Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


NOV 22, 2020


     When a woman asks what your interests and hobbies are, too many men use taking care of and spending time with their kids as a response. Wait, shouldn’t that be an automatic thing to do? Why would you think that’s something to list as an interest or hobby? Are you really telling women your kids are your hobby?

     A hobby is something you do for fun; taking care of your kids, spending time with them, and taking an active role in their lives and development should be WAY more than a hobby or interest. You may not have meant it that way, but that’s what came out of your mouth, and to someone who doesn’t know you, that’s how they’re going to take it as well. You’re using something you should be doing as a responsible father and turning it into something no different than saying you like working on cars. A hobby is something you could lose interest in at any point; you can walk away from or change hobbies at the drop of a hat. You can’t do that with your kids unless you’re a deadbeat assclown.

     You’re using something you should be doing anyway as a bid for recognition or special acknowledgment. You’re lame and boring with nothing exceptional about yourself, so you have to scrounge for things to make you interesting to women. You used your responsibility as a man to impress a woman you just met, or you’re trying to sleep with. She’s not impressed at all that you look at your kids as a hobby or interest. She’s shaking her head internally. After all, you actually thought she’d think you were something spectacular because you’re active with your kids.

     You bailed on your kids when they were born or when you ended the relationship with their mother. You were so pissed off at her, the best way to get revenge was to disappear, or you weren’t ready to be a father yet. Now you’re back, and you think that qualifies you for some appreciation? You think doing right by your children makes you man/father of the year, just because you got your head out your ass or someone set you straight?

     What makes your children a hobby or an interest? Why’s taking care of them and spending time with them something to brag about to get into someone’s pants? You finally stepped up and claimed your children; is that supposed to make you a great catch when you’ve met someone new? Spending time with and raising your kids is something to be proud of and something you should WANT to do and not because showing responsibility will make you look like a stand-up man to impress a female. Being there for your kids, keeping them straight and narrow and out of bullshit should be a reward in itself, not something you think earns you an award or medal for meritorious service.

     You’re supposed to be a good father. You’re supposed to spend time with your kids. You’re supposed to take care of them and make sure they’re safe and can come to you when they need to. You’re supposed to be financially responsible. That shows you’re more of a man than trying to get in good with a woman. Knowing you did your best and they’re being raised right should be all the pat on the back you need. Why are you using it to gain favor with someone you’re trying to hook up with? He’s telling this other woman there could be a chance of him not being there if they got together and had a child. If he doesn’t get the recognition of being active with his kids he deserves, he’ll not be there. To him, it’s a big thing he’s doing what he should be doing with his kids, even though he’s no longer with their mother and deserves her praise and admiration.

     You may not mean it the way it came out, but when you said it, you told her you don’t see anything wrong with guys who bail on their kids when things are hard or they don’t want to be around. You’re saying it happens so much it should be expected more times than not. He isn’t like that should be celebrated and should tell her he’s better than the average man. He deserves a chance because he’s not like other men. She should see him as a hero, instead of responsible.

     Bragging about taking care of your kids, you’re saying their mom and the kids are lucky he’s not an asshole because he doesn’t have to spend time with them; he does it because he CHOOSES to. He’ll do the same with child support. He acts like paying what he’s supposed to be something he should be awarded for with interest, and that payment should come in the form of interest from the woman he’s trying to impress or get sex from. To him, that’s enough proof he’s better and deserves a chance with her; she should trust him enough not to think he’s a player.

     Men don’t usually have photos of his kids on his phone, maybe in his wallet, but not his phone. He doesn’t want a woman he’s trying to talk to to see them ask about them and take away time from getting to know each other. He wants to avoid her pulling out her phone and showing off her kids' photos because she really doesn’t care about her kids. He’ll pretend to care, wishing you’d stop shoving their photos in his face and send him some half-naked photos of sexy videos.

     Taking care of your children is something you should do; it shouldn’t be a source of praise, acknowledgment, or reward. Think about the next time when a woman asks you what your interests and hobbies are, and you respond, “I take care of and spend time with my kids” You see it as a hobby. Your statement made it a subject of interest. The way you said it makes being around your kids a pastime.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


NOV 15, 2020


     Why is having the lights off such a big deal? This seems more of an issue for women, where men really don’t give a damn, as long as he’s about to get some ass. If he’s about to get knee-deep in his lady, he’s not thinking about stopping the flow to worry about the damn lights. If he’s a public person who likes to do it in the car, he’ll want the inside dome light out before he starts, or if he’s trying to get nasty and record himself getting a blowjob or some voyeuristic type shit, then he’s okay with the lights being on.

     People care about the lights because they’re ashamed or embarrassed about their body or their figure. There might not really be attracted to you, but you’re decent looking enough to have sex with. Between body fat, rolls, stretch marks, scars, webbed feet, there are way too many things to think about when it comes to being comfortable with being seen naked with the lights on. People want the lights out when they have issues with their own body, which is exactly what it is, issues THEY have with their body, and no matter how much reassurance you give, if they’re not ready to feel comfortable, leave it alone.

     Neither of them wants the light on because he’s not packing enough for her to want to see what he’s lacking. She doesn’t realize he’s a “Grower,” and she prejudged the true size of his erection by how small it looks when he’s soft. He has the girth of a soup can, but only 5-6 inches long. He’s self-conscious because he’s not big lengthwise and doesn’t want to be judged on sight before he gets hard. She doesn’t want him to see what having 3 kids did to her “Happy monkey” area. Parts that should be on the inside are hanging outside. If she’s a bigger woman, she doesn’t want him to see the dark areas between her legs where her thighs rub together.

     One or both of you have weird facial expressions that mess up the mood. You have the weirdest, most uncomfortable, or unnatural orgasm faces, and they’re really creepy looking. The faces he makes looks like he’s turning into a mindless flesh-eater right before her eyes, and she looks like she just stubbed her toe on the nightstand. You think your “Sex face” looks more like you just poured rubbing alcohol in your eyes. Your “Bedroom eyes” look more like you’re waiting on the 2nd half of a glaucoma test than trying to turn someone on or get them in the mood. Speaking of getting in the mood, no face will kill that dream faster than your fucked up porno face. They don’t want to see any of that, so they want the lights off to keep from laughing at you.

     They don’t want you to see how dirty or cluttered their bedroom is, plain and simple. You haven’t done laundry this week, and you have clothes all over the place. Maybe you switched outfits a few times before deciding on the one you wore and left the others on the floor. You think having the lights off makes it more romantic; until he turns you over and accidentally tries to put it in the wrong hole.

     Sex with the lights off gives the feeling you can be more adventurous and experiment with different positions and activities without thinking about how you might look. You’re more comfortable trying something new when the lights are off because you know you can’t see each other in case things get awkward. You believe what’s done in the dark doesn’t count, or it’s okay. Getting a little nasty is more accepted at night with the lights out because of the fantasy aspect. You can embrace more of your wild side when you don’t have to look at yourself or each other and feel like you’re being judged. When the lights are on, the type of sex they want feels weird and out of pocket from their normal routine. They don’t want to see the positions their bodies are in. She doesn’t want to see her ankles crossed and touching her forehead or bent over in front of the bathroom mirror with her tits swinging back and forth; he doesn’t want to see what his big, sweaty belly looks like sitting on her back, sliding from side to side.

     Sex at night gives you a sense of relaxation and solitude you can’t get from daytime sex. The kids are in bed, and they won’t be knocking or bothering you—less chance for interruptions. Having the lights off allows for transference; they don’t want to get caught watching TV or “Dozing out.” They’ll use these tactics to divert their attention from having sex to something else to make the experience last longer. Some people will close their eyes and concentrate on other things to avoid cumming too quickly and being done for the night.

     Some people want the lights off when giving oral, especially for women. They’ve been taught giving oral is shameful and degrading. Even though they do it, they don’t want to look at his dick while she’s sucking on it. The sight of his shaft going in and out of her mouth is something she doesn’t want to see up close. The same goes for men; He knows what it looks like, but not internally; he isn’t in a place mentally to appreciate what a woman’s vaginal area looks like, so he gets weird about being close enough to examine it and see what it really looks like. He knows she has a slit, but the inside’s still uncharted territory.

     They want the lights out due to habit. When they were younger, sex was awkward enough as teenagers or young adults, so as they got older, turning off the lights just became a habit. Day sex is weird; for some reason, they believe sex should happen at night when it’s dark or at bedtime. For some, it’s harder to get aroused during the daytime because they’re used to being active, dealing with kids, running errands, work, etc. They can’t really relax enough to enjoy sex without it being later in the evening. The solution? Buy some damn darkening curtains! Sex with the lights off and at night betters the chances of having them falling asleep after a long day and staying the night, instead of heading for the door as soon as it’s over.

     Sex at night with the lights out also betters the chances of the experience not lasting too long, in case one person isn’t really into it or lost interest afterward they had an orgasm. There’s a better chance of “One and done” and using the time of day as a reason to roll over and go to sleep or make your exit.

     You want the lights off because you don’t want to see each other. He’s abusive, and she doesn’t want to look at the man who hurts her regularly. One of you cheated, and even though you’re working things out and you’re having sex, it stings to look at them. You want the lights out. She’s annoying as hell with everything he does wrong, and he refuses to listen to her when she tries to tell him how to make sex enjoyable to her, too—one of the looks bored as hell. Looking at one another irritates the hell out of each other.

     He could be recording their sex, and having the lights out keeps that from happening. Someone else or another couple is in the room in the case of sharing a hotel room. Someone could walk in and catch you on the couch, in the kitchen, in the backyard, or the pool. You’re in college, and you don’t want your roommate walking in on you and seeing you taking it from behind. Lights are a mood killer, and making someone stop just to turn off the lights, is something that should be taken care of before getting past the switch. If you didn’t think of it then, should it really be an issue after you’ve gotten started?


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


NOV 08, 2020


     They’ve loved BEFORE you. They’ll love AFTER you. They love you NOW, and that’s what should be the important thing to you; the present. You can’t expect to be someone’s first love any more than you can expect to be their ONLY love for the rest of their lives. We get fucked in the head in how someone we’re in a relationship with felt about the people they were with before us. Who cares how many times they’ve been in love or how many times they’ve said it? They’re saying it to you, and they’re feeling it for you now, so take that and hold on to it. Build your relationship from where the two of you are with each other, without worrying about their past relationship with someone else. Obviously, it didn’t work out because they’re not together anymore, so it wasn’t what one of them thought it was.

     Why are we so curious about the relationships each other had before we even met? How many people we’ve had sex with? Someone’s “Magic number” is for them to know, and you do not worry about it. How many people we’ve had sex with within a particular position or place? It shouldn’t matter how many women he’s fucked on his motorcycle or how many different men she’s swallowed. That’s just as private and personal as asking how many people they’ve been in love with.

     Love is different from one person to another, even though we’re attracted to the same qualities and traits other people in their past had. Some of those qualities come in different quantities and on different levels in everyone. Even though you’re turned on by a sense of humor, you’re not going to get the same type or level of humor in every person you’re in love with. That new person you’re with may have a HUGE amount of another quality you find attractive, and you’ll love them for that, along with their sense of humor.

     Love is love. Love can’t be measured, dictated, or rationed like supplies in a fallout shelter. Love has no limit, no boundaries, or exceptions. Love has no channel or volume control. You can’t put money on love like you put minutes on a prepaid phone card. People love how they love, based on their understanding of love. How someone loves one person won’t be the same as how they love someone else. You can’t gauge how much more or less someone’s loved another in their past or in their future, so stop fucking worrying about it. You can’t even influence how someone loves you in the present; all you can do is make the love they’ve offered you and enjoy it. Don’t twist your head sideways because they’ve loved someone else in their past.

     Worrying about someone’s love history is the same as wondering about their sexual history; it’s really none of your business. It’s like trying to be the best sex someone’s ever had; concentrate on not being the worst they’ve had. Focus on not fucking up and missing out on or losing out on the love they’re giving you now. If you’re doing what you should be doing, you’re not going to have to worry about them loving someone else in the future.

     If it bothers you so much that they loved someone before you, why would you date or get into a relationship with someone who’s divorced? What about men/women who have children from previous relationships? It’s obvious they loved someone else before you enough to marry them and/or have their children; does that mean you can’t or won’t be interested? It’s silly to question yourself with how many times someone’s been in love past a certain age. Of course, they’ve been in love, possibly with more than one person if they’re middle-aged.

     On a scale of 1-10, how much did you love your ex? What a stupid fucking question to ask. That’s no different from asking somebody to compare and rate your sex with others they’ve been with. Why can’t you let the past stay in the past? Especially when it’s someone else’s past? Are you worried you’ll never live up to the love they had for someone else? Would you be so forthcoming if your partner asked how many times you’ve been in love? Hell, what about if they asked how many times you’ve TOLD someone you loved them, just to get something you wanted, particularly sex? I can pretty much guarantee a man’s not going to truthfully admit how many times he’s told a woman he loved her just to get a piece of ass. In his mind, he’s never going to believe her 100% if she says she’s only been in love 2-3 times in the 40 plus years of her life.

     There’s no sense in asking because there’s no sense in getting yourself butt-hurt and turning bitch. After all, you asked a divorced man or woman to put a value on the love they have for you versus the love they had for their ex-wife or husband. No matter how long you’re together, you shouldn’t be worried or concerned about how someone loved before you. You shouldn’t even be thinking about how they’ll love someone after you. Do what you’re supposed to, and you won’t even have to worry about anyone they could love in the future!


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


NOV 1, 2020


     Don’t confuse NEED with NEEDY. Someone else's needs in a relationship aren’t up for debate or criticism just because it’s not what you need. Everyone needs different things to make them comfortable and confident. It’s not up to you to debate, make fun of them, or trivialize, especially if they communicate it with you. It takes a lot to step up and tell someone what they need or what they’ve been missing without the other person taking it personally, lightly, or dismissing it, which is probably why their past relationships never worked out. Just because what they need isn’t what you need, it doesn’t mean it’s not important or makes them “Needy.”

     As we get older, our needs change; we want something new or outgrow the things we used to think we couldn’t live without. When entering a new relationship, not being upfront and honest about your needs and the willingness to meet the other person's needs will cause damage along the way. Sooner or later, one person will get frustrated with their needs not being met, and the other’s going to get tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again. Honesty. Trust. Security. Communication. Attention and affection; are needs essential for a successful relationship.

     It’s already difficult for some to communicate their needs because they want to avoid seeming needy or overly sensitive. Men want to maintain their masculinity and avoid appearing soft or emotional, and woman doesn’t want to seem needy or feel as if they’re surrendering their inner strength. They’re both focused on what man or woman from their partner’s past gave them what they’re asking each other for now. They’re wondering where the sudden need for more attention or reassurance is coming from. They want to know why all of a sudden, your sex drive diminished or doubled over the past 2-3 months. What they need may be something they’re ashamed of or embarrassed about asking for and don’t need you making it worse.

     NEEDY is something totally different. Needy is when someone wants constant around the clock reaffirmation. They’re trying to control the relationship when it comes to emotional and physical expression. Being needy isn’t communicating what you need to be confident in your relationship. Being needy is begging, begging someone to make you the center of their world, and vice-versa. Being needy is needing the same shit you’ve been getting since the beginning of the relationship, but no matter how much you say it or show your love, attention, attraction, and support, it’s never enough. Every day is a new day, and you have to start over, rebuilding what your partner has torn down. Every time they feel they’ve been broken by you not showing or telling them what THEY want to see or hear, they’re begging you to rebuild them.

     The difference between NEED and NEEDY is when your lady tells you she needs more romance. That doesn’t just mean sex. It means turning off the TV or video game and actually look at her when she’s talking. She wants you to pay attention to what she’s saying. He’s asking you to get off social media. He wants you to put your phone down and tell him what’s wrong, instead of telling him, “Nothing,” then posting it online for your friends to see and comment on. She’s asking for a regularly scheduled “Date night” without the kids. He’s asking you to get a little wild and leave the soccer mom mentality at home. She’s asking you to do more than bend her over, trying to shove your dick in dry, and not act like a little bitch when she’s not instantly wet. She wants to make love to you more than just when YOU want to!

     She’s asking you to communicate with her. He needs to know what time you’ll be home, not because he’s trying to keep tabs on you but knowing what time to start getting concerned about your safety if he hasn’t heard from you by the time YOU set for yourself. She wants to meet your needs as well. She wants you to talk to her and tell her what you want and need, but it makes you feel awkward and weird. She needs you to say, “I love you,” instead of, “Right back at you, babe.”

     Being NEEDY is freaking out if you don’t get a call every morning before work. NEEDY is getting bent because they didn’t say, “I love you” 1 time out of the last 45 times; they DID say it. Needy is having a time frame for returned calls or texts. Needy is calling, then texting to say they called you, then texting again to ask if you’re getting their calls and texts, THEN one more text to ask if there’s a reason you’re not answering their messages.

     NEEDY always needs approval, attention, and affection 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Needy is bugging the fuck out of someone to make sure you’re still friends if you still love them, and if you’re still happy with them in your life. Needy has to be told you need them. They need to make sure everything’s okay between you two, and if you’re too busy to hang out with them, they assume it’s because you; don’t like them anymore, and you’ll have to rebuild their confidence back up because they bug the fuck out of you, asking what they did wrong for you not to want to hang out with them.

     You can’t have an argument or disagreement with a needy person; they’ll apologize until the end of time and drive you up the fucking wall trying to make amends for something that wasn’t even their fault. Needy people are people pleasers; everyone MUST like them, and if someone doesn’t, they’ll make it worse by trying to win them over. You can’t have an outside life from a needy person; they want to know why you need to have other friends when you have them. In a needy relationship, there’s nowhere you can go that you shouldn’t be able to take them, and they’ll take any time you spend away from them personally. Even if they hate what you’re doing, they’ll see any outside influences or interests as a way to get away from them, and that’ll fuck their head sideways.

     It’s not that they don’t trust you; it’s that they don’t understand why you want to be away from them. They can’t exist without your constant reassurance, so you shouldn’t be able to survive without theirs. You could be the best, most faithful partner in the world, but it’s not about you.

     Needy is jealous and clingy. Needy people can’t enjoy their relationships because they’re always looking and wanting more than the day before. Needy people will never be happy in their relationships because they don’t know how to be happy with or by themselves. Their personal definition and identity revolve around you and the relationship. They can’t be without someone in their life, even if it’s the absolute wrong person. Needy people are overly verbal and physically affectionate, not because they want to be; because they want it from you, and they’re hoping you’ll take the hint and go equally overboard. Every praise and compliment they give is actually their way of begging you to reciprocate.

     Being needy keeps you from communicating your actual needs because you’re busy fishing for constant compliments and reassurance. They’re always looking for ways to “Trick” you into building them up when they’ve torn themselves down.

     When you need someone or something from your relationship, you’re telling your partner what you need to be happy, making you the best person you can be. When you’re needy, you’re telling them no matter what they say or do, you need more, and they’re going to have to keep repeating, feeding, and building you up regularly. When you share your needs, you’re trying to construct a stronger, more resilient, storm-resistant version of your relationship. When you’re needy, you’re just repairing the same damage over and over again.

    When your man or your lady expresses a need for something, don’t be an ass and use it as a negotiating tool to get something you want. When your man communicates his need for guy time, don’t use it as a bargaining chip to get him to paint the bathroom or fix the garage door. When your woman asks you to stop spending so much time at the strip club, don’t use that as an excuse to barter a threesome. Allow each other to express individual needs and take them to heart.

     When a man says he needs to see the same amount of effort he puts into you, you feel you deserve to be pursued when a woman accuses a man of being needy. No one wants to feel they’re putting in more than they’re getting, but that’s what HE needs, just like you feel you NEED to be pursued for him to prove himself to you. You want your need to be chased or pursued met, so why shouldn’t he want HIS need for equal effort met?

     When you tell your partner what you NEED is to strengthen the relationship, add something beneficial, or remove something toxic or damaging. NEEDY is about insecurity, and there’s nothing you can do to remove or decontaminate the fallout or hazards of doubt and poor self-confidence. When you’re telling each other what your needs are, you saying something’s missing or lacking in the relationship that could fix a problem or issue you’re having or something non-existent that could improve an already successful relationship. Needy people want more often; no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


OCT 25, 2020


     We’ll give ourselves more credit than we deserve, so there’s very little expectation of an accurate report when asked. If our relationship was our class schedule, what would be our best and worst subjects? Where would we excel? Where would we need improvement, and what classes would we fail miserably? If your relationship was on the report card system, what grades would you get?

     GYM. How active are you? Are you in a lazy relationship that’s making you overweight and stagnant? Are you just going through the motions, trying to get by? Are you that person who always has a doctor’s note, excusing you from every activity? Do you do things together, or are you still trying to do the same shit from when you were single? Are you going out together, or are you binge-watching TV shows? Are you yawning at 10:30, ready to go home when you’re out together, and staying out until 2 am with your friends? Are you arguing to get out of the house by yourself? Does the idea of sweating and running around to be more active turn you off because your makeup will run?

     Do you include each other in your interests or hobbies? Do you show interest in what they’re doing for reasons other than keeping other men and women away from them? Are you the type who has no interest in what the other likes because it’s not what you like? Are you bumming it on the couch, beer in hand, watching the game? Are you ignoring your family, or are you making the best of your class time and opportunity to spend time together? Are you hiding in your “Mancave”? Does your partner and children avoid you altogether because you make them feel like they’re bugging you?

     HEALTH. Do you have a healthy relationship? If not, are you trying to make it healthy? Are you eating, right? Are you watching what you put into your system or bringing into your relationship? Are you exercising to stay fit? Are you where you want to and should be? Are you free from physical, emotional, and financial abuse? Do you practice safe sex? You don’t have any STDs or infections in your relationship, do you? Do you practice measures to prevent unhealthy situations and experiences? Are you able to eliminate the toxicity and diseases that plague your union and eradicate the infection eating away at your relationship? Are you keeping the negativity and nasty shit out of your life so you can stay healthy? Are you using birth control to prevent unwanted surprises?

     MATH. Are you ADDING positive people in your life? Are you surrounding yourself with positivity and the right people who bring out the best in you?

     How efficient are you at SUBTRACTION when it comes to negativity? Your friends who talk behind your back, who always try to convince you to do dirty shit? Can you let go of the bullshit your ex brings every time they drop off or pick up the kids? Can you let go of your ties to the children and family of your ex? Are you truly prepared to let go of anything that’ll cause issues in your relationship?

     Are you ready for a family? Is it an option when you know your partner wants one eventually? Do you even want to MULTIPLY your family with children? Are you prepared to take on a partner with children from a previous relationship?

    Can you effectively manage and DIVIDE your time and availability to be where you said you are; do what you said you would? Can you balance friends, family, and self? Better yet, can you prioritize what’s important?

     SCIENCE. How do you deal with issues in your relationship? Can you analyze a situation and approach it with an open mind and a desire to solve the problem? Do you attack everything half-cocked and cause your whole experiment to blow up in your face? Are you impulsive? Can you accept the ideas and theories of others and admit you don’t know everything about everything? Can you admit mistakes in your hypothesis? Are you open to constructive criticism and know it’s for the better of your relationship? Science is about experiments. Can you open yourself up to experimenting with something you’re unfamiliar with and admit it worked out better than you thought and implement it into your relationship?

     HISTORY. Have you learned anything from your past, or are you stuck in the best 4 years of your life, better known as high school or college? Are you trying to hold on to old shit from your past? Are you still trying to be the player, slut, party animal, class clown, etc.? Are you staying out until 3 am, trying to drink everyone else under the table? Haven’t you learned anything from your 2 DUI’s? Are you still on drugs? Are you still cheating in every relationship? Have you learned nothing from all the shit you’ve gone through in life to stop you from continuing the path you’re on? Have you finally given up on the bullshit?

     ART AND MUSIC. Can you be creative, or are you doing the same shit you’ve always done? From the same lame, selfish sex when you were younger to the cliché of red roses, candy, and dinner on Valentine’s Day. Can you put in extra effort to make each other feel special? How about a handwritten note instead of a store-purchased card? A home-made coupon book, good for free backrubs, bubble baths, massages? Date nights? Your art projects don’t have to be expensive or cost anything at all. Gift certificates for a free night of babysitting so she can go out with her friends. Is your sex always the same? How about getting creative and switching it up? How about going somewhere different for dinner, instead of throwing on something and going for wings or finger foods where you can spend time together and still watch the game!

     Music is about different sounds, tones, and voices coming together, making a masterpiece to the person listening. It’s about being in sync; if one person is doing their own thing, then the song sounds like shit; you’re just making noise. Can you not only lead but follow, or do you always have to be the first chair or the conductor? Can you follow the conductor, or are you just going to do your own thing because no one knows what they’re doing but you? That’s why your sex is horrible because you refuse to get in sync with each other; that’s why you’re always fighting because you can’t get in sync. That’s why people are able to infiltrate your relationship and cause havoc because you can’t get into sync. If your music is strong, your music is powerful.

      COMMUNICATION. Self-explanatory. Can you talk without yelling or arguing? Can you communicate your needs, issues, and problems effectively and constructively? Can you offer solutions, or are you just all about focusing on the problem? Can you take constructive criticism, or do you always have to be right? Do you get pleasure from saying, “I told you so”? Does having the last word mean that much to you that you’ll jeopardize your communication? Are you willing to accept another viewpoint if it contradicts yours? Do you shut down when you realize you’re wrong?

   SHOP CLASS. Are you doing what you need to in order to maintain the smooth operation of the machine, better known as your relationship? Are you doing your preventive maintenance? Regular oil changes, fluids, brakes, etc.? Are you changing your filters and checking hoses for leaks? Are you keeping negative shit out of your relationship? Or are you waiting for a major breakdown to slap a patch on the tire or throw on a quick fix instead of putting time and effort into repairing the problem the first time? Are you guilty of going the cheap route and constantly dealing with the same shit, spending more money than you would’ve had you done it right the first time? Are you quick to toss the whole relationship in the garbage and jump into a new one because of one flaw, or can you sand down the messed up part, paint it, and have it looking brand new like before? Can you admit you have no idea what you’re doing and ask for help?

     SOCIAL STUDIES. Taking time to learn about each other, instead of just doing what’s worked in the past. You haven’t taken the time or made any effort to know the person you’re with as an individual, not grouping them into the people from your past. You’re doing what you’ve always done, and if there’s any problems or complaints, it’s about them, not you. You’re not interested enough to learn what makes them the way they are; you’re just going through the motions until you get what you want or need from them or the situation.

     You don’t know what they like or don’t know about their hobbies or interests. You don’t even know their phobias or allergies. You won’t pursue someone you really like because your friends think you deserve someone better-looking, thinner, or with more money. Pleasing others is more important to you than being happy.

     HOME ECONOMICS. Are you okay with housework? Are you too manly to make dinner or do the laundry? Are you so wrapped up in being a strong, independent, working woman that you think housework takes you back to the 1950s? You have an issue with the word “Submission,” even in marriage. Can you use a sewing kit to fix a torn button? Are you expecting her to come home from work and make dinner when you had the day off? Are you beyond taking care of the kids? Would you be willing to stay home with the kids when daycare would be more expensive than both of you going to work when your lady earns more? Can you both be breadwinners AND homemakers? Are you willing to learn from each other how to do the traditional tasks associated with your gender, or are you stuck in the “Man’s work versus woman’s work” vortex?

