pissed because you feel like they are making you choose between them and your goals; they feel like they are being put on the back burner for everything else, and they are just a convenience.


     Being nearsighted can and will destroy your relationship; you can bet on it. Eventually, one person will get tired of the constant detours to be a better person. The other will get sick of feeling like they aren’t vital and, the relationship will dissolve, or they’ll find someone else who meets what they need, whether it be more time spent together or support and understanding of chasing goals.


     Nearsightedness is unhealthy, but do not use it as an excuse to ignore your partner. Even if you are trying to create a better life for yourself and your family, you still must be available for each other and balance life, work, interests, goals, and dreams. Do not take on so much you cannot give each other your time and availability. Do not be so wrapped in what is directly in your face that you cannot offer the support they need to feel appreciated. Who wants to be nearsighted when 20/20 vision makes things so much clearer?


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

SINGLED OUT

SEP 20, 2020

BY LISA JILLS

     Trying to be independent as a single woman, we focus on things that might not be as important as others but give little to no thought on others that could possibly hurt us the most in the long run. We strive not to be taken advantage of, used for sex, or put in questionable situations, but no matter how hard we try, evil still lurks around every corner. We'll ignore the obvious in pursuit of defending ourselves from rumors, having our independence compromised, or our individuality challenged. No matter how strong we are or try to be, there's shit we should and need to know and have in order to maintain what we hold most dear.


- TOOLS - Not just the local retail store hammer, screwdrivers, and wrenches in the cute little tool bag for $20. An actual toolbox with a cordless drill or impact driver with a full set of attachments. Box wrenches, screwdrivers, and other quality, brand name tools. Not necessarily top of the line, but something that's going to do more than just hang a picture frame, tighten a loose screw on a pot handle, or change the batteries in your son's remote-control car.


- PROTECTION - Not necessarily always a gun; which might not be a bad thing, but maybe a stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade; something that could be handheld and used while walking to your car after work or happy hour at the bar. Something easily accessible when needed. If you do opt for a firearm, learn how to use it; don't just buy it and lock it away. Take it to the range; most ranges have people who will offer tips to help familiarize you with your firearm.


- LIFEGUARD - Whether it's a first date, first meeting, or you've been out a few times, you should always have someone who knows where you are, where you're going, who you're with, and what time to expect you home. Your lifeguard should be the person you can call at a moment's notice. They can text you to make sure you're okay. You can call them if you need a ride home or when you get home safe and sound.


- EMERGENCY CAR KIT - Flares, inflator, flat fixing fluid, antifreeze, gloves, working jack, and good spare tire. Triangles, safety vest. Signal light.


- EMERGENCY CASH - In case you lose your purse, your friends disappear, your date gets pissed because you won't have sex with him. For any number of reasons, $40-$60 in cash is always a good thing to have in your car at all times and with you if you're not driving, just in case. You never know; it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.


- FLASHLIGHT - Common sense.


- ALARMS - Smoke detectors, door/window alarms, etc. With actual working batteries.


- MATCHES OR LIGHTER - Weather-resistant, long-stem matches or a quality lighter.


- EVAC BAG FOR YOUR CAR - Being stranded in unfamiliar territory sucks, but your road trip could've been a lot worse if you hadn't had your evac bag with you when your car overheated, engine/battery died or waiting for roadside service. Sunscreen when it's hot. Cold weather or rain gear. Food, water, first aid kit. Flashlight with batteries, maybe a windup radio or walkie. That car with the tinted windows that are driven by five times within the last hour doesn't frighten you as much with the .38 pistol you've been practicing with at your side.


- EMERGENCY EXIT PLAN - Always have more than one way to get out of your house if someone breaks in. Have a way out of your bedroom, bathroom, etc. in case the intruder doesn't know you're home.


- HARD COPY OF PHONE INFO - In case your phone dies, gets broken, lost, stolen, whatever. It sucks not having anyone to call for help when you don't know anyone's number by heart, or you can't access your contacts. At least you have a hard copy of numbers to use, or in case you accidentally delete an important number.


- HAVE MORE THAN ONE EMERGENCY CONTACT - In case you can't get ahold of your primary emergency contact, there's nothing wrong with having another. For some reason, some women will confuse this as a reflection of your friendship; they'll wonder why you need more than one emergency contact. They don't realize it's not about them, it's about you and your safety.


- MEDICAL I.D. BRACELET - If you need one, get one.


- GLASSES - If you wear contacts, it's always a good idea to have a pair of glasses in case you run out, have no solution to put one back in, or you just plain lose one. If it'd dusty outside, it's best to take your contacts out and wear your glasses instead.


- CONDOMS - Sometimes, the unexpected happens; you meet someone, and things go sideways. He seems like a great guy, you're on the rebound, or out for revenge. Next thing you know, you're in the back seat of the car or at yours or his place. It wasn't planned, but you can be safe, and you have protection on hand. You know men will lie about it and avoid using a condom whenever they can, and not having one is one of the biggest reasons they have.


- FIRST AID KIT - More than just a half box of adhesive bandages and peroxide or rubbing alcohol. Gauze, tape, tweezers, needle, burn cream, etc. If you use something from it, replace it.


- SEWING KIT - More than just a needle and thread. Know how to spot repair a torn or loose button. You're in the middle of your workday, and you realize you have a torn seam in the crotch or ass of your pants to a rip in the seam of your dress or skirt. It's a good idea to have a quick-fix kit in our purse, but in the home, you can save costly repairs or avoid throwing out or shoving your favorite article of clothing in the back of the closet.


- SAFE HAVEN - Have someone in your complex or neighborhood who you can run to and get away from a bad situation. From an abusive relationship to a home invasion, they're within running distance, and you know where they keep the spare key. If no one's home, you have a visual signal to let them know you're in their home when they pull up, such as a colored light bulb or blacklight. It's also a good idea to have a 3-5 days supply of clothes, personal items, and cash or prepaid bank cards at your safe haven.


- TRADITIONAL, "MANLY" MALE FRIEND - Blurred gender lines aside, it's always good to have that one, "Manly" guy friend who still prides himself on being a traditional man. This is the guy who can go with you to shop for a new car or get yours repaired and won't allow you to be swindled or taken advantage of, just because he's standing next to you. This is the guy your psycho ex-boyfriend or husband won't want to tangle with. He's the "Woodsman" to your, "Damsel in distress". You can call on him for traditionally male roles.


- MULTI ROLE EVACUATION PLAN - Every place you walk into, scan the room for more than one way to get the hell out of dodge in a hurry if you need to, for any reason whatsoever. From a bad date to a fire, know how to get the hell out ASAP!


- SAME PLACE IN YOUR PURSE FOR KEYS - Don't be a target. One of the biggest mistakes we make is just tossing our keys in our purse, then fumbling around in the dark or under the streetlight, trying to locate them. We'll get dropped off at home by one of our friends and wait until we're out of the car, our friends pull away, then stand at the front door, searching for door keys. These situations put us at risk for attack. Have just one section, compartment, or clip to where you know exactly where your keys are or have them in your hand and between your fingers in case you need to fight off an assailant.


- STANDARD PARKING PLACE - When you go to the grocery store, park on the same side every time, that way, you're not wandering the parking lot, trying to remember where you parked each time you walk out. It limits the amount of time spent in potential harm's way or being approached or accidentally getting hit by a car.


- DOOR JAMB/STOPPER - These are great for preventing your sliding windows and doors from being opened wide enough to allow intruder access. These are cheap to buy, or you can even make them yourself with very little effort. Another inexpensive measure is to hammer nails through a slat of wood and place them on the floor in front of your windows in case someone does make it inside. When they step down, those nails are going right through their shoes and feet. Try putting a stand in front of your door with glass hanging halfway off, so if someone pushes the front door in, the glass falls off and breaks, alerting you of an intruder.


- VISUAL DISTRESS SIGNAL - In case of a home invasion, robbery, or assault. You're locked in your bedroom, and you have no way to call for help. Have a pre-determined colored lamp, light bulb, or some other type of visual signal that alerts your neighbors to your situation, and you need help. Even if it's as simple as a battery-operated strobe light in the window.


- CODEWORD/PHRASE FOR HELP - In case an intruder does make it inside and has you captive, have a codeword or phrase where your friends or neighbors call to check on you, based on your distress signal that tells them everything's not fine and to call the police.


- SNEAKERS NEXT TO BED - Some people have issues with running for help in bare feet. You heard something that made you feel unsafe and needs to get the hell out in a hurry. You're more likely to kick a window out wearing sneakers than bare feet. Believe it or not, the soles of a good pair of sneakers are great makeshift boxing gloves; they cover a larger area of the attacker's face, and women tend to punch harder when they feel they can do it without hurting their hands.


- TRACKING APP FOR PHONE - An easy no-brainer. It's a starting point for your search if something goes wrong.


- WORKING LOCKS - It's pointless to have doors and windows with locks that don't work, or you don't use.


- SPARE IGNITION KEY IN CAR - Have a spare set of keys in the garage or under that false rock on the side of the house in case you have to run out in a hurry, and you couldn't get to your keys. Your car's in your garage, so the doors are unlocked, but without an ignition key, you're stuck.


- COMFORTABLE SHOES FOR CAR - You had a great night out with your girlfriends, but after a night of drinking and dancing, your feet are killing you. Have a comfortable pair of shoes to slip in on the way home. Plus, it would be hard to run drunk or in heels if you needed to.


- HALF TANK OF GAS - Don't get caught having to fill up on your way home after dark.


- WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF VEHICLE - Know how to change a tire, check your oil or coolant. Know how to jump-start your car and have your own jumper cables. That way, you can ask for a jump from another woman than a man, believing he's more likely to have cables.


- VARIOUS PLACES AND ROUTES FOR ERRANDS - The best way to avoid being stalked or routines narrowed down is to vary your routes to and from your normal places. Have more than one dry cleaner, grocery store, gym, etc. Vary the times and the order in which you run your errands. All of these will make it harder for someone to predict the best time to attack you.


- EMERGENCY RATIONS - There are plenty of reasons to have at least a few day's worth of rations in your home in case of foul weather or some other unforeseen situation. Food. Water. 1st aid kit. If you have a gun, extra ammunition. Who knows?


