Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


AUG 28, 2022


      You don’t understand why it’s so hard to meet anyone; you don’t have too much baggage. You’re not materialistic. You don’t have kids or are on excellent or decent terms with your ex. You don’t party hard. You don’t drink much or smoke. You don’t do drugs. You’re a good catch with few hang-ups, but you can’t seem to meet anyone worthwhile. All your friends go through relationships with good people like water because they’re not ready to settle down, but you are. You don’t get why you attract all the jerks and players; you’re a magnet for gold diggers or indecisive women when all you want is one good person.

      Your friends feel your pain; at least some of them do. The ones who want the same things you want know your struggle. Once upon a time, they were where you are now and found someone who makes them happy. They’ll tell you not to give up, settle, or think there’s no one for you.

      People will list all your exceptional qualities; you’re intelligent, funny, and educated. You’re talented, dependable, hard-working, and faithful; unfortunately, they never said you were pretty or good-looking. Your physical looks never came up in the conversation; is this an oversight, or are they trying to spare your feelings or tell you something without saying it?

      It’s not an oversight; they didn’t mention your physical looks because they don’t think it’s you who fit theirs or the social standard of what’s considered of as pretty or attractive. Your looks weren’t left out by accident. Your friends want you to be happy, but they don’t want to blow smoke up your ass or set you up to think you’re better-looking than you are. They know what people think of your looks; they’ve heard the comments and reviews from strangers when you walk by, and they know how people see you in terms of your physical appearance.

      They want to be honest by not giving you a false impression of your appearance, so they leave it out when they tell you all the good things you have to offer the right person. You’re attracted to a particular type, and they don’t think that type will be attracted to you. Compared to the kind of men or women you’re trying to attract, your looks don’t measure up, or it’s going to be extremely hard to find someone who’ll look past your outside and see you for who you are on the inside.

      They will mention only if your looks match the type of person you’re looking for. Men don’t complement each other in this way because they don’t ask other men why they can’t meet a good woman; in a man’s mind, all women want him, regardless of his looks; all he has to do is make his choice.

      You’re not always judged by your looks but by your friendship or your qualities. You’re a great person, but you might not be a great-looking person. Are you judged by how others think you look or how a more extensive group would see you? Do you fit the cultural norm regarding being pretty or attractive? A true friend will play tug-of-war with this because they want you to find someone; they don’t want you to settle for just anyone. They want you to be happy with the best-looking person who’ll treat you right, but they also want you to be realistic; that’s why they didn’t add your looks into the barrage of compliments they paid you.

      Not only are your looks questionable, but the men or women you choose are no prize. You don’t want to tell your friends they have shitty taste, but you also want to be supportive. They’re happy you met someone, but seeing you both together is like trying to find something in a trash dumpster, or they have to squint and make you blurry. That’s no accidental oversight.

      No one wants you to get frustrated or pump your head up thinking you’re better looking than they believe you are. But, on the other hand, they don’t want you to aim too high past your looks, assuming you’re going to get a fashion model or bodybuilder. They didn’t mention your looks because they listed your qualities in a product ingredients format; they started with the characteristics you have the most, and your physical looks were less than 15% of the daily requirement for attracting someone solely on appearance.

      They don’t want you to get down or yourself or make you think you’re not worthy of reaching out of bounds. No one wants you to aim for the bottom of the barrel, especially you. They’re going off of how they think you look and know it, so they won’t try to discourage you, but they won’t be surprised when you get rejected or used for sex. Your looks weren’t mentioned because they didn’t want you to think you’re better-looking than you are because the person you’re trying to attract or show interest in might not be as nice when they turn you down.

      We all hope to meet someone who can look past our physical appearance and see us for the good person we are on the inside, but our looks are what gets our foot in the door or that invitation to sit down and get to know the person on the inside. As we get older, we hope maturity sets in, and we realize life does take a toll on how we look, but that doesn’t always happen. If that were the case, fewer men would fall victim to the mid-life crisis, and women wouldn’t be so obsessed with fighting the signs of aging.

      Leaving your looks out of the conversation wasn’t meant to be mean; it was meant to highlight your more vital, dominant attributes instead of telling you what you want to hear. Your looks were left out on purpose because maybe you are attractive, even smoking hot, but your friends want you to know you’re more than just your face or figure. All the compliments you get are purely physical, and you start to wonder if that’s all you are in the eyes of others. You want someone who can see you for more than just a hot piece of ass or a bulging chest and biceps.

      No matter the reason, your looks weren’t left out by accident or mistake; they were left out because the people you’re talking to want you to see what they see in you and know you’re more than what you see when you look in the mirror.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


AUG 21, 2022


      You normally have pretty good, if not great, sex most of the time. Besides the few times, one of you is more in the mood than the other, and the sex is regular and crazy good. Then you start to notice changes in frequency and duration; the number of times you have sex in a week is cut in half, and it doesn’t last as long. You don’t get or see the same reaction or excitement as before. There’s always an excuse. He’s had more headaches recently, and he could’ve sworn she’s already had her menstrual cycle for the month. Something’s off.

      Right off the bat, you’re going to think somebody’s cheating; that’s why your sex has fallen off. There’s no other reason to go from 5-7 times a week to 3 or 4. You ran with that idea, and that’s what you’ll tell everyone. Instead of talking to each other, you’ll speak to everybody else. Not once has it occurred to you to go to the source and ask what the hell’s going on. So when you use sex to initiate communication, don’t think that’s going to be the first thing that comes to mind.

      They’re not cheating on you; they’re trying to get your attention. There’s a more significant issue, and it’s affecting your sex. Sex is their way of getting you to ask about it. Sex is how they cope with whatever problems they have. Sex is how they show their frustration or get the reassurance they need to rebuild their self-confidence. They’re stressed or unchallenged at work or in life; they feel underappreciated at home. Whether better or worse, they know sex changes will catch your attention and bring you to them, wondering why things have changed.

      There’s a more significant issue than the sex they’re not telling you about, and they don’t know how to approach it. They may not even realize they have a more significant issue, but something’s out of balance somewhere else in the relationship. It could be emotional, personal, or physical. For example, they know you enjoy having sex but still feel like they’re getting older or self-conscious about their weight; they notice gravity has taken a particular interest in their bodies. Hair loss and wrinkles. They’re sagging in areas that used to be more firm or not as lumpy. Medical issues have them down. Menopause hit, and “DAMN!” They’re wondering if your sex is purely out of love or if you still find them attractive and sexy enough to fuck them the way you did when you were younger or when you 1st met.

      There’s something, in particular, you’re missing. There’s some bigger shit going on than the reduction in sex, and they need to talk about it. It’s more than just sex, but sex is where they can hit you the hardest. They’ve tried to hint at it or talk about it before, but you didn’t catch the ball; you weren’t listening or interested. It didn’t seem important when they brought it up, or you were busy when they did.

      You’re expected to be a mind reader because you’ve been together long enough to should know when there’s something wrong. It wasn’t something you were concerned about, so you dismissed it. You thought it would work itself out on its own. You weren’t worried about it, but they didn’t share your confidence.

      You didn’t give the decline in sex much thought because you figured that happens when couples are together for a long time. You thought you were in a dry spell and your sex would pick up again, but it hasn’t. Instead, it’s gotten worse, and by the time you asked about it, you got used to the diminished amount of sex you’re having, and picking it back up isn’t first on your mind. You’re unsure if you want to pick it back up. That’s why you both should’ve brought it up sooner.

      You’re not doing anything wrong; they need to talk; talk about something in particular, and they need your full attention. There’s a more significant issue, and they can’t put their finger on it. They don’t know the real problem, and you’re focused on why the sex had to suffer for it. Turn everything off for 30 minutes and get everything off your chest; ask about something you heard, seen, or might have taken the wrong way. Make sure something’s not what you thought or is as bad as it seems. You can’t communicate when you only have half your attention on each other and the other half on other shit.

      You’re not the easiest person to talk to. You’re stubborn and want sex, so they figured if they sacrificed sex, you’d come around, but you were wrapped up thinking they were doing dirty shit. The drop in sex is a sign there’s something deeper going on, but you don’t want it to be more profound; you want it to be about sex. You think the sex has gone down because they want different and more adventurous sex; you try to give that to them while cutting sex because of another issue. You’re playing tug-of-war.