     ENGLISH. Can you talk to each other intelligently, or does every other word that comes out of your mouth have to be filthy comments, names, or insults? Do you always have to talk down to each other to build yourself up? Do you always interrupt each other because you don’t like what they’re saying? Can you put the slang aside and speak like you’ve got some sense? Can you form sentences that don’t include swearing every other word? Can you admit you have no idea what you’re talking about, and you walked into the middle of a conversation and commented on something you don’t know about? Are you teaching your kids to speak like an adult, or are you letting your kids teach you how to speak like an uneducated idiot?

     Extra credit is always an option to bring up your grades, but it does have a time frame like school. The longer you wait to turn it in, the less credit you’ll get for it, and sooner or later, it will be too late and completely worthless. Some classes will give you the opportunity to take a make-up exam, but don’t expect full credit because you skipped most of the course. What does your report card say about you? About your relationship? How does your partner see your relationship and the direction it’s going? Are you on your way to a full college scholarship, are you riding the fence to barely pass to the next grade, or are you destined to be a dropout because you won’t do the work?



Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


OCT 11, 2020


     You don't have a price? Bullshit! Tell that to someone who may be dumb enough to believe you. EVERYONE has a price, and EVERYONE is for sale. Under the right circumstances, everyone has a price and can be tempted to accept the right offer. The right price doesn't necessarily refer to financial compensation; the price you pay could be personal, professional, or romantic.

You cheated on your partner or spouse; what was for sale? Your relationship or marriage. The price you paid or were paid was allowing someone else's dick or pussy where it shouldn't have been. More financial stability, emotional affirmation. Attention/affection. All these were bonus fees that made the price you paid seem like such a sweet deal.

     You lied to and ditched a friend who needed and counted on you at the last minute when you agreed to help them. What was for sale? Your dependability and reliability. The price you were paid? Tickets to a fucking concert, another friend invited you to at the last minute after his date canceled on him. You intentionally fucked someone over at work in order to land a promotion or raise. You fucked up at work and intentionally allowed someone else to take the blame for it, and they were reprimanded or fired. What was for sale? Your job, your ethics, and integrity. The price you paid was someone else's job.

     Even if the gain is purely financial, don't for one-second fool yourself into thinking you or your partner are 100% unsellable. You can say that now because you're not staring down the double barrel of any realistic offers. Don't think your friends or your partner's beyond putting a FOR SALE sign on your back or a SOLD sign on their ass if the price is right. She sold you out and fucked some unmotivated, lazy, unemployed brother who had nothing more to offer her than a huge, horse-sized dick and more stamina than you; what makes you think she won't put a FOR SALE sign on her pussy for a guy making a pass at her with a 6 or 7-figure salary behind him?

     He's sick of working fast food or retail; he already fucked around on you with someone 3 times your size, less hair on her head that he has, but more on her back than a monkey. She stocks the shelves in the department right next to his or works the fryer and drive-thru. He fucked her for free; do you really think he won't sell his dick to a woman half your size, who has her own house, car, and no fucking kids to stay in the tiny apartment or trailer with you and your bad-ass kids? Don't think for one second someone will sacrifice their job to save yours. At the drop of a hat, the last person you'd think of will put your ass up for sale and take pennies on the dollar to keep shit flowing while watching you pack up your cubicle, thinking, "Better them than me."

     You're not for sale? Really? Every Valentine's Day, you appraise yourself and compare it to the value your partner shows you based on what they bring home for this bullshit holiday. You relate their appraisal of your relationship by what they give or do for you on this particular day, not giving a fuck about the other 364 days a year they treat you like a princess; Feb. 14th is the day that matters, only second to your anniversary. You're not for sale? You don't have a price? Fuck you! Yes, you do. Let you man not do anything special for Valentine's Day and see how you react.

     Women will price themselves, based on their engagement/wedding ring. She'll relate her worth to him by the diamond size, what he paid for it, and where it came from, and so will other women. They'll convince her of her value to him by criticizing the ring and how he proposed. They'll fuck up the head of a woman who normally wouldn't price herself to do so when specific holidays and special occasions come around, but none will rival the ring. Men will stamp a big-ass FOR SALE sign on his fucking forehead whenever he can. For pussy, for work, for his friends, for himself, money, fame, respect, etc. Men are defined by their value, and most will break more than one rule to continually increase his overall value.

     You'll put a price on your children. You'll sacrifice their interests, hobbies, thoughts, and opinions in order for them to live out your unrealized dreams. Parents will pimp their kids out to make their past dreams come true. You'll force your son to play football, even though he hates it because your dream was to make it to the pros. Mothers will force their daughters into ballet or beauty contests. Parents will send themselves spiraling straight into the poorhouse, trying to force their kids into shit they have absolutely no interest in and guilt them into putting theirs all into it. What's for sale? Your past vs. your child's future. The price you paid was their respect, resentment, and hatred. Their individuality, their opinion, their voice. Their ideas and interests, as well as their own future.

     You're not for sale? You don't have a price? Every Christmas, you're trying to buy back missed time, support, attention, and love by going broke, buying all that bullshit for your kids. Half of it they don't even want past the initial 90 days; all they want to see is a shitload of gifts under the tree with their names on them. Your value as a parent is for sale and the price you'll pay is your credit, overspending, guilt, and debt. Some executive in her office knocks up your wife or girlfriend, and he offers you $250 000 to go away so they can raise that kid together. Lie and say you wouldn't take it! You fucked a hoodrat from the club last week for free in the back seat of her car without a condom; of course, you'd take the check and bounce.

     You won't go for that raise or promotion because you'll ask yourself, "What's the point? I'm not going to get it anyway!". You won't approach that hot guy/girl or ask someone out because you're sure they'll turn you down. What's for sale? Missing out on a great opportunity, the price you paid was fear, self-doubt, and self-confidence. Pro athletes? The role models of today? Every few seasons, they prove they have and show their price. They claim to love the fans, but won't play unless they're making $20 million/year, instead of $18 million. They could give a damn about the fans in the grand scheme; their price is obvious.

     Divorced/feuding parents regularly teach their kids to have and develop their price at a young age. Each parent wants to be the favorite, so you'll buy them whatever they want. Boys will get every sneaker to a video game they want. You'll let your daughter walk out the house dressed like a grown fucking woman with the bottom of her ass hanging out those super-short spandex shorts or her tit's hanging out, while you're getting coffee, hoping they see you as the "Cool" parent. Both men and women will put themselves and each other up for sale. Fuck it, for the right price, They'll put each other on clearance. Women will get pissed at her man for bullshit and charge him pussy for good or bad behavior. She'll give him just enough to keep him compliant, but go to bed angry and tell his dick he has insufficient funds for any transaction he attempts.

     You'll get shit-faced drunk then get behind the wheel of your car. You'll go out and fuck someone you just met without protection. You'll go home with someone you just met that night and not even know their last name or letting someone know where you are. You're not for sale? Fuck you; you're putting a price on your life and safety and paying with the possibility of an abduction or rape accusation. A man will go to another woman's ATM machine to do his business and pay a high fucking service fee for not using his home bank. As long as he can make that withdrawal (More likely deposit) in that ass, he's happy to pay whatever it costs.

     In addition to putting a price on your kids' favor, you'll put their safety up for sale; their reputation. You'll allow them to put a price on themselves. They're setting their own rule and boundaries in your house. Your 13-year-old is downloading porn by the truckload, and your daughter's making movies, sending pictures and texts on social media and their phones. They're meeting men on dating and hookup sites. Underaged drinking, smoking pot, and doing other drugs. They're having boys spend the night under your roof because you don't want them getting sucking dick or getting fucked in a car, next to a fast-food dumpster. You won't say anything because you want to respect their privacy and boundaries. Again, you're pimping your kids out for the price of not being as strict as your parents were.

    Money. Power. Respect. Popularity. Recognition. Love. Sex. Favoritism. Possessions. Career; all up for sale. Pride. Respect. Integrity. Safety. Freedom. Honor. Dignity. Self-esteem/confidence. Your family; your children. Your relationship. Your marriage. Your friends, that's the price you'll pay.  


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


OCT 5, 2020


     Whether they’re 11, 21, or 31, sometimes jail is the best thing for your kids.

No parent wants to see their children locked up and you have their best interest at heart, but some of your kids are fucked up, they don’t have the discipline you can’t or refuse to give them.

     Why the hell are you afraid of your children? As in literally afraid of being physically hurt by your 12-year-old? Your children are throwing shit at you, cursing at you, threatening you, destroying your home, stealing and doing drugs under YOUR roof. They’re bullying kids at school and their siblings. They’re starting fights and attacking other kids. They’re disrespecting and even threatening their teachers.

     They’re doing that shit because you let them do that shit to you at home. You let your children act any which way they want because you’re afraid of them. “They just have anger issues” is your defense whenever you get a call about your kids fucking up. You come to their defense when other adults tell you your kids are beating up and bullying their kids. You believe what your kids tell you over what other adults tell you about your kids.

     You know what others are telling you is the truth because what they’re telling you is the same shit your kids are doing to you at home. Your younger children are telling you the same shit teachers, principals, and the kids who USED to be your kid’s friends are telling you. It’s not a phase; it’s not something all kids go through. Every kid doesn’t raise a butcher knife or hammer to their parents and threaten to hit or stab them. Every kid doesn’t tell their parents they’re going to shoot them if they take away their cellphone or video game system. Your kids are that way because you make excuses for them being assholes who needed their ass kicked when they first tried that shit.

     You’re afraid for your life when your kids tell you they’re getting mad, and they’re going to hurt you when they lose their temper. You can’t find the family pet, or they refuse to come inside when your kid is at home. They’re always hitting, choking, or doing something fucked up to the dog to torture him and make your younger children watch. They get joy out of watching them cry and beg them to stop.

     You thought it was a phase they’d grow out of when they were younger. You let them punch and kick you when they couldn’t do what they wanted or didn’t get their way. Now they’re older, and you never set them straight because you didn’t want to be the bad guy. You didn’t want to be just like your parents. You let all these doctors and specialists attach a bunch of fucking letters in front of the word, “Syndrome” or, “Disorder” and used it to justify nothing more than your kid needs his ass kicked.

     Your kids know what they’re doing is wrong, there’s no disorder or syndrome; they’re just assholes who need a good, old-fashioned ass-kicking. They’re past needing the type of discipline a parent gives a child, but the type of ass-kicking they’ll only get in prison when the inmates find out that your piece of shit kid raised their hand to pull knives on and threaten their mothers. That’s just a small step below being a child molester or child murderer. Even the hardest of criminals won’t tolerate being locked up with some fucking asshole who disrespects their parents, especially their mother!

     Now, here you are, scared of your fucking 13-year old because he’ll throw his plate at your head because you made pasta, and he wanted pizza for dinner. You’re scared to go to sleep at night because they told you they were going to hurt you for not buying them a video game or letting them go to a party. Your children are making your home life unbearable and unsafe because you’re scared of your pre-teen! They’re that way because you’ve allowed them to be that way since they were younger. You refused to check that shit back then, and now they’re out of control. They weren’t perfect angels when they were smaller and just decided to become an asshole on a whim; your little angel was an asshole before then and you closed your eyes to it and made excuses for their behavior.

     Your kids know you’re afraid of them, and they use it every chance they get. They know you’re not physically strong enough to stand up to them because of the cancer treatments. You had them later in life, and now they see you as being too old or weak to defend yourself. There’s no one else in the house to protect you, so they have you living in constant fear for your life whenever they get mad. They can’t get past the big boss in their favorite video game, and they’ll turn their anger onto you.

     You made empty threats about punishing them and never followed through. You wanted to be the better, more popular parent than your estranged ex during the separation. You used them lashing out because of the divorce as an excuse for them being the way they are. Guilt is NOT a reason to let your children threaten or abuse you.

     You may not see it that way, but you’re being violently abused by your children. You don’t see it that way because, for some reason, you can’t accept the idea of your child being abusive. They’ve hit you. They verbally degrade and insult you. They threaten you. They steal from you. How’s that NOT abuse in its most primal form? When it comes to parental abuse, all the signs are the same as if it were spouse abuse or domestic violence. In most cases, it’s even worse because parents don’t see it as abuse; to them, that’s an adult problem.

     Your kids sneak out of the house and take your car whenever they feel like it. They hate getting up early and going to school so you let them wake up whenever they want and do it online. They got drunk, drove your car, and caused a fatal accident, and you’ll STILL defend what they did like its something kids just do to be rebellious. You’re taking the bus to work or they’re taking your bank card. You have to ask for permission to spend your own money or anything for yourself, and only if you buy them something as well. You won’t do anything about it, so they have no reason to change. They’re drinking, smoking weed, and having sex in your house, and you don’t even think about how you get to go to jail for that shit if their parents called the police. You can’t even leave the house because you’re afraid of what they’ll do to the house or your other children. You’re a prisoner in your own home, but you’re scared to be at home.

     It’s not a black thing or a white thing, it’s you as a parent thing. Race and ethnicity have absolutely nothing to do with this situation. You’re just shitty parents who’ve allowed your children to take over and ruin your lives. You’re too busy keeping tabs on each other, trying to make sure you aren’t being cheated on or being made a fool of by your partner or spouse. You’re not paying enough attention to raising your kids. You look to everyone and everything else to do your job, but they’re learning the wrong shit from the wrong people. You’re so scared of your children hurting you but you won’t put them out, and you won’t put them in their place. Your alternative is to let them have the run of the house, and you pay the bills.

     Your kids just may need to be locked up for a while; show them where they’re headed if they don’t get their shit straight. If you’re that much in fear for your personal safety or for of your family, put them the fuck out. If they’re grown enough at 11 years old to threaten you and raise their hand to you, then it’s time for them to go. If the government tells you it’s against the law, then let them law have them. The more sensible reaction would be to put your foot dead in his/her ass.

     If you supposedly love them too much to discipline them or your child’s too tall or more than you can handle physically, then go find some bigger kids and pay them to fuck your kid up. Even the biggest, most hardcore killer will not tolerate learning some little punk is disrespecting, threatening, and putting his hands on his mother.

     If they want to threaten you with calling the police, let them; and kick their ass until the cops get there. Show them the broken TV, the holes they punched in the walls when they, “lost their temper”. Show them the knife marks all over the house and the broken mirrors. Let them take that fucker into custody for the destruction of property, assault, and attempted murder. Talk to your other kids about how they’re treated. Ask them how fucked up their brother or sister is to them. They won’t lie, not about that shit.

     No one’s going to lie to you about your kid showing them a gun and threatening to kill them. No kid’s going lie about your kid pulling a knife out and taking what they wanted; that’s called armed robbery. You’re afraid of your kid s because you’ve given them everything they’ve demanded, not asked for or earned, for as long as they can remember. They’ve learned by your reactions that if they can’t get their way, violence gets them their way. You fear your kids because your kids don’t fear you. You’re a “Modern” parental home where you feel fear is an outdated and barbaric practice. You refuse to indulge in such primitive behavior, such as handing out an ass-whipping. You denounce fear and violence as a correction of behavior or punishment, but your kids thrive on it. They count on fear to mold you into what they want you to be.

     You’re scared of your kids because you feel guilty about not being there for them because you work all the time, or you understand their behavior as, “Lashing out”. They’re the oldest, and they’re jealous of their younger brother or sister who gets all of your attention. It’s not because they’re smaller and need you more, you show them favoritism and attention because they’re not throwing fucking knives at your head. Your kid broke their brother’s arm or dislocated their sister’s shoulder and they told you they were just play-wrestling.

     You actually allow your child to live under your roof, and threaten you with physical harm on a daily basis. They threaten your life and the lives of your other children; then you buy them whatever they want because you believe if you don’t, they’re going to hurt you in your sleep. You’re nodding behind the wheel, or you’re dragging ass at work because you can barely sleep. The only time you’re allowed to sleep soundly is after they’ve taken your car and disappeared for days at a time.

     You feed them, clothe them, pay the bills, and keep a roof over their head, and they show you no respect or appreciation. They know you’re weak, and won’t lift a finger to defend yourself or the rest of the family. You’re begging and bargaining with them for your personal safety and you avoid causing them to lose their temper. Fuck that little bastard. That’s YOUR child, and you’re the parent! Put their ass out, beat the hell out of them, or get someone else to do it. Call the police to come to get them.

     Your kids are the way they are because they’ve never had anyone who was willing to fuck them up within an inch of their life or scare the temper right out of them. They’re like that with you because you allow it; trust me, if you want it to end, you’re going to have to deal with your kid getting fucked up. One day, they’re going to try that shit outside the house and come across someone who’s going to seriously fuck them up or kill them. Don’t get weird when no one cares or sheds a fucking tear for that little asshole. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


SEP 27, 2020


     Nearsightedness: only being able to see and focus on what is right in front of you or for a limited distance in any direction. Not just about physical sight, you can get caught in a nearsighted situation in your relationship. We hold ourselves and the people we know and love on trial because of nearsightedness. We will accuse someone of not being there for us when we need them. We will believe we are being put on the backburner for what seems like trivial shit to us, but important to someone else.

     The bigger picture's blurry, and we strain to see it. We figure we will deal with it when it gets closer or can see more of it. We know the iceberg's there, but we believe anything that big can be handled or avoided when we get closer; it is too far away to worry about it now. You could be doing something else while you are waiting. You have no sense of pre-planning. We cannot look forward to the finish line because we can only see what is directly in front of us, or we are too busy looking behind us. Taking someone else's directions will not work unless we can see it for ourselves.

     Being nearsighted causes us to see and think about the here and now; down the road does not interest us because we cannot see it. If we cannot see it, it does not exist, interest us, or occupy our thoughts. What we WILL do is put so much into the small, visible area we CAN see now and make that the center of the entire relationship. We do not know what is down the road, so what is down the road does not apply. We will accuse our partner of ignoring us or complain that they do not spend enough time with us. They are working, building a business, chasing their dreams, etc. The nearsighted can only see what is directly in front of them; nothing else matters.

     The problem with dealing with someone who is nearsighted is that you are always going to have to defend yourself. Any time, effort, or attention is taken away from them will be questioned and criticized. If you are working, you are working too much. If you are chasing a dream, you are taking too much time away from them. If you are working out, that’s time you could be spending together, even though they asked you to come along. It is not what you are into, and you should only be doing things both of you enjoy so you can spend time together.

     Examples of being nearsighted would be a spouse getting irritated at the other for working extra hours for the past few weeks. What they do not realize is that the other person was getting that overtime to have money to catch up on bills or surprise them with an expensive gift for their birthday or anniversary. Their focus was on their partner spending so much time away from home. Another example is knowing your significant other's trying to start or run a business as a personal trainer. Still, the focus is on the clientele being the opposite sex, and nearsightedness will cause criticism, accusations, and jealousy.

     Nearsightedness and selfishness go hand in hand; it is all about what can be seen. Even when they describe the bigger picture in full detail, because you cannot see it for yourself and it does not involve you, it does not exist, and it does not interest you. You live entirely in the here and now; you will not be concerned with what is in the future. For all you know, there is nothing there, and that is what you believe the other person's doing; nothing. They are wasting time, rushing to get nowhere when they could be spending all or most of their free time and effort into the area you can see.

     You want to go out, but they have a long shift the next day, so they just want a relaxing night at home with you. Since they do not have to work until nine instead of seven, you do not see why you cannot go out for just a little while. It is because once you get out together, you are going to bitch about leaving while it is still early. You will wonder why they want to leave suddenly, and it will turn into something much bigger than it should have been. They think it is because you saw someone walk in you do not want to see, you do not want to be seen with them, or for some other reason besides, they want to get home and rest or spend alone time with you.

     You cannot see the bigger picture because you cannot SEE the bigger picture, and you refuse to get glasses. You must see it for yourself to believe it. You are too worried about how your partner’s spending too much time paddling towards a safe direction, instead of sitting in the boat, cuddled with you, holding hands, and enjoying the scenery. You will complain about them trying to get the motor running and get you both out of harm's way. When they are safe, you both are safe; when they are successful, you are BOTH successful. You would rather go over the edge together because you will be together; why shouldn't you support them trying to prevent going over the edge at all?

     A man or a woman will start to work out or take a more active interest in their health, fitness, and figure. They will get a gym membership and bust their ass to lose weight, build muscle, etc. The nearsighted person will not see it as a personal choice, interest, or effort; instead, they wonder who you are working out to look good for, other than for them. They will see the time spent at the gym as time away from them, or time around someone else or other people, even though they have invited to come along. Just because it is not their thing, it should not be yours either.

     Being nearsighted will cause ripples in a relationship, especially if one person is more motivated than the other. If you are not on the same page or have not communicated your thoughts and feelings completely, you are in for a bumpy ride, headed for a failure in your relationship. Nearsighted thinking can work the other way around too. You can be so wrapped up in what you are doing outside the home; you will “forget” and backburner your spouse, family, friends, etc. You will sacrifice time and availability and make promises you cannot keep. You will miss out on recitals, concerts, games, rehearsals, etc. because you are chasing your CEO or grooming one of your children for success while the others suffer your absence. You will sacrifice “Date night” repeatedly, trying to get every project done ahead of schedule.

     Nearsightedness will cause you to lose focus or sacrifice your goals and ambitions to keep the peace in your relationship. Nearsighted people will put you in a position to abandon your dreams and ambitions altogether. Anyone can be, and everyone is capable and has been nearsighted at some point in their lives, or under the perfect set of circumstances.

     The saying goes, "You can't see the forest because the trees are in the way." is a perfect representation of nearsightedness. This will cause blame and resentment in your relationship. You are pissed because you feel like they are making you choose between them and your goals; they feel like they are being put on the back burner for everything else, and they are just a convenience.

     Being nearsighted can and will destroy your relationship; you can bet on it. Eventually, one person will get tired of the constant detours to be a better person. The other will get sick of feeling like they aren’t vital and, the relationship will dissolve, or they’ll find someone else who meets what they need, whether it be more time spent together or support and understanding of chasing goals.

     Nearsightedness is unhealthy, but do not use it as an excuse to ignore your partner. Even if you are trying to create a better life for yourself and your family, you still must be available for each other and balance life, work, interests, goals, and dreams. Do not take on so much you cannot give each other your time and availability. Do not be so wrapped in what is directly in your face that you cannot offer the support they need to feel appreciated. Who wants to be nearsighted when 20/20 vision makes things so much clearer?


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


SEP 20, 2020


     Trying to be independent as a single woman, we focus on things that might not be as important as others but give little to no thought on others that could possibly hurt us the most in the long run. We strive not to be taken advantage of, used for sex, or put in questionable situations, but no matter how hard we try, evil still lurks around every corner. We'll ignore the obvious in pursuit of defending ourselves from rumors, having our independence compromised, or our individuality challenged. No matter how strong we are or try to be, there's shit we should and need to know and have in order to maintain what we hold most dear.

- TOOLS - Not just the local retail store hammer, screwdrivers, and wrenches in the cute little tool bag for $20. An actual toolbox with a cordless drill or impact driver with a full set of attachments. Box wrenches, screwdrivers, and other quality, brand name tools. Not necessarily top of the line, but something that's going to do more than just hang a picture frame, tighten a loose screw on a pot handle, or change the batteries in your son's remote-control car.

- PROTECTION - Not necessarily always a gun; which might not be a bad thing, but maybe a stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade; something that could be handheld and used while walking to your car after work or happy hour at the bar. Something easily accessible when needed. If you do opt for a firearm, learn how to use it; don't just buy it and lock it away. Take it to the range; most ranges have people who will offer tips to help familiarize you with your firearm.

- LIFEGUARD - Whether it's a first date, first meeting, or you've been out a few times, you should always have someone who knows where you are, where you're going, who you're with, and what time to expect you home. Your lifeguard should be the person you can call at a moment's notice. They can text you to make sure you're okay. You can call them if you need a ride home or when you get home safe and sound.

- EMERGENCY CAR KIT - Flares, inflator, flat fixing fluid, antifreeze, gloves, working jack, and good spare tire. Triangles, safety vest. Signal light.

- EMERGENCY CASH - In case you lose your purse, your friends disappear, your date gets pissed because you won't have sex with him. For any number of reasons, $40-$60 in cash is always a good thing to have in your car at all times and with you if you're not driving, just in case. You never know; it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

- FLASHLIGHT - Common sense.

- ALARMS - Smoke detectors, door/window alarms, etc. With actual working batteries.

- MATCHES OR LIGHTER - Weather-resistant, long-stem matches or a quality lighter.

- EVAC BAG FOR YOUR CAR - Being stranded in unfamiliar territory sucks, but your road trip could've been a lot worse if you hadn't had your evac bag with you when your car overheated, engine/battery died or waiting for roadside service. Sunscreen when it's hot. Cold weather or rain gear. Food, water, first aid kit. Flashlight with batteries, maybe a windup radio or walkie. That car with the tinted windows that are driven by five times within the last hour doesn't frighten you as much with the .38 pistol you've been practicing with at your side.

- EMERGENCY EXIT PLAN - Always have more than one way to get out of your house if someone breaks in. Have a way out of your bedroom, bathroom, etc. in case the intruder doesn't know you're home.

- HARD COPY OF PHONE INFO - In case your phone dies, gets broken, lost, stolen, whatever. It sucks not having anyone to call for help when you don't know anyone's number by heart, or you can't access your contacts. At least you have a hard copy of numbers to use, or in case you accidentally delete an important number.

- HAVE MORE THAN ONE EMERGENCY CONTACT - In case you can't get ahold of your primary emergency contact, there's nothing wrong with having another. For some reason, some women will confuse this as a reflection of your friendship; they'll wonder why you need more than one emergency contact. They don't realize it's not about them, it's about you and your safety.

- MEDICAL I.D. BRACELET - If you need one, get one.

- GLASSES - If you wear contacts, it's always a good idea to have a pair of glasses in case you run out, have no solution to put one back in, or you just plain lose one. If it'd dusty outside, it's best to take your contacts out and wear your glasses instead.

- CONDOMS - Sometimes, the unexpected happens; you meet someone, and things go sideways. He seems like a great guy, you're on the rebound, or out for revenge. Next thing you know, you're in the back seat of the car or at yours or his place. It wasn't planned, but you can be safe, and you have protection on hand. You know men will lie about it and avoid using a condom whenever they can, and not having one is one of the biggest reasons they have.

- FIRST AID KIT - More than just a half box of adhesive bandages and peroxide or rubbing alcohol. Gauze, tape, tweezers, needle, burn cream, etc. If you use something from it, replace it.

- SEWING KIT - More than just a needle and thread. Know how to spot repair a torn or loose button. You're in the middle of your workday, and you realize you have a torn seam in the crotch or ass of your pants to a rip in the seam of your dress or skirt. It's a good idea to have a quick-fix kit in our purse, but in the home, you can save costly repairs or avoid throwing out or shoving your favorite article of clothing in the back of the closet.

- SAFE HAVEN - Have someone in your complex or neighborhood who you can run to and get away from a bad situation. From an abusive relationship to a home invasion, they're within running distance, and you know where they keep the spare key. If no one's home, you have a visual signal to let them know you're in their home when they pull up, such as a colored light bulb or blacklight. It's also a good idea to have a 3-5 days supply of clothes, personal items, and cash or prepaid bank cards at your safe haven.

- TRADITIONAL, "MANLY" MALE FRIEND - Blurred gender lines aside, it's always good to have that one, "Manly" guy friend who still prides himself on being a traditional man. This is the guy who can go with you to shop for a new car or get yours repaired and won't allow you to be swindled or taken advantage of, just because he's standing next to you. This is the guy your psycho ex-boyfriend or husband won't want to tangle with. He's the "Woodsman" to your, "Damsel in distress". You can call on him for traditionally male roles.