- CHANGE OF CLOTHES/OVERNIGHT BAG - In case something happens, and you just need a change of clothes. You went out with your friends, and you needed to spend the night on their couch; you have something to wear to work the next day. You met someone the night before, and you want to avoid the outfit associated with the walk of shame, so you have a fresh pair of clothes.


- FEMININE PRODUCTS ON HAND - Common sense. That time of the month can sneak up on you like an assassin and hit harder than a hammer.


- TWO WAY WALKIE FOR SECURITY - Your next-door neighbor has the other one, in case you need to call for help.


- BARRICADE FOR EVERY ROOM - Have a plan for securing yourself in a room in case the need arises.


     Should women be able to go out and get home safely? Yes. Should women be able to have one drink too many and not have to worry about being attacked or taken advantage of? Absolutely! Home should be the one place women feel the safest, even in a world where realism makes this a concern. Safety isn't a thing of the past, but let's not be blind or ignorant; we don't live in that kind of world, and we have to be smart about protecting ourselves. Being single doesn't mean being a victim. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

FREINDSHIP BRACELET

AUG 30, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     Why in the hell would you want to be friends with the person your spouse or partner cheated on you with? What the hell do you have in common besides being fucked over by the same person? You were brought together by somebody who told you both they loved you, by someone who fucked one of you, then came home and fucked the other or stuck their dick in your mouth. Your newfound association and friendship are based on you both being lied to, used, and manipulated by the same person. Otherwise, the two of you would’ve never crossed paths.

 

     This isn’t a support group; this isn’t a situation where the shoulder you need to lean on belongs to the woman who dated, fell in love with, and fucked your husband. Not only did they just have sex, at some point, but they also had feelings for each other and just fucking evolved into making love. If you’re a guy who got cheated on, this isn’t the man you should be hanging out with, even if you’re just out looking for women to use to fuck your ex out of your system.

 

     This is the person your wife or husband spent time with, fucked, went on dates with, developed feelings for, made love to, and even possibly made plans with for the future. They snuck out of the house, started fights with you, lied about where they were going, who they were with, and where they were to be with this other person. Your man or lady talked shit about you to them and claimed you as their psycho ex. The foundation of your friendship is one of the most traumatic discoveries and experiences of your adult life, and your friendship will be a reminder. 

 

     Your friendship with this person is a piece of memorabilia from the worst day of your relationship. It will make your healing time last longer than it should. You’re voluntarily keeping a wound open and exposed to infection and disease beyond normal healing time. Your hatred and bitterness from the bullshit will spread back and forth, keeping you both from moving on.

 

     What if the cheating was opposite sex-based and now you’re not only friends, but you’ve developed feelings or started sleeping together? A woman will end up falling for the husband/partner of the woman HER husband/partner cheated with or vice-versa. How is that a good idea? Say it, so it doesn’t sound like you’re not both fucking idiots, and you’re not setting yourself up for a constant recap of how you got fucked over. How do you explain how the two of you met? If you’re embarrassed, to tell the truth, your relationship will automatically begin with a HUGE fucking lie to everyone you know or ask how you met. 

 

     They’re hurting just like you and can keep you from making the best decisions on residual issues like using your kids for revenge or hooking up with random people. You’re having impulsive unprotected sex, going home with or inviting strangers into your home, putting your safety and the safety of your children in jeopardy. Even though they got shit on just as bad as you did, they could still want to be with your wife or husband and will sabotage your reconciliation. 

 

     They could talk you into doing something illegal. You’ll want to throw all their shit out int the front yard, and they’ll help you, but legally, you can’t do that. You want to sell all their shit for $1 or burn everything they own, but you can’t do that either. Their quest for revenge makes you a pawn. They don’t care about your friendship; you’re a sleeper agent in their war against the person who fucked them over. You’re already in place, and you’ve just been activated. You have all the intelligence and access they need for a full-scale assault on their ass with devastating results. They want to know what you know, and although you feel they deserve some type of retribution or payback, it shouldn’t come at your expense. Haven’t you suffered enough?

 

     You’re eventually going to see the bed they fucked in, ride in the car they went on dates in. You’re going to sit in the same passenger seat she climbed over and rode your man bareback in, and she hasn’t had a seat cleaned, so you’re sitting in her dry cum. You’re in the car seat your man was in when she sucked his dick. You’ll be less than 2 feet from the back seat your man shot his load inside another woman before he came home to you. You’ll eventually find yourself on the couch, or at the table, your man bent another woman over and fucked. You’re sitting across from the woman your man came inside of, and the two of you are having lunch or spending happy hour together, laughing, and joking. You’re at the bar or club trying to pick up women or shooting basketball with the guy who busted a nut in your wife’s mouth and made her swallow. 

 

    There’s no reason for your kids to be friends, much less meet, even if they have things in common. It’s different if they’re already friends, on the same teams or in similar activities. How would you explain that to your kids? How would you feel when your kids come home and ask about the rumors they’ve heard about their dad and Jimmy’s mom? How are you going to handle when your oldest child comes home and confronts you about keeping them in the dark about how their mom or dad cheated on you with one of the parents of their girlfriend or boyfriend? You’ll be just as guilty in their eyes for being friends with them, and not telling them about it.

 

     It may not be their fault, but why would you want to keep in contact with or hang out with the man who fucked your wife or girlfriend? Why would you want to regularly hear from, or visit and spend time with the woman who fell in love with your man? They may hate that person’s guts, but that’s because they loved them and thought they were their one and only and got hurt. You’re sharing a friendship with someone who was or might still be in love with the man or woman who destroyed your relationship or marriage. 

 

     You’ll defend the other person, even though they knew about you from the beginning. Since they were the single one, they’re less at fault than the one who’s in the relationship. Your partner will take the blame due to gender solidarity. They want an ally, someone to be as pissed off as they are so you can help each other through it or be pissed off together. They want a shoulder to cry on or be a victim with. They claimed to not know about you, but you know that’s a lie. You’re both out at the bar or club, and the person they’re hitting on just told them they were in a relationship. When they respond, they don’t care. They’re just looking for a good time or friend with benefits; it’s going to be hard for you to believe they didn’t know about you when they were fucking your wife or husband. 

 

     It’s hard to believe they were at your house and didn’t know about you. Men and women don’t use the same soap, hair care products, face cleansers, etc. Single men don’t sleep on linens with flowers on them or decorate their bathrooms in certain colors or combinations. Both men and women should be able to tell if there’s a man or woman living with the person, they’re having a relationship or sex with. It’s only a matter of time before they slip up and forget to hide something or put something back before their spouse returns.

 

     You think you stumbled onto a new friend formed from the ashes of a shitty situation. Being fucked over by the same person got you together with the man or woman you have feelings for now. You feel like you lucked out and found a new potential good friend, but you really didn’t. It’s going to slip out they knew about you the whole time. You’re going to eventually realize this is the person that fucked your partner when you go to sit in their car and see the dry sex stains on their seats. Reality will set in that your hangout partner or new best friend has been in your house when you weren’t there and in your bed. They ate your food, drank your liquor, and at some point, fucked your wife or husband and possibly did some or all of this while your kids were home. Is this really what you want? The friendship you really need.

 

     Every sex story they tell you about could be about your wife or husband, even though they won’t tell you so. You’ll obsess wondering if they’re talking about shit, they did with your partner that they wouldn’t do for you. How will you react when the two of you are out, and you run into the person who fucked you both over? What’s even worse is when that happens, and it comes out the person they cheated with is still seeing them behind your back? Then What? Don’t get mad; this is a friendship that should’ve NEVER formed!


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

NO ANSWER

AUG 23, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     We feel that if we ask a question, we deserve an answer. For the most part, we ask questions, hoping to the answer we get, and the truth is the same. In some cases, that is just going to be true in either expectation. Sometimes, you're not going to get the truth; you're not going to get the answer you were expecting or even wanting. Sometimes, you're just not going to get an answer, period. Nonetheless, you have to understand something is just could be none of your concern, but the person you ask loves, respects, or wants your trust, so they'll answer anyway.


     Answers, like actions, have a consequence. When you or your partner express their thoughts on a subject, you have a choice to respect their feelings and refrain from saying or doing what they've asked of you. Or to go ahead with your original plan. Still, there will be a reaction or consequence to every choice. If someone asks you something, it's YOUR choice to answer; both the person asking and answering the need to understand that. Also, the person asking has to realize that just because they want to know doesn't necessarily mean it's their business. The other person may not think they should have to answer, especially if they haven't given any reason to question their trust or fidelity. Some questions will just pulse with mistrust and accusations, while others will sound like their partner's trying to keep tabs or suppress their internal suspicions.


     There's no obligation for your partner to tell you where they're going every time, they walk out the door. Nor do they need to provide a detailed list of who's going to be there. Where they were if they happen to come home 20-30 minutes later than usual from work or when they said they'd be home. They don't owe you an explanation as to why it took them longer on that particular day to get home. Your reason for a girl's or guys' night out is just that; YOUR reason. Why you're dressed that little black dress or polo shirt and slacks; wearing cologne/perfume, you can ask, but why they dress like that when they go out with their friends and like a thug or soccer mom when they go out with you is because you allow that shit; you refuse to speak up.


     What time you'll be home may be subject to change based on unforeseen circumstances; your friends needed a ride home, lost track of time, locked keys in the car, traffic road closures, etc. Or maybe you were just having innocent fun, and you wanted to stay out longer. Why haven't you checked in all night? Why didn't you answer the phone or text? Because they were dancing, left the phone in the car, you called/texted every 15 fucking minutes, and they got sick of it. What does it matter if they got hit on? They came home to you.


     Your partner's sexual history is none of your business; it was before you met. How many people they fucked, how they got fucked, the freaky shit they used to do, whether or not if the shit they do with you they did with someone else. Past STD's/STI's; as long as they're not an issue in your present relationship, there's no obligation to answer. Why would you ask someone to relive a sexual assault or abuse, just to satisfy your petty curiosity? Any attraction to or sexual dreams they had about someone else. Past cheating. Whether or not they dated or fucked the opposite-sex friend they just introduced you to. How good your sex is, compared to their former partners.