      You say you tried to get them to communicate, but did you try? How hard did you try? Did you tell them you needed to talk, or did you drop hints? Did you wait until they were doing something? Did you try to bring it up when they were half asleep? Did you call/text them at work? Did you try to have a conversation or lay blame? Did you speak, or did you yell? Were you communicating or complaining? Did you approach with an open dialogue or attack with criticism? Be honest; how did you try exactly?

      They know how jealous you get. They know you get shitty after too much time goes by if you don’t have sex, and they went right for the headshot. So why would you intentionally make someone suspicious or angry by holding back sex? Spite? Frustration? You want them to come to you and ask what’s wrong when it’s easier for you to tell them you need to have a conversation. You want them to know there’s something wrong and come to you. You want to talk about an issue that has nothing to do with them, and you’re going to take away something they enjoy until they do.

      Somebody told them to use sex to get your attention; they didn’t just come up with that alone. Someone they talked to, other than you, told them the best way to get your attention was to use sex. You know they like having sex with you, and they’d be quicker to submit to get the sex back up to standard or ask why the sex has gone down. So they’ll pay attention to get the sex back.

      If you don’t know your bigger issue, how are they supposed to know? Stop trying to rig a series of ropes and pulleys to trick each other into guessing when there’s something wrong. Is that how you want things to be? Is that how you want to be heard? Is it risking your sexual relationship as it is worth playing around with? Is that how you want to get someone interested in what you have to say or think? Booty bribery is a dangerous and explosive solution.

      Some people will “Ramp up” their sex to get their partner’s attention, hoping it’ll motivate them to communicate to keep the better sex coming. That’s using sex for behavior modification. You’re using your sexual upgrades as a dog treat. You’re using sex to get your way; even if communication is for the better of your relationship, it’s still shitty. You may have the best intentions and mean no actual harm, but you risk your partner getting used to the declined sex you’re having.

      Why can’t your problems stay in-house? Why does your sex have to suffer? You keep pulling that shit, and you’re going to run them off to someone else. Go ahead and play around, using sex as a tool; next thing you know, they’ll be giving or getting the tool from somebody else. Sex isn’t a weapon; it’s not a reward or punishment. Sex isn’t a bullhorn or warning siren to get attention.

      You’re giving someone who previously had no reason not to trust you a reason not to trust you. Better yet, don’t play this stupid ass game; if you WANT to talk, talk. If you NEED to speak, tell them you need to talk; if they STILL don’t talk, it might be time to take a walk.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


AUG 7, 2022


      You may be proud of your accomplishments or triumphs, but not everyone who calls themselves your friend cares or wants to hear you talk about it. It’s natural to like to share your good news with those closest to you, but most of them couldn’t give two damn cents about your interests or whatever you’re talking about. They might pretend to care or stand there, looking past you, thinking about something else. They are indeed not listening to you because they don’t care.

      Whether you’re mindlessly bragging or hoping your friends and loved ones will celebrate with you, the truth is that some of your life’s closest people don’t care. Your promotion, raise, new house or car, the upcoming addition to your family, or even the sex you have will make a percentage of the people you know well shrug their shoulders and ask, “Who gives a damn?” You’re proud, but they think you’re bragging. You’re always on the losing end, and when you finally celebrate a “Win,” you’re robbing someone else of the spotlight, and they took it personally; they took it as you are trying to show them up.

      You’ve been single or dating the wrong people and getting hurt repeatedly for the past five years; your friends will support you and tell you to keep your head up and meet someone great. You did just that, so you’re no longer their charity case; they don’t want to hear about how you’ve met someone. You think they’re all happy for you, but they’re not, especially those who’ve been single or miserable for as long as you have. I don’t think anyone you know who’s in a shitty relationship will be glad to know you’re not in the same boat they’re still paddling.

      Jealousy is an ugly thing, and it strikes like a cobra. They may not even realize they don’t care until you’re happy and making it. You have people in your life that could care less about your good fortune, especially if and when they can’t benefit from it.

      More specifically, when it comes to your sexual activities and conquests, most of your friends don’t want to hear about them when they go home with empty pockets. They’ll smile in your face and give you the fist bump and high-fives, but on the inside, they hate the hell out of you. They’ll smile to your face but talk shit about you behind your back because you succeed with the women where they fail. So even if you’re the one who hardly EVER meets anyone, all your friends won’t be happy for you.

      Some of your closest friends don’t care or want to see you succeed because they’re not doing as well as they should or want to be, but at least their job, relationship, kids, or life was better than yours. Now that you’re doing better and they’re on the bottom, they hate you for putting them in “Last place.”

      Going to work the following week to tell your co-workers how you met a nice guy won’t be received with 100% support or admiration. The single women at your job who can’t get or keep a man won’t care. They can’t grasp why or how you landed such a great catch when they’re thinner, bustier, or prettier than you, and all they keep meeting are assholes. They’re having problems at home and don’t want to hear about your happiness; they’ll put on a happy face and tell you they’re glad for you, but on the inside, they wish you’d shut the hell up and take his damn picture off your screensaver because he’s ten times better-looking than their man.

      Your friends might not even be aware of their jealousy or don’t care because they’ve never had to witness or hear about it before; you’ve always been on the lesser end of happiness or success, and that’s what they’re used to. You make their lives seem so much better until you start your ascension to bigger and better things. When you go out, you hardly ever get hit on, at least not until they all do or the people you end up with are far below their standard and yours. You’re usually the wingman or support staff. You’re the charity case; you’re supposed to get on base and sacrifice yourself so they can score. The last thing they want is for you to step up to the plate and hit one right out the park. They don’t care to see, hear, or be reminded of it.

      Whatever you’re proud of, there’s someone you know who could care less, and they’re not going to be happy for you. Good things aren’t happening to them, so why should they be happy for you? They’ll see your pride and good news as a slap in the face when they’re not doing as well as you are. They don’t care if you’re making shit happen and aren’t because they choose not to. They don’t care about your opportunities or accomplishments when they’re sitting on the couch, watching TV, or playing video games while you were out, pounding the pavement to make it.

      The same people you’d think would be happy for you will look at you with a hateful heart and spirit and say some shit like “I could’ve done that” or, “It’s not THAT good,” and these will be your friends, your family, people you see regularly and thought they had your back, not strangers. Criticism and annoyance at your good fortune will come from those you least expect. You want people to share your good news but don’t care. They might be there if they can benefit from your success, but more than like talk shit about you until they need you. Some will call your ideas and goals bullshit dreams until you’re sitting pretty, then they always know you could do it while they ride your coat tails or tell others they know you.

      Don’t expect everyone in your life to care about what you’re doing. They wrote you off a long time ago. You weren’t a well-behaved child, and your family predetermined your entire life and future by what type of 10-year-old you were, and when you prove them all wrong, your success will be met with disbelief and phone calls from people you thought were dead. All your cousins were like brothers to you, and your aunts and uncles were all your favorites as long as they could come to you if needed. Pride will keep someone from admitting they were wrong about you, give you the credit you deserve, or at least congratulate and be happy for you. You’ll lose friends on your way to the top.



Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


JULY 10, 2022


      When we were kids, we said yes, please, or no, thank you. We said, sir or ma'am. When talking to another grown-up, we used Mr. or Mrs. We were taught to respect adults whether we knew them or not. Our parents taught us to respect adults even if we were in the right. We didn't tell our kids to stand up to grown-ups, especially police officers, teachers, or other authority figures. If we had an issue or incident with an adult, we went back, told our parents, and they handled it; we didn't challenge, disrespect, confront, or argue with adults.

      We didn't call our parents by their first names, not our mother, but some fathers allowed their sons to do so when they got older as a reversed sign of respect for him. As an educational tool for dealing with other men he'll interact with in the future. He's teaching his son to be respectful but assertive. Girls were taught to act their age; they didn't act or dress up like grown women and didn't flaunt their adolescent sexuality to older men because they thought boys their age were beneath them.

      Our parents weren't afraid of us; we were afraid of them. We didn't talk back because we'd get smacked in the mouth; we got smacked in the mouth if we overheard someone else talking back to their parents just in case we ever thought about it. It never crossed our minds to raise our hand to our mother because she'd wait until we were asleep to crack us with a skillet or our father dealt with us. Parents nowadays are afraid their children will physically hurt them because they've let them get away with so much and given them too much-unchecked independence and freedom.