- MULTI ROLE EVACUATION PLAN - Every place you walk into, scan the room for more than one way to get the hell out of dodge in a hurry if you need to, for any reason whatsoever. From a bad date to a fire, know how to get the hell out ASAP!

- SAME PLACE IN YOUR PURSE FOR KEYS - Don't be a target. One of the biggest mistakes we make is just tossing our keys in our purse, then fumbling around in the dark or under the streetlight, trying to locate them. We'll get dropped off at home by one of our friends and wait until we're out of the car, our friends pull away, then stand at the front door, searching for door keys. These situations put us at risk for attack. Have just one section, compartment, or clip to where you know exactly where your keys are or have them in your hand and between your fingers in case you need to fight off an assailant.

- STANDARD PARKING PLACE - When you go to the grocery store, park on the same side every time, that way, you're not wandering the parking lot, trying to remember where you parked each time you walk out. It limits the amount of time spent in potential harm's way or being approached or accidentally getting hit by a car.

- DOOR JAMB/STOPPER - These are great for preventing your sliding windows and doors from being opened wide enough to allow intruder access. These are cheap to buy, or you can even make them yourself with very little effort. Another inexpensive measure is to hammer nails through a slat of wood and place them on the floor in front of your windows in case someone does make it inside. When they step down, those nails are going right through their shoes and feet. Try putting a stand in front of your door with glass hanging halfway off, so if someone pushes the front door in, the glass falls off and breaks, alerting you of an intruder.

- VISUAL DISTRESS SIGNAL - In case of a home invasion, robbery, or assault. You're locked in your bedroom, and you have no way to call for help. Have a pre-determined colored lamp, light bulb, or some other type of visual signal that alerts your neighbors to your situation, and you need help. Even if it's as simple as a battery-operated strobe light in the window.

- CODEWORD/PHRASE FOR HELP - In case an intruder does make it inside and has you captive, have a codeword or phrase where your friends or neighbors call to check on you, based on your distress signal that tells them everything's not fine and to call the police.

- SNEAKERS NEXT TO BED - Some people have issues with running for help in bare feet. You heard something that made you feel unsafe and needs to get the hell out in a hurry. You're more likely to kick a window out wearing sneakers than bare feet. Believe it or not, the soles of a good pair of sneakers are great makeshift boxing gloves; they cover a larger area of the attacker's face, and women tend to punch harder when they feel they can do it without hurting their hands.

- TRACKING APP FOR PHONE - An easy no-brainer. It's a starting point for your search if something goes wrong.

- WORKING LOCKS - It's pointless to have doors and windows with locks that don't work, or you don't use.

- SPARE IGNITION KEY IN CAR - Have a spare set of keys in the garage or under that false rock on the side of the house in case you have to run out in a hurry, and you couldn't get to your keys. Your car's in your garage, so the doors are unlocked, but without an ignition key, you're stuck.

- COMFORTABLE SHOES FOR CAR - You had a great night out with your girlfriends, but after a night of drinking and dancing, your feet are killing you. Have a comfortable pair of shoes to slip in on the way home. Plus, it would be hard to run drunk or in heels if you needed to.

- HALF TANK OF GAS - Don't get caught having to fill up on your way home after dark.

- WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF VEHICLE - Know how to change a tire, check your oil or coolant. Know how to jump-start your car and have your own jumper cables. That way, you can ask for a jump from another woman than a man, believing he's more likely to have cables.

- VARIOUS PLACES AND ROUTES FOR ERRANDS - The best way to avoid being stalked or routines narrowed down is to vary your routes to and from your normal places. Have more than one dry cleaner, grocery store, gym, etc. Vary the times and the order in which you run your errands. All of these will make it harder for someone to predict the best time to attack you.

- EMERGENCY RATIONS - There are plenty of reasons to have at least a few day's worth of rations in your home in case of foul weather or some other unforeseen situation. Food. Water. 1st aid kit. If you have a gun, extra ammunition. Who knows?

- CHANGE OF CLOTHES/OVERNIGHT BAG - In case something happens, and you just need a change of clothes. You went out with your friends, and you needed to spend the night on their couch; you have something to wear to work the next day. You met someone the night before, and you want to avoid the outfit associated with the walk of shame, so you have a fresh pair of clothes.

- FEMININE PRODUCTS ON HAND - Common sense. That time of the month can sneak up on you like an assassin and hit harder than a hammer.

- TWO WAY WALKIE FOR SECURITY - Your next-door neighbor has the other one, in case you need to call for help.

- BARRICADE FOR EVERY ROOM - Have a plan for securing yourself in a room in case the need arises.

     Should women be able to go out and get home safely? Yes. Should women be able to have one drink too many and not have to worry about being attacked or taken advantage of? Absolutely! Home should be the one place women feel the safest, even in a world where realism makes this a concern. Safety isn't a thing of the past, but let's not be blind or ignorant; we don't live in that kind of world, and we have to be smart about protecting ourselves. Being single doesn't mean being a victim. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


AUG 30, 2020


     Why in the hell would you want to be friends with the person your spouse or partner cheated on you with? What the hell do you have in common besides being fucked over by the same person? You were brought together by somebody who told you both they loved you, by someone who fucked one of you, then came home and fucked the other or stuck their dick in your mouth. Your newfound association and friendship are based on you both being lied to, used, and manipulated by the same person. Otherwise, the two of you would’ve never crossed paths.


     This isn’t a support group; this isn’t a situation where the shoulder you need to lean on belongs to the woman who dated, fell in love with, and fucked your husband. Not only did they just have sex, at some point, but they also had feelings for each other and just fucking evolved into making love. If you’re a guy who got cheated on, this isn’t the man you should be hanging out with, even if you’re just out looking for women to use to fuck your ex out of your system.


     This is the person your wife or husband spent time with, fucked, went on dates with, developed feelings for, made love to, and even possibly made plans with for the future. They snuck out of the house, started fights with you, lied about where they were going, who they were with, and where they were to be with this other person. Your man or lady talked shit about you to them and claimed you as their psycho ex. The foundation of your friendship is one of the most traumatic discoveries and experiences of your adult life, and your friendship will be a reminder. 


     Your friendship with this person is a piece of memorabilia from the worst day of your relationship. It will make your healing time last longer than it should. You’re voluntarily keeping a wound open and exposed to infection and disease beyond normal healing time. Your hatred and bitterness from the bullshit will spread back and forth, keeping you both from moving on.


     What if the cheating was opposite sex-based and now you’re not only friends, but you’ve developed feelings or started sleeping together? A woman will end up falling for the husband/partner of the woman HER husband/partner cheated with or vice-versa. How is that a good idea? Say it, so it doesn’t sound like you’re not both fucking idiots, and you’re not setting yourself up for a constant recap of how you got fucked over. How do you explain how the two of you met? If you’re embarrassed, to tell the truth, your relationship will automatically begin with a HUGE fucking lie to everyone you know or ask how you met. 


     They’re hurting just like you and can keep you from making the best decisions on residual issues like using your kids for revenge or hooking up with random people. You’re having impulsive unprotected sex, going home with or inviting strangers into your home, putting your safety and the safety of your children in jeopardy. Even though they got shit on just as bad as you did, they could still want to be with your wife or husband and will sabotage your reconciliation. 


     They could talk you into doing something illegal. You’ll want to throw all their shit out int the front yard, and they’ll help you, but legally, you can’t do that. You want to sell all their shit for $1 or burn everything they own, but you can’t do that either. Their quest for revenge makes you a pawn. They don’t care about your friendship; you’re a sleeper agent in their war against the person who fucked them over. You’re already in place, and you’ve just been activated. You have all the intelligence and access they need for a full-scale assault on their ass with devastating results. They want to know what you know, and although you feel they deserve some type of retribution or payback, it shouldn’t come at your expense. Haven’t you suffered enough?


     You’re eventually going to see the bed they fucked in, ride in the car they went on dates in. You’re going to sit in the same passenger seat she climbed over and rode your man bareback in, and she hasn’t had a seat cleaned, so you’re sitting in her dry cum. You’re in the car seat your man was in when she sucked his dick. You’ll be less than 2 feet from the back seat your man shot his load inside another woman before he came home to you. You’ll eventually find yourself on the couch, or at the table, your man bent another woman over and fucked. You’re sitting across from the woman your man came inside of, and the two of you are having lunch or spending happy hour together, laughing, and joking. You’re at the bar or club trying to pick up women or shooting basketball with the guy who busted a nut in your wife’s mouth and made her swallow. 


    There’s no reason for your kids to be friends, much less meet, even if they have things in common. It’s different if they’re already friends, on the same teams or in similar activities. How would you explain that to your kids? How would you feel when your kids come home and ask about the rumors they’ve heard about their dad and Jimmy’s mom? How are you going to handle when your oldest child comes home and confronts you about keeping them in the dark about how their mom or dad cheated on you with one of the parents of their girlfriend or boyfriend? You’ll be just as guilty in their eyes for being friends with them, and not telling them about it.


     It may not be their fault, but why would you want to keep in contact with or hang out with the man who fucked your wife or girlfriend? Why would you want to regularly hear from, or visit and spend time with the woman who fell in love with your man? They may hate that person’s guts, but that’s because they loved them and thought they were their one and only and got hurt. You’re sharing a friendship with someone who was or might still be in love with the man or woman who destroyed your relationship or marriage. 


     You’ll defend the other person, even though they knew about you from the beginning. Since they were the single one, they’re less at fault than the one who’s in the relationship. Your partner will take the blame due to gender solidarity. They want an ally, someone to be as pissed off as they are so you can help each other through it or be pissed off together. They want a shoulder to cry on or be a victim with. They claimed to not know about you, but you know that’s a lie. You’re both out at the bar or club, and the person they’re hitting on just told them they were in a relationship. When they respond, they don’t care. They’re just looking for a good time or friend with benefits; it’s going to be hard for you to believe they didn’t know about you when they were fucking your wife or husband. 


     It’s hard to believe they were at your house and didn’t know about you. Men and women don’t use the same soap, hair care products, face cleansers, etc. Single men don’t sleep on linens with flowers on them or decorate their bathrooms in certain colors or combinations. Both men and women should be able to tell if there’s a man or woman living with the person, they’re having a relationship or sex with. It’s only a matter of time before they slip up and forget to hide something or put something back before their spouse returns.


     You think you stumbled onto a new friend formed from the ashes of a shitty situation. Being fucked over by the same person got you together with the man or woman you have feelings for now. You feel like you lucked out and found a new potential good friend, but you really didn’t. It’s going to slip out they knew about you the whole time. You’re going to eventually realize this is the person that fucked your partner when you go to sit in their car and see the dry sex stains on their seats. Reality will set in that your hangout partner or new best friend has been in your house when you weren’t there and in your bed. They ate your food, drank your liquor, and at some point, fucked your wife or husband and possibly did some or all of this while your kids were home. Is this really what you want? The friendship you really need.


     Every sex story they tell you about could be about your wife or husband, even though they won’t tell you so. You’ll obsess wondering if they’re talking about shit, they did with your partner that they wouldn’t do for you. How will you react when the two of you are out, and you run into the person who fucked you both over? What’s even worse is when that happens, and it comes out the person they cheated with is still seeing them behind your back? Then What? Don’t get mad; this is a friendship that should’ve NEVER formed!


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


AUG 23, 2020


     We feel that if we ask a question, we deserve an answer. For the most part, we ask questions, hoping to the answer we get, and the truth is the same. In some cases, that is just going to be true in either expectation. Sometimes, you're not going to get the truth; you're not going to get the answer you were expecting or even wanting. Sometimes, you're just not going to get an answer, period. Nonetheless, you have to understand something is just could be none of your concern, but the person you ask loves, respects, or wants your trust, so they'll answer anyway.

     Answers, like actions, have a consequence. When you or your partner express their thoughts on a subject, you have a choice to respect their feelings and refrain from saying or doing what they've asked of you. Or to go ahead with your original plan. Still, there will be a reaction or consequence to every choice. If someone asks you something, it's YOUR choice to answer; both the person asking and answering the need to understand that. Also, the person asking has to realize that just because they want to know doesn't necessarily mean it's their business. The other person may not think they should have to answer, especially if they haven't given any reason to question their trust or fidelity. Some questions will just pulse with mistrust and accusations, while others will sound like their partner's trying to keep tabs or suppress their internal suspicions.

     There's no obligation for your partner to tell you where they're going every time, they walk out the door. Nor do they need to provide a detailed list of who's going to be there. Where they were if they happen to come home 20-30 minutes later than usual from work or when they said they'd be home. They don't owe you an explanation as to why it took them longer on that particular day to get home. Your reason for a girl's or guys' night out is just that; YOUR reason. Why you're dressed that little black dress or polo shirt and slacks; wearing cologne/perfume, you can ask, but why they dress like that when they go out with their friends and like a thug or soccer mom when they go out with you is because you allow that shit; you refuse to speak up.

     What time you'll be home may be subject to change based on unforeseen circumstances; your friends needed a ride home, lost track of time, locked keys in the car, traffic road closures, etc. Or maybe you were just having innocent fun, and you wanted to stay out longer. Why haven't you checked in all night? Why didn't you answer the phone or text? Because they were dancing, left the phone in the car, you called/texted every 15 fucking minutes, and they got sick of it. What does it matter if they got hit on? They came home to you.

     Your partner's sexual history is none of your business; it was before you met. How many people they fucked, how they got fucked, the freaky shit they used to do, whether or not if the shit they do with you they did with someone else. Past STD's/STI's; as long as they're not an issue in your present relationship, there's no obligation to answer. Why would you ask someone to relive a sexual assault or abuse, just to satisfy your petty curiosity? Any attraction to or sexual dreams they had about someone else. Past cheating. Whether or not they dated or fucked the opposite-sex friend they just introduced you to. How good your sex is, compared to their former partners.

     Who just called/texted you? Who are these people on your phone or social media page, making comments and sending you messages? Who's posting on your page? Where your phone is. Why is it off or locked; maybe it's because they want to spend time with you undisturbed and give you their 100% undivided attention. Their passwords to their phone, social media email, laptop, etc. is NOT your fucking business!

     How much money they make; as long as the bills are paid and the savings account gets the budgeted money deposited every month, everything else is their business. Unless you're sharing an account, how much they just spent on those sneakers or that purse doesn't concern you.

     Who's attracted to you at work which you might be attracted to. Do you guys flirt with each other, have lunch together (Even if it's innocent) DO you see each other and interact at work functions, or is that why you always look extra nice on the happy hour Fridays? How much you weigh? Why are you working out and trying to lose weight or put on muscle? Why are you suddenly buy nicer clothes?

     You've been together for over a year and want to know why they don't have a key to your place yet, why you ask them to call first, instead of just stopping by unannounced, why you're not ready to meet their kids, what you think of their friends or vice-versa.

     Again, just because you think you have a right to know doesn't mean you're going to get an answer. A good portion of the time, you'll get an answer, just to avoid the bullshit that'll rain down if they don't; are you really that selfish and self-centered that your question is answered makes them feel like you don't believe in or trust them? The truth is most of these questions are born from mistrust and suspicions; if you truly trust your partner, there would be no need to ask some of the shit you ask.

     Asking why you want to know isn't always a deflection or red flag of guilt; it's a question; no different than the one you just asked. They know you and how you are; they may already know you're not going to like the answer, and they're trying to avoid bullshit. If you can't be honest and tell the truth as to why YOU'RE asking, don't expect them to honor your request for an answer. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


AUG 17, 2020


      It's bad enough you fucked up and started a relationship with someone who was already in a relationship while you were in one as well. What started off as an innocent friendship turned into something more, and now you've found yourself torn between the man you're with and the one you WANT to be with now. You held up your part of the deal; you told your husband or man you wanted out of your relationship because you found someone else. Now, you're living with your sister and brother-in-law, waiting for the other guy you fell in love with to end things with his woman so you can be together. After a month or so, he still hasn't told her. What's he waiting for? What's taking so long? Why's it so difficult to tell this other woman he doesn't want to be with her anymore?

     He's waiting for you to get your own place; the house or apartment you thought you'd be moving into after he sent his present woman packing actually belonged to her. He's waiting for you to get a car; the one he was driving the entire time you've been seeing each other is hers. You just started a new job and, he's waiting for your 90-day probation period to be over and, your position with the company is solidified. He's waiting for you to get more; more furniture, dishes, appliances, anything to make his life more comfortable because he doesn't have a fucking thing to his name. Everything you thought he already had belonged to the woman he's supposedly leaving. He's waiting for you to finish school, or whatever else you're doing that takes time away from him.

     You thought he had a job, but all the money he had came from his lady; he's waiting to get a job. He doesn't want to be around your kids. He's waiting for you to negotiate visitation with your kid's father. This new guy definitely doesn't want your kids 24/7. Maybe he's waiting for your kids to get older, old enough to have their own lives and to be at home unsupervised. He's waiting for you to get your insurance check from the accident you had a few months ago. Or he's waiting for his, "Soon to be ex" to get HER settlement and break him off a piece of that money before he bails. He's waiting for both of you to get your tax returns. He's weighing his options; to see who the better choice is going to turn out to be. He's waiting to see if you're worth clearing out his stable of other women for. He wants to see how staying with you over a few weekends will be before committing to living with you first.

     He's waiting for his "Surprise" birthday trip to Vegas, his lady planned. He's waiting for you to lose weight. He's waiting for YOU to get tired of waiting for him and chose to move on. He's waiting for you get used to him being with the both of you. He can't leave her yet because supposedly, she owes him money, and if he leaves her, she won't pay him back, or she's using their kids against him and keeping him around.

     He's waiting to have more control over you, waiting for you to separate yourself from the friends who'll call him out on his bullshit. He wants to keep you from those people who'll warn you about him, or convince you he's being controlling, jealous, or generally full of shit. He's waiting for his come up, so he doesn't need you anymore. He's waiting for you to look better; dress better, become a better and more attractive choice for him to want to be seen without in public. He's getting older, so he's waiting for his options to dwindle. He knows women aren't finding him as attractive as he was before, so he's looking to settle down with the best possible option.

     He's waiting for you to become a better choice for him. He's waiting for you to be a more competitive choice than the one he's with right now. He wants to make sure the grass doesn't just LOOK greener, but it is greener. He wants to make sure he's not going to miss out on anything by leaving what's comfortable for the unknown. He's waiting to get absolutely everything he can from his present woman before taking advantage of his new option. What's he waiting on? He's waiting to see how long he can string you both along while he takes advantage of every advantage at his disposal. You made the grave mistake in thinking you could end your relationship to have a relationship with someone who was already in a relationship with someone else. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


AUG 09, 2020


     You can't turn a hoe into a housewife, and you can't turn a hood into a husband. Don't even try. You're a fucking idiot if you think you can and, you're wasting your time. It doesn't matter how many things you have in common, there are going to be things that don't mesh with your way of thinking, your perception, or beliefs. One of the biggest fuck-ups people make is thinking they can change someone or even change themselves; not because they WANT to or know it's the right thing to do, but to please someone else. Truth is, sooner or later, your true nature will come out eventually.

     Who we are in relation to our personality, habits, preferences, and dealbreakers attract or repel members of the oppsite sex. The choice to accept somebody for who they are is something everyone has to do as an individual. Stop trying to change somebody into something they're not, or convince them to change because you believe you're made for each other, it's in their best interes or for the better of the relationship down the road.

     He's a player. She's not into PDA. He enjoys oral sex, and she'd rather suck his toes immediately after taking off his sweaty workboots than to suck his dick. He wants a threesome, and she's looking for more romance instead of just fucking all the time. One's looking for a relationship. The other just wants to date around to see what's out there before settling. He's physically and/or mentally abusive. He drinks smokes cigarettes and pot. She wants kids, and he doesn't. He's Catholic, she's Protestant. She goes to church, and he's at the strip club every weekend with his friends. She wants him to communicate more. He thinks she's WAY too serious all the time.

     He's broke, lazy, and has no desire, drive, or motivation past working the register at the local fast food joint. She's a corporate workaholic, chasing her CEO. He believes if she gets too high up in her company, she'll trade him in for a different model. He'll try to change her career motivation to keep her at the professional level she's at by discouraging her drive for career advancement. He's jealous and possessive, quick to fight anyone who looks at her for too damn long, but he checks out other women in front of her. She procrastinates. He's a loud, boisterous sports fanatic who yells at the TV as if they can hear him. He spends hundreds of dollars on sneakers, jerseys, and other memorabilia. She sees this as a pointless waste of money. She doesn't cook and can't be trusted with the credit/debit card. She posts EVERYTHING on social media.

     He has WAY too many childish hobbies; cartoon battle cards, online RPG's. When he's not playing video games 3-5 hours a night, he's engulfed himself in porn. She likes to go out dancing, and he just sits there, moping because he doesn't want to be at the club. He'll make her feel like shit for wanting to dance. He'll make her sit there, as miserable as he is. She wants him to take her out more, and he wants her to dress down and be less attractive in the eyes of other men, even though she dressed sexily and provocatively when they met. He'll sabotage her interest and dedication in improving her physical fitness and appearance. On the flip side, he may WANT her to lose weight, dress sexier, and show off more of her body. She's a hoarder. He's a thug. She's a gold digger or hoodrat. She's more into art/culture while he's all about nothing but gangster rap. He expects her to do all the housework. He leaves for days at a time with no communication.

     He wants her to be a homebody while he goes out and does his dirty shit. He'll keep her from her friends so they can't convince her he isn't about shit, and she can do MUCH better. He'll cancel plans with her at the last minute hang out with his friends without her. She'll try to change who he hangs out with, replacing his shitty friends who'll try to talk him into doing fucked up shit for more positively influential guys, as in the partners of her girlfriends. He tries to dress too young for his age; she'll want him to dress classier. She's a size 16, but she'll ignore the ten that should be in front that six and dress like she's still 21.

     You're NOT going to change someone's mind about what they want or don't want. You're not going to change someone if they see nothing wrong with who they are. Change has to come to the willing. It can't be forced or bartered. The belief in change may be realistic in the mindset of younger couples, but as people get older, they get set in their ways, and the concept of change becomes much more distant. It may not be an issue right then and there, but trust me, it will be.

     Why do people feel like they can change someone? Why do people even try? If she was 250 when you met her, why would you think you'd magically be able to convince her to lose weight and get in shape for you? If he was a broke fuck with no motivation and avoiding child support when you met him, why would it surprise you that he's in that same mindset a year later? Women believe they can change a thug into a gentleman, and guys think they can turn a soccer mom into a freak. No matter how much you may have in common, if there are things you just won't budge on, there's no sense in even getting to know each other. Wave the white flag, agree on your differences, and walk away.

      It doesn't even have to be significant changes. Just because one person doesn't agree doesn't make their way wrong or your way right.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


JUL, 12 2020


     We just couldn't wait to get old enough to leave home; now that time has come and gone and, you're in your late 20's to early 30's, still living in the basement, or just down the street from where you were born or grew up. Especially when living in a small town, it may seem like the perfect place to raise a family, create a life, and grow old. However, that doesn't leave you with much life experience to pass on to the children you want to have or even make you remotely interesting to any woman outside of the place you live. You have to leave home; you have to get away from your hometown, at least temporarily.

     College. Military. Overseas volunteer work. You can always come back, but at least you left and discovered something about yourself and the world around you. There are people in their late 40s-50s who've never left the comfort of the city or neighborhood they were conceived. They live down the street from their grammar school, work two blocks away from their parents’ home, and hang out at the same bowling alley they did when they were younger.

     Leaving home will give you a sense of true independence. Breaking the comfort zone and being your own person. You put yourself in the position to solve your own problems; no more mom and dad are bailing you out. Along with independence comes unrealized freedom. You have the freedom to make choices for yourself based on your individuality. Freedom for yourself and your parents; they did their job, now it's time for them to enjoy being together and reap the benefits of their hard work and raising their children. Leaving home will increase social confidence; it'll give you the ability to approach others and initiate relationships, both professional and personal—money management skills. You are learning to prioritize and accept responsibility for your purchases.

Leaving home instills the realization of your inner strength and capabilities. Leaving home increases your sense of accomplishment when you achieve your goals. You learn self-reliance. You'll realize you've exceeded your own limits and expectations on a cosmic level of self-discovery. You'll find courage, an inner strength you never knew existed because you were shackled by knowing you could turn to dozens of people from your hometown to help you. You'll learn to solve your own problems; you can make and learn from your mistakes.

     Leaving home opens up the chance for better career opportunities. You'll meet new and exciting people, and they'll find you just as interesting. Make new friends and connections; develop interpersonal, professional/networking skills. The chance to discover new ideas, perspectives, and ways of thinking. Leaving home opens your mind to alternate views.

     You can start fresh; make changes to reinvent yourself. You can explore new and different interests, hobbies, and places to see and go before being tied down by obligations like a relationship, kids, family, etc. Leaving home makes you appreciate home more. Leaving home makes you appreciate your family more as well as the holidays. Leaving home instills pride in your parents and a sense of accomplishment that they prepared you for the world and gave you the tools and support to leave home and succeed on your own. Again, you can always come back home, and when you do, you have a better appreciation for where you've been, come from. You'll have something to pass on to not only your own children but for anyone else who may see you as a resource of experience and information for those who also make the journey from home. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

YOU 2.0

JUL, 5 2020


     There comes a time when people should realize what they've been doing doesn't work for them anymore; maybe it never did. Perhaps it worked for a while, but with such a small level of success. And they've realized they're capable of so much more with the right upgrades. An upgrade is an evolution in one's personal or professional life that makes them a better, more successful person in a given situation, or overall.

     Both men and women are capable of upgrades. Still, there are definite differences in how we initiate, deal with, and view upgrades based on gender or the initiator and the individual being upgraded. An upgrade can be self-initiated or jump-started by a friend, romantic interest, even someone you've never met before. An upgrade can even be initiated by a group of same/opposite-sex strangers. 


     1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; when I became a man, I put away childish things." The King James translation of this verse speaks of the upgrade from thousands of years in the past. Not specifically relating to age, but our behavior. From how we speak, think, interact, understand, and respond to various situations can and should be subject to evolution and upgrade at specific times in our lives. The things we found interesting or thought were important when we were younger shouldn't hold the same value; at least one would think. Unfortunately, there are those people who just can't seem to let go of the best years of their past for fear of having to grow up or realizing their shortcomings as adults. These situations bring to light the different types of upgrades; evolutionary, situational, and temporary or perishable. 


     The evolutionary upgrade is when a person has come to realize he/she should be above the bullshit they've been about up that point. They normally won't see it, but someone else will. Whether it be friend, relationship, or stranger-initiated, the evolutionary upgrade happens when a person has come to terms that they're better or can be better than where they are now. For example, Jimmy's used to dating a certain type of woman; he may be all about FWB or one-night stands until he meets Megan, who's nothing like any other woman he's ever met. Prettier, classier, more educated, or whatever the case may be, Jimmy knows if he wants to keep Megan, he'll have to put away his "Player" mentality and upgrade himself to HER level, knowing she's not about to put up with the bullshit. She's about her business. He'll upgrade his style, speech, dress, even his friends to match her, and she'll make sure he knows it wasn't in vain. 


     Another example of the evolutionary upgrade; men will sometimes notice that no matter how much "Game" they think they have, their success rate regularly hovers around 30%. Sam is one of those men. He thinks his 30% is pretty damn good until Marcus walks in the room, doesn't even appear interested in the hunt, but he's managing to not only decimate Sam's 30%, but women are approaching HIM. At some point, Sam should realize he needs to upgrade his shit if he wants to increase his success rate. 