     Who just called/texted you? Who are these people on your phone or social media page, making comments and sending you messages? Who's posting on your page? Where your phone is. Why is it off or locked; maybe it's because they want to spend time with you undisturbed and give you their 100% undivided attention. Their passwords to their phone, social media email, laptop, etc. is NOT your fucking business!


     How much money they make; as long as the bills are paid and the savings account gets the budgeted money deposited every month, everything else is their business. Unless you're sharing an account, how much they just spent on those sneakers or that purse doesn't concern you.


     Who's attracted to you at work which you might be attracted to. Do you guys flirt with each other, have lunch together (Even if it's innocent) DO you see each other and interact at work functions, or is that why you always look extra nice on the happy hour Fridays? How much you weigh? Why are you working out and trying to lose weight or put on muscle? Why are you suddenly buy nicer clothes?


     You've been together for over a year and want to know why they don't have a key to your place yet, why you ask them to call first, instead of just stopping by unannounced, why you're not ready to meet their kids, what you think of their friends or vice-versa.


     Again, just because you think you have a right to know doesn't mean you're going to get an answer. A good portion of the time, you'll get an answer, just to avoid the bullshit that'll rain down if they don't; are you really that selfish and self-centered that your question is answered makes them feel like you don't believe in or trust them? The truth is most of these questions are born from mistrust and suspicions; if you truly trust your partner, there would be no need to ask some of the shit you ask.


     Asking why you want to know isn't always a deflection or red flag of guilt; it's a question; no different than the one you just asked. They know you and how you are; they may already know you're not going to like the answer, and they're trying to avoid bullshit. If you can't be honest and tell the truth as to why YOU'RE asking, don't expect them to honor your request for an answer. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

WAIT FOR IT

AUG 17, 2020

BY D.K. LION

      It's bad enough you fucked up and started a relationship with someone who was already in a relationship while you were in one as well. What started off as an innocent friendship turned into something more, and now you've found yourself torn between the man you're with and the one you WANT to be with now. You held up your part of the deal; you told your husband or man you wanted out of your relationship because you found someone else. Now, you're living with your sister and brother-in-law, waiting for the other guy you fell in love with to end things with his woman so you can be together. After a month or so, he still hasn't told her. What's he waiting for? What's taking so long? Why's it so difficult to tell this other woman he doesn't want to be with her anymore?


     He's waiting for you to get your own place; the house or apartment you thought you'd be moving into after he sent his present woman packing actually belonged to her. He's waiting for you to get a car; the one he was driving the entire time you've been seeing each other is hers. You just started a new job and, he's waiting for your 90-day probation period to be over and, your position with the company is solidified. He's waiting for you to get more; more furniture, dishes, appliances, anything to make his life more comfortable because he doesn't have a fucking thing to his name. Everything you thought he already had belonged to the woman he's supposedly leaving. He's waiting for you to finish school, or whatever else you're doing that takes time away from him.


     You thought he had a job, but all the money he had came from his lady; he's waiting to get a job. He doesn't want to be around your kids. He's waiting for you to negotiate visitation with your kid's father. This new guy definitely doesn't want your kids 24/7. Maybe he's waiting for your kids to get older, old enough to have their own lives and to be at home unsupervised. He's waiting for you to get your insurance check from the accident you had a few months ago. Or he's waiting for his, "Soon to be ex" to get HER settlement and break him off a piece of that money before he bails. He's waiting for both of you to get your tax returns. He's weighing his options; to see who the better choice is going to turn out to be. He's waiting to see if you're worth clearing out his stable of other women for. He wants to see how staying with you over a few weekends will be before committing to living with you first.


     He's waiting for his "Surprise" birthday trip to Vegas, his lady planned. He's waiting for you to lose weight. He's waiting for YOU to get tired of waiting for him and chose to move on. He's waiting for you get used to him being with the both of you. He can't leave her yet because supposedly, she owes him money, and if he leaves her, she won't pay him back, or she's using their kids against him and keeping him around.


     He's waiting to have more control over you, waiting for you to separate yourself from the friends who'll call him out on his bullshit. He wants to keep you from those people who'll warn you about him, or convince you he's being controlling, jealous, or generally full of shit. He's waiting for his come up, so he doesn't need you anymore. He's waiting for you to look better; dress better, become a better and more attractive choice for him to want to be seen without in public. He's getting older, so he's waiting for his options to dwindle. He knows women aren't finding him as attractive as he was before, so he's looking to settle down with the best possible option.


     He's waiting for you to become a better choice for him. He's waiting for you to be a more competitive choice than the one he's with right now. He wants to make sure the grass doesn't just LOOK greener, but it is greener. He wants to make sure he's not going to miss out on anything by leaving what's comfortable for the unknown. He's waiting to get absolutely everything he can from his present woman before taking advantage of his new option. What's he waiting on? He's waiting to see how long he can string you both along while he takes advantage of every advantage at his disposal. You made the grave mistake in thinking you could end your relationship to have a relationship with someone who was already in a relationship with someone else. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

CHANGING ROOM

AUG 09, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     You can't turn a hoe into a housewife, and you can't turn a hood into a husband. Don't even try. You're a fucking idiot if you think you can and, you're wasting your time. It doesn't matter how many things you have in common, there are going to be things that don't mesh with your way of thinking, your perception, or beliefs. One of the biggest fuck-ups people make is thinking they can change someone or even change themselves; not because they WANT to or know it's the right thing to do, but to please someone else. Truth is, sooner or later, your true nature will come out eventually.


     Who we are in relation to our personality, habits, preferences, and dealbreakers attract or repel members of the oppsite sex. The choice to accept somebody for who they are is something everyone has to do as an individual. Stop trying to change somebody into something they're not, or convince them to change because you believe you're made for each other, it's in their best interes or for the better of the relationship down the road.


     He's a player. She's not into PDA. He enjoys oral sex, and she'd rather suck his toes immediately after taking off his sweaty workboots than to suck his dick. He wants a threesome, and she's looking for more romance instead of just fucking all the time. One's looking for a relationship. The other just wants to date around to see what's out there before settling. He's physically and/or mentally abusive. He drinks smokes cigarettes and pot. She wants kids, and he doesn't. He's Catholic, she's Protestant. She goes to church, and he's at the strip club every weekend with his friends. She wants him to communicate more. He thinks she's WAY too serious all the time.


     He's broke, lazy, and has no desire, drive, or motivation past working the register at the local fast food joint. She's a corporate workaholic, chasing her CEO. He believes if she gets too high up in her company, she'll trade him in for a different model. He'll try to change her career motivation to keep her at the professional level she's at by discouraging her drive for career advancement. He's jealous and possessive, quick to fight anyone who looks at her for too damn long, but he checks out other women in front of her. She procrastinates. He's a loud, boisterous sports fanatic who yells at the TV as if they can hear him. He spends hundreds of dollars on sneakers, jerseys, and other memorabilia. She sees this as a pointless waste of money. She doesn't cook and can't be trusted with the credit/debit card. She posts EVERYTHING on social media.


     He has WAY too many childish hobbies; cartoon battle cards, online RPG's. When he's not playing video games 3-5 hours a night, he's engulfed himself in porn. She likes to go out dancing, and he just sits there, moping because he doesn't want to be at the club. He'll make her feel like shit for wanting to dance. He'll make her sit there, as miserable as he is. She wants him to take her out more, and he wants her to dress down and be less attractive in the eyes of other men, even though she dressed sexily and provocatively when they met. He'll sabotage her interest and dedication in improving her physical fitness and appearance. On the flip side, he may WANT her to lose weight, dress sexier, and show off more of her body. She's a hoarder. He's a thug. She's a gold digger or hoodrat. She's more into art/culture while he's all about nothing but gangster rap. He expects her to do all the housework. He leaves for days at a time with no communication.


     He wants her to be a homebody while he goes out and does his dirty shit. He'll keep her from her friends so they can't convince her he isn't about shit, and she can do MUCH better. He'll cancel plans with her at the last minute hang out with his friends without her. She'll try to change who he hangs out with, replacing his shitty friends who'll try to talk him into doing fucked up shit for more positively influential guys, as in the partners of her girlfriends. He tries to dress too young for his age; she'll want him to dress classier. She's a size 16, but she'll ignore the ten that should be in front that six and dress like she's still 21.


     You're NOT going to change someone's mind about what they want or don't want. You're not going to change someone if they see nothing wrong with who they are. Change has to come to the willing. It can't be forced or bartered. The belief in change may be realistic in the mindset of younger couples, but as people get older, they get set in their ways, and the concept of change becomes much more distant. It may not be an issue right then and there, but trust me, it will be.


     Why do people feel like they can change someone? Why do people even try? If she was 250 when you met her, why would you think you'd magically be able to convince her to lose weight and get in shape for you? If he was a broke fuck with no motivation and avoiding child support when you met him, why would it surprise you that he's in that same mindset a year later? Women believe they can change a thug into a gentleman, and guys think they can turn a soccer mom into a freak. No matter how much you may have in common, if there are things you just won't budge on, there's no sense in even getting to know each other. Wave the white flag, agree on your differences, and walk away.


      It doesn't even have to be significant changes. Just because one person doesn't agree doesn't make their way wrong or your way right.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

HOME MADE

JUL, 12 2020

BY D.K. LION

     We just couldn't wait to get old enough to leave home; now that time has come and gone and, you're in your late 20's to early 30's, still living in the basement, or just down the street from where you were born or grew up. Especially when living in a small town, it may seem like the perfect place to raise a family, create a life, and grow old. However, that doesn't leave you with much life experience to pass on to the children you want to have or even make you remotely interesting to any woman outside of the place you live. You have to leave home; you have to get away from your hometown, at least temporarily.


     College. Military. Overseas volunteer work. You can always come back, but at least you left and discovered something about yourself and the world around you. There are people in their late 40s-50s who've never left the comfort of the city or neighborhood they were conceived. They live down the street from their grammar school, work two blocks away from their parents’ home, and hang out at the same bowling alley they did when they were younger.


     Leaving home will give you a sense of true independence. Breaking the comfort zone and being your own person. You put yourself in the position to solve your own problems; no more mom and dad are bailing you out. Along with independence comes unrealized freedom. You have the freedom to make choices for yourself based on your individuality. Freedom for yourself and your parents; they did their job, now it's time for them to enjoy being together and reap the benefits of their hard work and raising their children. Leaving home will increase social confidence; it'll give you the ability to approach others and initiate relationships, both professional and personal—money management skills. You are learning to prioritize and accept responsibility for your purchases.