      We had to beat the streetlights home; there was no such thing as leaving and coming home whenever you wanted, not just because there was only one car for the family, but you still had to ask permission and disclose where you were going. For the most part, if you were going to a friend's house, you were asked if there was going to be a parent or guardian home, not just an older sibling.

      We did what we were told when we were told to do it, not when we were ready to do it. We asked if we could wait until a commercial or when we reached a stopping point in what we were doing. We didn't piss, moan, or complain loudly while doing what we were asked. We stomped up the stairs, but that shit got shut down when we were dared to do it one more time. We reported back when we were done with whatever we were told to do. If our parents were busy, we asked if they needed help.

      Boys pumped gas and opened doors for a female, whether he knew her or not. Boys and girls held the door open for adults and the elderly. There was very little defiance when it came to gender roles. We recognized and learned how to do things we knew would be essential to know when we got older. We helped in the yard, cutting the grass and such. We were eager to learn from our parents, whether it was dad who taught us to change a tire or use a ratchet or mom teaching us to put cooking oil in water to keep it from boiling over.

      No meant no. If the answer was no, there was no discussion past that; you shut your mouth, and that was that. That garbage where mom said no, then you ran and asked dad didn't exist; if one said no, there was no point in asking the other, you knew better. We didn't ask, beg, try to show our parents anything, or take them to look at anything when we went to the store. Nothing went into the cart unless they put it in or we were sent to get something from the next aisle. We didn't try to hint at shit because we knew it wouldn't work, and they didn't care.

      You didn't have time to walk off; We knew better than to break away to the toy department to play or see what they had; that's how you got left behind. You had a job to do, pushing the shopping cart or fetching items. We weren't getting a damn thing anyway, so there was no point in torturing ourselves by looking at the shit we had no chance of getting. If we had our own money, there was time to look after the shopping was done; and you only had about 10 minutes to choose, or you got nothing. Our parents didn't want to hear about what we wished we had if we could afford it; their finances were none of our business, and they didn't have to explain why they said no.

      Now kids walk around or behind their parents, texting or watching videos and listening to music on their phones. They tell their parents what to get or what they will or won't eat, especially if it's not a name brand. When we got to the car, we loaded the groceries into the car. Mom and dad paid for it, and we were expected to take it out of the car and into the house. Nowadays, kids sit in the car while their mom or dad does all the work, even after paying for everything.

      Good report cards were expected, not celebrated, or rewarded; education was taken seriously, and homework had to be done before anything else was checked. If you were too sick to go to school or church, you were too ill to go outside or play.

Our boundaries were clearly set and crossing them resulted in taking a sore ass or punishment into your own hands. Our place wasn't in the faces of adults when mom or dad had company; we were out of sight. If you need to interrupt, say "Excuse me" or wait until you are acknowledged. We didn't try to participate in adult conversations. We didn't ask who they were talking to or anything about their personal business.

      We got whipped with belts, switches, and objects of opportunity; very little was off-limits, and anything could be used as a makeshift tool for getting your ass beat, depending on what you did. We got punished in public when we acted a fool in public.

      Being grounded meant being grounded, not sent to your room with TV, movies, video games, etc. Instead, everything came out of your room, or you were banished to the basement where you hoped nobody discovered your secret stash of books, candy, crayons, or other fun things to do while you were on punishment.

      We had one, maybe two televisions, and your viewing choices were either sports, soap operas, or games shows; control of the TV was only up to us for early Saturday morning cartoons.

      We ate what was cooked; mom didn't cook something different for each child because they didn't want tacos or chili mac. We all ate the same cereal; only one box was opened at a time. Fast food was a reward, not something to look forward to because mom didn't want to cook; that's what pasta and sauce were for. Hot dog nights were those days when it was too late to cook anything else. We made hamburgers and fries at home; we knew how to make our pizza.

      We paid for some of our shit; we didn't go to work after school and spend our money on impulsive or ridiculously expensive shit while our parents financed our responsibilities. We paid for our phone line, cable TV, insurance, gas, movies, etc., and we helped with bills if needed. We contributed to the house when we could and were happy to do it; it made us feel like we mattered and made a difference in the family.

      We were children, and we acted like children. We knew our place, and if we got out of line, our parents didn't hesitate to put us back on track. We want our children to be open and confident enough to come to us with their problems and questions; they can still do that but also maintain a certain level of fear and respect. Not just to ourselves but adults in general. You're teaching children to blur the line between respect and friendship when they get older. Their spouse or friend could be their supervisor, and the lessons you're teaching them could be why they can't get or keep their job.

      It's our responsibility to teach children to be children, to be independent and assertive, but also to know when to keep their mouths shut and stay in their place. Your kids are running and ruining your home because you won't take control. Parents back in the day didn't have that problem; we were too busy feeling guilty for working long hours or trying to catch up on the life we missed out on by being single parents or having children too early.

      We're bargaining respect for favoritism between you and the ex after the breakup or divorce. Going to school is not your child's only job, and there's nothing wrong with giving them extra things to do to earn the things you provide for them. At the very least, they should show respect for the necessities you bust your ass to give them without much as a thank you. We appreciated our parents for what they did or could do for us, even when it wasn't as much as they wanted. Kids now are more focused on what they can't or didn't get than they have. They want the latest and greatest and complain when you bring home last year's model. You're letting your ungrateful children make you feel like shit because you can't buy them off; it's always "Gimme, gimme, gimme."


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAY 30, 2022


      You’re afraid to try, not because you’re afraid of taking a risk or failure; you’re so scared of succeeding. You’re unconvinced of your talents, and it’s hard for you to realize and accept you might be good at something that’ll take off like a rocket ship, and you don’t know how to handle it. You’ll put in the planning and the hard work, but you’re still scared that it’ll eclipse the results you’re hoping for. You want to succeed, but you’re scared to admit you don’t know how to accept your victory.

      You’re better than you think you are and that confuses and scares the hell out of you. It’s hard to believe that you’re better than you think you are. You think you’re too old to enjoy your achievements when you make it, especially when it takes a fraction of the time you thought it should. You thought you would have to claw and scrape your way to the top, but it was a 5-minute escalator ride while some were still taking the stairs.

      You see people out there who’ve been doing the same thing you’re trying to do for years, and they haven’t made it yet; that’s because they don’t have what you have, and you’re taking the situation by storm. Your talent is natural, and it comes at the drop of a hat where others have to plan every step like they’re putting together a retail home entertainment center. You’re smarter than you think you are, and your talent exceeds your rating system. It doesn’t seem fair to see and pass others who have been at it far longer than you, but that’s not for you to worry about.

      It’s a youngster’s world, and your “Old school” ways and mentality can’t or won’t measure up, which keeps you from trying. You don’t understand everything behind the scenes, and because you’re used to doing everything by yourself, you won’t ask for help. You don’t trust other people, and you’ll not try to avoid being screwed over or taken advantage of.

      It’s hard to believe others have the confidence to make it and are willing to invest in you. You have nothing to feel guilty about; some people have it, and some don’t. They don’t have what it takes to compete with where you are, which makes no sense to you. Someone else took classes, trained for hours a week, or worked their asses off for every scrap they’ve gotten so far, and here you come, running out the gate like a thoroughbred, breaking barriers and blowing up like crazy. You’re happy on one side, but on the other, your mind’s running 100 MPH, wondering where you’re going right and where someone else is going wrong.

      You won’t try because you think they'll lose friends or deal with fake new ones. You know everyone’s going to have their hand out, and you’ll hear from people you haven’t heard from in years; that doesn’t appeal, and it’s enough to make you think twice about going forward. You’re too nice a person to say no, or you’ll believe every story that comes your way; you’re just that damn gullible and naïve. You don’t want to be labeled a sellout or be accused of dropping people who had your back when you weren’t doing well, but those same people are where they are because they’re not as hungry for success or they want to ride someone else’s coattails as far as they can go.

      You’re afraid to be a shark; you’ll step aside and allow someone less talented at taking your shot because they’ve been waiting and working longer to make it than you have. You won’t be able to sleep, knowing everything that’s happening to you is coming so easily when people are still trying to get their foot in the door. You want to help them, but they aren’t anywhere near as good as you are, and they’ll bring you down, but you feel obligated to bring them up with you, and that’ll hurt you in the long run.