     Both good and bad situations have to capacity to trigger an upgrade. Constant rejection from the opposite sex, being passed over for promotions or career advancements over and over again. The friends you associate with give others a negative impression of who you are as an individual; all these factors will contribute to the need for an upgrade. 


     The situational upgrade occurs depending on the environment. Being able to adapt themselves to a higher level, but that's not who they really are; they're essential, "Playing the role" until they get what they want. On the weekends and his time off, David's all about the sagging jeans, marijuana leaf t-shirts, and every other word that comes out of his mouth is either the "N-word" or the F-bomb. Riding in his car is like a lyrical shrine to gangster rap. But Monday through Friday 8 am to 5 pm; he's clean-cut, shirt and tie, yes/no sir or ma'am. 


     The temporary or "Perishable upgrade is different from situational is related to the amount of time, and it's a long-term effect. The perishable upgrade is when someone upgrades to make a good first or initial impression—for example, opening doors, pulling out chairs, chewing with their mouths closed. It's unfamiliar behavior for them, and while it's easy to put on a front for a short time, sooner or later, the upgrade will wear off, and their true nature will surface. A perishable upgrade may consist of someone, not smoking or recreational drug use because the subject of their interest is absolutely against it, but eventually, it'll come out. They can hold off the amount of alcohol they drink for a while, but sooner or later, the shit-faced drunk will show itself. This type of upgrade is like dairy; it has a freshness date attached to it.


     A man won't typically upgrade a woman; if he views her as needing one, he'll make her nothing more than a side piece, FWB, or a hump and dump. A man won't try to upgrade another man, even his friends; he doesn't want the potential competition. Women won't usually upgrade another woman past her clothes for the night, and only if they're good friends and the initiator is in a relationship. Women will upgrade her man, but that can backfire and fuck her head up severely. He'll become self-aware of the magnitude of his upgrade and lose his fucking mind, hopefully just temporarily and without fucking up too bad. 


     When Dana met Robert, he was a struggling overnight truck unloader for a local retailer. During their time dating, she helped him join a gym, get in shape, and go back to community college. She upgraded his clothes, his job, the way he interacts with people, the whole nine yards. One night while out with his friends, Robert becomes aware of himself. The type and number of women who are approaching HIM! People at his new job interact with him with so much more respect and admiration it begins to go to his head. Before you know it, he's fucking around every chance he gets. 


     A man will resist his upgrade, even when he knows it's for the best. In his mind, he's fine just the way he is; he doesn't need to change. He'll also see the initiation of an upgrade as an insult. He'll take it as being told he's not good enough, she's telling what to do or trying to take control of the relationship. When or if a woman upgrades, it's most likely evolutionary. When men upgrade, they'll still try to run old programs on their new system, causing a crash or virus. For example, Paul's going through a personal upgrade, after deciding he needs to step up his dating game. After realizing his upgrade has opened the door to a far better professional and dating experience, he'll try to run his old programs and incorporate them into his upgrade. This action will fail miserably; his upgraded system will corrupt and crash, run slow as fuck and possibly revert back to his old system, causing his upgrade to turn to shit. 


     An upgrade can happen to anyone, at any time, in any place, for any reason. Recognizing the time for an upgrade is the tricky part, especially when it's self-initiated. Men will resist an upgrade because they fear to lose what they have already. They don't want to take the chance of losing out on their 30%, even for the opportunity to upgrade to 75%. Pride will prevent acceptance of an upgrade, even when they know it's the best move to make. You can't force someone to upgrade; you can't bargain or trick someone into upgrading. The best a person can do make sure the person you're trying to upgrade is worth it, and if you're the one being upgraded, don't take it as an insult, it's a gesture of interest and an investment into your future. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


JUN 28, 2020


     You did or said something fucked up and got caught or called out on it. Instead of owning up to it, you offer what you think is an apology by saying, "I'm sorry you took it that way" or, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

     You didn't hurt their feelings; you insulted them, plain and simple. You were offensive or condescending, and they let you know; you just weren't ready for it. Your bullshit, a half-ass apology isn't even an apology; it's an accusation of your oversensitivity.

     Why are you apologizing? Because of what you actually did or said, or is it to differ the situation and avoid escalation? Are you apologizing for HOW you said whatever you said that pissed the other person off? Most likely, you're saying you're sorry for thinking the other person was too dumb to realize what you did or said was so fucked up. "Sorry, I hurt your feelings," is nothing more than saying, "Great! Now I have to wipe, powder, and coddle your frail-minded, fetal ass through this until you get over it".

     "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" isn't an apology, it's a deflection. It shifts the spotlight from the offender and places the blame and focus on the offended. To them, it's YOUR fault you're so fucking sensitive you got butthurt and sand in your asshole; they're sorry they pushed your baby bitch button. Basically, their apology is them telling you you're fucking soft and need to harden your ass up. Just because someone brought something to you doesn’t mean their feelings got hurt. In their mind, you didn't realize what you did or said was really fucked up; as a friend, they brought it to your attention, and you dismissed them. Your half-ass apology compounded the situation.

     "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" is saying you're a fucking crybaby, and now they have to say they're sorry for making you show it. It's an underestimation of your intelligence and ability to take something and let it roll off your back. They're say sorry for assuming you were too simple-minded to decipher whatever they said or did as shitty as it was; just plain shitty. Then they fed you bullshit on top of it because you called them out on it, and now, they have to make amends for it. The apology isn't meant for the person who was offended; it's to make the offender feel as if they realized their error and learned from it. It's all about clearing their conscious. Women say it to make a man feel like shit for being bothered, putting his manhood on the cutting room floor. Men say it more to make her feel oversensitive.

     You didn't hurt their feelings, you insulted them; plain and simple. You may not realize or want to admit it, but that's what you did. You can't control how someone takes what you did or said, so don't argue; don't defend, and don't make excuses. If you're going to say you're sorry, do it for what you did or said, not how they took it.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


JUN 14, 2020


     It sucks. There's no other way to say it, except that it sucks. It fucking sucks. It sucks that it has to be done, and it sucks that you're the one that has to do it. You'd rather be taking a bath in gasoline while holding a road flare than to be where you are right now, but you have to be there; you have to say something. The last thing you want to do is sit down and have this conversation, but for the sake of you, your family, and loved ones; your children and the safety of the public as a whole are at risk. It's time to ask your parents for their car keys.

     You love and respect your parents. They've raised and supported you through everything you've ever tried and succeeded or picked you up and dusted you off when you fell off your first 2-wheeler. They held that pit in their stomach the first time you pedaled off on your own, knowing that was just the beginning of your journey away from them. They watched and helped you stumble through your first driving lessons and made sure the insurance was always paid. They drove you to and from school, sports practices and after school activities; group dates to the mall or the movies. They even came to pick you up at 2 am from a party you snuck out of the house to go to and drank when you weren't old enough. They always made sure you got to where you needed to be when you needed to be there.

    Your parents have been driving for 20, 30, 40, maybe even 50 years; they come and go as they please. Now you're telling them they have to call rideshare or depend on someone else to take them where they need to go. That's not going got go over well at all. You have to tell them their time behind the wheel's over. For a while, you've noticed how much closer to the dashboard; they have to sit to drive. How bad they have to squint their eyes to keep the focus on the road. Their constant swerving from side to side makes you nervous to even get in the car with them, but you won't say anything. Even when you bring it to their attention, the excuse is always, "There was something in the road, that's why I swerved!"

     Your parents will make you feel guilty as hell for taking their keys away, and you'll struggle back and forth about handing them back. This isn't something you're doing on a whim or based on a singular incident; you've noticed something's been off for a while. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said anything. Don't let guilt get the better of you and cause you to fall victim to guilt and obligation. Don't let your parents use the accusation of betrayal to weaken your resolve. Stay true. Stay steadfast. Think about what would happen if you did hand those keys back and something happened; how would you feel then, knowing you were the catalyst in a horrible, but preventable situation?

     You know they're lying, their ability to hold the wheel steady is slowly diminishing; their vision is nowhere near as clear as it needs to be to operate a motor vehicle. They drift to one side and over-correct regularly. They have to brace themselves against the steering wheel, just to coast to a stop because they barely have the strength in their leg to pull to a stop. More times than not, the parent in question will start to notice he or she is having issues with their driving. You are aware of the signs for a while, but you'll keep it to themselves because they know what lies at the end of that road if they say anything—the loss of their independence, their freedom, their self-reliance.

     You're not going to want to say a thing, even if you notice firsthand the trouble they're having while driving. You'll stick glued to your seat and feel like you're in the front car of a rollercoaster where you can see the tracks, and you'll try to back or side-seat drive to keep them in their lane or up with the speed and flow of traffic. You feel like you're trying to teach your teenagers how to drive, instead of just being in the car with the person who taught you to drive.

     Age isn't the only factor to consider when thinking about whether or not to ask your parents for their keys. A recent stroke, heart attack, or another health issue might be the reason you don't feel comfortable knowing they're still behind the wheel. The depression of losing their long-time spouse and you're concerned for them using their vehicle as a means to end their life may be another reason.

     There's no easy way to have this conversation, so the direct approach is going to be the best option. Your parents are going to see it as a betrayal or a slap in the face of an ungrateful child. They are going to use anger, lies, depression, guilt, bargaining, anything they can to avoid handing over those keys. Your respect and loyalty to your parents will weigh you. Yet again, there's so down against wanting to do this, but you can't deny there's much more at stake than loyalty, obligation, and not wanting to anger or betray your parents.

    When being asked to surrender their keys, you'll see firsthand the stages of grief from your parents. Shock; the fact you even brought this to them, "Out of nowhere" Anger; they'll see and take it as a definite betrayal. Denial; they'll come up with every excuse why they swerved, slowed down, or the sun being in their eyes to explain their squinting. Bargaining; they'll promise to only drive during the day or when it's necessary or just in emergencies. Depression; They've been able to drive wherever and whenever they want, now they're a prisoner in their own home, waiting for somebody to come to pick them up and take them where they need to go. To them, it's the death of everything they are as an adult; they become the child again who depended on mom and dad or someone older who had a license for a ride to wherever they wanted or needed to go. The only difference now is that instead of looking forward to or imagining what it's going to be like when they can drive on their own, it's in reverse; they already know what it's like and they're never going to be able to do it again.

     It's not like there aren't other options. Yeah, it does suck, but it's not like back in the day when you have to call and wait an hour or so for a cab or take the bus; there are more convenient alternate options than ever before. Uncomfortable as it is, it has to be done; there's no denying your own eyes and instincts. It sucks, but you know if you do something and do it soon, you'll be having an even worse conversation, explaining to your family as to how you knew there was something wrong and you didn't say anything. You don't want to be the bad guy, but you have to. You have to speak up; you have to put your foot down, you have to consider the safety of everyone in the car and on the road. You've procrastinated long enough; it's that time. Good luck.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


MAY 31, 2020


     SCENARIO 1. Shortly after signing up for an online dating site, Sarah comes across Rick's profile, and the two of them exchange information and begin getting to know one another. Sarah lives in Arizona, and Rick's a band promoter from Nevada, currently on tour with one of his bands for the next four months. They have a lot in common, and their interest blossoms into multiple conversations and texts almost every day over the next few weeks. While they plan to meet as soon as Rick returns, Sarah comes across David's profile, and they also start getting acquainted. David lives just 20 minutes from Sarah, and after a week or so, the first meeting takes place.

     Their attraction and chemistry are almost instant, and pretty soon, David and Sarah are spending time together, going out, talking/texting, day trips, weekends together, and overnight stays. Eventually, sex becomes normal for them. Assuming a relationship is short, Sarah informs David even though she wants to be with him, she's been talking to Rick, and she owes it to herself and him to at least meet and spend time together before making a final decision. She feels it's the right thing to do in order to keep from wondering, "What if"?

      Now, why did Sarah wait so long to tell David about Rick? Because she knew if she were upfront in the very beginning, David wouldn't have been okay with that situation at all, and she didn't want to miss out on a good man or have him walk away and meet someone else. She put his ass in storage.

     It's hard enough as it is to meet somebody, without the bullshit. People are misrepresenting themselves in terms of age, looks, weight, interests, work, habits, and other bullshit. That's even more fucked up. It's no wonder why some people are the way they and how they treat others when it comes to dating and relationships. Things like friends with benefits, and the, "Hump and dump." Friend-zoning. Men and women are going MIA after one or two dates, even if it goes well. It's a much bigger fucking circus from even just ten years ago. Most people don't talk about it because they rarely see it coming until it's too late; one thing that's being used more now is the STORAGE AREA.

     A storage area is where people keep things they've acquired out of impulse or necessity but don't want or need until they're needed. Things are put in storage to keep from cluttering or complicating their daily life and need it out of the way until they're ready for it, like winter clothes during the summer or extra light bulbs. Think about not giving a second thought to keeping up with your wiper blades until it fucking rains. You'll either be happy as hell you bought some extras and had them in your trunk, or pissed because you didn't and now have to drive with fucked up blades or find the closest store and get some—storage area stuff things beneficial in an emergency, or when circumstances dictate their requirement. The storage area is also where excess shit is stored until what we have available runs out.

     From a dating or relationship point of view, the storage area is where people are put by someone who, by all accounts, know, or at least have a solid impression, the two of you would make a great couple. You have the physical and mental chemistry, mutual attraction, interests, and great conversation; pretty much everything you could hope to find in somebody. However, one of you is hesitant about pursuing a relationship due to something unresolved. For women, it could be right after a divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship. For men, it could be as simple as not wanting to give up all the pussy he has at his fingertips for just one woman. Whatever the case, the two of you met unexpectedly at the wrong time, and she/he isn't in a place or position to get into anything serious.

     SCENARIO 2: Mark is rarely without someone on his arm. He has a stable of ladies to choose from, depending on the situation. He's enjoying his freedom to date, and, settling down is nowhere in his vocabulary. One night, he meets Carrie. She's a great girl, cute as all hell with a good head on her shoulders, but at 5'7, 165 lbs., she's a little heavier in the legs, thighs, hips, and ass than Mark likes typically.

     Nonetheless, their attraction and chemistry are instant. He'll add her to his stable of women and spend just enough time with her to keep her focused and interested while he does the same with every other woman he's seeing. In his mind, as long as he's not committing to one woman, he's doing nothing wrong; he's just having a good time. None of these women know he's seeing anyone else, and he only gives them enough time and attention to keep them into him.

     Why would Mark choose to go this route instead of picking the best choice and letting others go off and find someone else? Because every woman in his stable provides him with something, the others don't. Carrie's the cool girl who could be wife material, but she's "too thick" for him. Becky's smoking hot, but she's a 3/4-time mom with two kids. Sarah has money, but not that cute. Maria has her own place and a nice car, but she works overnights and can't go out during the week; the weekends are HIS time to go out hunting for more women to add to his collection. Rachel doesn't have kids but a male roommate. Tammy's cute as hell, but has no ass or tits, and fucking her is like using a vacuum, it sucks

     So, what will Mark do? He'll put Carrie in storage. He'll tell her he has a big project at work and won't be able to spend as much time together as they've been spending. Or they've changed his work hours. He's going out of town, spending time with his kids, etc. Whatever it takes for him to concentrate more on the other women he has in his collection. Or he met Carrie when his stable was empty, and he used the time they were spending together to restock with a fresh crop of women. Whatever the case is, Carrie's getting just enough attention and affection from Mark to keep her interested and away from meeting anyone else while he spends time with the other women.

     People are put into storage after they've met someone too soon after a breakup, divorce, or any situation to where they've been out of the dating or relationship pool for a while. They feel it necessary to experience what's out there before settling into another relationship. People are put into storage after meeting someone who had no intention of meeting anyone, but the chemistry can't be ignored. I support the decision not to get involved with somebody too soon, or not jump into anything until they're ready. Where it gets fucked up is when that person knows they've met someone worth giving a chance, but because they're not ready, they'll want to keep that good person in storage until they ARE available.

     Someone on the outside looking in would ask, "Why would anyone intentionally be okay with being put in storage?" The answer comes in three parts.

1. Those who know they're in storage, but they either like the other person THAT much, or their self-esteem is so fucked up, the hope of someone wanting them is enough. They hate what they see in the mirror, and the thought of someone liking them, and possibly wanting to be with them is reason enough to take the risk and allow themselves to be stored away. Besides, nobody else is trying to meet them, so it's no big deal.

2. The storage keeper seems so far out of their league they'll do anything to hold on to the chance that person will see how great they are and give them a chance. They're such an amazing catch; everywhere they go, they're being hit on or checked out.

3. They don't realize they're being put into storage. The storage keeper is giving so much and is trying their best to give everything that person wants and needs to keep them around without being with them. They'll go out with them (When they can), fuck, talk/text all day, almost every day, but they STILL will keep their distance and options open to spend time with other people. It feels as if they're already together, but they'll make it clear they're not!

     You'd make an amazing couple, but because they feel the need to date or fuck around and enjoy being single, they're just not ready for you yet. The thing is they don't want to lose you to someone else who'll see the same qualities they see and appreciate the opportunity to be with someone like you, so they'll put you in storage. They're not done being single yet, but they don't want you single or meeting anyone else. While in storage, you'll get just enough to keep your hopes up that eventually they'll come to their senses or they'll convince you it's only a matter of time before the two of you get together. They'll make sure you're aware of how amazing it's going to be when it finally happens.

     They're not ready. They want to take things slow. They can't give you what you want or deserve right now, and it wouldn't be fair to you. When it comes to online dating, they feel they have to give each person they've been talking to the same opportunity to impress them or win them over while you sit in storage, waiting for them to be ready to be with you.

     The more plants you sow, the more fruit you get. It's not uncommon for someone to be getting to know more than one person at a time. The avoidance of having "All their eggs in one basket" is a way of saying they don't want to focus on just one person. People take the risk of knowing the person they're seeing is also seeing other people. This can go both ways. Guy meets girl, and they have an amazing connection. They have so much in common; it would seem they'd be great for one another. The only problem is that one of them isn't ready for a relationship. They feel it necessary to see other people or focus on themselves for a while after a long-term breakup, which is cool and understandable. People feel they "owe" it to themselves to meet and date everyone they've met online before making up their minds as to who to choose.

     Honesty is the best policy in this situation. When a person informs another, they aren't looking for anything serious in terms of a relationship; they are doing you a favor. They're telling you upfront what they're about and what their intentions are. They're giving you a choice to accept this or walk away with no hard feelings. Granted, if it comes to where feelings get involved, and they walk away, don't get upset with them; they told you from the beginning. Another side of this is when two people meet, and they're not honest about putting you into storage. They keep you around because of something they're getting from you; a ride to work, you lend them your car, they don't have a place of their own, and living with you is the better alternative to being out on the street. You buy them things. You allow them to sit at your place, playing video games while you go to work. You're their ride to the club for her and her friends on the weekends. You're the pocket or purse that keeps them drunk since they have no money; the on-call taxi or designated driver. The truth? The storage area is nothing more than a black hole, a life sentence, without the possibility of parole or getting out on good behavior or good deeds. Once in storage, that's where you'll remain until you wise up or they grow tired of you.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


MAY 10, 2020


     "Taking a break" What the fuck does that actually mean? When two people get the point during their relationship where they feel they need to take a, "Break" from each other. There is a truth to be realized; your relationship as it is just ended. Taking a break is some stupid shit stupid people say and hope the other person's fucking stupid enough to go along with it. Some say or think taking a break may be the best thing for the relationship, but the truth is there's absolutely no up-side to it.

     What does taking a break mean? It means they already found someone else they're interested in, or have someone mind they want to pursue. They want to explore existing or other options without being a cheater. They want to fuck around and be able to come back once the well has dried up, or they've gotten through this particular phase of wanting to see what else is out there. They'll lie to their partner or fool themselves into thinking it'll make your relationship stronger; that it'll bring you closer together. Some people even believe a break will curve the desire to be with someone else, once they get the curiosity and, "What If?" out of their system.

     They are taking a break from animosity and jealousy. Even the person who suggested the break runs the risk of seeing their partner is merely talking to someone else and create a more hostile situation. Jealousy will get the better of them and make things so much worse, possibly ending the relationship far sooner than expected. The realization the grass isn't greener, and they may want to come back, but so much time had gone by, and the other person met someone else. Suggesting a break is a coward's way of saying they have shit they want or need to figure out, and they don't want to talk to you about it because you're the fucking problem.

     A person will suggest a break because they're depressed, and showing weakness is something they want to avoid. Trying to convince them to confide in you will be met with a stone wall. They crossed paths with an ex recently and realized they still have feelings for them, or they haven't healed completely from their last relationship. Nitpicking and petty fights about shit that should've kept them both from getting into a relationship in the first place have reached its climax, and you both just want out, but you have actual feelings for each other—changes in work schedules and careers. Life plans may have changed. Plain and simple, the attraction's no longer there. The sex has fizzled to almost non-existent. Failure to communicate. Failure to admit fault. Failure to realize the relationship is nothing more than just sex. On the flip side, one may suddenly want more than just sex, and the other wants to avoid the "Where's this going?" conversation.

     The plain and simple truth, when a woman brings up taking a break, she's breaking up with you. Taking a break is a break up without breaking up. They don't want to be the bad guy. Especially when the break is a result of an ongoing deal-breaker that one or both of them tried to deal with but reaching a point where they've realized the relationship has run its course. Neither wants to be the bad guy. A break means at least one of you doesn't want to work on salvaging the relationship. Thinking it's best to ignore it or taking time to meet, date, and fuck someone else will magically solve whatever issues you have.

     A break is being low on gas without enough fuel to reach the next station. You turn the ignition key off and then right back on expecting the gas gauge to miraculously say the tank is full makes you a fucking idiot. A break is checking your bank balance at the ATM, realizing you're broke, checking again after just 7 minutes, expecting to see a higher number. It's unrealistic and fucking ridiculous. You're going to run out of gas, you have no money; taking a break before trying again does nothing but make real life, real life.

     Taking a break won't fix one of you want kids, and the other doesn't. It won't take your sex life in a direction one of you wants to go, and the other thinks is inappropriate or disrespectful. Taking a break won't convince the reluctant one to get married if they've made it clear from the beginning that's not what they want. All you've done by even getting involved with someone with issues you, "Dealt" with was postpone the inevitable. Taking a break won't fix the hole in your boat, and staying on board will do nothing but send you both sinking into the murky depths of an avoidable abyss. The best thing to do is to bail out for a life raft and get as far away from the wreckage as possible before the undertow pulls you down with the ship.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


MAY 3, 2020


     Why do we always seem to find and end up attracted to the same people who treat us like shit? Why do we keep falling for the same shit over and over again; not just from the same, but different people, spouting the same bullshit we just fell for and got fucked over?

     Intellectually, we're not stupid or uneducated; apparently, we're just dumb as fuck when it comes to the opposite sex and what we'll put up within our relationships or who we're attracted to. We either know someone, or we're that someone who always ends up getting fucked over and taken advantage of. Whether physically, financially, emotionally, or a combination of two or more factors. For some reason, we refuse to learn our lesson and keep falling for the same shit over and over again.

     Are we blind? Deaf or crazy? We're so desperate to have somebody we'll bend our standards and values, compromise our deal breakers, ignore our instincts, or settle for what we believe we deserve. We're afraid to demand more, communicate our needs, and ask what they're intentions are because we really don't want the truth. We're scared if we ask for more, we'll end up alone on Friday and Saturday nights. Do we not see the bullshit people bring to us, or do we see only what we want to see? We're so used to being fucked over we expect nothing else.

     We're so quick to fall for, attach ourselves, and brag to our family, friends, and co-workers about the amazing person we met after just two or three dates. A week or two later, we come back to admit we got played. People will look at us and wonder why we continue to fall for the same shit from the same type of people, but end up no smarter or wiser to the game than when we started.

     Why do we keep getting fucked over? Because we allow it. We make people who make us an option in the center of our universe. We'll drop anything, anyone, and everything to be with them, but they only have time for us when it suits their convenience. We're always giving and never ask for or settle for our own needs, never being met. We keep getting fucked over because we keep giving the same assholes and opportunists second, third, and fourth chances to fuck us over; we refuse to learn our lesson. When they disappear for days or weeks at a time, we believe whatever bullshit excuse or story they come up with, no matter how far-fetched or ridiculous it sounds. We give them the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe we know it's bullshit, but bullshit is better than being alone.

     We refuse to demand more than what's being offered. We sit at home, ignoring invitations to spend time with our friends, dates, and outings in fear of missing that phone call or text at 2 am, asking if they can come over. They never want to take you to their normal hangout places.

     We repeatedly get fucked over because we fear the unfamiliar; You already know they aren't shit, so it's no shock when they treat you like shit, even though you hope and pray you won't get treated like shit. You won't take the risk with someone who seems to be a refreshing change in what you're used to; it's better to fuck a vampire you know than risk a good thing with someone who may turn into a zombie at a moment's notice.

     You expect them to finance you, not materialistically, but physically and emotionally. Every person you meet likes you, cares about you, and wants a relationship with you; NO! No, they don't; they just want something from you. You secretly fear commitment. You choose people who are physically or emotionally unavailable for a variety of reasons. You're already giving them money, a place to stay, access to your car, sex, etc. What else is there for you to offer them that'll require a commitment to you? You fall for people who become dependent on you until they find someone who has more or better to offer. You mistake their dependency on what you can give them as love. You choose people you want to fix.

     They made an amazing first impression that hooked you right away. They're exciting and confident. They make you feel something you've never felt before. The sex is incredible; they can curl your toes and make you speak in different languages, and you've never had that before. You're not used to being told you're a good person; they make you feel attractive on a level that completely new for you. You aren't used to being confident in someone's arm. Now they have their hooks deep in you, all that's changed. Now you find yourself wondering what happened; why you haven't heard from them. Your calls or texts go unanswered, and when you see them out, they walk right by as if they don't even know you. Yeah, you got fucked over again.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


APRIL 26, 2020


     Sometimes we get so wrapped up or preoccupied with what we may not be getting at the time; we become obsessed with what we believe we're missing out on. The old saying, "You can't see the forest because the trees are in the way." It can't be any closer to the truth for some people. We tend to lose focus on the bigger picture due to being obsessed with the details. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? There's nothing wrong with being curious about where the cake came from, but damn, stop worrying about who's got the bigger piece and enjoy the fact that you have cake. We lose sight of the endgame because we're so damned focused on unimportant details we think are important for whatever reason.

SCENARIO: Knowing Mike's Ex-girlfriend is the manager at a popular high-end restaurant, his girlfriend Heather will question how he managed to swing a table on Valentine's day. The fact he presented her with beautiful roses, an amazing diamond bracelet, and now dinner doesn't matter to Heather in the least bit; her focus will be on what he had to do to get that table.

     Heather knows Mike and his ex are on friendly terms, and he sometimes uses her as a contact for reservations when it comes to out of town clients. She doesn't care about that, not the flowers, the gift, etc. She's far too focused on why he contacted his ex for a favor. Maxine's a trained chef who Tony's used as a caterer in the past, but Barbara's too focused on their past relationship from almost nine years ago to enjoy the romantic meal he paid Maxine to prepare for her birthday.