Leaving home instills the realization of your inner strength and capabilities. Leaving home increases your sense of accomplishment when you achieve your goals. You learn self-reliance. You'll realize you've exceeded your own limits and expectations on a cosmic level of self-discovery. You'll find courage, an inner strength you never knew existed because you were shackled by knowing you could turn to dozens of people from your hometown to help you. You'll learn to solve your own problems; you can make and learn from your mistakes.


     Leaving home opens up the chance for better career opportunities. You'll meet new and exciting people, and they'll find you just as interesting. Make new friends and connections; develop interpersonal, professional/networking skills. The chance to discover new ideas, perspectives, and ways of thinking. Leaving home opens your mind to alternate views.


     You can start fresh; make changes to reinvent yourself. You can explore new and different interests, hobbies, and places to see and go before being tied down by obligations like a relationship, kids, family, etc. Leaving home makes you appreciate home more. Leaving home makes you appreciate your family more as well as the holidays. Leaving home instills pride in your parents and a sense of accomplishment that they prepared you for the world and gave you the tools and support to leave home and succeed on your own. Again, you can always come back home, and when you do, you have a better appreciation for where you've been, come from. You'll have something to pass on to not only your own children but for anyone else who may see you as a resource of experience and information for those who also make the journey from home. 


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

YOU 2.0

JUL, 5 2020

BY D.K. LION

     There comes a time when people should realize what they've been doing doesn't work for them anymore; maybe it never did. Perhaps it worked for a while, but with such a small level of success. And they've realized they're capable of so much more with the right upgrades. An upgrade is an evolution in one's personal or professional life that makes them a better, more successful person in a given situation, or overall.



     Both men and women are capable of upgrades. Still, there are definite differences in how we initiate, deal with, and view upgrades based on gender or the initiator and the individual being upgraded. An upgrade can be self-initiated or jump-started by a friend, romantic interest, even someone you've never met before. An upgrade can even be initiated by a group of same/opposite-sex strangers. 

 

     1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; when I became a man, I put away childish things." The King James translation of this verse speaks of the upgrade from thousands of years in the past. Not specifically relating to age, but our behavior. From how we speak, think, interact, understand, and respond to various situations can and should be subject to evolution and upgrade at specific times in our lives. The things we found interesting or thought were important when we were younger shouldn't hold the same value; at least one would think. Unfortunately, there are those people who just can't seem to let go of the best years of their past for fear of having to grow up or realizing their shortcomings as adults. These situations bring to light the different types of upgrades; evolutionary, situational, and temporary or perishable. 

 

     The evolutionary upgrade is when a person has come to realize he/she should be above the bullshit they've been about up that point. They normally won't see it, but someone else will. Whether it be friend, relationship, or stranger-initiated, the evolutionary upgrade happens when a person has come to terms that they're better or can be better than where they are now. For example, Jimmy's used to dating a certain type of woman; he may be all about FWB or one-night stands until he meets Megan, who's nothing like any other woman he's ever met. Prettier, classier, more educated, or whatever the case may be, Jimmy knows if he wants to keep Megan, he'll have to put away his "Player" mentality and upgrade himself to HER level, knowing she's not about to put up with the bullshit. She's about her business. He'll upgrade his style, speech, dress, even his friends to match her, and she'll make sure he knows it wasn't in vain. 

 

     Another example of the evolutionary upgrade; men will sometimes notice that no matter how much "Game" they think they have, their success rate regularly hovers around 30%. Sam is one of those men. He thinks his 30% is pretty damn good until Marcus walks in the room, doesn't even appear interested in the hunt, but he's managing to not only decimate Sam's 30%, but women are approaching HIM. At some point, Sam should realize he needs to upgrade his shit if he wants to increase his success rate. 

 

     Both good and bad situations have to capacity to trigger an upgrade. Constant rejection from the opposite sex, being passed over for promotions or career advancements over and over again. The friends you associate with give others a negative impression of who you are as an individual; all these factors will contribute to the need for an upgrade. 

 

     The situational upgrade occurs depending on the environment. Being able to adapt themselves to a higher level, but that's not who they really are; they're essential, "Playing the role" until they get what they want. On the weekends and his time off, David's all about the sagging jeans, marijuana leaf t-shirts, and every other word that comes out of his mouth is either the "N-word" or the F-bomb. Riding in his car is like a lyrical shrine to gangster rap. But Monday through Friday 8 am to 5 pm; he's clean-cut, shirt and tie, yes/no sir or ma'am. 

 

     The temporary or "Perishable upgrade is different from situational is related to the amount of time, and it's a long-term effect. The perishable upgrade is when someone upgrades to make a good first or initial impression—for example, opening doors, pulling out chairs, chewing with their mouths closed. It's unfamiliar behavior for them, and while it's easy to put on a front for a short time, sooner or later, the upgrade will wear off, and their true nature will surface. A perishable upgrade may consist of someone, not smoking or recreational drug use because the subject of their interest is absolutely against it, but eventually, it'll come out. They can hold off the amount of alcohol they drink for a while, but sooner or later, the shit-faced drunk will show itself. This type of upgrade is like dairy; it has a freshness date attached to it.

 

     A man won't typically upgrade a woman; if he views her as needing one, he'll make her nothing more than a side piece, FWB, or a hump and dump. A man won't try to upgrade another man, even his friends; he doesn't want the potential competition. Women won't usually upgrade another woman past her clothes for the night, and only if they're good friends and the initiator is in a relationship. Women will upgrade her man, but that can backfire and fuck her head up severely. He'll become self-aware of the magnitude of his upgrade and lose his fucking mind, hopefully just temporarily and without fucking up too bad. 

 

     When Dana met Robert, he was a struggling overnight truck unloader for a local retailer. During their time dating, she helped him join a gym, get in shape, and go back to community college. She upgraded his clothes, his job, the way he interacts with people, the whole nine yards. One night while out with his friends, Robert becomes aware of himself. The type and number of women who are approaching HIM! People at his new job interact with him with so much more respect and admiration it begins to go to his head. Before you know it, he's fucking around every chance he gets. 

 

     A man will resist his upgrade, even when he knows it's for the best. In his mind, he's fine just the way he is; he doesn't need to change. He'll also see the initiation of an upgrade as an insult. He'll take it as being told he's not good enough, she's telling what to do or trying to take control of the relationship. When or if a woman upgrades, it's most likely evolutionary. When men upgrade, they'll still try to run old programs on their new system, causing a crash or virus. For example, Paul's going through a personal upgrade, after deciding he needs to step up his dating game. After realizing his upgrade has opened the door to a far better professional and dating experience, he'll try to run his old programs and incorporate them into his upgrade. This action will fail miserably; his upgraded system will corrupt and crash, run slow as fuck and possibly revert back to his old system, causing his upgrade to turn to shit. 

 

     An upgrade can happen to anyone, at any time, in any place, for any reason. Recognizing the time for an upgrade is the tricky part, especially when it's self-initiated. Men will resist an upgrade because they fear to lose what they have already. They don't want to take the chance of losing out on their 30%, even for the opportunity to upgrade to 75%. Pride will prevent acceptance of an upgrade, even when they know it's the best move to make. You can't force someone to upgrade; you can't bargain or trick someone into upgrading. The best a person can do make sure the person you're trying to upgrade is worth it, and if you're the one being upgraded, don't take it as an insult, it's a gesture of interest and an investment into your future. 


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

FEELING SORRY

JUN 28, 2020

BY D.K. LION AND LISA JILLS

     You did or said something fucked up and got caught or called out on it. Instead of owning up to it, you offer what you think is an apology by saying, "I'm sorry you took it that way" or, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."


     You didn't hurt their feelings; you insulted them, plain and simple. You were offensive or condescending, and they let you know; you just weren't ready for it. Your bullshit, a half-ass apology isn't even an apology; it's an accusation of your oversensitivity.


     Why are you apologizing? Because of what you actually did or said, or is it to differ the situation and avoid escalation? Are you apologizing for HOW you said whatever you said that pissed the other person off? Most likely, you're saying you're sorry for thinking the other person was too dumb to realize what you did or said was so fucked up. "Sorry, I hurt your feelings," is nothing more than saying, "Great! Now I have to wipe, powder, and coddle your frail-minded, fetal ass through this until you get over it".


     "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" isn't an apology, it's a deflection. It shifts the spotlight from the offender and places the blame and focus on the offended. To them, it's YOUR fault you're so fucking sensitive you got butthurt and sand in your asshole; they're sorry they pushed your baby bitch button. Basically, their apology is them telling you you're fucking soft and need to harden your ass up. Just because someone brought something to you doesn’t mean their feelings got hurt. In their mind, you didn't realize what you did or said was really fucked up; as a friend, they brought it to your attention, and you dismissed them. Your half-ass apology compounded the situation.


     "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" is saying you're a fucking crybaby, and now they have to say they're sorry for making you show it. It's an underestimation of your intelligence and ability to take something and let it roll off your back. They're say sorry for assuming you were too simple-minded to decipher whatever they said or did as shitty as it was; just plain shitty. Then they fed you bullshit on top of it because you called them out on it, and now, they have to make amends for it. The apology isn't meant for the person who was offended; it's to make the offender feel as if they realized their error and learned from it. It's all about clearing their conscious. Women say it to make a man feel like shit for being bothered, putting his manhood on the cutting room floor. Men say it more to make her feel oversensitive.


     You didn't hurt their feelings, you insulted them; plain and simple. You may not realize or want to admit it, but that's what you did. You can't control how someone takes what you did or said, so don't argue; don't defend, and don't make excuses. If you're going to say you're sorry, do it for what you did or said, not how they took it.


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

DRIVE TIME

JUN 14, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     It sucks. There's no other way to say it, except that it sucks. It fucking sucks. It sucks that it has to be done, and it sucks that you're the one that has to do it. You'd rather be taking a bath in gasoline while holding a road flare than to be where you are right now, but you have to be there; you have to say something. The last thing you want to do is sit down and have this conversation, but for the sake of you, your family, and loved ones; your children and the safety of the public as a whole are at risk. It's time to ask your parents for their car keys.