      Your self-doubt is what’s holding you back, even though you’re succeeding; you could be doing so much better if you accept what’s going on in your life and stop worrying about others who aren’t as talented as you are. You’re not going to be able to save everyone or give them the chances you’ve been given. Just because you’re not the first to think of something doesn’t mean you can’t walk out on stage and bring the house down. Time doesn’t make you better than anyone else or vice versa. You’re afraid of your own natural ability to excel past those who have been trying for years; they might not be good at what they’re trying to do, or you’re that much better.

      You’re afraid of being better than someone else, and it bothers you to think you might have robbed someone of their opportunity when your big break comes after six months, and they’ve been at it for six years. It might not have anything to do with anyone else. You had it set in your mind that you would face impossible hurdles and so much rejection before taking off, but that didn’t happen. Everything that comes from you is gold, which confuses the hell out of you. Your self-esteem is your worst enemy at this point.

      You’re in denial that your idea’s better than 75% of what’s out there. You think if your vision were that good, someone would’ve already had it and used it. What you’re using isn’t the worst or the cheapest, but some spent hundreds or thousands of dollars for more or better equipment, and what you have doesn’t match that quality. You can’t believe ideas and inspiration comes to you so quickly.

      You’ve always been told that anything worth having takes a lot of hard work and dedication. But things come so easy to you; you find what you’re good at, and it just happens to be something that puts you in the spotlight or makes you famous almost instantly. That’s the problem; you’re still waiting on the hard part, and it’s not coming. Your success shouldn’t come this easy, but it is.

      You’re afraid you’ll have to leave people you’ve known all your life behind. They’re not as hungry as you or critical about how much time you spend making your dreams come true. Instead, they make you choose between them and doing what you enjoy. They aren’t your friends if that’s what they’re doing, but they’re your friends when you make it.

      It sounds silly, but the fear of being good enough at something where you can make a living from it is widespread among many people; they want success when they’re working for it but don’t know how to accept it when it comes. That could be why many celebrities turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with their fame.

      You’re in disbelief that you’re as good as you are and better than 80% of those trying to make it in the same arena. Even when things are going great for you, it’s hard to accept the reality because you’re inexperienced and just stepped into triumph as quickly as your morning slippers.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAY 01, 2022


      You might think your compliments are flattering and will make someone feel good about themselves; it’s only natural to believe that. Nobody thinks someone hearing they’re handsome, beautiful, or sexy would damage their self-esteem, self-image, or confidence, but it does; more than you think. On the outside, they’ll thank you for the admiration and words of praise, but on the inside, they feel like shit because of how you look at them and what you’re bringing attention to with your compliment.

      Your compliments are the same they get all the time, and that brings their self-worth down to everything else because that’s the only compliment they get. For example, you might think someone is beautiful or has an amazing figure, and that’s what you initially complimented them on; but that’s all they hear. They believe that’s the only thing they have going for them, muscles, huge breasts, or thick legs and ass. You didn’t take time to get to know them first and learned they were also brilliant, intelligent, and funny, but you led with how they looked or how sexy their body was, and that’s what they hear all the time.

      What you think is a compliment is a source of embarrassment. You like big thighs, hips, and a nice, big butt, and those are the areas she hates about herself. You might think tall men are sexy, but at 6’7”, some men don’t like being the center of attention or want to hear people's comments about his height. What you don’t realize is that you’ve only said it once.

      They hear it all day, every day, everywhere they go. Not all men who work out want or need women to comment on his physique or put her hands on him. Women do it all the time; they even invite their friends to feel him up without his permission. He’s also sitting on a master’s degree or doctorate, has his own business, or is a guitar player, none of which gets more attention or admiration from women than his physical appearance.

      Your compliments are more damaging than you think because they don’t want the attention. The more work someone puts into improving one area, and another is keeping them feeling shitty about themselves. They may be losing weight and looking better on the outside, but something on the inside is causing harm to their self-image.

      The negative will overshadow the positive when it comes to their overall confidence. They're trying to balance what they can control or improve with what brings them down and affects their self-esteem. You might not think it’s a big deal, but it’s a HUGE deal for them, and your compliments tell them it’s noticeable enough to mention.

      They’re trying to draw attention away from what they don’t like and focus on what they get compliments on. It’s the reason a man will spend hours at the gym getting ripped; to take away from the fact he isn’t packing much from the waist down or can’t last longer than a TV commercial. Likewise, a woman who has a flat ass will show as much cleavage as possible or wear a padded, push-up bra.

      You think flattery will get your foot in the door, but it’s getting you closer to the loose step on their staircase, and you’re about to trip, fall, and tumble down into the cellar. If you believe everyone wants or likes to be told how sexy or attractive they are, that’ll get the ball rolling, but you’re going to get rolled right over, and you won’t know why. Your compliments are bringing them down because they don’t want them; it has nothing to do with low self-esteem. Your compliments are just unwanted.

      Everyone’s confidence or ego isn’t their weak point and isn’t the best way past their defenses, and it’s the strongest link in their chain, the most impenetrable part of their armor because they don’t care. How they look is for them, and your compliments mean nothing. It’s not because they’re arrogant or conceited; they don’t need to be stroked physically or emotionally; hearing the same things over and over again is tiresome and annoying. They’d rather have you walk up, say hello, and go from there; don’t let the first thing out of your mouth be about how they look.

      Some people don’t want to hear how attractive they are all the time; they listen to it all the time. They’re trying to tell you about themselves on a deeper level, but you’re so wrapped up with how they look. You’re not even listening; you’re thinking about how hot they are and how jealous your friends will be. They know the only reason you’re talking to them is because of how they look, and you could care less about their history, interests, or hobbies; that might change, but for that moment, you only care what’s on the outside. They're telling someone they’re nothing more than a pretty face or sexy body; there’s nothing else interesting but the way you look. You’re sending the message that nobody will care about what you like to do.

      No matter the subject, you always manage to bring up how attractive they are, and you think it’s endearing, but you’re beating a dead horse. You’re affecting their self-esteem negatively because they’ve always looked the same. Their attitude and personality have always been what it is now. Their face hasn’t changed; neither has their personality or inner qualities, but you weren’t interested in what was on the inside.

      They just lost weight, got in shape, and suddenly, you’re looking at someone you’ve known for a while in a different light. You’ll make them feel like shit with your compliments on how beautiful or handsome they are NOW when you never thought or saw them in that light before. If you don’t like them, you don’t know how many times a day a woman hears how nice and thick her ass is, and you’re just another log on the fire, trying to get your hands warm. Women didn’t give this man a second look when he only weighed 150 lbs. or had huge, floppy, man-breasts. They’re feeling like shit on the inside because they've changed the outside. After all, the exterior is the only thing getting attention.

      Some changed because they hated the way they looked before and decided to do something about it. Their new look makes them feel good, but you came around and destroyed it with your constant compliments. Some people enjoy being admired physically, but not everyone wants their hands on them when they walk by; not every woman wants your arm around her waist or on her leg while you’re admiring her muscle tone. Not every man wants your hands on his biceps or triceps; hearing your comments about his “Guns,” Keep your hands to yourself.

      They changed because they needed to for health reasons and how they look now is a by-product they weren’t expecting. One day they woke up, and the compliments started rolling in. The problem is that it’s coming from people who had turned them down, shown little to no interest previously, or downright dismissed them when they made their feelings or attraction to you know. Your sudden interest tells them you could give a shit about who they are; you only like what they look like. Your compliments will make someone feel worse about themselves than if you’d said nothing.

      You’re trying to backtrack, hoping they’re still in the mindset they were in before; you’re approaching a woman like she’s still the short-haired, chubby girl you turned down or the scrawny guy with adult acne or teeth that were all jacked up. Now she’s looking good; his skin cleared up and got new chompers, and that’s the first thing you complimented them on; when in reality, you just told them why you passed them over the first time. What do you think will affect their self-image when they’ve changed nothing else, and now you want your chance?

      Your compliments remind us why they hate themselves; why they despise taking pictures or mirrors. Continuous attention to their physical beauty or desirability makes them feel worse because they know that was the only thing keeping them in their friend zone. Compliments are statements saying you could care less about anything they have to say because they look the way they do now.

      They know what they look like; they know what they used to look like. They know how they look is the only reason men or women show them attention or feed them compliments. You wonder why they don’t show off more; that’s because they want to be more than that. Your compliments tell them how they look, the only thing they have, even though that’s not what you said aloud; that’s what they got from it.