     When in a relationship, people get so tunnel-visioned on something they'll totally miss out on the point of the story. Amanda was in a slight fender-bender on the way home from happy hour. She calls her boyfriend, David, to come to pick her up. Before asking her where she is or even if she's okay, he'll be more focused on who was at the happy hour. "Was that guy from HR who asked you out last year there? He doesn't even work in your department, why was HE there?" The fact that she was just in an accident means nothing; where she is isn't as important as if, "Daniel from Human Resources" was there. Amanda will get pissed because his focus is more on Daniel, David will take it as her being deflective or shady about answering.

SCENARIO: By all accounts, Sam is the perfect guy for Tracie; both mentally and physically, they couldn't be a better match. The only drawback is that Sam doesn't believe in oral sex; he thinks it's demeaning and disgusting. Tracie will cheat on Sam with a guy with no education, car, and working a dead-end job, just because he'll go down on her. She'll sacrifice the 85% she gets from Sam, for the 15% she gets from the other guy.

     Both men and women will intentionally feel as if they're missing out on the second coming if they're missing out one thing; that 15%. If it's a deal-breaker, then it should've been discussed at the beginning of the relationship, and a decision to continue getting to know one another should've been decided then.

     People will also focus too much on upcoming events, instead of enjoying the time they have leading up to the event.

SCENARIO: Eric's gearing up for deployment overseas. Around the 3-month mark from his shipping date, his girlfriend, Becky, will start to focus more on being depressed and distant from Eric. Concentrate on what she's going to do for an entire year without being with him, instead of enjoying the three months they have left until he leaves. Her focus on his absence will consume every minute of every conversation they have, and by the time she realizes she should be enjoying the time they have left, it's time for him to go.

SCENARIO: On the way home from girl's night out, Jenny gets a flat tire. It's 2 am, and her boyfriend is out with his friends as well. Jenny's friend has a brother who lives 10 minutes away from where they're stranded, and he comes to change the tire. Thirty minutes later, Jenny's back on the road, headed home when Mario calls to check on where she is. Instead of being relieved she's not still stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the night, he's focused and pissed because another man came to change her tire. Instead of showing concern for her safety, he's more focused on the guy who changed her tire and why he came out at two in the morning to help his brother's girlfriend and her friend.

     You're more worried about why he wants to go the shooting range on, "Ladies Night," not because the range stays open two hours longer on Friday than any other day; to you, it's because he wants to be around other women. He's convinced the reason you work out in the afternoon/evenings because there are guys to either check out or flaunt her wiggle in front of, not because she doesn't want to go at 5 am every day. Henry's pissed off at Pamela for taking his car to her friend. Carl (Who's not only a mechanic but owns an auto shop). The fact she saved him over $700 in parts and service means nothing; Henry's 

focus is on the fact his lady dated the guy who worked on his car 5-7 years prior.

     The past being their past, having/knowing people we can benefit from and can benefit from knowing us may be an issue for some people, taking focus from the bigger picture for the smallest of details makes you seem selfish and unappreciative. No one says how you feel wrong and shouldn't be taken seriously, but to get pissed about it, without communicating your feelings beforehand is a little unfair. Not to say there aren't things a person should just know not to do, such as a woman riding on the back of another man's motorcycle or a man allowing another woman to pick out sexy lingerie for his lady. If something's an issue for you, there's nothing wrong with bringing it up, and your feelings shouldn't be dismissed or trivialized, but don't always be so focused on the color of the bow on the gift that you miss out on the intent of the gift itself.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


APRIL 20, 2020


      Remember the old days when you could walk into a business, secure an employment application, fill it out, and hand it to an actual person who could make a hiring decision? What about being able to give your resume' to the manager or Human Resources? Now, it's all done online; you don't know who's reading your resume' or your application. You don't even know if or when someone's looking at it. You're in limbo, wondering if the right person has access to it or if it also made it to a decision-maker. 


     I recently attended a job fair with a friend that advertised on-the-spot interviews. You could interview that day and start 2-3 days later. For someone who lost his job two months ago, my friend was hyped up to get the opportunity to get a job and start immediately possibly. Here we are, walking through this job fair, where there are at least 50-75 booths of potential employers looking to hire.


     We walked around for about 45 minutes, trying to get employers to either take his resume' or talk to him about specific opportunities, it seems as if they all had the same response, "Go online and see what we have available." Every person operating every single booth had that same company line. After a while, he became frustrated and sought out what appeared to be somewhat of a guide or administrator of the event. Where are the employers who were doing the on-the-spot interviews? It made us both frustrated to find out there wasn't anyone doing that. They didn't know why that statement was made, put on the website or the advertisement. We went there for absolutely nothing. 


      Why did I tell that story? Because we all lie. Whether you're a job seeker, or a business, seeking quality but affordable individuals, we all lie to some degree. Companies lie about how much they pay and mask it under the statement of "Earn up to..." or, "Start immediately" They lie about job duties and use fancy names for janitors or phone jockeys. Applicants that lie about anything under the sun to make themselves more competitive. That is what we're going to talk about in this article. 


     We lie about our training and experience; we translate it to, "Dog years" for every three months of experience, we'll claim one year's worth. Job titles and responsibilities. We've never managed anyone in any of our previous jobs, but the new employer doesn't need to know that, but it looks good on your resume'. 


     Our skills and accomplishments throughout our professional careers are lies; we devised and implemented a policy or practice that made or saved our previous employer thousands of dollars. We were shown something once or twice, and now we're proficient at it. We lie about our education, our degree, and our GPA. Just as long as it doesn't involve the position, we're applying for in any way. People lie about their computer and technical strength and proficiency.


     I was told to add a minimum of 20% to what you were making at your last job. You want to get the best offer possible. Your goal's at least to break even and start with what you were making when you left your previous job, instead of starting at the very bottom. Reason for leaving is one of the most-lied about questions on ANY application, along with, "Have you ever been terminated or asked to leave/resign?" Who the hell wants to admit they got fired? There's no way to answer that without painting a big fat red flag on your chest to a potential employer! 


     People lie about military service; they lie about what they did while they served or lie about serving altogether. They know most employers are veteran-friendly as well as knowing when hiring a prior service member, they're getting someone who understands the value of hard work, pride in their job, a sense of urgency, and so on. What better way to quickly set yourself ahead of the competition unless the hiring manager has also served, and you can't bluff your way past the first question he asks you about your service.


     For some reason, people lie about being fluent in foreign languages, especially if it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the position at all. What's the point? Lies about volunteer work, interests, and hobbies. I've never known an employer to hire or turn down a candidate because of their interest in hand gliding or scuba diving. They don't care if you can or can't cook if you can or can't work on a car unless the position requires it. None of that shit matters, so why lie about it?


     We lie about our references. Everyone at your last job hated you, and you hated them. You can't count on anyone to give you a decent reference, so you'll put your best friend, cousin, or roommate down as a professional reference. Don't forget to tell them you did it, though; nothing's worse than someone checking your references to find out everyone you listed has no idea what's going on—lying about the distance between your home and your job. Some employers like to hire people who can be available at a moment's notice in case something comes up, and you're needed to cover a shift. They know you won't want to drive if far from the place of employment or you have a criminal history. These can be a gamble; they know some companies only look for felonies and certain types of infractions about the job, and you're hoping you squeeze by—the ability to pass a drug test. You're a pothead at the very least, if not a part-time heavier drug user. You're hoping that herbal tea or the time you've been off the hard shit is long enough for your pass.


     Are you available, willing to work weekends, holidays, and overtime as needed? That's a lie; you don't want to work on the holidays, who the hell would? You want to be able to go out on Friday and Saturday nights and sleep on Saturday and Sunday. You want to spend time with your family. You just bought the new Sunday sports package on TV, and your Sundays are all about football, basketball, or whatever. 


     Whatever it takes to land that next job, it's worth the risk of getting caught in a lie or being challenged by someone who may not believe you. Employers know we lie, just like we know they lie, but make your lie believable; do some type of research into your lie, at least enough to fake it in case you're asked a question about your volunteer work in Africa or the degree field you lied about. If you're caught, don't make a big deal about it; hopefully, by the time you've discovered, you'd have made such an impression within the company your lies won't even matter. Lie. Get in. Work your ass off. Become invaluable. Make them need you. 



Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


APRIL 5, 2020


     To forgive and forget after we've burned a bridge or destroyed a relationship. Whether platonically or romantically. We may come to face facts that we were wrong. Although we've moved on, we still owe an explanation or at least an apology. Admitting what we've done and accepting the consequences of our actions are important steps in the process of clearing our own consciousness. There are and will be times where we feel someone, in particular, may deserve an individual apology.

     We seek forgiveness because we know for a fact what we said or did was fucked up; we may WANT to mend the relationship, or just wipe the slate clean; but depending on the transgression and the people involved, forgiveness may be a task easier said than done. This realization may take days, weeks, months, or even longer. Some of us may never come to our senses and believe we did anything wrong; we wholeheartedly believe we were justified in whatever it was we did.

     When the journey for forgiveness begins, the offender most likely has a preconceived idea of how it's going to go. What they haven't given any thought to is the chance the offended person has already moved on and has no interest in hearing your apology or explanation; they just don't care. They may have chosen to forgive you for being an asshole long before you realized you were an asshole. They've made their peace with the situation and chose not to let whatever happened influence or affect their present or future. Regardless, I'm pretty sure they really don't give a shit about your need for forgiveness or your conscious.

     Forgiveness isn't about the other person; it's all about you. There's no benefit for them to gain from forgiving you. It's about making YOU feel better about what YOU said or did. YOUR need to explain and apologize is why you're seeking forgiveness. YOUR conscious is heavy and needs to be cleared. Second, even if the other person has chosen to hear you out, there's no obligation to accept your apology or forgive you. There's no time frame when it comes to forgiving. Forgiveness DOESN'T MEAN RECONCILIATION! Just because you're forgiven, doesn't mean you're off the hook; it doesn't mean a clean slate or the friendship or relationship will mend.

     Forgiveness, acceptance, reconciliation; what's the difference? As I've said before; forgiveness is for the offender. It's all about making YOU feel better about whatever you did or said. Acceptance is for the offended. They don't want to carry around the humiliation, pain, anger, or whatever emotion that has consumed them by your fucked-up actions. They've accepted whatever happened and made a decision to not allow it to affect them any longer. They've chosen to leave it behind and move forward. Reconciliation is for you both. You've decided your pride isn't worth losing a good friend or amazing partner over something that may have been taken out of context or seemed worse than it was. In the case of relationship, love, time, or commitment brings you right back to each other’s' arms after an undisclosed cooling off period.

Things to consider, forgiveness isn't guaranteed. Forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean reconciliation. Reconciliation doesn't mean Forgive and forget. Forgiveness can be revoked at any time. A person can accept the situation, as well as your apology, and still not want anything to do with you. Forgiveness isn't going to happen overnight. There's no time frame when it comes to forgiveness and rushing someone to forgive you will prolong your desired outcome or even fade it into oblivion. The offended may not even want to forgive you but refuses to allow the situation to have power over them.

     Forgiveness isn't easy. Just because someone forgives you doesn't mean you'll ever be trusted again; it doesn't mean the end of the discussion. Sometimes, it's best just to walk away than to seek forgiveness, no matter how important it may be to you. You fucked up so bad; there's absolutely nothing you can say or do that'll make them believe you in the least bit; you'll always be the asshole you were when you fucked up. Lastly, whether forgiveness, acceptance, or reconciliation, there are consequences to your offense. Forgiveness has a high price; expect to pay it.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Mar 22, 2020


     When did we get to a point to where we weren't good enough for ourselves? Why are we so obsessed with emulating other people, based on things like wealth, fame, looks, etc.?

     We've all pretended to be our favorite TV stars, cartoon characters, and athletes.  However, it came to that point when pretend time was over and it was time to find and be ourselves. Taking the journey to being a teenager and trying to form our own identities was a difficult road; trying to become comfortable with who we are. Even under the weight of peer pressure, wanting to fit in, or to avoid being singled out/ridiculed for not having the things everyone else had or wearing what was in style seemed to be out of reach.

     From the basketball court to the baseball diamond, it was common for guys to call out the names of their favorite athletes as they attempted thier signature moves or copied their playing style. Girls starved themselves and sang their hearts out, hoping to look like cover models or sound as much like their inspirations as possible. We begged our parents for name brand shoes, the jerseys of our favorite teams. We worked, scrimped, and saved, just to spend our hard-earned money on the clothes or expensive replicas worn by popular actors/entertainers of our generation. Yet again, it was time to move beyond that, grow up, and be our own person.

     So, I'll ask again, what keeps us from being comfortable with who we are? Why do we feel the need to take on the personality, style, or habits of someone else? It could be lack of self-esteem or confidence. It could be because we feel we've missed out on opportunities from our past or failed to take chances out of fear of failure. Maybe jealousy of someone else or unresolved goals/dreams. Maybe we're unhappy with ourselves and the choices we've made in our own lives.

     Take a second to consider this; why do men AND women experience a mid-life crisis? (Yes, women go through the mid-life as well) They were either popular in their younger days, and they want to relive that time in their lives at an older age, or they were pretty much a nobody and playing, "catch-up" for the good times they never had.

     Although in different ways, women also go through a version of the mid-life crisis. Instead of a brand new sports car, women will get botox and collagen injections; men will spend 15-20 minutes in front of the mirror, trying to comb over eight strands of hair over 7 inches of a bald spot while women get breast enhancements. Men will drop crazy money on a convertible sports car while women spend the same amount on shoes, clothes, etc. Men have a harder time coming to terms with getting older and accepting their mortality. Women fight the signs of aging with the ferocity of the Bengal tiger.

     A more straightforward answer would be the need and desire for acceptance. It's what drives us to spend $200 on sneakers, $50 for a ball cap. Acceptance makes people raid the closets of their children, trying to dress and behave younger than they are; 60-year-old men exploring the nightlife, wearing skinny jeans or sagging their pants, most of the time, their bellies just won't allow them to pull their pants up or shirts that can't cover their guts. Women pack their cottage cheese legs into yoga/spandex pants everywhere they go, thinking no one will notice their armpit wings or the fact they can only wear pants with elastic waistbands because they have to shove their belly flab into their pants. The need for acceptance at all costs motivates us to spend what we don't have or can barely afford to look, "cool" and to give the impression we have more than we do about things like money, clothes, car, and home.

     This need for acceptance isn't limited to materialistic acquisitions. Our behavior/attitude is also influenced by this need, especially when it comes to interaction with the opposite sex. On this avenue, men draw their identities from their friends, social media, or, more likely, porn. Our friends and peers give us the inspiration and motivation to appear either genuine/sincere or complete assholes when it comes to female interaction. Who's around us can determine inflection, tone, verbiage, vocabulary, and content. The last thing we want is to have our friends witness rejection of our interest and advances.

     Trust me when I say mortality is real. Everyone gets old, but not everyone was meant to be a jock or a prom queen. Not everyone's going to grow old gracefully. Not everyone's going to be popular; be accepted to the "In-Crowd" or even meet someone who wants to spend their life with you. Not everyone's going to be a size six or bench press 250 lbs. Some people were meant to be regular people, with ordinary existences, and there's NOTHING wrong with that. Most of the time, while you're pretending to be something or someone you're not, you're the only person being fooled. All of that being said, be yourself. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished as an individual. If you see something in yourself you don't like, do something about it, just don't obsess over it. Acceptance of yourself is the first step to embracing your true identity and being happy with yourself.

     To summarize, whether peer pressure, self-image, or the need for acceptance, we've allowed ourselves to believe who we are with an identity of our own is something to be embarrassed or ashamed about, something to suppress or hide. We choose personas and traits based on how we'll be viewed and accepted by mainstream society or to fit into a particular social group. I say, "Fuck that, be yourself," Even if that means you're an asshole by traditional standards. Remain true to yourself and be the best possible asshole you can be.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Mar 15, 2020


     Sooner or later, a large percentage of American families will be multi-racial/multi-ethnic and, full or single-race households will eventually be the minority. Like pollution, re-booted movies, and ever-rising gas prices for no fucking reason, multi-racial families are going to increase exponentially in the generations to come. Multi-racial couples and families are here; they're not going anywhere, and we have to accept this as truth no matter what our personal thoughts and feelings are on the subject.

     Keeping that in mind, there are and will always be people who believe in keeping their families single-raced for more than just prejudicial or racist reasons. When it boils down to the crystals, any other reason is just garbage; smoke you're blowing up your own or someone else's ass to cover up the fact you ARE racist or prejudice.

     It's not just about an interracial relationship between men and women. When speaking of taking on the responsibility of children who aren't biologically yours, when they're biracial isn't and won't be as big a deal as it might be if one parent. The children are of one race/ethnicity, and the potential partner stepping into their dynamic is of a completely different one. Peer pressure, embarrassment, shitty self-image, and lack of personal courage, along with a certain level of racism and prejudice, will determine if that relationship is worth exploring.

     When it comes to children that are already in the picture from a previous relationship, whether yours or theirs, usually, black women will date a white man, but she will not date a white man and take on his white children. Not only will she catch hell from her girlfriends and other black women, but she'll also get it much worse from the older/elderly black women of her family. She'll see it as they see it when slave women were forced to care for the slave owner's children. There's no way she'll take that weight on her shoulders, and other black women will chastise her for it.

     White women will take on a black man's children and not give a bike-riding fuck what anyone else thinks or says about it. She'll love and claim those damn kids as if she gave birth to them herself. White women won't normally criticize when/if they see another white woman with black children; she'll catch more hell from other black women. They'll accuse her of using her relationship with his kids to manipulate that black man.

     Peer pressure (Family) will keep a black man from making a long-term commitment to a white woman with white children. He'll love her to no end, but doesn't want her to have children he can't pass off as theirs or at least mixed. He'll avoid public one on one time with them because he's worried about how he'll be criticized, viewed, or judged. He'll try to take on white children, but he'll have to be on straight superhero status to look past the bullshit he's going to get. His family will make his woman and those kids as uncomfortable as possible every chance they get. Black men will love those white kids and show them all the love in the world at home or around his/their friends but will shy away or act indifferent about them when out in public.

Hispanic children can go either way. Their lighter skin tone allows them to pass off as biracial from a possible previous relationship from the man or the woman. White men will take on black children and not give a damn. He'll charge through a horde of zombies at night, with no lights with a plastic baseball bat and one eye closed for those kids. White men and women won't be phased by the criticism and attitude they'll get from both white or black people when it comes to their partner's children when the difference in ethnicity is the subject. Black men will struggle internally about how he may look in the eyes of the black people and will fear or worried about how he looks or what's being said about him. Black women will resort to the idea of slavery to close herself off to the thought of taking on white children, no matter good a man he is. All she sees is their skin color doesn't match hers.

 Wanting to keep their families single-raced doesn't make someone racist, neither is having pride in one's race, but you do have to stop and ask yourself why you'd have an issue loving someone, but behaving differently towards their kids because you can't pass them off as your own.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

Q&A Vol. 11

Feb 23, 2020


Q: What's one thing you love/hate about me?

F: His sense of humor/His body hair.

M: Her confidence/Her chest hair.

Q: What was it that made you fall for me?

F: The way he took care of me when I had a little too much to drink.

M: That black nightgown her mom wore when she had a little too much to drink.

Q: Name one thing you want to do together?

F: His Friend, Marcus.

M: Her friend, Maggie.

Q: If I had to move away for work, what would you do?

F: Try my best to make it work.

M: Her sister, regularly.

Q: What's one thing you've always wanted to know about me?

F: How many women he's REALLY fucked in his life

M: How do I get your mom to suck my dick again.

Q: One thing your relationship's missing?

F: More spontaneity.

M: Good sex.

Q: What's your partner's most attractive quality?

F: His personality.

M: Her absence.

Q: If we broke up, what're 3 things you'd miss about me?

F: His muscles, his compassion, his personality.

M: Her ass, her tits, her pussy.

Q: What's been our funniest moment?

F: Sex last night.

M: Sex last night.

Q: If I let you, would you fuck someone else?

F: Depends, is HE listening?

M: Depends, is SHE listening?

Q: What's your biggest strength?

F: My ability to keep from laughing at his tiny dick.

M: My 10" dick.

Q: What's your biggest weakness?

F: His friend, Marcus.

M: Her meatloaf.

Q: What's one thing you're proud of?

F: My ability to multi-task.

M: That fart from last night.

Q: What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?

F: Pot.

M: Quit smoking pot.

Q: What's your biggest regret?

F: Not fucking his brother.

M: Not fucking her sister.

Q: What cheers you up?

F: His brother.

M: Her sister.

Q: If you could change 1 thing, about me, what would it be?

F: Nothing, I love him the way he is.

M: Her into her cousin.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

F: Married.

M: Single.

Q: In 10 years?

F: Married with children.

M: Single with kids.

Q: What's your weak spot?

F: Behind my neck.

M: Her Aunt Marilyn.

Q: What makes you laugh?

F: His impersonations.

M: Her naked.

Q: What would your friends say about me?

F: You guys look great together.

M: Fuck man... That sucks.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Feb 16, 2020


     It just sucks, especially when you find out later on in your relationship. Most men don't even want to think about it. It's a lot like being in the path of a tornado, and your house is the only one destroyed. It does happen to women sometimes, but men usually are the recipient of this horrible tragedy. She faked her orgasm. Both men and women lie about having a sexual release (Cumming) or having an orgasm, but for entirely different reasons. First of all, let's get a few things straight; there's s HUGE difference between cumming and having an orgasm. Cumming is the result of friction-based stimulation, where ejaculation is the goal and outcome.

     An orgasm is a feeling of physical sensation and sexual pleasure, which results in a discharge of erotic and sexual tensions sometimes manifesting itself into an actual fluid discharge from a female, what some would refer to as, "Squirting." An orgasm is a total body sensation, not just vaginal. The truth is there are 3 major types of orgasms, with 2 more unrelated to sex. The familiar ones are Vaginal, Clitoral, and Blended (The combination of both). Then there are involuntary spasms, such as when working out, and dermal orgasms; we call them goosebumps. Keep that in mind the next time a woman tells you she's incapable of having an orgasm unless she's receiving oral. That's nothing more than a manipulation of a man's pride to get him to perform oral sex.

     Faking an orgasm is lying to your partner about their sexual abilities and your satisfaction with the experience. When people fake, you're telling them what they're doing satisfies you and meets your physical needs. If lousy sex is the reason you're faking, there's no reason for them to change anything they're doing to improve the experience. That also puts you in a fucked up situation because you have to continue to deal with whatever they're doing wrong that keeps you from an actual orgasm. Plus, the longer you fake, the more damage it'll cause when finding out the truth.

      Many men and women are known to fake orgasms for the same reasons. There are a few that are more gender-specific. Contrary to what anyone thinks or has been told, women fake orgasms much more than men, hands down. People fake to spare their partner's feelings of inadequacy or low self-image. They want to get it over with — people fake out of boredom. Past physical or emotional abuse or trauma makes it difficult to reach orgasm. Stress or medication makes it hard or impossible. Timing is another reason; by the time a woman's aroused, wet, and ready, the man's pretty much finished.

     Women fake orgasms because they're having casual sex or a one night stand. They either don't care or didn't expect to orgasm in the first place. They're uncomfortable asking for what they want or need to get themselves to that point. A woman fakes because she knows it's not going to last long enough for her even to be concerned about it; her focus is on cumming. She's uncomfortable because he's a new sexual partner.

     Believe it or not, some women have never had an orgasm, not just younger women, but even more mature women. Women in their mid to late '30s and '40s married their high school or college sweetie, and now they're divorced after 15-20 years. They've been with the same selfish, 2-minute man for all that time and never had an orgasm. They don't even know if they've ever had one at all, and if they can't tell for sure, it was probably a weak fucking orgasm, and you just chalked it up to cumming hard. Some women don't know their bodies as well as they think they do, so they can't even communicate what they want or need to get to the promised land.

     Some people fake or lie about having an orgasm because they get caught up in the moment and telling your partner every time you're cumming or having an orgasm turns you both on. It increases the intensity of the experience. Acting out or pretending to orgasm has the same effect. For her, it gives the reassurance he's satisfie,d, and there's no way another woman would even come close to giving it the way she does. For him, it makes him want to give it to her deeper, harder, and longer.

     Faking is a power/control tactic. Having her man thinking he's better than he is can set him up to have his head fucked up if he ever does her wrong. Under the right circumstances, she'll admit she's faked out of anger, spite, or to humiliate him, right AFTER she broadcasts how small his dick is.

     Men fake because they want to get that condom off and back inside her bareback as soon as possible. He knows he's a minuteman and wants to feel the skin on skin contact when he cums. Pregnancy means nothing to him, especially if she's a first-date fuck or one nightstand. He knows he's going to go soft right after his release, so he'll lie about cumming when he hasn't yet. To him, cumming inside a woman is about control, ownership, and possession. It's a conquest. He thinks you're too wet or not tight enough on his shaft for him to get off, but he doesn't want to make her feel self-conscious. Men fake because they're not attracted to you but want to cum. They know they're not going to get an orgasm.

     Men fake because they're drunk or high and will use that to justify why they came too quickly as well as why they can't stay hard. Men will also reverse-fake so he can maintain his dignity. He doesn't want the reputation or humiliation of being known as a 2-pump chump. He'll lie and say he didn't cum when he did. He'll resort to foreplay until he gets hard again. Some women can't tell if/when a man's gone soft or semi-soft after cumming so quickly. Women will also reverse fake, and say they didn't orgasm when they actually did to make the sex last longer. They know the man's already gotten his and is just fucking to make sure she gets at least one; then, he's done. Men fake because their mind or attention is on something else; they're trying to get back to watching the game.

     The truth is you're not going to make a woman orgasm every time. You're not even going to make each other cum every time; let go of that goal and expectation. That's like trying to be the best sex someone in their late 30's or 40's has ever had; concentrate on not being the worst they've ever had. Especially as women get older and more mature, they can still enjoy sex and walk away completely satisfied, even if she hasn't had an orgasm.

     In case you're just ignorant or clueless as to know if or when you're being faked, If they're over-selling it, or being overly-dramatic with their body language, they're faking. There's no enthusiasm in their voice; they sound like they're reading a prepared speech. They get quiet afterward. You get no reassurance before, during, or after sex. It feels like it is what it is. No eye contact is shared. They act weird or avoid any discussion about faking orgasms, even if they aren't directed towards them. That awkward smile. They look guilty. They immediately get up/off. They'll ask an off-subject question or make an embarrassing statement. They avoid giving up seconds.

     There's no need to fake, even if you think it's for the greater good; it's a shitty thing to do, and the longer you fake, the bigger the potential for emotional damage to the other person. Set expectations. Let each other know how difficult it is for you to relax and be comfortable with a new partner. Let them know it takes a while for you to orgasm. You may be stressed about something else, so an orgasm isn't in the cards for that particular night, but they still want to please you. Certain positions are better for each of you. You may need a break.

     It's not just in your head; you do not imagine it. This is one of those times where your suspicions are going to be 1000% dead-on, even without a single shred of evidence. If you have the slightest feeling your partners faking, trust me, they are. Everything goes back to communication. Be honest with yourself and your partner; listen to what's being said without taking it as a personal attack on your manhood or sexual performance. The goal is mutual satisfaction. Keep your eye on the prize, and to the winner goes the spoils of victory and orgasm.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Feb 09, 2020


     Sad to say, some men and women end their relationships because their feelings for that other person have become so strong it scares the shit out of them. They'll walk away from someone who makes them the happiest they've ever been because they don't want anyone to have that much influence or "Power" over them. They need control over their lives. They don't want to give up to anyone, a vulnerable side to who they are they don't want anyone to see. The macho mentality vs. unchallenged independence is far too important to them. A saltwater crocodile has a bite pressure of 3,700 lbs. Per square inch, that's nothing compared to how tight these people hold on to their pride, control, and independence.