     You love and respect your parents. They've raised and supported you through everything you've ever tried and succeeded or picked you up and dusted you off when you fell off your first 2-wheeler. They held that pit in their stomach the first time you pedaled off on your own, knowing that was just the beginning of your journey away from them. They watched and helped you stumble through your first driving lessons and made sure the insurance was always paid. They drove you to and from school, sports practices and after school activities; group dates to the mall or the movies. They even came to pick you up at 2 am from a party you snuck out of the house to go to and drank when you weren't old enough. They always made sure you got to where you needed to be when you needed to be there.


    Your parents have been driving for 20, 30, 40, maybe even 50 years; they come and go as they please. Now you're telling them they have to call rideshare or depend on someone else to take them where they need to go. That's not going got go over well at all. You have to tell them their time behind the wheel's over. For a while, you've noticed how much closer to the dashboard; they have to sit to drive. How bad they have to squint their eyes to keep the focus on the road. Their constant swerving from side to side makes you nervous to even get in the car with them, but you won't say anything. Even when you bring it to their attention, the excuse is always, "There was something in the road, that's why I swerved!"


     Your parents will make you feel guilty as hell for taking their keys away, and you'll struggle back and forth about handing them back. This isn't something you're doing on a whim or based on a singular incident; you've noticed something's been off for a while. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said anything. Don't let guilt get the better of you and cause you to fall victim to guilt and obligation. Don't let your parents use the accusation of betrayal to weaken your resolve. Stay true. Stay steadfast. Think about what would happen if you did hand those keys back and something happened; how would you feel then, knowing you were the catalyst in a horrible, but preventable situation?


     You know they're lying, their ability to hold the wheel steady is slowly diminishing; their vision is nowhere near as clear as it needs to be to operate a motor vehicle. They drift to one side and over-correct regularly. They have to brace themselves against the steering wheel, just to coast to a stop because they barely have the strength in their leg to pull to a stop. More times than not, the parent in question will start to notice he or she is having issues with their driving. You are aware of the signs for a while, but you'll keep it to themselves because they know what lies at the end of that road if they say anything—the loss of their independence, their freedom, their self-reliance.


     You're not going to want to say a thing, even if you notice firsthand the trouble they're having while driving. You'll stick glued to your seat and feel like you're in the front car of a rollercoaster where you can see the tracks, and you'll try to back or side-seat drive to keep them in their lane or up with the speed and flow of traffic. You feel like you're trying to teach your teenagers how to drive, instead of just being in the car with the person who taught you to drive.


     Age isn't the only factor to consider when thinking about whether or not to ask your parents for their keys. A recent stroke, heart attack, or another health issue might be the reason you don't feel comfortable knowing they're still behind the wheel. The depression of losing their long-time spouse and you're concerned for them using their vehicle as a means to end their life may be another reason.


     There's no easy way to have this conversation, so the direct approach is going to be the best option. Your parents are going to see it as a betrayal or a slap in the face of an ungrateful child. They are going to use anger, lies, depression, guilt, bargaining, anything they can to avoid handing over those keys. Your respect and loyalty to your parents will weigh you. Yet again, there's so down against wanting to do this, but you can't deny there's much more at stake than loyalty, obligation, and not wanting to anger or betray your parents.


    When being asked to surrender their keys, you'll see firsthand the stages of grief from your parents. Shock; the fact you even brought this to them, "Out of nowhere" Anger; they'll see and take it as a definite betrayal. Denial; they'll come up with every excuse why they swerved, slowed down, or the sun being in their eyes to explain their squinting. Bargaining; they'll promise to only drive during the day or when it's necessary or just in emergencies. Depression; They've been able to drive wherever and whenever they want, now they're a prisoner in their own home, waiting for somebody to come to pick them up and take them where they need to go. To them, it's the death of everything they are as an adult; they become the child again who depended on mom and dad or someone older who had a license for a ride to wherever they wanted or needed to go. The only difference now is that instead of looking forward to or imagining what it's going to be like when they can drive on their own, it's in reverse; they already know what it's like and they're never going to be able to do it again.


     It's not like there aren't other options. Yeah, it does suck, but it's not like back in the day when you have to call and wait an hour or so for a cab or take the bus; there are more convenient alternate options than ever before. Uncomfortable as it is, it has to be done; there's no denying your own eyes and instincts. It sucks, but you know if you do something and do it soon, you'll be having an even worse conversation, explaining to your family as to how you knew there was something wrong and you didn't say anything. You don't want to be the bad guy, but you have to. You have to speak up; you have to put your foot down, you have to consider the safety of everyone in the car and on the road. You've procrastinated long enough; it's that time. Good luck.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

BULK STORAGE

MAY 31, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     SCENARIO 1. Shortly after signing up for an online dating site, Sarah comes across Rick's profile, and the two of them exchange information and begin getting to know one another. Sarah lives in Arizona, and Rick's a band promoter from Nevada, currently on tour with one of his bands for the next four months. They have a lot in common, and their interest blossoms into multiple conversations and texts almost every day over the next few weeks. While they plan to meet as soon as Rick returns, Sarah comes across David's profile, and they also start getting acquainted. David lives just 20 minutes from Sarah, and after a week or so, the first meeting takes place.


     Their attraction and chemistry are almost instant, and pretty soon, David and Sarah are spending time together, going out, talking/texting, day trips, weekends together, and overnight stays. Eventually, sex becomes normal for them. Assuming a relationship is short, Sarah informs David even though she wants to be with him, she's been talking to Rick, and she owes it to herself and him to at least meet and spend time together before making a final decision. She feels it's the right thing to do in order to keep from wondering, "What if"?


      Now, why did Sarah wait so long to tell David about Rick? Because she knew if she were upfront in the very beginning, David wouldn't have been okay with that situation at all, and she didn't want to miss out on a good man or have him walk away and meet someone else. She put his ass in storage.


     It's hard enough as it is to meet somebody, without the bullshit. People are misrepresenting themselves in terms of age, looks, weight, interests, work, habits, and other bullshit. That's even more fucked up. It's no wonder why some people are the way they and how they treat others when it comes to dating and relationships. Things like friends with benefits, and the, "Hump and dump." Friend-zoning. Men and women are going MIA after one or two dates, even if it goes well. It's a much bigger fucking circus from even just ten years ago. Most people don't talk about it because they rarely see it coming until it's too late; one thing that's being used more now is the STORAGE AREA.


     A storage area is where people keep things they've acquired out of impulse or necessity but don't want or need until they're needed. Things are put in storage to keep from cluttering or complicating their daily life and need it out of the way until they're ready for it, like winter clothes during the summer or extra light bulbs. Think about not giving a second thought to keeping up with your wiper blades until it fucking rains. You'll either be happy as hell you bought some extras and had them in your trunk, or pissed because you didn't and now have to drive with fucked up blades or find the closest store and get some—storage area stuff things beneficial in an emergency, or when circumstances dictate their requirement. The storage area is also where excess shit is stored until what we have available runs out.


     From a dating or relationship point of view, the storage area is where people are put by someone who, by all accounts, know, or at least have a solid impression, the two of you would make a great couple. You have the physical and mental chemistry, mutual attraction, interests, and great conversation; pretty much everything you could hope to find in somebody. However, one of you is hesitant about pursuing a relationship due to something unresolved. For women, it could be right after a divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship. For men, it could be as simple as not wanting to give up all the pussy he has at his fingertips for just one woman. Whatever the case, the two of you met unexpectedly at the wrong time, and she/he isn't in a place or position to get into anything serious.


     SCENARIO 2: Mark is rarely without someone on his arm. He has a stable of ladies to choose from, depending on the situation. He's enjoying his freedom to date, and, settling down is nowhere in his vocabulary. One night, he meets Carrie. She's a great girl, cute as all hell with a good head on her shoulders, but at 5'7, 165 lbs., she's a little heavier in the legs, thighs, hips, and ass than Mark likes typically.


     Nonetheless, their attraction and chemistry are instant. He'll add her to his stable of women and spend just enough time with her to keep her focused and interested while he does the same with every other woman he's seeing. In his mind, as long as he's not committing to one woman, he's doing nothing wrong; he's just having a good time. None of these women know he's seeing anyone else, and he only gives them enough time and attention to keep them into him.


     Why would Mark choose to go this route instead of picking the best choice and letting others go off and find someone else? Because every woman in his stable provides him with something, the others don't. Carrie's the cool girl who could be wife material, but she's "too thick" for him. Becky's smoking hot, but she's a 3/4-time mom with two kids. Sarah has money, but not that cute. Maria has her own place and a nice car, but she works overnights and can't go out during the week; the weekends are HIS time to go out hunting for more women to add to his collection. Rachel doesn't have kids but a male roommate. Tammy's cute as hell, but has no ass or tits, and fucking her is like using a vacuum, it sucks


     So, what will Mark do? He'll put Carrie in storage. He'll tell her he has a big project at work and won't be able to spend as much time together as they've been spending. Or they've changed his work hours. He's going out of town, spending time with his kids, etc. Whatever it takes for him to concentrate more on the other women he has in his collection. Or he met Carrie when his stable was empty, and he used the time they were spending together to restock with a fresh crop of women. Whatever the case is, Carrie's getting just enough attention and affection from Mark to keep her interested and away from meeting anyone else while he spends time with the other women.


     People are put into storage after they've met someone too soon after a breakup, divorce, or any situation to where they've been out of the dating or relationship pool for a while. They feel it necessary to experience what's out there before settling into another relationship. People are put into storage after meeting someone who had no intention of meeting anyone, but the chemistry can't be ignored. I support the decision not to get involved with somebody too soon, or not jump into anything until they're ready. Where it gets fucked up is when that person knows they've met someone worth giving a chance, but because they're not ready, they'll want to keep that good person in storage until they ARE available.


     Someone on the outside looking in would ask, "Why would anyone intentionally be okay with being put in storage?" The answer comes in three parts.


1. Those who know they're in storage, but they either like the other person THAT much, or their self-esteem is so fucked up, the hope of someone wanting them is enough. They hate what they see in the mirror, and the thought of someone liking them, and possibly wanting to be with them is reason enough to take the risk and allow themselves to be stored away. Besides, nobody else is trying to meet them, so it's no big deal.