      They had a higher self-image and confidence before the compliments because they knew people who showed interest were into getting to know them as an individual, not as just a showpiece. Your compliments make them feel like a contestant in a dog show, competing for the most improved specimen. You saw them as a dog back then; they were just a duck in your eyes, but now you want to capture them after they become a swan, but you’re making them feel like an anteater.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


APR 10, 2022


      You want your woman loud and animated, but you’re a zombie; you just lay there like a lump on a log, tossing out a “Damn” or “Oh shit!” every now & then. You’re not into the sex you’re having; at least, that’s your body language and lack of verbal interaction. You want her to tell you how big you are and how you’re tearing up her insides, but you won’t tell her how nice, tight, and wet she feels.

      You want her to barely be able to roll out of bed with rubber legs, walking crooked, or at least stumbling from the tumbling you just gave her, but you hop up like it was no big deal. You want all this reverence for your sex without reciprocation. You want her drenched in sweat and hoarse from screaming your name in pleasure, but you’ll say nothing the entire time you’re having sex, not before, during, or after. You want her to be a commercial to her friends and tell them how good you can put it down in the bedroom, but you won’t do the same for her.

      You know you’re doing her right because she lets you know with verbal and non-verbal clues and cues, but does she know she’s taking care of you when you’re just lying there, trying to be Mr. cool or Dr. smooth? What’s the problem with telling your boys your lady can drop that ass on you and curl your toes? What’s the harm in complementing her skills when she’s trying just as hard to please and satisfy you? She wants to make sure you’re getting what you need so she doesn’t have to worry about you looking for something else on the side, and you’re not making it easy. Why can’t you give the same reactions you’re looking for to boost her ego and confidence the way you want her to do for you?

      Are you embarrassed to admit your woman can work you like a hand puppet? A better question is, why in the world is it your or her friends’ business what the two of you do sexually if your goal isn’t to use her endorsement to hook up with one of her friends? Either way, you’re telling everyone about how good your sex is, except the person who needs to hear it the most. So why can’t you tell her if nobody else? It’s not like she will make fun of you for moaning or telling her how good she is.

      Nobody says you have to be vocal the whole time, but if she hits that good spot and it gets you going and feeling good, tell her. If her rhythm, pace, and stroke are on point and you’re about to let that first nut go in under 5 minutes, tell her; she’s not going to laugh at you. Don’t be afraid of being called a minuteman when you’re coming back for seconds a few minutes later. You want your lady to brag and say you’re the shit, but your silence says her sex is shit.

      If you’re not that type of verbal person, stop looking for it in your lady; stop asking for it. You’re an ass when you always want her to tell you how many orgasms she’s had, but you won’t tell her how many times she made you cum. You’re selfish; she needs just as much applause and praise as you do. She wants to know she’s so good you can’t wait to get home from work for an encore performance. You’re no better than the guy who wants oral and has her swallow you but won’t return the favor.

      You want bragging rights for being able to rock her world, but you can’t and won’t admit she can fuck you into a fetal position, curled up in a ball in the shower, sucking your thumb like a baby. Her oral skills are God-like, and you won’t tell her so, but you’ll complain because she doesn’t do it much. She doesn’t know you enjoy it; you won’t say anything other than “I’m cumming”.

      You want her to call you “Daddy” and all that other stuff, but you say absolutely nothing in return. Her sexual self-esteem and pride mean nothing to you because you’re preoccupied with your own. You want all these boosts and compliments on your skills, but you give nothing in return, which is selfish! That’s the same as going to the drive-through on your way home from work, getting food without calling to see if she wanted anything, then going home and eating in front of your lady.

      If you won’t be her commercial, at least be her motivator. She’s giving you some of the best sex you’ve ever had, and you’re not considering her emotional need for praise and confidence; imagine what she’d do with and to you if you encouraged her to keep doing what she’s doing by showing her some positive reinforcement to what she’s doing now?

      You lady wants to be addicted to how you enjoy her sex, and as you continue to encourage and build her up, she’ll develop a positive tolerance. Then, she will go even further to satisfy her sexual craving for that verbal drug you keep pumping into her heart and sexuality.

      You want her to do all the dirty talking while trying to be laid back and cool; for who? You want her to pump you up, but where’s her hype? You want her to motivate you, but men can also be cheerleaders. So who are you trying to impress when it’s just the two of you, and she’s doing her best to get some praise or response?

      Who says you have to tell anyone other than you lady how good they are at sex? They’re not going to laugh at you or take it the wrong way; if anything, they give you more sex the way you like it, as long as it feels good to her. What if that’s what she needs, but you’re holding back because of some macho shit you have in your head? So many men are turned off by sex with women because they lie there quietly; what the hell do you think you’re doing? You’ll want the quiet ones to be loud or more verbal, but you won’t give anything to someone who’s only asking for what you’re asking for, and you’ll get pissed when she dumps you for being a cold fish, trying to be “The man.”

      That doesn’t work for sex; you have to give to receive. Zombie sex doesn’t appeal to either of you. When she does it, she sucks in bed; when you do it, you’re just a man. There’s no ego or image so important that you can’t let your lady know she’s giving you that good loving; there’s no reason to feel ashamed, embarrassed, or feel like your manhood’s in jeopardy because you met a woman who can put it on you and have you speaking a language you just made up in your head. After all, her sex feels so damn good. If you let her know she’s tearing you up, your sex will continue to get better. Single-sided pride and selfishness have no place in the bedroom.

      What is wrong with moaning if it feels good? What’s wrong with telling her she feels good? What’s wrong with telling her she tastes like cotton candy when you go down on her, or you love how she bounces her ass like a basketball when she bends over? Tell her she’s pretty; tell her you love how she moves her body. Tell her she has that rhythm that makes you tingle. Don’t let her think you’re a 2-minute man because your sex is trash; you’re a 2- minute man because she can work that ass. Don’t let her turn out the lights; look her in the eyes when you’re having sex and let her know she’s taking care of business, and not just when you’re having sex. If it makes you feel weird to do it face to face, send her a text, or write her a note and put it in her car or purse.

      You want her to say you’re the best she’s ever had, but you can’t even tell her she’s at least good when you know she’s rocking your world every time you have sex. Why would you not do the same for her if it applies? Why would you not want to make her feel as proud and confident as you? You can still be the man in the relationship and tell your lady she has you strung out and addicted to her sex. Praise to sex is NOT just a woman thing or responsibility.

      The sex went from good in the beginning to crappy now because your lady’s tired of you wanting her to tell you how great a lover you are and go into great detail, and you can’t even tell her how good she is. Why do you think she wouldn’t want to hear the same things you want to? You like it when she squirms around or tightens her whole body right before she has a huge orgasm, and if you did the same, she’d be more inclined to give you more of them. So why wouldn’t she want to know that your sex is so good? There’s never a reason to think you’ll step out and look for satisfaction somewhere else?



Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAR 27, 2022


      How can a father physically discipline his son and daughter the same way without potentially setting something in motion that could have disastrous effects in adulthood? You could unknowingly be sending the wrong message to both of them if you’re whipping ass left and right without communicating with them. Both sons and daughters are getting spanked, whipped, or whatever you want to call it, but what message could that realistically send in the grand scheme of their development? Of course, you want to discourage and punish bad behavior, but your daughter is a grown woman who hasn’t grown up yet, and your son is a man who’s learning to be a man by your example.

      Your son and daughter are learning to be adults from your training and examples during childhood, so what are you teaching them? Don’t just hit them when they piss you off or break the rules, and don’t do it when or because you’re angry. Instead, explain why they’re being punished and why they’re being punished physically. It could be as simple as you’ve tried other things to correct their behavior, and now it’s the last straw.

      Your kids will piss you off, and sometimes you’re going to go overboard and punish them a little too harshly because you’re angry. You’re going to punish your children, not just because of whatever they did wrong, but also because they pissed you off or humiliated you; they made you look like a horrible parent, or they have absolutely no home training. Their behavior makes it appear that they weren’t raised right, and you let them run unchecked through your home.

      When we were kids, it was just a matter of who got to you first when it came to getting your ass whipped. When you were in trouble was the only real time you were glad to come from a single-parent home because sometimes, even if mom tore into you, there was another one coming when dad got home.

      If you have both parents at home, the easy solution would be for the dad to punish his son, and the mom was responsible for spanking their daughter. But what happens when dad’s the only parent in the home or mom has relinquished the responsibility for the discipline of both children to dad; what lesson is dad really giving to his children?