     Even worse, there are people who will terminate a physical/sexual relationship because the other person is the best they've ever had. Every time they're together, the chemistry and sex are absolutely amazing, or the other person is so incredibly gifted, they're left curled in the fetal position, sucking their bottom lip, speaking in baby talk. Men will avoid this type of woman because HE wants to be the one, working it the best she's ever had; his pride won't allow him to get strung out on her sex. His fear of being labeled as "Sprung" or "Whipped." It is too much to wrap his head around; when it comes to how he wants to be viewed by his friends. A woman doesn't want a man who can put the dick down because she uses sex to get her way; it's her controller. Sex is HIS reward for good behavior and punishment for pissing her off. She won't want to show her vulnerability or entertain the thought of being made a fool down the road if she ends up getting turned out on his dick.

     Personal interaction will also prevent people from being together. Wanting to be the center of attention or at least the focus of attention between their partner and themselves is far too important. It's the same concept as some men who won't be in a relationship with a woman who's more successful than he is, a woman won't want to be with a man who attracts more attention from the opposite sex than she does. Each of them strives to be the better of the couple, using how others see them as the gauge for success. Some women won't entertain the thought of engaging a man in certain activities because she wants to be in the spotlight. She won't dance with a man who dances better than she does, because she wants the attention on her.

     She wants to be the hotter of the couple. He wants to be the one getting checked out more. She wants to be the center of attention, and his ego won't let her outshine him in anything they do; he won't try anything new for fear of her being better at it than he is. Neither of them wants to give up their foothold in the relationship. It's a competition, sometimes subconsciously or that's how they are, and they know it. Most of the time, it has very little to do with other people; it's about their internal feelings of inadequacy and self-image. They have to be the spotlight, the center of attention between the two of them. They could care less if another is smarter, better-looking, sexier, etc. It doesn't matter if they're the best lover the other person has ever had or even the best dancer; as long as they're better than the person they're with now, that's all that matters.

It's no different than an A-list couple, trying to be a couple, each of them climbing to be the bigger star. Again, it's not their intention to upstage or belittle their partner, but their drive or desire to not be seen as the lesser of the couple is so strong. The outcome usually is when one fails to meet their expectations, and their defeated attitude will be the reason for stepping out of the relationship for their co-star/backup dancer, or ending it altogether. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Jan 26, 2020


     You care more about what you man or lady is doing than what your kids are up to. You're more concerned about being hurt by someone you're in a relationship with than the safety of the flesh and blood you took part in conceiving and giving birth to. Kids are out of control and doing shit they shouldn't, not just because they're intentionally deceitful or deviant, but haven't been corrected because you're so fucking wrapped up in spending your time and effort keeping track of each other. If you're in a relationship where you can't even lock the bathroom door without your partner going shitfaced on you, but your kids can be with their boyfriend or girlfriend in their bedroom, door locked, and undisturbed for 2 hours, you're in the wrong relationship.

     You'll run yourself to an early grave, trying to keep track of what your partner's doing and whereabouts, over your kids. Stress. Depression. Self-image. Physical effects can and will manifest themselves, trying to keeps tabs on each other. Your kids are allowed to run in and out the front door unchecked while you're killing yourself, making sure you aren't being made a to look like a fool. You'll check your partner's car, but your kid's room is off-limits; you don't want to disrespect their boundaries. Your partner's going on a trip, and you check their luggage, but not your kid's back for a gun, or anything else that shouldn't be there. She'll check HIS brief the case, but not homework. You'll check for condoms, phone numbers, etc. But not for drugs you kids may have been hiding.

     Your partner has a curfew; your man/woman has to be home by midnight, but your kids can go out and come home when they please. They can tell you they'll be at a sleepover and that's good enough for you. You'll check the alibi your man/woman gave you, but you won't do the same for your kids when they tell you they're going to a friend's house for the night and will be back the next day. Your daughter's spandex shorts are so short, the bottom of her ass is hanging out, but that doesn't capture your attention in the least bit. Your son's clothes are covered with pot leaves and other types of drug paraphernalia, but you'll shit a brick if your man has on a dress shirt or his lady has on a form-fitting dress.

     You'll smell his clothes for perfume, but not your kid's clothes for pot. You'll check each other's purse, wallet, pockets, etc. Don't be surprised to walk in to catch your partner with a blacklight, looking for shit on the crotch of your underwear! He's more concerned about his woman wearing sexy lingerie to work than his 13-14 year-old daughter wearing a thong to school or out with her friends. She's more concerned about why he's wearing a nice shirt and jeans when he goes out with his friends, but doesn't question her son, sagging his pants so low, his boxers are showing, or how he got those $200 sneakers you KNOW, you didn't buy.

     You put more into investigating each other than you do your kids. Your partner's the one who's supposed to be trustworthy. You should be a team, trying to win the championship of raising your children proactively and successfully. All the research, weapons, tactics, communication, and security you're putting into not being fucked over by each other should be put into keeping your kids safe, educated, and productive. They see you don't respect, listen to, or trust each other, so what the fuck makes you think they're going to do the same for you? Not only that, you're telling them the relationship with someone you met a few years ago is more worthy of your time and effort than they are. You're destroying your kid's self-image and self-worth in your eyes.

     You'll hire a private detective to follow your partner around, but your kids have no boundaries, rules, or expectations of appropriate behavior. All your efforts are spent trying to catch your partner doing shit they may not even be doing. You'll put your friends on high alert, in case they happen to see your partner out, doing something wrong. You'll try to recruit their friends to spy for you. You'll try to set them up to get caught. You'll even recruit your kids as spies.

     Women are so caught up in their man watching porn; it won't cross their minds to think about their son watching the same thing, or even their daughter making videos with the boys from her school. It doesn't take a second thought to show up at their job, house, or apartment unannounced to make sure they're alone, but you always manage to find a reason not to make it to parent/teacher night. It doesn't occur to you to check on the attendance record of your children. Making sure your partner's where they're supposed to be trumps walking up the stairs and making sure you kid didn't sneak out the house.

     Your phone can never be out of sight, off, or on silent. Your partner could've done that to give you their full attention, but all you'll see is their attempt to be deceitful. You'll want full access to their cellphone at all times and will check that shit multiple times during the day/night, but you're not the least bit concerned about who's messaging and sending pictures to your child, or the half or full nude photos your children are sending to other people. For every person, your daughter has sent a sexy picture to, you can bet your ass that boy has shown and forwarded it to at least 5-6 other guys and so on.

     You'll check their social media, and question, everyone, on their page as to who they are and how they know your partner. It won't occur to you to do the same for your kids. Your pre-teen has men and women twice, sometimes three times their age, sending him/her messages and photos, commenting on their pictures and posts. You make profiles on dating sites, hoping to catch them looking for something on the side. You over-analyze EVERYTHING they do or say, but you can't recognize a cry for help from your children. You'll question every minute change your partner makes but won't notice your kid's depression, or behavior/habit changes.

     While you're worried so much about being fucked over by each other, you're fucking over your children; allowing them to run rampant without any type of discipline or maintenance to their behavior. You're putting the effort and resources into a relationship with someone who can come and go in or out of your life like the wind, but won't share any of those same preservation techniques to keep watch over your children. You could care less where your children are and if they're safe. You're more concerned with where your man's dick is or who's bending your lady over. You need to be worried about all the boys who have pictures or videos of your daughter naked or in her underwear dancing like she a grown fucking woman. You should be talking to your son, making sure he's not being a bully or being bullied. Ask yourself when was the last time you put just as much time, effort, and investigation into your children's safety, welfare, and day to day life as your partner's. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Jan 19, 2020


     Names like sweetie, baby, honey, dear, and darling spill out our mouths like water without a second thought to how many people we've used those names for. It's so natural, we wouldn't know or give any thought to how we'd react if or when someone told us they didn't like it.

      When you first meet someone, it's extremely inappropriate to refer to them by these names; you just met, they're not your sweetie, babe, or anything else you've been accustomed to spouting out. Your world will get so fucked up if or when you ever came across someone like that because part of your "Game" dictates leading with a certain amount of self-induced charisma. You believe it makes your sound smoother than you are, or you just can't remember her fucking name. That's one of the biggest reasons people use these when they meet someone new; a pet name's easier. Another reason people use these is to avoid the possibility of fucking up and calling someone by another person's name.

      Using the same pet name for multiple people can put you into hot shit when it comes to your present partner. Who really wants to be introduced or called by the same shit you called someone or everyone else you've been with, let alone someone you said, "I love you," too? "Hunny Bear," "Baby Girl," or things like that is straight bullshit! That's no different than trying to hang on to shit from your previous relationship. It may be hard to shy away from this habit, but keep in mind first, and foremost it's not about you or how you're just used to calling your women, "Doll-face" or "Queen." It's about the other person, not feeling their individuality in your life; they don't feel special. Your job is to make your partner feel as if he/she is different from your past. Even after multiple relationships, you can still make your partner feel special and unique in your life.

      You're telling your partner you see them as the same as everyone else you've attached that particular name to. They have nothing special about them that separates them from the last person you called, "Hunnybear" You're telling them they don't warrant their own label. Their own pet name, other than what you've called other men or women. Granted, it's ridiculous to expect people to come up with a different pet name for each person they're in a relationship with, but at least recycle the 4-5 names you do use.

     What man wants to be called the same thing his woman called the last guy she was with? Recycling the same pet name over and over again will get you into some serious shit when or if your partner finds out they're not the first, "King" or "Queen" in your life. Some people just don't like pet names; to them, it's not the endearing gesture you think it is. Again, it's not about you. It's about how the other person believes you see them. It's about how they feel like a person or an individual. It sucks wondering if the reason someone's calling you, "Babe" is because they don't want to fuck up and call you by someone else's name. It sucks thinking the reason someone's calling you sweetie is because they didn't put in the effort into remembering your name from just a week prior when you first met. You exchanged numbers, but you never save their name. You slept together, but you never KNEW their name, or you were so drunk, you can't remember.

      Names like "Sunshine," "Princess," and such are unavoidable. They just happen; they're to be expected. Anything else that seems specific to a person is a little harder to swallow that women will assign


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Jan 12, 2020


     As kids, we all played cops and robbers. We pretended to be firefighters, soldiers, or fighter pilots. The video games we played gave us a false sense of what being in the military was like, the guns, the tanks, the jets. You were going to be a police officer, but you couldn't pass the psychological part. You're stuck as a nighttime security guard at some apartment complex or convenience store, which in YOUR mind, is the next best thing. Maybe you have good credit, a clean background, and above-average intelligence and stepped up a bit to the role of armored car driver or operator.

No matter what your reasons are for not doing or making it happen, the truth is simple; you didn't make it, whatever your circumstances are/were. Another truth is that no one cares why you didn't make it, especially those who did.

     No one but you cares why your dreams of joining the military never reached fruition. When it comes to why you never tried or why you didn't make it, nobody wants to hear about it, especially those who did make it; and have lived the military life previously or at present. While some may entertain your story, others don't give a shit. They don't want to hear it; they're not impressed by your knowledge of rank structure or uniforms.

     Using the language or being able to identify specific equipment, vehicles, and weapons doesn't make you part of the club. What's even worse is when you go out and pretend to have served when you know you didn't. There are certain things you just don't forget or stumble through when asked about them. There are certain things you just don't ask. "Have you ever been to war?" "Have you ever killed anyone?" Are you serious? Why in the world would you think it would be okay to ask someone to bring up or relive one of the most traumatic acts a human being can do to another? Only those who's never served would be stupid enough to wish someone a HAPPY memorial day. You sound stupid as hell; it's a holiday to pay homage and respect to those who gave their lives in defense to this country!

     Flat feet. Asthma. You couldn't pass the minimum test requirements. You couldn't lose weight, or you're unable to meet the physical training requirements. You have a criminal record. Drugs. Your old football injury. Citizenship. Physical/mental issues. You didn't graduate high school. Your significant other told you if you joined up, they wouldn't stay with you while you were gone. Whatever your reason is, you're the only one who gives a shit. Most people will humor you long enough for you to explain why you didn't sign up or why you couldn't make it. Maybe you did make it to the basic training stage, but for some reason, didn't make it all the way through. That's just the same as you not making it, and still, no one gives a shit why you had to stop training and got sent home.

     Keep that shit to yourself. No one's interested in why you didn't make it. If you did make it, don't pump yourself up and lie about what you did; not everyone was born to be door-kickers or special forces. Whether you're jumping out of airplanes under cover of night, executing black ops missions, cooking food, typing forms, counting beans, or driving trucks, you're a member of the club, the brotherhood. They take care of their own; they can spot a fake a mile away with just a few questions, and most won't call you out on your shit. Just know, when trying to explain why you couldn't make it, remember this; most people could care to fuck less. Keep it to yourself! 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Jan 05, 2020


     You knew who and what they were when you met; why are you trying to change them now? What makes you think you can change someone when they've spent the formative years of their lives, perfecting who they are now? While some people will evolve and make the changes to becoming a better person, the reality is most people won't. We're trying to deal with dealbreakers, not giving any thought to the long-term effects of settling for something we're not going to be able to accept down the road. Settling for a relationship, you know it doesn't have the staying power to last for too long, just because you had an instant attraction or chemistry will always turn out for the worst. Fear of being alone isn't a reason to just take the first person who smiles at you or takes an interest in you. If they weren't shit when you met, They're not going to be worth a shit two years from now.

     Why are you so fucking bent out of shape two years later when they're the same person you met? What made you think they were going to change? If they were a smoker when you met, what the hell made you think they were going to stop? If they did pot or other drugs, why would you think that would change, just because you got together? If they beat you when you were dating, did you think he was going to stop once you got married? If she was an alcoholic party girl you fucked on the night you met, did you REALLY think they were going to change? If your answer is "Yes" to any of these, then you're a fucking idiot!

     Some people can suppress their natural tendencies temporarily, but sooner or later, their true nature will come out. There's no such thing as being so invested in a relationship that you can't walk away when things go to shit. Sure, it made be hard, but it's not impossible. Time invested or obligation should not be a factor when deciding to stay in a relationship that has turned sour or destructive. You knew that man didn't want to work when you met, but you allowed him to live off you while you went to work. You never required him to look for a job or even contribute to the upkeep of the household up until that point, so why the fuck would you think you can talk him into doing it now. Don't get your ass bent out of shape when it's three years later and he STILL ain't shit; that's YOUR choice to continue to contribute to his upkeep.

     You knew what kind of woman you had when you met her; she was materialistic and was about being the life of the party. She didn't cook for your ass for the last two years, she ain't going to start now! She was a golddigger when you met, but now you're crying and slinging snot everywhere because she's got one foot out the door since you lost your high-paying job, and you're living on half of what you were making before. You knew she liked to flirt, going out with her friends without you, letting men flirt with her, buy her drinks all night, and staying out until 3-4 in the morning.

     People don't change; most of them have no reason to. They're used to doing what they've been doing and what they want to do. They do what's natural for them, what they've been taught, or learned to do by their own experiences. We let people get away with so much to keep the peace, then all of a sudden, we want them to change. Not just in a relationship, but in your family. Women keep their mouths shut when their husbands go to the strip club every Friday night with his friends, and now all of a sudden; she thinks he should stop? A man's so used to his wife not working out and allowed herself to gain a significant amount of weight; now, he wants to use that as a reason for his infidelity. Even your children are vulnerable to this; they didn't just wake up one day and decided to be assholes and act a fool in public; you allowed them to be unchecked assholes at home, but now they're doing it in public because you won't get them a toy.

     You knew they were workaholics when you met. You knew their work consisted of them having to travel and be away from home for weeks at a time. You knew he wasn't looking for anything serious, and you knew she was. You knew they wanted kids, and they knew you didn't. We get so wrapped up in the initial phases of a new dating situation or are so quick to jump into a new relationship, and we don't give thought to the long-term aspect of the commitment.

     By the time we realize things aren't going to change, the heart's involved, making the break-even harder. We get so worried about being alone or missing out on what we want, instead of what's best for us down the line. We're nothing more than horses with blinders on, unable to see what's on either side of us as we're running in circles around ourselves. The dealbreakers, the hurdles, pitfalls, trip hazards, and anything else that will stumble and cause us injury. Just like a horse who can't run or walk, sooner or later, we're going to take that walk out back with the farmer and his shotgun.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Dec 22, 2019


     First dates are hard enough to get through, with all the rules, and protocols assigned to each person involved. Both men and women make mistakes when navigating the maze of the first date. So many questions, concerns, and expectations have made dating more complicated than it should be. Certain things should be just automatically known, but for some reason, we've forgotten them, we're never taught, or just don't give a shit enough to be considerate. Either way, if nothing else, it's entertaining to relay the ridiculous shit that happened on our date the night before to our friends, resulting in a good laugh at the very least. Then there are things that are just fucking annoying and we should just know better.

     Don't talk about sex on the first date; unless you REALLY don't want a second. That includes asking about favorite positions, what they are or aren't into, how long they wait until having sex or how long they make a person wait before having sex. Don't ask about theirs or volunteer your likes or dislikes Don't even ask how long before being invited in. It'll happen when it does. Don't get pissed because you have to wait to get some ass. You know if she gives it up too soon, you'll take it, but realistically, won't see her as relationship material because she gave it up so quickly. That's a pretty quick way to ensure the first date will be your last. Just because there was a level of physical contact or chemistry between the 2 of you doesn't mean sex is on the menu for the night. You just may have ended up meeting someone who's more in touch with their sensuality than most and they have no issues showing affection. That doesn't guarantee sex.

     Don't take it upon yourself to think your date wants to know who you last dated or had a relationship with, so why do people feel it necessary to point out an ex if they happen to see one? Another way to fuck up a decent date is to bring up your ex in any way, shape, or form. Whether positive or negative, the person sitting across from you doesn't want to hear how much they remind you of the last person they were fucked over by or were in love with. Knowingly taking your date somewhere you'll end up running into an ex just to spite them is just fucking dumb, but people still do it. They want that other person to see you've moved on when in actuality you haven't; otherwise, them seeing you with someone else wouldn't give you any type of satisfaction.

     Be careful, you don't know this person anywhere near where you should be comfortable letting them know where you live. There's nothing wrong with meeting for dinner, movie, or whatever. Chivalry, tradition, gentleman behavior; call it what you want, it's not worth the risk of letting a stalker, abuser, rapist, or your kidnapper know how to get ahold of you in your most vulnerable environment; you're home. Be extra careful when being invited to someone else's home. It's 1-2 AM; you know what he's about. You know why he's inviting you to his place, don't play fucking stupid when he starts making a move on you or gets pissed because you want to put on the brakes. A woman will invite a man inside for sex as well, but for the purpose of winning him over. She knows he'll lose interest or run the risk of not wanting to see her again if she doesn't.

     Bad manners is another quick way to graduate to single-date status. It shouldn't have to be said, but open belching, gas, nose-picking, coughing. Don't be late for no reason. A call or text takes just a few seconds. Showing up or getting drunk while on your date. Men will act an ass. Women will put themselves at risk by getting shit-faced without any avenue of support, other than the guy they're out on a first date with. None of her friends know where she is, who she's with, or have any type of backup or rescue plan if she needed one. If there's a remote chance of alcohol being part of your night, have a plan of action.

     Ordering messy food can result in a huge stain in that nice, white blouse you just paid $50 for. Those Bbq pulled pork tacos you love so much isn't worth the risk of dripping sauce on the crotch of your jeans. Want your first date to be your last with that person? Try being rude and shitty to waitstaff, that'll do the trick. For the sake of all of us, chew with your fucking mouth closed.

     Dress for the evening, Leave your, "Thug shit" at home. Get out of your, "Soccer mom" bag and put something on that'll catch his eye and keep them fixed on you; otherwise, don't get pissed if their eyes wander around the room. On the other hand, don't get caught, checking someone else out or making eye contact and flirting with someone across the room. Don't forget your bra. Shave. Wash your ass after work. Remember your deodorant and mouthwash. If you know your date hates smokers, don't even get involved with them if you smoke. We can smell the smoke and the weed on your clothes and in your hair. Especially when you smoked in the fucking car on the way to the date.

     Don't flash what you don't have. Don't brag. Don't misrepresent yourself. The truth will come out eventually, so why put yourself out there to be something you're really not. If you don't have the money, don't act as you do; don't spend your child support on a date. Clean out your fucking car. There's nothing sexy about old fast food bags, sweaty gym clothes, or trash in your ride, especially when you're picking your date up; waiting to get in isn't the right time to clean out the passenger seat.

     Don't get caught cheating. There's no coming back from having your partner (Who's NOW your ex) cause a public scene when they followed you and your date to the movie or dinner and call you out with someone else. With cellphone videos and social media being the way it is now, a woman walking into a restaurant with your kids and catching you with another woman will make a hell of a viral sensation. Having a man show up at the club and catching his woman grinding up against another man will certainly turn ugly really quick.

     Don't bring your kids on a first date. Showing off pictures or videos of your kids should be done in severe moderation. In doing so, don't get caught with porn on your phone either; that'll be funny as hell to have your date see your downloading interracial porn in the background of your phone. Don't argue or try to force your views and opinions during a conversation. Don't talk too much or interrupt when the other person is speaking. Finishing someone else's thoughts or sentences is also fucking annoying. Don't share too much about yourself. Your date doesn't want to hear you talk about everything you hate about yourself. Keep your personal problems to yourself.

     It's understandable that things do and will come up, and the occasional cancellation is inevitable. Make sure it doesn't become a habit. Don't get too serious too quickly. Don't assume one date means a relationship is a next step. If you know you're not the only person they're dating, don't expect monogamy after the first date. Don't agree to another date if you didn't have a good time or feel a connection, just to be nice. If you're not feeling it, don't suggest a friendship if you know the other person wants more, just end it where it is. Pet names; "Babe, sweetie, sweetheart, etc." That's a first date turn-off for a lot of people, whether they admit it or not; it's actually fucking creepy. Make sure you use the right name; introducing Becky to your friends as Sarah will also fast-track you to single date status. True, it may be easier sometimes to text, but in the case of a first date, pick up the phone and dial her number. As a woman, don't be so stuck in the past that you can't or won't call up a man and ask HIM out.

     Unless it's an emergency, put your fucking phone away. Texts. Unimportant calls from your buddies. Social media. Not everyone wants their picture taken or end up in a media video, and it doesn't mean they have anything to hide. Besides, that light is fucking annoying. Don't intentionally end up somewhere your friends will be and allow them to wedge their way into your date. Don't invite your friends to join your outing, especially without the other's knowledge. Don't ask or expect your date to play matchmaker with your respective friends.

     You may think it's a man's responsibility to pay for the date, but don't be shitty and not at least offer to pay for your alcohol. Your glass or 2 of wine can add another 30% or even double a dinner check pretty quick. Just because someone else is paying is NOT the time to try something you've never had before and end up not liking it or only eating half your meal, but wanting snacks at the movies. Don't intentionally order something different than your date, thinking you'll be able to sample theirs. Be considerate when going out and spending someone else's money. You may be used to ordering certain things when you're paying, but consider the finances of the other person when trying to keep up with your normal lifestyle; HE may not be in the position to pay for lobster, etc. If one pays for dinner, the other pays for the movie, etc.

     While these may seem like a lot to take in, but in my opinion, most should be common sense. The sad part is with the progress of dating technology, common sense seems to be a thing of the past, replaced by expectations of sex and self-preservation, Shitty manners, Rules or Misrepresentation. Everything that takes away from the actual enjoyment of the first date. We need to stop sabotaging ourselves before we even say hello.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

Q&A VOL. 10

Dec 08, 2019


Q: What chore do you hate the most?

F: Laundry.

M: Sex with the wife.

Q: What's your favorite exercise?

F: Any but Burpees.

M: Anything that keeps from watching her big ass do Burpees.

Q: What's your favorite time of year?

F: Christmas; because I get to go home and visit my family.

M: Christmas; because she goes home to visit her family.

Q: What's your favorite/least favorite body part

F: My hair/my breasts.

M: My abs/her breasts.

Q: What would you do if the world ended tomorrow?

F: Pray for forgiveness for all my sins.

M: Her cousin, Mandy.

Q: Who would you want to spend your last day on earth with?

F: My husband and children.

M: Her cousin, Mandy.

Q: Name something that made you stronger?

F: Quitting my job and starting my own business.

M: Fucking the wife last night.

Q: When was the last time you were nervous about something?

F: The STD test I took last week when hubby was out of town.

M: The STD test I took when I got back in town last week.

Q: What's something you've done that you'll never do again?

F: His Brother.

M: Skydive.

Q: What's your worst habit?

F: His Best friend, Darius.

M: My Best friend, Darius.

Q: If you could go back in time, what would you tell your younger self?

F: Pay more attention in school, wait to have children, don't marry so young.

M: Wear a condom with her mom, her sister, and this coming weekend.

Q: What reminds you of me?

F: Our favorite song on the radio

M: Pork fat

Q: Do You believe in karma?

F: Yes.

M: Depends, let's wait to see how the tests from the free clinic results come back.

Q: What's been your scariest experience?

F: Not making that stripper wear a condom last night.

M: Not wearing a condom when I fucked that stripper last night.

Q: What did you think when we first met?

F: He seems like a great guy.

M: I hope she swallows.

Q: What do you remember about our first date?

F: How great a guy he was.

M: She swallowed.

Q: Did you think we'd actually last this long?

F: I wasn't sure at first, but I'm glad we did.

M: I wasn't sure at first, because you weren't down with anal for a while

Q: What's the biggest fear in your relationship?

F: Losing the love of my life.

M: Leg cramps.

Q: Do you believe there's only one person you're meant to be with?

F: Yes, and I'm glad I found him.

M: Unsure, but I'm STILL hoping she'll come along.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Nov 24, 2019


     When calling a woman a "Tease," first understand and realize why you're calling her that. Is it because she spent the night, enjoying the free drinks you bought, feeding off the attention you paid, even though she told you she had a man or husband? You STILL decided to try your luck, despite the fact she told you she was just hanging out with her friends and wasn't looking to meet anyone? She's not a tease, she told you what she was about for the beginning, but your pride and ego wouldn't allow you to walk away. The competition and conquest became paramount and eclipsed your better judgment.

     Flirting and teasing can be both positive and negative. Flirting can be used to show or gauge someone's interest, but also because they want something from the person they're flirting with, as in a gift or favor. Teasing can be used to show playful sexual attraction but also embarrass or humiliate someone, as in to make themselves feel attracted to someone else, other than their partner, or to boost their self-esteem. Although flirting and teasing are viewed as more of a female action, men are also just as guilty. In simplest terms, I am teasing and flirting certain offer expectations with absolutely no intention of immediate follow-through, if any at all. Women tease on a more physical level, while men do it emotionally.

     Granted, they have dual purposes, flirting seems less harmful and more playful, teasing is downright fucked up. Making a guy believe you're interested or sexually attracted to him just to make yourself feel bigger or a man making a woman feel like she's more than just a fuck is seriously a shitty thing to do all around, no matter how you slice it. It's a game; a stupid fucking childish game and the person being teased isn't even the main prize; bragging rights to the conquest is what they're REALLY after. A woman will take pleasure in pulling a man's attention away from another woman he's trying to get to know, or even draw his eyes away from his lady. A man celebrates his victory when he knows he can fuck the female he's been feeding lines to, or getting her to consider fucking around on her man, thinking he's a better choice.