2. The storage keeper seems so far out of their league they'll do anything to hold on to the chance that person will see how great they are and give them a chance. They're such an amazing catch; everywhere they go, they're being hit on or checked out.


3. They don't realize they're being put into storage. The storage keeper is giving so much and is trying their best to give everything that person wants and needs to keep them around without being with them. They'll go out with them (When they can), fuck, talk/text all day, almost every day, but they STILL will keep their distance and options open to spend time with other people. It feels as if they're already together, but they'll make it clear they're not!


     You'd make an amazing couple, but because they feel the need to date or fuck around and enjoy being single, they're just not ready for you yet. The thing is they don't want to lose you to someone else who'll see the same qualities they see and appreciate the opportunity to be with someone like you, so they'll put you in storage. They're not done being single yet, but they don't want you single or meeting anyone else. While in storage, you'll get just enough to keep your hopes up that eventually they'll come to their senses or they'll convince you it's only a matter of time before the two of you get together. They'll make sure you're aware of how amazing it's going to be when it finally happens.


     They're not ready. They want to take things slow. They can't give you what you want or deserve right now, and it wouldn't be fair to you. When it comes to online dating, they feel they have to give each person they've been talking to the same opportunity to impress them or win them over while you sit in storage, waiting for them to be ready to be with you.


     The more plants you sow, the more fruit you get. It's not uncommon for someone to be getting to know more than one person at a time. The avoidance of having "All their eggs in one basket" is a way of saying they don't want to focus on just one person. People take the risk of knowing the person they're seeing is also seeing other people. This can go both ways. Guy meets girl, and they have an amazing connection. They have so much in common; it would seem they'd be great for one another. The only problem is that one of them isn't ready for a relationship. They feel it necessary to see other people or focus on themselves for a while after a long-term breakup, which is cool and understandable. People feel they "owe" it to themselves to meet and date everyone they've met online before making up their minds as to who to choose.


     Honesty is the best policy in this situation. When a person informs another, they aren't looking for anything serious in terms of a relationship; they are doing you a favor. They're telling you upfront what they're about and what their intentions are. They're giving you a choice to accept this or walk away with no hard feelings. Granted, if it comes to where feelings get involved, and they walk away, don't get upset with them; they told you from the beginning. Another side of this is when two people meet, and they're not honest about putting you into storage. They keep you around because of something they're getting from you; a ride to work, you lend them your car, they don't have a place of their own, and living with you is the better alternative to being out on the street. You buy them things. You allow them to sit at your place, playing video games while you go to work. You're their ride to the club for her and her friends on the weekends. You're the pocket or purse that keeps them drunk since they have no money; the on-call taxi or designated driver. The truth? The storage area is nothing more than a black hole, a life sentence, without the possibility of parole or getting out on good behavior or good deeds. Once in storage, that's where you'll remain until you wise up or they grow tired of you.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

BREAK AWAY

MAY 10, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     "Taking a break" What the fuck does that actually mean? When two people get the point during their relationship where they feel they need to take a, "Break" from each other. There is a truth to be realized; your relationship as it is just ended. Taking a break is some stupid shit stupid people say and hope the other person's fucking stupid enough to go along with it. Some say or think taking a break may be the best thing for the relationship, but the truth is there's absolutely no up-side to it.


     What does taking a break mean? It means they already found someone else they're interested in, or have someone mind they want to pursue. They want to explore existing or other options without being a cheater. They want to fuck around and be able to come back once the well has dried up, or they've gotten through this particular phase of wanting to see what else is out there. They'll lie to their partner or fool themselves into thinking it'll make your relationship stronger; that it'll bring you closer together. Some people even believe a break will curve the desire to be with someone else, once they get the curiosity and, "What If?" out of their system.


     They are taking a break from animosity and jealousy. Even the person who suggested the break runs the risk of seeing their partner is merely talking to someone else and create a more hostile situation. Jealousy will get the better of them and make things so much worse, possibly ending the relationship far sooner than expected. The realization the grass isn't greener, and they may want to come back, but so much time had gone by, and the other person met someone else. Suggesting a break is a coward's way of saying they have shit they want or need to figure out, and they don't want to talk to you about it because you're the fucking problem.


     A person will suggest a break because they're depressed, and showing weakness is something they want to avoid. Trying to convince them to confide in you will be met with a stone wall. They crossed paths with an ex recently and realized they still have feelings for them, or they haven't healed completely from their last relationship. Nitpicking and petty fights about shit that should've kept them both from getting into a relationship in the first place have reached its climax, and you both just want out, but you have actual feelings for each other—changes in work schedules and careers. Life plans may have changed. Plain and simple, the attraction's no longer there. The sex has fizzled to almost non-existent. Failure to communicate. Failure to admit fault. Failure to realize the relationship is nothing more than just sex. On the flip side, one may suddenly want more than just sex, and the other wants to avoid the "Where's this going?" conversation.


     The plain and simple truth, when a woman brings up taking a break, she's breaking up with you. Taking a break is a break up without breaking up. They don't want to be the bad guy. Especially when the break is a result of an ongoing deal-breaker that one or both of them tried to deal with but reaching a point where they've realized the relationship has run its course. Neither wants to be the bad guy. A break means at least one of you doesn't want to work on salvaging the relationship. Thinking it's best to ignore it or taking time to meet, date, and fuck someone else will magically solve whatever issues you have.


     A break is being low on gas without enough fuel to reach the next station. You turn the ignition key off and then right back on expecting the gas gauge to miraculously say the tank is full makes you a fucking idiot. A break is checking your bank balance at the ATM, realizing you're broke, checking again after just 7 minutes, expecting to see a higher number. It's unrealistic and fucking ridiculous. You're going to run out of gas, you have no money; taking a break before trying again does nothing but make real life, real life.


     Taking a break won't fix one of you want kids, and the other doesn't. It won't take your sex life in a direction one of you wants to go, and the other thinks is inappropriate or disrespectful. Taking a break won't convince the reluctant one to get married if they've made it clear from the beginning that's not what they want. All you've done by even getting involved with someone with issues you, "Dealt" with was postpone the inevitable. Taking a break won't fix the hole in your boat, and staying on board will do nothing but send you both sinking into the murky depths of an avoidable abyss. The best thing to do is to bail out for a life raft and get as far away from the wreckage as possible before the undertow pulls you down with the ship.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

RINSE AND REPEAT

MAY 3, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     Why do we always seem to find and end up attracted to the same people who treat us like shit? Why do we keep falling for the same shit over and over again; not just from the same, but different people, spouting the same bullshit we just fell for and got fucked over?


     Intellectually, we're not stupid or uneducated; apparently, we're just dumb as fuck when it comes to the opposite sex and what we'll put up within our relationships or who we're attracted to. We either know someone, or we're that someone who always ends up getting fucked over and taken advantage of. Whether physically, financially, emotionally, or a combination of two or more factors. For some reason, we refuse to learn our lesson and keep falling for the same shit over and over again.


     Are we blind? Deaf or crazy? We're so desperate to have somebody we'll bend our standards and values, compromise our deal breakers, ignore our instincts, or settle for what we believe we deserve. We're afraid to demand more, communicate our needs, and ask what they're intentions are because we really don't want the truth. We're scared if we ask for more, we'll end up alone on Friday and Saturday nights. Do we not see the bullshit people bring to us, or do we see only what we want to see? We're so used to being fucked over we expect nothing else.


     We're so quick to fall for, attach ourselves, and brag to our family, friends, and co-workers about the amazing person we met after just two or three dates. A week or two later, we come back to admit we got played. People will look at us and wonder why we continue to fall for the same shit from the same type of people, but end up no smarter or wiser to the game than when we started.


     Why do we keep getting fucked over? Because we allow it. We make people who make us an option in the center of our universe. We'll drop anything, anyone, and everything to be with them, but they only have time for us when it suits their convenience. We're always giving and never ask for or settle for our own needs, never being met. We keep getting fucked over because we keep giving the same assholes and opportunists second, third, and fourth chances to fuck us over; we refuse to learn our lesson. When they disappear for days or weeks at a time, we believe whatever bullshit excuse or story they come up with, no matter how far-fetched or ridiculous it sounds. We give them the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe we know it's bullshit, but bullshit is better than being alone.


     We refuse to demand more than what's being offered. We sit at home, ignoring invitations to spend time with our friends, dates, and outings in fear of missing that phone call or text at 2 am, asking if they can come over. They never want to take you to their normal hangout places.


     We repeatedly get fucked over because we fear the unfamiliar; You already know they aren't shit, so it's no shock when they treat you like shit, even though you hope and pray you won't get treated like shit. You won't take the risk with someone who seems to be a refreshing change in what you're used to; it's better to fuck a vampire you know than risk a good thing with someone who may turn into a zombie at a moment's notice.


     You expect them to finance you, not materialistically, but physically and emotionally. Every person you meet likes you, cares about you, and wants a relationship with you; NO! No, they don't; they just want something from you. You secretly fear commitment. You choose people who are physically or emotionally unavailable for a variety of reasons. You're already giving them money, a place to stay, access to your car, sex, etc. What else is there for you to offer them that'll require a commitment to you? You fall for people who become dependent on you until they find someone who has more or better to offer. You mistake their dependency on what you can give them as love. You choose people you want to fix.


     They made an amazing first impression that hooked you right away. They're exciting and confident. They make you feel something you've never felt before. The sex is incredible; they can curl your toes and make you speak in different languages, and you've never had that before. You're not used to being told you're a good person; they make you feel attractive on a level that completely new for you. You aren't used to being confident in someone's arm. Now they have their hooks deep in you, all that's changed. Now you find yourself wondering what happened; why you haven't heard from them. Your calls or texts go unanswered, and when you see them out, they walk right by as if they don't even know you. Yeah, you got fucked over again.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

OUT OF FOCUS

APRIL 26, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     Sometimes we get so wrapped up or preoccupied with what we may not be getting at the time; we become obsessed with what we believe we're missing out on. The old saying, "You can't see the forest because the trees are in the way." It can't be any closer to the truth for some people. We tend to lose focus on the bigger picture due to being obsessed with the details. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? There's nothing wrong with being curious about where the cake came from, but damn, stop worrying about who's got the bigger piece and enjoy the fact that you have cake. We lose sight of the endgame because we're so damned focused on unimportant details we think are important for whatever reason.