      They’re children now, so you don’t really put much thought into it; you might be caught up in the moment, but eventually, they’re going to grow up, leave home, and take what they learned from you out into the world with them, both good lessons and bad. So there’s a sticky situation that could come from this scenario, and most people don’t put much thought into it, especially when you’re coming from the “Old School” where things were forced to be as simple as possible.

      If you got out of line, you got your ass whipped, plain and simple. Whether from mom or dad, it was what it was, and nobody really thought about the long-term effects, ideals, or impressions you’re giving your children. Belts, hands, tree branches were normal; step back and ask yourself how you can teach your son that it’s never okay to strike or put his hands on a woman if you’re striking his sister, even if it’s because she’s being punished? Are you teaching him that it’s okay until they’re a certain age, then it’s no longer appropriate? Are you teaching your daughter that there are circumstances where it’s acceptable for a man to hit her to correct her behavior?

      You tell your daughter it’s because you love her, but that’s the worst thing you can say! That’s the same type of thinking and reasoning a man who abuses your daughter will use when she’s older to justify punching her; he’s doing it out of love for her to correct what he feels is inappropriate behavior.

      You tell children you whip them because you want them to grow up to be responsible, well-behaved, and productive, but that is the same thing people say when they’re the abuser in a relationship; or excuse people use to defend their abuser. You’re telling your son and daughter it’s okay to hit and be hit, as long as there’s a good enough reason, but who decides what constitutes a good reason? Dad whipped his daughter because she talked back, and she didn’t do her chores after the 4th time he said something about it, and her boyfriend beat on her because she didn’t come home from a long, 8-hour day at work and have the house clean and dinner on the table.

      Is it wrong for a father to spank his daughters? If he does, he’s not going to hold back just because she’s a female. He spanks to raise them the way he sees fit using physical discipline, but he also doesn’t want to equate love with physical harm or pain. If he chooses not to spank his daughters, he’s causing a rift between his children. The son will think his sister is favored and gets away with more because he gets his ass torn up when she doesn’t because their father doesn’t want to send a bad message.

      The last thing you want to do is teach your son there are acceptable times to hit a woman in reference or relation to what’s good behavior, so it’s important to explain to your son that he’s going to be punished differently from his sister. He may get his ass whipped, but that doesn’t mean she will get away with anything more; he won’t be grounded for as long as she will.

      You can explain to your children why their punishments differ. For example, when you’re whipping your son and not his sister, his secondary punishments should be shorter and less severe; that’s how you make up for not putting your hands on your daughter.

      Don’t be proud to say or make light of having your daughter believe she has you wrapped around her finger, just because you won’t spank her. Girls naturally test their fathers more than their sons' will and more than they will test their mothers because their moms have more experience with what they’re going through, thinking, and trying to get away with. Also, girls don’t mature faster or earlier than boys; they want to act grown faster and earlier, which can throw a dad off.

      You’re teaching your daughter they can run their relationships like they run your house. They’ll expect men to allow them to be just as wrapped as their father was, and that could be met with defiance or land her in an abusive relationship or situation. Since her man won’t let her get away with what her father would, she’ll accuse him of not respecting or appreciating her as a woman, which loosely translates to her not getting her way and she’ll argue, defy, and challenge him, which again may put her in an abusive situation.

You can still drop the hammer without laying a hand on your daughter. Instead, take away what she values most; sometimes, they’ll ask for the spanking instead of losing their driving or internet privileges or cell phone.

      Back to the original question, should a father physically discipline his daughter? Not the way he does his son, because he’s teaching them to be two completely different types of people with two completely different roles as children, adults, and eventually parents themselves. You want to raise your son to be a strong, positive example for his own son, but you also want your daughter to avoid being a victim.

      When your kids are younger, you can pop them on the backside when they’re out of line, whether your son or daughter. By the time they’re old enough to where it’ll become an issue, you shouldn’t be whipping them anyway. Sometimes, children aren’t going to believe what they did deserves a whipping in the first place, so that’s a battle in itself. Otherwise, it’s time to stop putting your hands on your daughter and develop alternative ways to punish her over your son. There’s nothing you can say that will make hitting your daughter okay, then turning around and telling her it’s not okay for a man to put his hands on her. Likewise, it’s not okay to tell your son it’s wrong to strike a female for any reason when he’s watching you rip into his sister without mercy.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


FEB 27, 2022


      You’re trying to make the night perfect under masqueraded pretenses. You wanted to wait until the kids were in bed, thinking it’d be more romantic. You didn’t want them to bother you because you want the sex to last longer than the 5-10 minutes they’ll give you before knocking on the door, wondering what you’re doing, wanting to come in and be where you are, or asking for something. You have sex in other locations inside the home, but the bedroom is the only place you feel sex can be truly romantic. When you’re offering only bed sex too late, and under the wrong circumstances, you’re putting each other in sleep mode but trying to have sex instead.

      You think you’re setting the mood for passion and romance, but you’re realistically setting the perfect scene for a great night’s sleep. It’s 10-11 pm, after a night out or a long day’s work. You want the room dark or dimmed by candlelight, slow, romantic music in the background, or completely quiet. The television’s off. You’re both feeling the relaxing aftermath of a nice, long, hot shower and a great meal. Everything’s set up, so you have no distractions, and your focus is solely on each other; unfortunately, one of you can’t keep their eyes open.

      All your hard work to accommodate your perfect night of lovemaking is more of a setup for falling asleep than foreplay or a precursor to sex. Of course, you’ll get pissed because they’re dozing off, but that’s by your own doing. If you wanted sex, you should’ve made your move sooner or selected a different lovemaking scenario, saving this one for another time.

      You’re complaining about your lack of sex, or you’re frustrated because you can’t get the soap opera, romantic lovemaking experience you want as much as you’d like. Still, sometimes you’re going to have to take the blame because you’re trying to re-enact a fantasy that’s just not going to work at that time. You think it’s about you as a couple, but it’s really about your timing.

      Warm sheets right out the dryer, with a light hint of the perfume he likes. You let them get comfortable and settled into bed before you rolled over and made your move. You waited too long, or you made things too comforting, and you’re both fighting to stay awake.

      You didn’t realize how tired you were yourself until you got started, and you ended up more in sleep mode than they were. Not only just for sex, but you still allowed too much time to elapse even if you just wanted foreplay. You took it personally when they told you they were tired and you rolled over pissed off, thinking you were rejected because of something else, other than you put them in sleep mode first. You thought they were dismissing you, but you refuse to understand or acknowledge your part in setting the stage for your own disappointment.

      You tried to set the perfect series of events, leading to passionate lovemaking, but it didn’t work out the way you planned it while you were going through it in your head. So don’t use sleep mode as a guilt trip, and don’t confuse it with a lack of interest in sex.

      You’re going through your bedtime routine, but to get in the mood for sex, and it backfired. Everything you’re doing to set the night up for sex or making love is what you usually do at bedtime, right before going to sleep. You’re trying to make the night perfect for sex, but you’re making it hard for them and you to stay awake; you made the ideal situation for falling asleep, but you want sex instead.

      They can barely keep their eyes open and slip in and out of sleep mode when you want to step it up and get a little nasty, but you’ll get pissed when they yawn and wipe the crust from their eyes. You’re pissed because their eyes are closed, but you should be looking inward for the reason you’re in this situation and the position you put them in. You’re pissed because they’re drifting off; they’re pissed because you’re pissed. After all, they’ve completed their pre-sleep routine, and you’re faulting them for being sleepy. They’re not just pissed; they feel like shit because they now realize what you were trying to do, and they can’t fully enjoy the experience because they’re half asleep.

      You’re bent sideways because you spent 20 minutes in the bathroom, putting on something sexy you bought to turn them on; that’s 20 minutes they were in bed, falling asleep. You woke them up an hour after they fell asleep or in the middle of the night, wanting sex. You’re complaining about the lack of sex or that it doesn’t last long enough; there’s no foreplay, or you only get it when they want to give it to you, not when you want it.

Could it be because you want it so late at night, or you’re trying to re-enact something you saw, read, or heard about? Why are you waiting so late at night, after they’ve fallen asleep, trying to satisfy a sexual fantasy spontaneously?

      You got mad because they turned on the TV. They turned the music off or changed it to something faster. They blew out the candles and turned the lights on. You thought they were trying to ruin the night or the romance, but they’re just honestly trying to wake up, get out of sleep mode, and give you what you’re asking for.