     Teasing is wanting to humiliate and make fun of you. It's to make a person look and feel like an ass in order to supplement a deficiency in the teaser's self- confidence and self-esteem or ego. Flirting could be a form of teasing, but there's a line a flirt won't cross. If the person walks away feeling foolish, it was done less intentionally by a flirt than a tease.

     Friendliness can and will often be mistaken as flirting. A smile, an overly enthusiastic greeting, compliment, or comment about how someone' s losing weight or looks nice on a particular day can be taken out of context and misunderstood as flirting. Not clearing the line of the intent behind the behavior could set a person up to feel as if he/she was being teased. Sometimes, people are just being friendly; they're not flirting or teasing. Sometimes a smile and hello is just that.

     Here's the truth about teasing and flirting. Both can be playful and fucked up. Someone can be in-your-face obvious, or they can be subtle and discreet. As adults, we shouldn't have to resort to this game, no matter the intent. Do you truly think so little of yourself you have to make someone else feel small so you can feel better about yourself or to supplement the lack of attention you're getting from your partner? If so, you have some serious issues, and you should have your fucking head checked. If you think it's cute or endearing, check again. You're an adult, act like it. Instead of flirting, just be straight forward and let your thoughts and feeling be known; there are only two ways it can go, in your favor or not. Don't be so afraid of rejection.

     Another truth? Before calling someone a tease or flirt, realize and understand why you're assigning this label; it could be because of your own doing.

     A woman can meet a man and find him attractive and interesting. Their physical chemistry could be off the charts; so much so, her desire to show and express her attraction to him will sporadically eclipse her judgment and put her in a position to where her sensuality will take over and pull her from her typical character. She'll go back and forth with this while kissing, touching, and allowing him to reciprocate.

. It's his turn to understand the position she's put him in, and the future of her continued expression now entirely depends on him.

OPTION 1. He can go forward and allow her to express herself naturally and take things as they go organically and just enjoy the interaction as it is.

OPTION 2. Like most men, he'll assume they're going to have sex, based on her behavior thus far.

     Most men will go with option #2. He'll go too far and assume he's gonna fuck tonight, and that'll be his expectation and focus going forward. After the night's over, he'll walk her to her car, where they'll get a little hotter and heavier until she realizes he's trying to score right then and there. She'll politely put on the brakes, thank him for a good night and reassure him she wants to see him again in the near future. As she's getting if her car, he's looking like, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

     Just because a woman's into you and there's an OBVIOUS sexual attraction doesn't mean she's obligated fuck you! Just because she may get a little out of pocket and grind on you isn't a promise to fuck. Her rubbing on you and allowing you to touch her sensually isn't a physical contract, signed in a spermicidal lubricant that you're going to be getting some ass that night. So because she didn't go home with you that night, you call her a tease and say, "Fuck it," I'm not calling her ass, she's a tease." For all you know, she WANTED to invite you back to her place, but she had to work early the next morning and stayed out far past her expectation because she was into you. She didn't want you to get the wrong idea about her if she gave it up on the first night. She probably went home, jumped in the cold shower, and played with herself until she had one of the biggest orgasms of her adult life. Maybe her apartment was messy after a long week, and she wanted to clean it before you came over. Whatever the reason was, the fact you couldn't fuck THAT night got you so pissed off; you shit yourself of a great night in the future. Good job, asshat!

     The reason more women don't show their physical or sensual interest is that we're fucking stupid. We're incapable of just enjoying what's going on right at that moment and taking things organically. More women would enjoy being expressive with their sexuality, but they can't because men are always focused on the second option; instead of taking it for what it is, they slam blinders on their heads like fucking racehorses and focus on nothing else but the finish line.

     On the other hand, men have it just as bad. He can't express HIS attraction to a woman he's met without HER thinking all he's trying to do is fuck. Just like his female counterpart, all he's trying to do is show his sensual interest in her. So many men have fucked it up for him in the past, even the slightest intimate contact will have her slamming on the brakes and pushing him off, thinking he's trying to get something started she's not ready to give into. True, more men go out, looking for sexual/physical interaction, but not all of them. Women harp about not being compared to what some other women do or did; it's about time to practice what's preached.

     It is teasing and flirting. Is it worth it? Does it make people want or desire each other more? Does it add mystery and spice to a situation? Is it a turn on? An aphrodisiac? Or is it just a fucking game people play when they don't have the nerve to be a fucking adult. Approach someone like an adult, introduce yourself and say, "My name is _____, and I'd like to spend some time getting to know you, can I sit down?


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Nov 17, 2019


     When you assume shit, that's when things go bad, you make shit worse, or you miss out on something. They say when you assume, you make an ass out of you AND me; the truth is you just end up making an ass of yourself.

     Assuming someone's too good or good-looking for you is no exception. The funny thing is there are a lot of really attractive people who are and have been single for quite some time because people either assume they're taken, too hot to be faithful to one person, a player or out of their league.

     We sell ourselves short and downplay our strengths and qualities just because the object of our interest looks a certain way. We look at people and assume they don't/won't date outside their race. We fear rejection and humiliation. We want to avoid the ridicule for aiming too high and being shot down, especially in public. We'll sit on the sidelines, wanting to get into the game, but in the back of our mind lingers the fear of dropping the game-winning pass when the championship's on the line.

     Things like our height, weight, skin color, looks, build, and intelligence will all come into play when deciding whether or not to approach someone, based solely on how they look on the outside. Most men will look at a woman and assume she's way too hot to be single. Men may not even care if she has a man once he starts talking to her, but his biggest hurdle at that moment is the initial approach and the thought of rejection. A woman will look at a man and think he's way too good-looking to be single, so she'll stay away. She'll also see him as someone who couldn't be faithful to just one woman. Both men and women will look internally and rationalize. There's something about themselves that makes them unworthy of another person.

     Being afraid to take a chance is why we assume someone won't be interested in us. Willful ignorance will keep us on the bench and from aking the coach to put us in. The thought of not being as good as we think we are is more than we're willing to show ourselves and others. If we approach and get rejected, that sucks crazy balls, but if we never ask, there's always the hope that we could've been wrong, and hope is better than, "Nope."

     Why do we assume we're not good enough, or someone won't want us? Because we've put them on a pedestal, based on just looks, or what we know about them in passing. Just because someone may be good-looking or have an incredible body, doesn't mean they're a good person, or if we'll even like them once we got to know them. They can be the hottest person you've ever seen in your life, but instantly turn ugly as fuck as soon as they open their mouth. They could be a smoker, contently unemployed, have shitty manners, chew with their mouth open, have three kids by six different people, whatever. All you know is that they look good.

     Assuming a person's preference and whether or not you stack up is a form of stereotyping. Judging someone based on limited information is the same as judging someone based on age to skin color; it's normally inaccurate and costly. We look at hot women and think they've stuck up bitches where we'll look at a good-looking man and assume he's arrogant. We'll theorize that just because a man's in shape and works out that he only prefers women who just as much into fitness as he does or has a particular body type. Men will assume a woman's racial preference, based solely on her looks.

     We'll assume someone's, "Out of our league" based on just physical appearance. We'll allow how others to see someone as a template to how we view them. We can look at someone and see an 8-9; someone else could look at that same person and see them as a 6-7, where the person being evaluated could look in the mirror and see themselves as a 5-6. We're all attracted to different things, and to group someone into a category on looks alone is a little ignorant, or it's used to justify why don't you have the courage to approach them.

     "Leagues" don't really exist; at least not in the way we relate them to physical attraction. Where someone may excel in physical appearance, they may fail miserably when it comes to personality or intelligence; you're just focused on their looks. Determining whether or not a person may be out of your league is a compilation of many things, ranging from physical appearance to personality to ideas and values. Someone may come out of your league due to religious differences or social standing; it doesn't make them any better, or you any worse, your differences just make you incompatible.

     When you assume someone's unavailable because of their looks, you influence and possibly sabotage your chances. You also limit the other person's options and choices. Do you wonder why they always end up with jerks, assholes, or gold diggers? Because you've taken yourself out of the equation, thinking you don't measure up or deserve them. You've voluntarily eliminated yourself from their choice pool.

     At work, the gym, or the bar/club; that hot guy with the chiseled abs you're convinced won't give you second look is actually very much attracted to thicker, curvier women; that's why you always see him turning down the hot, thin, model-types with fake tits. He prefers his women with thighs, hips, tits, and ass to grab on to. The girl you've been watching all night who's turned down every guy that's approached her? She's not stuck up; she's heard every line in the book and under the sun. She can tell when guys are hitting on her, just to get some ass. She's actually into comic hero/sci-fi movies, pizza, and wings, and would rather have one decent guy approach her without leading with his dick or his wallet. Unfortunately, you'll let how they look to keep you from running a race. You have the best chance of winning.

     You get wrapped up in what you feel you're supposed to have, instead of what you really want. You'll settle for what you feel you're capable of getting. You assume there's no way they'll want you when there are so many others who seem to be their type, wanting them. You can't handle the idea of what others will say under their breath about you as a couple. You can almost hear people thinking of how mismatched you look. You've been screwed over before by someone who doesn't look half as good as they do, so you can only imagine what they'll do to you. You won't even give them a chance WHEN or IF they approach you. When you assume, you just make an ass out of you!  


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Nov 10, 2019


     An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. As a society, we depend on the mythical entity called karma to avenge wrongdoings directed towards us by others. But do we wish karma on those we share a romantic connection or relationship with? Of course, when it comes to cheating, the answer would be a resounding, "Yes," but what about the lesser infractions that only cause ripples in the cohesion of the relationship? Wanting karma to step in maybe a little more over-the-top in most of those cases. Praying to the karma gods for vengeance may not be the intent, but they need to teach someone a lesson or show someone how it feels to be treated a certain way is not too far from being the same.

     In the case of a much milder offense, you have to ask yourself and decide if the action was intentional the result of inconsideration or lack of thought vs. malicious intent. Did the offender purposely say or do something to stir a negative reaction from you, or was it the result of an honest mistake or they just didn't think it was a big deal and they assume it wouldn't be one to you.

     This whole concept of, "Since you did it, I should be able to do it too!" It is a game, nothing more; stupid-ass game grownups play for whatever reason they feel is necessary. You spent $150 on something, so they did too, just to teach you a lesson. You went out to the club with your friends, so they did too, even though they fucking hate the club; they just did it because you did. You said or did something that hurt their feelings, so it's only fair that they get to do it right back. You checked out some woman at the mall and made a comment about her shoes, and you decided to point out some guy's muscles, trying to show them how it feels. The truth about this game is that it just may come back to bite you in the ass.

     To the offender, How would you feel if your partner did some of the things YOU did, thinking it wasn't a big deal? You stare at and comment about other men or women in front of them. When you go out with your friends, you flirt with other men or women; you buy drinks or dance up too damn close. You take money from your home and family and stuff the underwear of strippers or get lap dances. You hang out with members of the opposite sex without your partner. You go through their phones and social media, but you keep your shit hidden or locked. You bring up their past every chance you get. You don't call or return calls or texts. You withholding sex, trying to get something you want, or as a punishment.

     When people feel that karma maybe a little too harsh, they'll refer to a lesser form of retribution I refer to as, "Taking someone to battle" The truth is no matter which way you slice it, it's STILL revenge; plain, old-fashioned revenge. Someone said or did something you didn't like, and now you want to show them how it feels; instead of sitting down and telling that person how their words or actions made you feel. You chose to go to war instead. They fired a shot at you, so HAVE to fire one back. They may have accidentally flown too close to your airspace during a patrol, so you HAVE to return the favor. People feel as if they need to battle in order to show they're not afraid to go to war with you or how it felt to them when your warships came way too close to their nautical boundary.

     People will allow pride to prevent themselves from sitting down with the offender and negotiate a cease-fire. The fear of appearing weak doesn't appeal to them. Choosing not to just go to war isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of true strength, resiliency, and intelligence. Building alliances will increase national favor with other countries and build a reputation for being a beneficial ally. Your partner will most likely learn from and be more thoughtful and considerate with their actions in this manner, as opposed to having 40mm warning shots fired across the bow of his missile cruiser.

     Going to battle is different from revenge only in the sense that the intent is more for teaching a lesson than anger, spite, or wanting to cause pain or misery. They don't want to go to war with you, but they want you to know how it feels to be brought to the brink. People will choose to battle over peace talks because they feel it's the best way to get someone to understand them better. They feel it'll motivate the other person to do or act better, according to what THEY want. They'll use the lesson to get something they want. The offense may have been accidental or done out of absent-minded inconsideration; you're going into battle to prove yourself is an intentional response to a possible lack in judgment; they just didn't think it was a big damn deal.

     One of the drawbacks of going to war with someone over-communicating is it can lead to a larger issue than it should be; retaliation from the initial offender, or even a breakup. You could end up doing something you'll regret, have to apologize for, or even admit to, and deal with the consequences if you happen to fire at your partner after hearing an engine backfire.

     What happens when you choose to go to war under false pretenses? Someone THOUGHT they saw your partner doing something they shouldn't have been doing? Instead of sitting down for peace talks, you chose to strike first and ask questions after the battle has started, only to find out a third-world country infiltrated your borders and executed an act of sabotage, assassination, or terrorism? Someone else in your life was seeking revenge against you for ending foreign trade or raised import/export taxes. You feel the only way to avoid looking weak is to execute a pre-emptive strike against your partner, who has no idea what's going on. You fucked around because some told you they saw your partner fucking around, so you decided to return the favor to teach them a lesson, only to find out you were furnished with bad intel; now what?

     Choosing to go to battle instead of communicating shows your strength, and you won't be taken advantage of; you are not a nation to be fucked with. You're a superpower and you have the tools, troops, and weapons to defend your borders and you're not afraid to use them. Your nation's flag WILL be respected and feared. You will absolutely NOT be made to be a fool.

     Going to war won't fix anything; it shows a shitty side of yourself. It's pointless and childish. It'll definitely give your partner second thoughts about being completely honest with you going forward. 

     Going to war or trying to teach someone a lesson is to avoid communicating your feelings, your needs, or the pain someone's actions actually caused. It'll prevent people from dealing with the issue at hand; even at the risk of creating a much bigger issue. Trying to teach someone a lesson is a way to show or exert control or superiority; to humiliate or embarrass your partner. You feel it's the only way they'll learn to treat you better or show you the appreciation you believe you deserve. Whatever the reason, going to war has only one truth; there's always a loser, never a victor


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Nov 3, 2019


     Certain things are best left in the realm of the imagination, especially when it comes to sex. What could seem like the hottest thing in your head could actually be the nastiest reality you could ever imagine. Throw porn in the mix, and you're asking for some potential shot that could fuck your head up and turn your stomach in a fucking knot. Stop to think about half the shit we've seen in movies or heard our friends talk about their personal experiences. Truth is half of its straight bullshit, a quarter of it is embellished, and the remaining portion is questionable fucking behavior people hope never gets out in the open.

     For example, Jim and Ted go out for the night, and they meet Lisa. She's a real party girl who's had a few too many and before long, is out on the dance floor, grinding up on both of them. After shoving her tongue in the mouths of both guys, they're convinced they can get her home and tag-team her, which will be something they can brag about for years to come. The next morning, after dropping Lisa back off at her car, they head out to breakfast to celebrate their unforgettable night. As they wait for their food to come, here's what they didn't realize until just then.

     Even though their fantasy night went as planned, and Lisa fucked them both, one of them went second. In the case of double penetration, both oral and vaginal, Jim came in her mouth, and she swallowed his load. Ted came inside her, and neither was wearing a condom. When the switched positions, she began kissing Ted before going down on him, and Jim bent her over and pushed his meat inside her. As the first forkful of pancakes was rolling around his open mouth, Ted suddenly realized he was kissing a woman who had his friend's cum in her mouth; not only that, but since Jim went second, his dick was covered in his best friend's cum. Now, they're both sitting to breakfast with each other's sexual fluid on their dicks.

     Even if there were condoms involved, just the thought of kissing a woman who had another man's dick in her mouth, the night before, she could've had her man's dick in her mouth, If not the previous night when she got drunk and met someone else. Having sex with a man she just met could've still had HD his woman's pussy on his dick when she took him in his mouth or rode him in the front seat of his car.

     Whether man or woman, no matter the situation, certain situations need to be realized. When you hook up with someone you just met on impulse, you're not the first person they've done that with. You may not even be the first person they've done that with that week. You don't know if they have an STD. In the case of Jim and Ted, men don't discuss if they're carrying an STD.



Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Oct 27, 2019


     The "Macho" mentality. While I believe men should ALWAYS carry themselves like REAL men, it's funny as hell when guys go overboard when it comes to flexing their masculinity, especially how they want to be seen by women and their friends. I don't think some guys know what a man being is about, except for what they see on TV, or think society expects from them. Funny is really the only way to explain how we act when we're trying to be tougher and more manly than we really are, or when trying to display courage and bravado when our image or manhood may be challenged or under scrutiny.

- Men think they spend more money when they have a woman in their lives. The truth is men spend more money when they're single. Between dating, trying to impress women, wining and dining, buying nice clothes, jewelry, etc. When men are in relationships, those aspects are no longer an issue; they actually spend LESS money. Their focus shifts from spending more to EARNING more, thinking he's going to have to maintain the tempo and image he's set for himself during the dating process, whether the woman expects this or not.

- A man will fall, break his arm, and push through it like nothing. He'll break his leg and hike down the trail to the nearest sign of help, 2 miles away. Dislocate his shoulder, and he'll put that shit right back in place himself against a door frame. He'll slice his hand wide open and sew it back together with super glue or fishing line. Let that same man get a cold, and he'll turn into a bitch; a deep-fried, cornmeal coated, served with coleslaw and baked macaroni bitch.

- Men believe their masculinity is defined by how much he drinks or CAN drink. "Drinking someone under the table" is a source of pride for men, which a lot of times will lead to them saying or doing questionable shit, resulting in alcohol-related health issues, his ass getting kicked severely, DUI, or getting himself in a situation with a young lady he shouldn't be in the next morning when she can't remember giving her consent to sex.

- Men believe REAL men drive fast. The stereotype has always been that women are bad drivers. Men think wherever they're going is more important than anyone else, and you need to get out of their way. They'll pull up and ride the bumper of the driver in front of them, trying to force others to drive faster than the speed limit, just because they want to go faster. Go fuck yourself!

- REAL men don't have mental or psychological issues. Depression. Self-loathing. Anxiety. Phobias. A small issue that could be dealt with by just talking to someone is seen as being weak. Those same issues can be compounded over time, resulting in the evolution of those issues or even more, just to be ignored. The cycle will continue until the worst-case scenarios come to fruition.

- REAL men don't have time for vegetables, except potatoes. The over-consumption of red meat can lead to a host of medical issues, including high blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease, and stroke. Typical, "Man foods" can't be the staple ingredient in any diet; the requirement of fruits and vegetables is also EXTREMELY important!

- Men believe they have to sleep with lots of women in order to prove their manhood. His masculinity is defined by how much sex he's had or can get whenever he wants it. The drawback? HIV. AIDS. Men are at higher risk for STDs/STI's than women. Men feel sex isn't the same when using a condom, so they'll assume some random hook up is just as clean as he THINKS he is. Women are more likely to get tested for diseases than men who feel they're too invincible to catch anything.

- Macho men will hit the gym with a, "Go hard or keep your ass at home" mentality. They'll add extra weight on the bench, just to match the guy next to him. They'll push themselves FAR past their limits or capabilities to display their manhood or turn up the treadmill to the max, just to impress the woman running next to him. The risk of injury is a backburner thought until he trips, falls down, and shoots off the back like a fucking circus cannoneer.

- A REAL man won't back down, no matter what. Some guys believe they have to fight to send the message they won't be bullied or disrespected. The thought of walking away from a confrontation doesn't even cross his mind, especially when/if fueled by alcohol. The drawback; being arrested, getting fucked up or dying. At the very least, you risk losing your friends because they never want to hang out with you anymore or your relationship because you're a fucking embarrassment, especially if he starts the fight and gets beat up.

- A man will use, "Being a guy" as a rationalization when he's caught, checking out another woman when he's with his lady.

- Men take it harder than a prison-style gangbang in the shower with no lubrication if he's not the best at everything he does. He won't try anything new. His addiction to victory will cause others to exclude him from being invited to play a simple, friendly game of basketball or flag football with the guys because he acts like he's playing in the professional league championship game. What's worse for him is if he loses, especially to his woman. He won't give her credit for doing well; instead, he'll sulk, ridicule, and make her feel like crap for doing her best. He'll expect her to play beneath her capabilities in order to make sure he wins as to not jeopardize his masculinity.

- Men believe they should be the big breadwinners of the home. In this modern time, the expectation of the man going to work and earning enough that his woman should stay home has never been more ridiculous. The dual-income family dynamic is essential for survival. The macho man will see himself as less than a man if his partner brings home a bigger paycheck, and his delusion will convince him his friends see him as a failure. The truth is, unless the macho man is friends with nothing but other macho men, his friends could care less who makes more money in his home.

- Macho men won't communicate or share their feelings. That doesn't mean crying at a movie or saying, "I love you" after every conversation, but it does refer to understanding what his needs are to contribute to healthy friendships and relationships. Communicating his needs is just as important as understanding his partner's needs and meeting them. A man can't meet HER needs if he can't even recognize his own.

- Macho men feel they need to be, "Super macho" when with their girlfriends. Not so much relating to married men, because a wife knows whether or not she's married to a true man or a lightly-powdered baby bitch. A macho man will walk by someone and bump into them. He'll continue walking, without saying, "Excuse me," leaving his lady to apologize for him, which doesn't mean shit. The result? That macho guy being confronted or having his ass kicked, just for trying to be a tough guy. At the every least, everyone who witnessed the event now knows he's an asshole.

- A macho man would act like he could care less if his lady walked out during an argument. He'll put on his "Fuck off" armor and tell her he's sick of her shit and better off without her. He'll preach to her about all the other women who want him, and she should be grateful he chose her. She'll return the sentiment as she heads for the door, and he'll flop down on the couch, grab the remote, and act like she doesn't exist. He'll look up on more time and ask, "Are you still here?" As soon as the door closes behind her, he'll transform into a fetus, a light-pink, cashmere sweater-wearing, love-song singing heap of what once resembled a man, crying like an infant dinosaur, longing for the return of his mother from hunting for food.

- Macho men won't admit they're afraid. Not the type of fear associated with a horror movie or walking outside in the deep woods at night, but the type of realistic fear people is exposed to regularly. Fear of failure. Phobias. Insecurities. Being alone. Fear of death. Fear of mortality. Fear of not meeting the expectations of others. Fear of communicating that fear alienates the macho man from his friends and loved ones who could potientially be his support system.

- The macho man won't commit to a relationship, no matter how great the woman is or how well she treats him. They make the best couple, much to the envy of most of their friends. He'll want to, though, he'll spend as much time with her as possible, exhibiting almost every "relationship" amenity, trait, and behavior, but will also leave her absolutely ambiguous as to where they stand with each other. He's convinced he'll miss out on something else out there. In HIS mind when he's single, it's harder than hell to find someone. As soon as he's in a relationship, it seems women come out of the woodwork, corners, shadows, and everywhere in between; they all seem to be smiling, waving, making eye contact, checking out, and flirting with him. Why does this phenomenon even exist?

     The answer's pretty simple. It's all in his head. When he's single, he pays more attention to women, and he's most likely approaching them as the arrogant, "Macho man" he believes he is, which turns women away and sends them running for the nearest exit. When in a relationship, unless he's a 100% farm-fresh, cage-free, organic assbag, he won't exhibit that behavior. What WILL happen is women will, of course, notice him if he's an attractive man, but every smile, playful flirt, or instance of eye contact doesn't mean she's interested. She could be merely a friendly person, or someone being civil, initiating small talk while waiting in line, or saying hello. To the macho man, though, every woman who looks his way wants him.

     Men care about how others see him; he always wants to be right, in control, and believes he's earned the right to be a leader of the pack. Anything less is unacceptable in his eyes. He won't ask for help, believing assistance is a sign of weakness. He has to be loud, boisterous, and forceful. Everyone has to know he's the man. Their impression of being an "Alpha male" means being an asshole, calling all the shots, & making decisions for everyone. While there's a definite attraction to a confident and secure man, there's a clear line between confidence and macho, the latter of which costs so much more than any guy should be willing to pay.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Oct 20, 2019


     One of the stages of the end of a relationship is letting go of the emotional attachment you may have with that person. Whether you agree or not, that also includes their family, and more importantly, their children. That holds even truer when one or both is trying to begin a new relationship.

     If you're at the point where you're getting to know someone else or cultivate a new relationship, there's no reason you should expect or try to maintain a relationship with your ex's family or children. If you're not ready to do that, you're not ready to interact with or be with anyone. No matter what the new partner says, trust me, they have an issue with it. They may not in the beginning, but as your relationship grows, they will. The only man who WON'T have an issue with the new woman in his life, keeping a relationship with the family or children of her ex is a man just looking for a piece of ass.

     There's absolutely no reason to try and continue to keep a relationship with the children of your ex. After the relationship is over, moving on is essential to the healing process. It makes it seem as if you're trying to maintain the relationship with your ex and keep them in your life. Trying to rationalize or defend your relationship is even worse. Using the tenure or obligation to the family or children may make sense to you, but expecting your new partner to accept it is not only ridiculous but downright ignorant and disrespectful on your part.

     Why would you think your new partner would be okay with you keeping in contact with your ex about their kids? Yeah, it made be hard and emotionally taxing to make that break, but that's a break that needs to happen nonetheless. Would you be okay if YOUR present partner was still going to family reunions, birthday parties, or other special events? Would you go with them? Would you expect to? Wouldn't you feel stupid as fuck eating cake at a birthday party for the child of your partner's ex and they're there? Would you be okay with their ex still calling, the two them talking and laughing about something his/her kids did or said? What about when they want to bring that other person's kids to their home, or the home you now share? What about an anniversary? Do you believe Ted's okay with Sarah going to her ex's home for his parent's 30th wedding anniversary dinner? Would Sarah be cool with Ted going on a weekend trip with his ex and her family? Fuck no!

     When they're older and can make their own decision to keep in contact is one thing; children of an ex can continue that relationship without the involvement of your ex, but if they're still young, you have no business reaching out to your ex about his/her children. Going to parties, cookouts with their family, etc. won't be accepted well, and it'll become an issue for every future relationship you hope to have. The fact of the matter is at some point, Sarah's going to be in the same room as Ted, his ex and HER new man, as well as the kid's mother, and possibly another, "Baby-mama" if he has kids by more than one woman. That's three other women involved with Ted staying in contact with his ex's kids.

     The fact of the matter is trying to maintain a close relationship with children or family of your ex is a dumb goal or expectation to have. It's not entirely for the welfare of the children; it's mainly for yourself. Your obligation is only about 30%-40% about the children; the rest is about you. You spent time around those kids, raised them as if they were your own, and now you have to let them go, and you're not ready to do that. If that's the case, you're not ready to move on to a new relationship. It's not about the children; your involvement in their lives keeps the children from forming a relationship with the new person in their parent's life. The fact that someone else is taking your place hurts like hell, and you hide behind wanting what's best for the children as a shield to remain relevant to them. If their best interest and happiness really your main concern, then you'll allow them to miss you and move on. When all else fails, if the ex doesn't want you around, that's it, walk away.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Oct 13, 2019


     Your boys are your boys, your hangout partners. The group you hit the strip club or the sports bar with. The guys you grew up with or met along the way, and you just clicked as a unit. You can be who you are, act immature as hell with, or scream at the television when the referee makes a bad call. Your boys don't judge you, expect much from you, and accept you, flaws and all. They tell you when you're acting like an ass or when you're right on the money. You can be both silly and dirty as hell, talk about women, and things you'd do if you had the chance.