SCENARIO: Knowing Mike's Ex-girlfriend is the manager at a popular high-end restaurant, his girlfriend Heather will question how he managed to swing a table on Valentine's day. The fact he presented her with beautiful roses, an amazing diamond bracelet, and now dinner doesn't matter to Heather in the least bit; her focus will be on what he had to do to get that table.


     Heather knows Mike and his ex are on friendly terms, and he sometimes uses her as a contact for reservations when it comes to out of town clients. She doesn't care about that, not the flowers, the gift, etc. She's far too focused on why he contacted his ex for a favor. Maxine's a trained chef who Tony's used as a caterer in the past, but Barbara's too focused on their past relationship from almost nine years ago to enjoy the romantic meal he paid Maxine to prepare for her birthday.


     When in a relationship, people get so tunnel-visioned on something they'll totally miss out on the point of the story. Amanda was in a slight fender-bender on the way home from happy hour. She calls her boyfriend, David, to come to pick her up. Before asking her where she is or even if she's okay, he'll be more focused on who was at the happy hour. "Was that guy from HR who asked you out last year there? He doesn't even work in your department, why was HE there?" The fact that she was just in an accident means nothing; where she is isn't as important as if, "Daniel from Human Resources" was there. Amanda will get pissed because his focus is more on Daniel, David will take it as her being deflective or shady about answering.


SCENARIO: By all accounts, Sam is the perfect guy for Tracie; both mentally and physically, they couldn't be a better match. The only drawback is that Sam doesn't believe in oral sex; he thinks it's demeaning and disgusting. Tracie will cheat on Sam with a guy with no education, car, and working a dead-end job, just because he'll go down on her. She'll sacrifice the 85% she gets from Sam, for the 15% she gets from the other guy.


     Both men and women will intentionally feel as if they're missing out on the second coming if they're missing out one thing; that 15%. If it's a deal-breaker, then it should've been discussed at the beginning of the relationship, and a decision to continue getting to know one another should've been decided then.


     People will also focus too much on upcoming events, instead of enjoying the time they have leading up to the event.


SCENARIO: Eric's gearing up for deployment overseas. Around the 3-month mark from his shipping date, his girlfriend, Becky, will start to focus more on being depressed and distant from Eric. Concentrate on what she's going to do for an entire year without being with him, instead of enjoying the three months they have left until he leaves. Her focus on his absence will consume every minute of every conversation they have, and by the time she realizes she should be enjoying the time they have left, it's time for him to go.


SCENARIO: On the way home from girl's night out, Jenny gets a flat tire. It's 2 am, and her boyfriend is out with his friends as well. Jenny's friend has a brother who lives 10 minutes away from where they're stranded, and he comes to change the tire. Thirty minutes later, Jenny's back on the road, headed home when Mario calls to check on where she is. Instead of being relieved she's not still stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the night, he's focused and pissed because another man came to change her tire. Instead of showing concern for her safety, he's more focused on the guy who changed her tire and why he came out at two in the morning to help his brother's girlfriend and her friend.


     You're more worried about why he wants to go the shooting range on, "Ladies Night," not because the range stays open two hours longer on Friday than any other day; to you, it's because he wants to be around other women. He's convinced the reason you work out in the afternoon/evenings because there are guys to either check out or flaunt her wiggle in front of, not because she doesn't want to go at 5 am every day. Henry's pissed off at Pamela for taking his car to her friend. Carl (Who's not only a mechanic but owns an auto shop). The fact she saved him over $700 in parts and service means nothing; Henry's 

focus is on the fact his lady dated the guy who worked on his car 5-7 years prior.