You think it’s about you as a couple, but it’s about your timing; your preparation and planning didn’t account for putting each other in sleep mode. You act like you’re not half asleep or dozing off because you waited too long, and now you’re also slipping in and out of consciousness, but you’ll blame each other because you don’t want to admit your planning was flawed.

      After one orgasm apiece, they rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but you wanted more; that’s what sleep mode will do to you. You took offense when they fell asleep right after instead of cuddling. You think you’re putting them in the mood for lovemaking or sex, but you’re unwittingly tucking them in for the night. The slow, intimate, and sensual act of making love relaxed them even more; the slower, deep, complex rhythm of your sex was rocking them to sleep.

      Then, out of the blue, you want to instantly switch gears and turn her over on her hands and knees and take it from behind like an animal in heat when she’s in half-sleep mode. She’s want to get on top and ride him like a bull while he’s in sleep mode, and that’s not going too well at all either.

      Before you criticize, get offended and accuse each other of not being in the moment, ask yourself what mood they were in when you made your move. What mode did you set the night up for, sleep or sex? Did you put them in sleep mode, thinking you were going to surprise them with sex? Are you trying to rekindle your dwindling sex life out of the blue when they’re used to getting in bed and going to sleep? You’ve never done anything like this before, and you’re pissed off because they can’t keep awake.

      They weren’t feeling well and took something to help them sleep, making things worse. You figured you had a certain amount of time before the medicine kicked in. You thought it was about you or their lack of interest in having sex or making love, but your planning was flawed, and your timing was terrible. You think you had the perfect night set up, and they ruined it by being tired when you realistically condemned the night to fail before it even started.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


JAN 23, 2022


DISCLAIMER: Not everyone thinks or feels this way, but if you do, this article's for you!

      How can women expect men to do more with the same amount of money you make when you think a man should be "Traditional" when it comes to paying for everything, from dates to cover the mortgage and bills? He's the man, and the man should be taking care of and supporting the home financially without any help or contribution from you. That's not tradition or chivalry; you're a domesticated gold digger, plain and simple.

      If he's expected to be the breadwinner, why shouldn't he earn more when he's being held to a higher financial standard than his lady? Where's her money going if she expects him to be the sole financial provider? She believes he should embrace his traditional gender role but acknowledge and recognize her traditional roles are chauvinistic and ridiculous for modern times.

      If he's covering all the bills and expenses from what he makes, what are you spending your money on? If he can't cover you off what he makes, then he shouldn't have asked you to move in. You're doubling his utilities across the board from electricity to water, and you don't think you should offer one red cent; he should be able to carry the load for both of you.

      If you have to chip in, you might as well have stayed in your own place, but he has a house and was in a studio apartment. He was doing just fine before you; he was covering his expenses just fine before he asked you to move in, so you believe he should be able to do the same for the both of you. You don't think about how your other use of services would affect his monthly budget; he should've thought about that beforehand.

      You waited until your last box was unpacked before you told him you didn't think you were going to have to pitch in and shouldn't have to; he figured you weren't just going to move in and live off what he made and paid before you. You're both guilty of shitty communication, but you're worse because you expect more from him when you're not pitching in for a damn thing.

      Any man who moves into a woman's place is expected to kick in every month, even if she's able to cover everything on her own. Other women will see him as a piece of shit if he doesn't give her any money. They'll criticize him for being a bum and her for being stupid, but tell her she shouldn't have to pay him a damn dime when moving into his house. He's a freeloading piece of garbage if he's subscribing to the same idea of a woman's mentality.

      When he asked you to move in, it's no longer HIS house; he offered his space to you, and the home is now the responsibility of the BOTH of you, including financially. So why wouldn't you cover the bills if he's covering the mortgage? Why shouldn't he make more money if you disagree? Your money is YOUR money, disposable income, or you shouldn't sit on it while he pays for everything. Just because he asks you to cover a bill or help him with expenses, you shouldn't make yourself a roommate; it makes you an equal partner in a committed relationship.

     You're trying to come into his home and make it yours off his nickel. You don't help him with any expenses, but you want the house to look the way you want it. You don't like to contribute, but you want to move shit around and make changes. You want to redecorate and tailor his place to your liking, but that means getting rid of some of his things and moving yours in; it means buying new stuff you want, using the money HE earns.

      Why shouldn't a man make more money if women expect him to follow tradition in his role but support you in being modern and independent? He's doing more with what he makes, so why shouldn't he make more money to keep up with your expectations? So you're stacking your money while he's spending his to keep the home financially intact, and for what? So you can keep one foot out the door in case he pisses you off or you meet someone else? Or maybe you don't want to be with him anymore, and you want to be on your own.

      You're absolutely right; he was covering himself just fine before you. You don't think you should contribute financially because you cook the meals; he ate just fine before you. He knows how a washer and dryer works. You don't think you should have to kick in any money because you give him sex; he was getting ass just fine before you met.

      There's really nothing you can give him that he couldn't or wasn't getting before you when you're raising his monthly expenses, and you believe you're not a gold digger or should help out financially. Just because he's not rich, driving a fancy car, or living in a mansion doesn't mean you can't be a gold digger.

      Why shouldn't men make more money when you're expecting him to pay for everything? Why's the 1970's gender mentality a necessity for him but an outdated insult to women? When he expects you to follow the same traditional gender roles you expect from him, women refuse to accept their place in the home. She wants him to cover the home financially, but it's wrong for him to expect her to have a hot meal waiting on him when he gets home from work?

      She wants equal pay for equal work, but she's not doing equal work; she's still leaving the copy machine empty, waiting for a man to bring a case of paper and restock the shelf. They both work retail, but she'll leave her trash in front of the dumpster for a man to throw away. He has to wear collared shirts and slacks to work while she gets to wear sweatpants but calls them "Leggings."

      All women are like this, not in the least bit, but for those who are, there's very little difference between you and a textbook gold digger. You're using a man to finance your lifestyle while you contribute nothing financially to help offset the rise in expenses. But you will complain about equal pay when You're getting promoted over you or getting raises.

      You might exert as much energy as he does, but he does more actual work. You expect him to do more with his paycheck, but you think it's wrong for him to make more money.

      Women complain about the coffee pot being empty or dirty in the breakrooms or the microwave spilled food. Then they'll bitch about having to clean up after grown men, but these are the same women who'll wait for a man to bring another case of paper from the supply closet. They won't replace the empty water bottle in the machine; they'll leave it empty until a man replaces it, then fill up their individual containers.

      Women are allowed to take advantage of violating the dress code in the name of comfort and fashion, while men have to adhere to the policy strictly. Men are expected to do more at the same pay rate as women. What's she doing with her money while he's spending his to provide for the home and the people under his roof? Whys What's he make more when more is expected of him?

      Should men make more money when it comes to him being expected to do more with his money when her money is HER money, but his money is THEIR money? That's a gold digger mentality. If you think men should be 100% financially responsible, why do you need to make more or as much as he does anyway? He pays for everything and provides for you, so why do you need your own money at all? You can't have it both ways; you can't expect him to support the home from attic to basement.

      You want the best of both worlds; to be a modern woman who earns equal pay for unequal work and not contribute to the home because you believe that's a man's responsibility. That's why so many women will tell a man she doesn't NEED him, and she WANTS him; while he's taking care of the home, she's sitting on an escape plan for any time she gets so pissed off, she can bail at the drop of a hat and leave him half broke and struggling. So your risk is minimal; your investment is purely chronological, and he is financial.

      At the very least, she should be financially responsible for her children if he's bringing them into his home. Affording to cover one extra person may be within his means, but can you really expect a man to cover a woman and 2-3 children without additional help? Even if he can, should he? Do you really think it's fair to believe he should be financially supporting another man's children when you're getting child support and stuffing it into your pocket? How are you NOT a gold digger? Or at the very least hypocritical?


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


DEC 19, 2021


      He wasn’t playing games; you were. He was interested in you and getting to know you, but you were the one playing around. He lost interest, and you thought he was a player because he wouldn’t play your game. You’re feeling yourself a little too much as you believe you beat him at his own game, but you destroy yourself because you ran him off when he wasn’t playing when he came at you.

      You were too ambiguous for his liking, but you didn’t see it that way. You didn’t want to give too much information, or you didn’t know how you wanted to begin. You tried to play hard to get or to be pursued. You wanted him to wait until you were done window shopping or caught up on what you missed out on by having kids so young.