     Your lady is your lady, the woman you spend your romantic time with. The woman you go out with and show a side to your personality that your boys don't see because that's not what they're for. When that line gets blurred, things can get complicated.

     Normally, getting along with their friends is more of a concern for or importance for women, for most men, as long as his boys show her respect, that's good enough for him. Sometimes, a woman will want to be and attempt to be, "One of the guys."

     I can't speak for anyone else, but my lady is my lady, not one of the boys; I don't WANT my lady to be one of the boys, and I don't NEED her to be either. Your lady shouldn't be so close to being one of the guys that she can't be a lady. Your boys have a different place in your life, and so does your lady; there's nothing wrong with being able to hang out together and you want your friends and your woman to get along, but not where they're so similar in behavior and how they interact or react to each other. That's how things can potentially be disastrous for your relationship.

     When your lady's hanging out with your boys, she hanging out with other men; they're just men you already know. At least one of them has or will eventually find themselves attracted to your lady, whether it be physically, emotionally, or sexually. On the other hand, Your lady may be spending so much time with you and your boys she's thought the same about one of YOUR friends. You're so busy, "Kicking it with the guys," you're too blind to see what's going on right in front of your face.

     Why would a man want to treat his lady like one of his friends? To downplay their relationship. In public, because he wants to appear single when other women are around. When he feels he may have a chance with somebody else that catches his eye. As long as they don't think he's in a serious relationship, he can claim his lady as, "Just a friend" or, "Nothing that serious." He'll be ambiguous in private because he's not ready to give up his freedom or his other women. As long as she's giving up the ass, or is available to be his lady at HIS convenience, he's just fine with that. He'll have his boys interact with her as if she's one of them to confuse other women who were maybe checking him out or vice-versa. That put's him an optimal position to downplay his relationship with his lady.

     A man wants his lady to be one of the guys to keep her in limbo, avoiding the actual depth of their relationship. He'll act like they're together when he needs to, but never confirm or deny it to her or another woman; he'll continue to allow her to think whatever she thinks they are. When other men ask, she's your lady; when other women ask, it's "complicated," or he'll claim her as one of the guys.

     A female wants to be one of the guys to keep tabs on her man. She wants to be included in everything he does. Any free time should be obligated to their time together; otherwise, he's doing dirty shit behind her back. Being one of the guys also allows her to evaluate his friends, who she's okay or not okay with him hanging out with when she's not around. She can use her, "Guy" status" to keep her friends in the loop about how their men act when they're not around for them. What she doesn't get is that even though they treat her like one of the guys, they still know she's a woman who's obligated to her own friends, and they'll STILL be on their best behavior, just like her man will. She'll NEVER see how they really are when their women aren't around.

     A woman may use being one of the guys to make a patient, calculated move on one of his friends. She may have heard about how one of them is in bed or by experience knows him to be a great guy, possibly better than her man. She's tired of being left in limbo or convenience and wants more. That good man won't mess with her because he's a good man.

     Eventually, the lines will get blurred to the point where women will jump back and forth between friends and lovers. One of them will go too far and say or do something inappropriate and wonder why they got upset. Sooner or later, they'll get frustrated because you always want to be around, and they can't get any time for themselves. She'll complain there's no romance; that's because she's struggled so hard to be one of the guys, that's how he sees you now. Your friends won't want you or your lady around because they know she'll run back and snitch on them. Your boys won't say anything to you about it, but they will talk among themselves. There will be that one friend who'll defend her being around, and that's the guy ho wants to date or fuck your lady.

     There's nothing wrong with a woman getting along with her man's friends, but trying to be included in their normal activities tells him you don't trust him, you don't or can't have your own identity, or she wants to take advantage of a pool of men you won't be suspicious about. A man will push his woman to be one of the guys in order to downplay his relationship with her but still keep her around in case he's in a dating slump. Your boys are you boys; your lady is your lady. They have their own place and time with you. Your lady's friends don't want you around all the time, and I don't think a man would even WANT to be considered, "One of the girls."


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Oct 6, 2019


     We like who we like, and that's no one's business or concern; but it does get fucked up when the reason we go after someone is less than physical, mental, or emotional attraction. Some times people choose a certain type of person, for an ulterior motive, other than just sex. Society wants to blame men a lot of the time for doing dirty shit to women and fucking their heads up to the point where they become so guarded, a good man's in for a hell of an adventure, trying to prove his sincerity. But what about the women who do the same?

     Yes, there are men out there who ain't about shit, but what they can get There are women out there who ain't about shit. There are hot, smooth-talking, gold-digging opportunists of both genders, all races, colors, who choose to be with someone, based primarily on what they can get or what the other person has to offer; and that's just fucked up to do to someone, and fucked up to have happened.

     The one thing I'm going to touch on in this article is why some white women choose black men when the attraction isn't the first thing on their minds. Not to say they won't find him attractive, but there's also an underlying reason or reasons they've chosen to pursue an interracial relationship for the first time.

     Yeah, she likes him and thinks he's hot; but why now? During or after 4 years of high school, even in middle school, some white women may have had a crush on a basketball or football player, or maybe somebody in the band or even the math club, but the thought of dating him or even admitting to her friends that she like him seemed, "Off-limits" or unacceptable. The thought of her family or friends not accepting or condemning her for wanting to pursue him, even if he asked her out, put her in a weird frame of mind. She may have known there were people in her family or social circle who'd be less than thrilled to see her with someone of a darker skin tone, so she avoided the situation entirely. Now that she's older, and possibly on her own, she has no one to answer to, but for some reason, can't let go of that childhood or younger adult mentality when it comes to wanting to be with/date her first black man.

- THE EXPERIMENT. Curiosity. They want to see what's it's like. They're curious as to how people will react to them being in public together. They've heard the stories about how black women react, and they want to see it for themselves. They're curious as to how and what their friends and family will say or interact with him/them.

- THE SEX. Everyone's heard or knows the stereotypes associated with black men; the sex is better, or they have bigger dicks. White men only care about busting a nut where black men want to, "Beat it up," "Break your back," or dehydrate you. They want to fuck you so good you'll tell your friends so they'll want to get some dick. They've heard all the rumors and want to see how many are true.

- THE EXPERIENCE. Dating or fucking a black man's on their "Bucket list." It's something easy to cross off before getting serious and settling down with a nice white guy and beginning her pursuit of the big house, 2-car garage, white picket fence in the suburbs fantasy. They treat it like a right of passage before marriage.

- THE DEFIANT ACT. What better way to piss off her racist ex-boyfriend or parents if the next guy they see her with is the last person they'd expect or the first person they'd hate? She's grown and out of the house, but she STILL has some of the Spoiled little girl" inside of her who wants to show her independence to her parents. The thought of making that man uncomfortable as fuck during Holiday dinner at their house means nothing as long as she gets the satisfaction of seeing how much it fucks up her parent's head that they no longer can threaten her with not paying for her car, college, or whatever else if she ever brought home a black man.

- SHOCK VALUE. Some women enjoy the thrill of pushing the envelope, the "Shock and Awe" mentality. They're always looking for the next thing to create drama, start rumors and gossip, or be the center of attention. Showing up for family dinner or happy hour with someone they're least expected to associate with. It's no different than two women out on the dance floor, rubbing and grinding on each other or making out in front of a group of horny guys, cheering them on; it's all about the shock value. They know it's going to cause ripples and waves.

- THE TROPHY. "Look what I did!" or, "Look what I got." Just like taking off from work, spending a half-day in line, just to be the first in your group to have the latest phone or gadget to hit the market, they want to be the first in the group to have a black man. And just like that new electronic marvel they unnecessarily spent way too much money for, they'll want to show it off to any and everyone they can. He's an expensive accessory, a purse, a pair of designer jeans or heels worn by some famous celebrity. She'll rub him in the face of all her friends that she has one and they don't

- REVENGE. She got cheated on. Her ex-boyfriend or husband never appreciated her. Even though they're the same age, she got too old for him. His friends or porn convinced him he deserves someone smaller and younger. He criticized her figure and her weight; she was 115 pounds when they met four years ago, and now she's pushing 140-150 with thick thighs, hips, tits, and ass. He thought the grass would be greener on the other side. Imagine how he'll feel when he sees her with a black man who's all about her curves and how she's rocking the fuck out of that short, low-cut, fitted black dress, grinding and rubbing that thick ass on his dick. She knows he's racist, and posting pictures of and fucking a black man after their breakup is the ultimate revenge.

- THE SAVIOR. She enjoys having someone to take care of. Even though he's a freeloading shitbag who doesn't want to work, she'll take care of him because she feels validated when she has someone dependent on her. "He's just had a hard life and some bad breaks" He's got five kids he doesn't even think about; he has all these plans, but no action. He's an "Entrepreneur" He wants to be a rapper. He has no motivation or drives to get away from his fast-food job; hell, he doesn't even have any aspirations of moving up to management. He's a charity case and her good deed to brag about to her friends and family. He's her community outreach project.

     Not to say ALL or even a majority of white women have any of these reasons in their minds; nor am I condemning interracial relationships in the least bit. This situation isn't limited to just white women and black men; it can refer to ANY racially or ethnically diverse relationships. It's just been my own experience where I've seen it more in the white woman/black man dynamic than any other.

     With the same mentality as some women have as soon as they turn 18, one of their first and quickest acts of defiance against their parents' wishes is to run out and get a tattoo. Their message is simple; they're grown now, they don't need anyone to sign anything to let them do what they want. They don't have to hide their cigarettes anymore, and they're sitting on the kitchen counter, right next to the keys to the car their parents still pay for. They're sick of their friends trying to fix them up with guys THEY want to see them with, and these women want to send a clear message that's it's THEIR choice now, so back the fuck off. 


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Sept 29, 2019


     Technology. From shopping online to paying bills, even finding love. We rely on technology to make as much of our everyday life as easy as possible. Technology is ever-evolving and improving; sooner or later, we may not even have to leave our homes, we can send our clone or a robotic version of ourselves out into the world. Until then, there still are things we have to do for ourselves. Technology isn't an individual venture; it's what's in the best interest of the majority, but I still think there are some things that need to be invented for those of us who are just little bit different.

- DUAL GLAUCOMA TESTER/BLOWER - I think we've all been in the situation where we HATED going to get our eyes checked. Why can't they invent the machine that blows the air in BOTH eyes and take a picture or something so the optician can analyze them? We all know how hard it is to keep that other eye open after that gust of air fucked us up the first time. And the faces we make in anticipation of that second burst of air? Damn!

- FAKE ORGASM DETECTOR - Women don't have to ask, because most men are pretty obvious about it. Men like to think we're handling our business in the bedroom, but the truth is, some of us aren't, and we sound kinda lame, asking the woman if she's had an orgasm. Wouldn't it be cool if there was a device that told us the truth? Especially when it comes to having sex with someone you actually care about, we know you're not going to intentionally say some shit to fuck our head up, so why not skip the curiosity or obligation to fake?

- 10-15 MINUTE BABY MAMA/DADDY TEST STRIP - There's no need to go to a separate testing facility to get a drug test for a new job anymore. Parents have been doing it for years; buy and use, "At-home" drug tests. Putting a tab under your tongue or pissing on a stick tells you if your kids a druggie; the need for a similar parental identification testing device couldn't be in more demand than right now. I wonder what type of damage would that cause for the tabloid-style talk shows that focus on the, "You ARE/are NOT the father" craze?

- EMERGENCY BODY ODOR/DEODORANT STRIPS - I can't be only one who's ever walked out the house, got halfway to work, the club, or on a date and realized I forgot to put on deodorant. Would it be nice as hell to be able to swing by the gas station and snag a 5-pack of dissolving antiperspirant/deodorant strips you can put under your arms to fight the stank? Just don't get them confused with you fresh breath strips!!!

- TOILET THAT ACCOMMODATES A BIG DICK AND A BONER - Some people don't understand the balancing act. When using a public toilet, some of us have to stick our hand in the toilet to hold our dick down; otherwise, we'll end up pissing just over the seat either on the floor or even worse, the back of our pants. Also, we have to keep the tip of our dicks from making contact with the underside of the front of the bowl, which is just fucking gross by the thought. If the bowl were just an inch longer, it would be a hell of a lot more comfortable to use.

- AWAY TO BENCH PRESS WITH A BONER - It has absolutely nothing to do with anything sexual; sometimes when working out, a guy gets hard. It's no different than women when they're, "Headlights" is shining like stadium spotlights. Just because a woman's nipples are practically tearing through her top, doesn't mean she's turned on in any way, shape, or form. It could be nothing more than she's cold. Nevertheless, it's a weird situation to be in, especially when you know others have notice and get the wrong idea of why it's happening.

- SPORTS BRA FOR WOMEN WITH LARGER BREASTS - Only those women who had to cross their arms when running can understand this one. Trust me when I tell you the amount of cleavage she's showing or the amount of bounce in her chest is not on purpose, nor does it have anything to do with trying to get anyone's attention. They just don't make much for women with large breasts that actually provide comfort, support, or effective results.

- WIDER TOILET SEATS FOR BIGGER HIPS AND ASS - Trying to balance thicker hips and an ass on a regular seat can be uncomfortable as hell; factor in those rare times a woman will come across a toilet that isn't properly bolted or secured to the floor, nothing will make her more nervous than that feeling when the toilet tips or tilts to one side. Eighteen inches of hips and ass past the seat on either side will freak the fuck out or anyone.

- PANTS WITH REINFORCED BACK BELT LOOPS - Again, only people with wider/thicker hips or backside can understand the need for this. There are women who are extremely gifted in these areas, and their pants naturally are hanging up in the back, just by, "Belt-to-loop" contact. It only takes a while before the natural wearing of the pants tears that back belt loop, causing them to drop low enough to show her underwear. Women who don't have this issue will talk shit, but there's really nothing to be done about it, besides immediately taking her pants to have the rear loops reinforced after purchase. The same goes for most of her shirts/tops. While it's not her intent to show off the amount of cleavage she does, but expecting her to wear sweaters and turtlenecks all year round is also stupid. It's even worse when they know they can't have a conversation with a man without having their tits stared at.

- HAVING TO ADJUST FOR COMFORT - Having your junk sticking to your leg. How about getting a boner when your shit already tilting downward? You don't want it to snap off at the base, so how about a cross between boxers AND boxer/briefs to where it doesn't look so weird when you're trying to shift your shit, so it doesn't hurt? People are staring at you like a sexual deviant when you have to stick your hand in your pants and move your shit around to get comfortable.

- COOLING PAD FOR YOUR HOT CAR SEAT - How about a cooling pad that doesn't require your seat being wet when you sit on it but keeps you from sitting down in your car and burning your balls?

- PUSH-UP OR PADDED BRA INDICATOR - It's so irritating when you get to the checkout and find out the great deal you just found on a television set was mismarked and is actually more than the price on the shelf. Of course, you're going to want it for the price advertised because you were under the impression that's how much it costs. You expect the pricing to be accurate, so what makes you think the same wouldn't apply when it comes to a woman's body? You'd criticize a man for putting a sock in his front pocket to make his shit look bigger, so why's it different when you want your tits to look bigger or perkier than they really are? Sooner or later, we're going to find out your DD cup is actually a C cup, so why not be honest about it from the start?

- MUSCLE SHIRTS - How about a shirt that allows scrawny guys to feel bigger than they are, and in the same way, prevents the bigger guys from flashing they are sweaty, "Side-boob" action, thinking there's nothing disgusting about that shit?

- ANTI-PINCH TOILET SEAT - Show me a guy who's never sat on a loose toilet seat and have it slide to one side and pinch the tip of his dick and I'll show you a guy who's never sat on a toilet seat.

- CHEAP YOGA PANTS - This isn't something we NEED, this is something need to get rid of. Yeah, it may look nice to see a plump, round, or tight ass in those cheaper retail store yoga pants, because they're pretty much see-through, but realize if you can see through the back and you're not wearing underwear, you can see through the front also. Plus, some women just look fucking gross in those pants. Please, on all that's good and pure, stop making these pants in larger sizes for big ass women!

- SCENTED PRE-SEX WIPES - Just like a man, even if he showers right before going out for the night, he might not smell fresh-out-the-shower by the time you get back to his place for some lovin'. Women have the same issue, no matter how clean they are. Not saying they stink, but the idea of a quick, fresh-scented pre-sex wipe might be a great solution to this.

- NOISE-canceling PARABOLIC-TYPE MICROPHONES - What if women in the club could hear what men say about them or call them right before approaching? What if men could hear what women REALLY say/think about them after they've walked away? When a group of guys is standing around, planning their pickup strategy, or women are pointing and staring; are they checking you out, or talking shit about you, curious minds would like to know.

- PERSONAL SELFIE/VIDEO SCRAMBLER - No one says you can't take pictures of yourself or videos of you and your friends having the time of your lives, but understand not everyone wants to be in you fucking pictures or in your video for social media. Just because YOU think something is cool and want to share it on your page, doesn't give you the right to invade someone's privacy. Not only is it rude and intrusive, but it's disrespectful to include someone in your picture or your panoramic video without their permission. Especially after they've asked you not to do it, don't get pissed if a confrontation follows. It would be great to have an app on your phone that scrambles your personal space so your privacy can be protected.

- A TOILET DEEP ENOUGH SO THE WATER DOESN'T SPLASH YOUR ASSHOLE - I don't think this needs much explanation. We've all been a victim of this atrocity, and it doesn't get any easier to deal with as it continues to happen.

- MACHINE THAT TELLS YOU WHAT TYPE OF FART/SHIT YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE - This device would be worth its weight in gold. Success favors the prepared soul.

- OUTFIT APP - Why can't there be an app where you could take a photo of what you're wearing out for the night, and your friends can anonymously comment on whether or not you should buy or wear what you've chosen? Chances are they'll be more open, to tell the truth, if they could get away with it.

- PRE STD TEST - How about a test strip you could pee on and find out if the one-night stand or first-date fuck you're about to hook up with has some dirty shit in their system? What about a test that tells you if someone ALREADY has something you really don't want?

- ABOUT TO GET CAUGHT CHEATING APP- An application that tells you when your partner's phone is within a certain proximity of yours, alerting you to an impending confrontation.

- SALTY BALL WIPES - Before trying to get head from your lady or someone you just met, it would be respectful to have your shit clean and possible salty-ball free before taking it to the throat. Maybe mint-chocolate, peanut butter, or even bacon and salted caramel would be better.

- ATM TURNSTILES - Some of you have absolutely no fucking concept of personal space; you don't need to be up someneone's ass or practically on their back when it comes to waiting your turn at the ATM or checkout line. Back the fuck up before you get cursed out. Your turn will come when I'm done!

- PERSONALIZED CAR ALARMS - "Get off my shit!" or, "You're way too fucking close to my car!"

- EASIER TO OPEN PLASTIC PRODUCE BAGS - I can't be the only one who has an issue with this!

- BODY SPRAY FOR SMOKERS AND POTHEADS - If you choose to smoke or smoke that shit when your alone or with other smokers, that's your thing; I can respect that. When you go out in public and force everyone else to smell it on you, then you're a fucking asshole who needs to spray right in the fucking face with some sort of refresher-type spray that keeps others from smelling that bullshit!

- SINGLE QUESTION TRUTH SERUM DROPS - It would be nice to know someone's true intentions when they approach you; a guy won't normally just come right out and admit he's just looking for sex. A woman's not going to admit he ain't getting a damn thing if she's looking for someone to get to know.

- TAMPERED DRINK TEST STRIPS - Wanna know if that guy slipped something in the drink he just brought over for you? For one, stop letting men bring you drinks and order them from the bar or waitress, stupid! Just whip out one of these handy-dandy test strips, put a drop of the drink on the tip and if it changes color, follow up with a strategically-place throat punch!

- LIMITED ITEM DRIVE-THRU WINDOWS - You have 3-4 different orders? Not in THIS drive-thru you don't; bring your ass inside.

- JUICE-FRIENDLY TOOTHPASTE - Just brushed your teeth? Watch out for that glass of orange juice! That bite's gonna hit harder than a rattlesnake!

- BODY LANGUAGE TRANSLATOR - It's no secret that most men are horrible when it comes to reading body language, so I'd assume women would love to have a device that made the message behind their gestures more clearly. Although it would be simpler just to tell someone, they're not interested.

- GYM SETTING FOR CELLPHONES - Much like the airplane mode for your phone, there should be an equal option for the gym; it's fucking irritating when someone's sitting on a machine, texting, checking email, talking, searching for the "Perfect song" or social media. Get off the machine and do that shit!


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths

Q & A VOL. 9

Sept 22, 2019


Q: What does he think when he eats my pussy?

A: Your sister

Q: How do I get him to take me places we've never been to before?

A: He did; remember that tour of the gym you went on the other day?

Q: What does she mean when she says she's not in the mood?

A: You have a tiny dick

Q: How do I know she still loves me?

A: Because you have a tiny dick.

Q: Why's she always so worried about what the couple next door is doing?

A: She hates sharing.

Q: What's his favorite food?

A: Michele.

Q: What's he hiding from me?

A: You.

Q: Why doesn't he have the drive & motivation to have better in life?

A: He does... Why do you think you & your mom are so close all of a sudden?

Q: How do I know it's time for me to go on a diet?

A: Your jeans have stretch marks in them.

Q: What should I make for dinner?

A: Depends... What's left after YOU had lunch?

Q: Would it kill him to hold/kiss me like that?

A: Probably not, but let's not risk it!

Q: Why does he drink so much when he goes out?

A: Because he eventually has to come home.

Q: What's that new cologne he's been wearing for the past month?

A: His Co-Worker, Carlos.

Q: What's that air freshener scent in the car?

A: Michele.

Q: Does he find those porno girls sexier than me?

A: Now, why would he want a sexy porno girl when he has you to fuck?

Q: What do those male strippers have that I don't?

A: HER attraction, YOUR money, and HER mouth.

Q: Ewww... What's that white bitch doing that I'm not?

A: Your man and working out.

Q: Why are so many black men against dating black women?

A: Because they know they'll NEVER be half the man she already is.

Q: How does my lady afford these new clothes?

A: Her husband's a doctor.

Q: What's your man do for work?

A: Heather and Maria.

Q: Mom, why can't we have a dog?

A: Because we already had to pay a pet deposit for your dad.

Q: Dad, don't we still need a hose for washing the car?

A: No, son, we already have your mom and your sister!


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Sept 8, 2019


     We've written and posted a few articles about infidelity here on the dark truth. We've covered many reasons why people choose to be unfaithful instead of simply ending their relationship and moving on; we've also covered a lot of the bullshit that accompanies being caught and the bullshit excuses people come up with to justify their actions. Two of these excuses are such that needs to be explained and addressed in a more in-depth forum, ERECTILE (SEXUAL) DYSFUNCTION and SEXUAL ADDICTION.

     I do believe in E.D. and sexual addiction, but not in the way people have been using it to justify their bullshit actions, such as cheating on their spouse or partner. If you need a prescription to have sex with your lady, but you get hard as a rock watching strippers or porn, you don't have Erectile Dysfunction, you're just not attracted to your partner. A woman who can't get aroused by her man but just the thought of that guy at work or the gym creams your stretch pants; you don't have any medical issues. You're just not attracted to your man anymore. E.D. or Sexual Dysfunction excuse is straight bullshit. Things like age, medications, physical or mental issues or trauma may play a role in a person's inability to have sex, but that also pertains to sex in general, it's not individually specific unless the trauma is linked to the person who's trying to have sex with you.

     Legitimate sexually dysfunctional people are dysfunctional all the way around; it's not something that can or will be selective or individualized to a specific person. People who claim dysfunction to their partner, but have no issues with outside forms of stimulation are assholes. They use S.D. to justify why their sex life is in the shitter, why they're at the strip club every other night, or why they have to go out and meet other men/women; even have sex outside their relationship.

     Sexual addiction is just a chaotic mix of psychology and bullshit. You got caught cheating, and the reason you gave for your actions is that you're addicted to sex. It's funny how you never mentioned it before until AFTER you got caught fucking around. You were too embarrassed to speak up and say something before, but you suddenly dare to admit it now since you got caught with your dick in someone else's cookie jar? Or you're a woman who got caught sucking on another man's ice cream cone? That's fucking ridiculous!

     If your partner wasn't able to meet your sexual needs at the beginning of your relationship, then why did you continue the relationship? Their inabilities would've shown itself early on, so would your so-called, "Addiction"; not after 2-3 years into a relationship or after ten years of marriage.

     An addict wouldn't leave a sure thing at home in search of his addiction of choice and risk not finding it. An alcoholic wouldn't leave a heavily stocked liquor cabinet at his home to walk or drive to the store for liquor unless he was intentionally looking for something different to drink. A drug addict wouldn't leave his home, where he already has the pot, crack, heroin, or meth in his bedroom drawer in search of more unless he WANTED something different. Hell, even a smoker won't go out and buy another carton when he has two at home already, unless he was looking for a different brand to smoke. That being said, a TRUE sex addict won't get dressed, leave their husband, wife, or significant other in search of sex with someone else when they have a guaranteed sexual partner at home.

     An addict's instincts are far too primal to put risk and effort into something that may not even work out for them. That entire idea goes against the whole definition and concept of addiction. To an addict, it's all about the fix; as quickly and as often as possible. They want their addiction of choice to be as readily available at all times.

     A TRUE sex addict won't take the risk of not finding someone to have sex with when it's at home, eager to give it up. They won't/don't have the desire, or patience to put into the preparation, time, effort, or risk into something they may not even find. They are going out, scoping the room until they find what suits their attraction. The approach, the conversation, spending time with and dating someone until they're comfortable enough to have sex? An addict won't do that. Everything else that leads up to the mere possibility of being able to have sex; which may not even happen that night? That's not something an addict will put themselves through. They'll stay at home, and satisfy their addiction with their partner. People who go out, looking for other men or women to fuck when they have it readily available at home aren't addicted to sex, they're really allergic to monogamy.


Assorted Truth

An ongoing series of Assorted Truths


Sept 2, 2019


     The male preoccupation with size. Yeah, we're all guilty of measuring our manhood at least once in our life. Men make a bigger deal about their size than women do. We don't go around, looking at other men's junk and comparing how big their dick might be to our own, but we definitely emphasize how big or small we are when it comes to the women we're having sex with. We want to be told we're above average, but realistically, that's not going to happen for everyone; not in the least bit. Not every woman has had a 4 inch or 12-inch dick; what may be pretty damn small for one woman who's had bigger may look average to another, based on her own experiences. Trying to associate a standard size to match every woman is absolutely impossible. Knowing this, men are still self-conscious about their size.

     Every man at some point, whether joking or self-conscious, has measured their dick. Anyone who tells you any different is lying. They'll NEVER admit it, but men do and will compare the size of his dick to the actors they see in porn & base their own ability to satisfy real-life sexual partners by the reactions of the women in the movies. If the guy in the movie has a bigger dick and the woman's reaction is mediocre, he'll be self-conscious about his own performance. If he's bigger than the actor and the actress is moaning and screaming bloody murder, he'll expect that reaction from the women he has sex with and his head will get fucked up if that doesn't happen. The fact they're performers won't even compute to him. This is something he'll NEVER tell another soul; not even his very best friend.

     The association between his size and his ability to satisfy a w