     The past being their past, having/knowing people we can benefit from and can benefit from knowing us may be an issue for some people, taking focus from the bigger picture for the smallest of details makes you seem selfish and unappreciative. No one says how you feel wrong and shouldn't be taken seriously, but to get pissed about it, without communicating your feelings beforehand is a little unfair. Not to say there aren't things a person should just know not to do, such as a woman riding on the back of another man's motorcycle or a man allowing another woman to pick out sexy lingerie for his lady. If something's an issue for you, there's nothing wrong with bringing it up, and your feelings shouldn't be dismissed or trivialized, but don't always be so focused on the color of the bow on the gift that you miss out on the intent of the gift itself.


~~~~~~


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

OJT

APRIL 20, 2020

BY D.K. LION

      Remember the old days when you could walk into a business, secure an employment application, fill it out, and hand it to an actual person who could make a hiring decision? What about being able to give your resume' to the manager or Human Resources? Now, it's all done online; you don't know who's reading your resume' or your application. You don't even know if or when someone's looking at it. You're in limbo, wondering if the right person has access to it or if it also made it to a decision-maker. 

 

     I recently attended a job fair with a friend that advertised on-the-spot interviews. You could interview that day and start 2-3 days later. For someone who lost his job two months ago, my friend was hyped up to get the opportunity to get a job and start immediately possibly. Here we are, walking through this job fair, where there are at least 50-75 booths of potential employers looking to hire.

 

     We walked around for about 45 minutes, trying to get employers to either take his resume' or talk to him about specific opportunities, it seems as if they all had the same response, "Go online and see what we have available." Every person operating every single booth had that same company line. After a while, he became frustrated and sought out what appeared to be somewhat of a guide or administrator of the event. Where are the employers who were doing the on-the-spot interviews? It made us both frustrated to find out there wasn't anyone doing that. They didn't know why that statement was made, put on the website or the advertisement. We went there for absolutely nothing. 

 

      Why did I tell that story? Because we all lie. Whether you're a job seeker, or a business, seeking quality but affordable individuals, we all lie to some degree. Companies lie about how much they pay and mask it under the statement of "Earn up to..." or, "Start immediately" They lie about job duties and use fancy names for janitors or phone jockeys. Applicants that lie about anything under the sun to make themselves more competitive. That is what we're going to talk about in this article. 

 

     We lie about our training and experience; we translate it to, "Dog years" for every three months of experience, we'll claim one year's worth. Job titles and responsibilities. We've never managed anyone in any of our previous jobs, but the new employer doesn't need to know that, but it looks good on your resume'. 

 

     Our skills and accomplishments throughout our professional careers are lies; we devised and implemented a policy or practice that made or saved our previous employer thousands of dollars. We were shown something once or twice, and now we're proficient at it. We lie about our education, our degree, and our GPA. Just as long as it doesn't involve the position, we're applying for in any way. People lie about their computer and technical strength and proficiency.

 

     I was told to add a minimum of 20% to what you were making at your last job. You want to get the best offer possible. Your goal's at least to break even and start with what you were making when you left your previous job, instead of starting at the very bottom. Reason for leaving is one of the most-lied about questions on ANY application, along with, "Have you ever been terminated or asked to leave/resign?" Who the hell wants to admit they got fired? There's no way to answer that without painting a big fat red flag on your chest to a potential employer! 

 

     People lie about military service; they lie about what they did while they served or lie about serving altogether. They know most employers are veteran-friendly as well as knowing when hiring a prior service member, they're getting someone who understands the value of hard work, pride in their job, a sense of urgency, and so on. What better way to quickly set yourself ahead of the competition unless the hiring manager has also served, and you can't bluff your way past the first question he asks you about your service.

 

     For some reason, people lie about being fluent in foreign languages, especially if it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the position at all. What's the point? Lies about volunteer work, interests, and hobbies. I've never known an employer to hire or turn down a candidate because of their interest in hand gliding or scuba diving. They don't care if you can or can't cook if you can or can't work on a car unless the position requires it. None of that shit matters, so why lie about it?

 

     We lie about our references. Everyone at your last job hated you, and you hated them. You can't count on anyone to give you a decent reference, so you'll put your best friend, cousin, or roommate down as a professional reference. Don't forget to tell them you did it, though; nothing's worse than someone checking your references to find out everyone you listed has no idea what's going on—lying about the distance between your home and your job. Some employers like to hire people who can be available at a moment's notice in case something comes up, and you're needed to cover a shift. They know you won't want to drive if far from the place of employment or you have a criminal history. These can be a gamble; they know some companies only look for felonies and certain types of infractions about the job, and you're hoping you squeeze by—the ability to pass a drug test. You're a pothead at the very least, if not a part-time heavier drug user. You're hoping that herbal tea or the time you've been off the hard shit is long enough for your pass.

 

     Are you available, willing to work weekends, holidays, and overtime as needed? That's a lie; you don't want to work on the holidays, who the hell would? You want to be able to go out on Friday and Saturday nights and sleep on Saturday and Sunday. You want to spend time with your family. You just bought the new Sunday sports package on TV, and your Sundays are all about football, basketball, or whatever. 

 

     Whatever it takes to land that next job, it's worth the risk of getting caught in a lie or being challenged by someone who may not believe you. Employers know we lie, just like we know they lie, but make your lie believable; do some type of research into your lie, at least enough to fake it in case you're asked a question about your volunteer work in Africa or the degree field you lied about. If you're caught, don't make a big deal about it; hopefully, by the time you've discovered, you'd have made such an impression within the company your lies won't even matter. Lie. Get in. Work your ass off. Become invaluable. Make them need you. 

 

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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

FORGIVE AND FORGET

APRIL 5, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     To forgive and forget after we've burned a bridge or destroyed a relationship. Whether platonically or romantically. We may come to face facts that we were wrong. Although we've moved on, we still owe an explanation or at least an apology. Admitting what we've done and accepting the consequences of our actions are important steps in the process of clearing our own consciousness. There are and will be times where we feel someone, in particular, may deserve an individual apology.


     We seek forgiveness because we know for a fact what we said or did was fucked up; we may WANT to mend the relationship, or just wipe the slate clean; but depending on the transgression and the people involved, forgiveness may be a task easier said than done. This realization may take days, weeks, months, or even longer. Some of us may never come to our senses and believe we did anything wrong; we wholeheartedly believe we were justified in whatever it was we did.


     When the journey for forgiveness begins, the offender most likely has a preconceived idea of how it's going to go. What they haven't given any thought to is the chance the offended person has already moved on and has no interest in hearing your apology or explanation; they just don't care. They may have chosen to forgive you for being an asshole long before you realized you were an asshole. They've made their peace with the situation and chose not to let whatever happened influence or affect their present or future. Regardless, I'm pretty sure they really don't give a shit about your need for forgiveness or your conscious.


     Forgiveness isn't about the other person; it's all about you. There's no benefit for them to gain from forgiving you. It's about making YOU feel better about what YOU said or did. YOUR need to explain and apologize is why you're seeking forgiveness. YOUR conscious is heavy and needs to be cleared. Second, even if the other person has chosen to hear you out, there's no obligation to accept your apology or forgive you. There's no time frame when it comes to forgiving. Forgiveness DOESN'T MEAN RECONCILIATION! Just because you're forgiven, doesn't mean you're off the hook; it doesn't mean a clean slate or the friendship or relationship will mend.


     Forgiveness, acceptance, reconciliation; what's the difference? As I've said before; forgiveness is for the offender. It's all about making YOU feel better about whatever you did or said. Acceptance is for the offended. They don't want to carry around the humiliation, pain, anger, or whatever emotion that has consumed them by your fucked-up actions. They've accepted whatever happened and made a decision to not allow it to affect them any longer. They've chosen to leave it behind and move forward. Reconciliation is for you both. You've decided your pride isn't worth losing a good friend or amazing partner over something that may have been taken out of context or seemed worse than it was. In the case of relationship, love, time, or commitment brings you right back to each other’s' arms after an undisclosed cooling off period.


Things to consider, forgiveness isn't guaranteed. Forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean reconciliation. Reconciliation doesn't mean Forgive and forget. Forgiveness can be revoked at any time. A person can accept the situation, as well as your apology, and still not want anything to do with you. Forgiveness isn't going to happen overnight. There's no time frame when it comes to forgiveness and rushing someone to forgive you will prolong your desired outcome or even fade it into oblivion. The offended may not even want to forgive you but refuses to allow the situation to have power over them.


     Forgiveness isn't easy. Just because someone forgives you doesn't mean you'll ever be trusted again; it doesn't mean the end of the discussion. Sometimes, it's best just to walk away than to seek forgiveness, no matter how important it may be to you. You fucked up so bad; there's absolutely nothing you can say or do that'll make them believe you in the least bit; you'll always be the asshole you were when you fucked up. Lastly, whether forgiveness, acceptance, or reconciliation, there are consequences to your offense. Forgiveness has a high price; expect to pay it.


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

I.D. CARD

Mar 22, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     When did we get to a point to where we weren't good enough for ourselves? Why are we so obsessed with emulating other people, based on things like wealth, fame, looks, etc.?


     We've all pretended to be our favorite TV stars, cartoon characters, and athletes.  However, it came to that point when pretend time was over and it was time to find and be ourselves. Taking the journey to being a teenager and trying to form our own identities was a difficult road; trying to become comfortable with who we are. Even under the weight of peer pressure, wanting to fit in, or to avoid being singled out/ridiculed for not having the things everyone else had or wearing what was in style seemed to be out of reach.


     From the basketball court to the baseball diamond, it was common for guys to call out the names of their favorite athletes as they attempted thier signature moves or copied their playing style. Girls starved themselves and sang their hearts out, hoping to look like cover models or sound as much like their inspirations as possible. We begged our parents for name brand shoes, the jerseys of our favorite teams. We worked, scrimped, and saved, just to spend our hard-earned money on the clothes or expensive replicas worn by popular actors/entertainers of our generation. Yet again, it was time to move beyond that, grow up, and be our own person.


     So, I'll ask again, what keeps us from being comfortable with who we are? Why do we feel the need to take on the personality, style, or habits of someone else? It could be lack of self-esteem or confidence. It could be because we feel we've missed out on opportunities from our past or failed to take chances out of fear of failure. Maybe jealousy of someone else or unresolved goals/dreams. Maybe we're unhappy with ourselves and the choices we've made in our own lives.


     Take a second to consider this; why do men AND women experience a mid-life crisis? (Yes, women go through the mid-life as well) They were either popular in their younger days, and they want to relive that time in their lives at an older age, or they were pretty much a nobody and playing, "catch-up" for the good times they never had.


     Although in different ways, women also go through a version of the mid-life crisis. Instead of a brand new sports car, women will get botox and collagen injections; men will spend 15-20 minutes in front of the mirror, trying to comb over eight strands of hair over 7 inches of a bald spot while women get breast enhancements. Men will drop crazy money on a convertible sports car while women spend the same amount on shoes, clothes, etc. Men have a harder time coming to terms with getting older and accepting their mortality. Women fight the signs of aging with the ferocity of the Bengal tiger.


     A more straightforward answer would be the need and desire for acceptance. It's what drives us to spend $200 on sneakers, $50 for a ball cap. Acceptance makes people raid the closets of their children, trying to dress and behave younger than they are; 60-year-old men exploring the nightlife, wearing skinny jeans or sagging their pants, most of the time, their bellies just won't allow them to pull their pants up or shirts that can't cover their guts. Women pack their cottage cheese legs into yoga/spandex pants everywhere they go, thinking no one will notice their armpit wings or the fact they can only wear pants with elastic waistbands because they have to shove their belly flab into their pants. The need for acceptance at all costs motivates us to spend what we don't have or can barely afford to look, "cool" and to give the impression we have more than we do about things like money, clothes, car, and home.


     This need for acceptance isn't limited to materialistic acquisitions. Our behavior/attitude is also influenced by this need, especially when it comes to interaction with the opposite sex. On this avenue, men draw their identities from their friends, social media, or, more likely, porn. Our friends and peers give us the inspiration and motivation to appear either genuine/sincere or complete assholes when it comes to female interaction. Who's around us can determine inflection, tone, verbiage, vocabulary, and content. The last thing we want is to have our friends witness rejection of our interest and advances.


     Trust me when I say mortality is real. Everyone gets old, but not everyone was meant to be a jock or a prom queen. Not everyone's going to grow old gracefully. Not everyone's going to be popular; be accepted to the "In-Crowd" or even meet someone who wants to spend their life with you. Not everyone's going to be a size six or bench press 250 lbs. Some people were meant to be regular people, with ordinary existences, and there's NOTHING wrong with that. Most of the time, while you're pretending to be something or someone you're not, you're the only person being fooled. All of that being said, be yourself. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished as an individual. If you see something in yourself you don't like, do something about it, just don't obsess over it. Acceptance of yourself is the first step to embracing your true identity and being happy with yourself.


     To summarize, whether peer pressure, self-image, or the need for acceptance, we've allowed ourselves to believe who we are with an identity of our own is something to be embarrassed or ashamed about, something to suppress or hide. We choose personas and traits based on how we'll be viewed and accepted by mainstream society or to fit into a particular social group. I say, "Fuck that, be yourself," Even if that means you're an asshole by traditional standards. Remain true to yourself and be the best possible asshole you can be.


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Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

COLOR BLIND

Mar 15, 2020

BY D.K. LION

     Sooner or later, a large percentage of American families will be multi-racial/multi-ethnic and, full or single-race households will eventually be the minority. Like pollution, re-booted movies, and ever-rising gas prices for no fucking reason, multi-racial families are going to increase exponentially in the generations to come. Multi-racial couples and families are here; they're not going anywhere, and we have to accept this as truth no matter what our personal thoughts and feelings are on the subject.


     Keeping that in mind, there are and will always be people who believe in keeping their families single-raced for more than just prejudicial or racist reasons. When it boils down to the crystals, any other reason is just garbage; smoke you're blowing up your own or someone else's ass to cover up the fact you ARE racist or prejudice.


     It's not just about an interracial relationship between men and women. When speaking of taking on the responsibility of children who aren't biologically yours, when they're biracial isn't and won't be as big a deal as it might be if one parent. The children are of one race/ethnicity, and the potential partner stepping into their dynamic is of a completely different one. Peer pressure, embarrassment, shitty self-image, and lack of personal courage, along with a certain level of racism and prejudice, will determine if that relationship is worth exploring.


     When it comes to children that are already in the picture from a previous relationship, whether yours or theirs, usually, black women will date a white man, but she will not date a white man and take on his white children. Not only will she catch hell from her girlfriends and other black women, but she'll also get it much worse from the older/elderly black women of her family. She'll see it as they see it when slave women were forced to care for the slave owner's children. There's no way she'll take that weight on her shoulders, and other black women will chastise her for it.


     White women will take on a black man's children and not give a bike-riding fuck what anyone else thinks or says about it. She'll love and claim those damn kids as if she gave birth to them herself. White women won't normally criticize when/if they see another white woman with black children; she'll catch more hell from other black women. They'll accuse her of using her relationship with his kids to manipulate that black man.


     Peer pressure (Family) will keep a black man from making a long-term commitment to a white woman with white children. He'll love her to no end, but doesn't want her to have children he can't pass off as theirs or at least mixed. He'll avoid public one on one time with them because he's worried about how he'll be criticized, viewed, or judged. He'll try to take on white children, but he'll have to be on straight superhero status to look past the bullshit he's going to get. His family will make his woman and those kids as uncomfortable as possible every chance they get. Black men will love those white kids and show them all the love in the world at home or around his/their friends but will shy away or act indifferent about them when out in public.


Hispanic children can go either way. Their lighter skin tone allows them to pass off as biracial from a possible previous relationship from the man or the woman. White men will take on black children and not give a damn. He'll charge through a horde of zombies at night, with no lights with a plastic baseball bat and one eye closed for those kids. White men and women won't be phased by the criticism and attitude they'll get from both white or black people when it comes to their partner's children when the difference in ethnicity is the subject. Black men will struggle internally about how he may look in the eyes of the black people and will fear or worried about how he looks or what's being said about him. Black women will resort to the idea of slavery to close herself off to the thought of taking on white children, no matter good a man he is. All she sees is their skin color doesn't match hers.


 Wanting to keep their families single-raced doesn't make someone racist, neither is having pride in one's race, but you do have to stop and ask yourself why you'd have an issue loving someone, but behaving differently towards their kids because you can't pass them off as your own.


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Assorted Truth