      He asked if you were single, and you gave a diplomatic answer. He came at you like a man who was interested in you as a woman, and you responded like you were running for political office. You tried to plead the fifth or no contest to a question as simple as “Are you seeing anyone?”

      You responded with, “I’m talking to someone.” That didn’t answer his question, but you said the same dumb damn thing when he asked you again. You told me your dating or relationship status was “Complicated.” It’s not complicated; you have a man, but you’re still offering hopes to candidates who have more to offer physically, emotionally, or materialistically. Complicated is what you tell a guy who seems decent and respectable enough to walk away if you told him the truth and you had a man. You know a player wouldn’t care if you had a man or not, as long as he got a shot with you or to hit that ass.

      He lost interest because you act one way when you’re alone together or with his friends and a different way around your friends. You’re attentive and affectionate when it’s just the two of you, but you turn into a diva when you’re around your people.

      They’ve convinced you that anything more than a peck on the cheek is too much public affection, but you’re all over each other otherwise. You’re on equal ground when it’s just you, but your friends want to preach that empowered shit to you when they’re around. Your unpredictability and irregularity ran him off.

      He didn’t ask you for your number because when he brought up the subject of getting to know each other past the first meeting, you told him you’d take his number and made no effort to make sure he had yours. You didn’t dial or text him so he could save yours. You wouldn’t let him type his number in your phone just in case he called himself from your phone to keep your number. You gave him your number, but everything about how you did it told him you had no intention of calling, but you called him a player when he ended up talking to or exchanging numbers with someone else that night. You used that as your excuse for not calling him when you weren’t planning on it anyway.

      For some reason, you accepted a movie or dinner invitation from one of your co-workers when you weren’t interested. Instead of politely turning them down, you gave them your number, or you told them you’d like to go out. Afterward, you immediately ran to your Human Resources office and accused them of harassment or asked H.R. to say to them not to ask you again or to leave you alone. That’s why no one wants to hang out with you at work or why the guy you actually like won’t go anywhere near you; you destroyed your reputation all by yourself.

      He lost interest because when he asked, you told him you didn’t prefer where you went on your date. You said as long as the company was right and the chemistry was good, you could have fun anywhere, doing anything. You were quick to criticize that he took you bowling or to the shooting range the next day. You told him you didn’t care where you went, but you judged him because he took you to a movie. You think movies are a bad idea because you can’t talk during the movie, but you suggested a ball game, and it was still too loud to have a conversation, but for some reason, the movie was worse.

      He lost interest and didn’t call you back because you slept together on the first night you met, but you got shitty with him on the first date when he thought it was going to happen again. So whether a player out to get laid or a decent guy, why wouldn’t he think you’d be okay with having sex on the first date after you were so willing to give it up on the first night?

      You treated him like he was an asshole because you slept with him on the first night or first date, and he thought you both were in a sexual portion of a dating relationship with each other. You told him you were drunk, and hooking up on the first night or date is entirely out of character for you. You and your actions alone are why he thought what he thought and why you’re insulted by his expectation.

      You kissed and made out all night or at the end of the night before saying good night. By the time he got home, you’d sent him a message telling him you didn’t see it going anywhere. What you meant was you didn’t see it going anywhere past being physical. He lost interest because you changed; you started distancing yourself when you realized you’d spent enough time together to where even a reasonable man would think you’d be having sex or getting serious. So you widened the gap and shortened the frequency of your time together and your communication, and he wasn’t stupid; he knew what you were doing, so he beat you to the punch, waved the white flag, and walked away.

      He lost interest because you lost interest when he brought up the fact that he’s covered the cost of every date you’ve had over the last three months, and you haven’t lifted a finger to invite him out on your wallet or even cook him a meal.

      He lost interest because you waited until you’d gone put a few times, but you didn’t tell him you were still talking to your ex about getting back together, and you finally decided to give them another chance. You want the new guy to understand your history with your ex isn’t so easy to walk away from, but you don’t give thought to that you were going out with him while you were patching things up with your ex. But, of course, if the roles were reversed, you’d be calling him a dirty, cheating piece of shit.

      You say you’re not ready to date; it’s too soon after your breakup for you to get serious about anyone, but two days later, you’re in a relationship and in love with someone new. Of course, when he ends up treating you like shit, you’ll want to run back and reconcile, but you burned that bridge.

      You’re trying to play in the grey area; he lost interest because you wanted to weigh the pros and cons of going forward, and you expected him to understand and wait for you to decide while you went out and explored other options. He knew if he did the same, you’d see him as a dirty dog and womanizer. You’re blaming being hurt or done wrong in the past as your defense for keeping him at bay while you shop around.

      You’re doing the same thing you called the guy who did the same thing to your best friend an asshole for doing. Not only could you not make up your mind, but you lead him on because men do it to women all the time. You’re in limbo and living with purposed uncertainty; meaning, you may not know what you want, but you know you don’t want to settle down yet, and you want him to wait for you to know for sure, but stay true to you. You’re quick to call men you like out when they put you in storage, and now you’re doing it to someone else who likes you, and you see nothing wrong with it.

      Before you talk about men playing games and how they’re unclear, think about how blurred you’re coming across. Just like men, you want the best possible choice, and you’re either holding him back, or you felt you were sparing his feeling by telling him one thing to his face and something else behind his back.

      In your mind, you’re not leading him on; he’s reading too much into what you’re putting out. He got the wrong idea based on the false statement you put in his head. You say you’re single, but you didn’t admit you saw or were interested in a few other guys on a semi-regular basis. He didn’t lose interest because you wouldn’t sleep with him; he lost interest because you slept with him then changed your mind. He didn’t stop calling because he read too much into what you put out; he lost interest because you were unclear, unreliable, and the person he likes is the person he met when you were drunk and out of character. 


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


NOV 28, 2021


      Is your relationship over when you cheat? Is it over when you’re caught? Do you think your relationship’s still relevant and intact when you’re spending time or having sex with someone else? When you get caught, do you think you’re still together then? Do you think you’re just on a break until they’re not mad or hurt anymore and everything’s back on track?

      If your answer is “Yes,” then doesn’t that mean you’re in an expected monogamous and committed relationship with the guy or lady on the side also? Monogamy doesn’t exist in your vocabulary, and your relationship doesn’t exist anymore either. If you end up reconciling is one thing, but as of now, your relationship ended the moment you got caught, if not when you cheated.

      You’re selfish; you don’t want to be tied down to just one person, but you want someone faithful to you. You’re cheating with someone who’s also in a relationship, but you want them to be loyal to you. When caught, you’re relieved you don’t have to lie, hide, or sneak around anymore; you’re not worried or afraid of anything other than breaking up. If you could guarantee your relationship would survive the rage phase of getting caught, you’d cheat all damn day.

      Do you still think you’re together just because they didn’t say the words? That shit’s implied by reaction! They slapped the shit out of you or walked off; that was your breakup. Even if they come back and forgive you later, at that moment, your relationship’s over. You don’t need to be told to go to hell or that your relationship’s over. If you’re begging them not to go, you know you just got dumped; if you didn’t think you weren’t broken up, wouldn’t have to chase after them, pleading for them not to leave you. You’re not trying to repair something damaged; you need to fix what’s broken.

      You don’t have to file for divorce to be broken up; it costs money, and it’s ugly. Your marriage was over when you made someone else a sexual priority over your spouse; you didn’t need to be told it was over. Your ending was telegraphed by how they responded when they found out what you were doing. You got caught doing shit for someone else that should’ve been happening at home. You told them you were ending the relationship when you cheated; you already knew what would happen because they told you initially, and you still took the risk.

      Don’t ask for clarification about if you’re still together or on a break. A break and breaking up are two different things to some people, but not if you’re caught cheating. At least for the time being, your marriage has dissolved into a festering puddle of dog shit covered in maggots and flies. Vultures are circling the carcass of what used to be your relationship. Every scavenger in the area will come out and try to get a piece of what’s left behind, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it because you were the one who killed your relationship.

      When you cheated, you broke up with one person and jumped right into a relationship with someone else, even though it might be temporary or just sexual. You had to spend time getting to know that other man before you gave him sex, or he had to convince his other lady he was a decent, single man before she felt comfortable enough to provide him with sex. That being said, are you truly still in a relationship when you’re cheating? You were courting someone else or allowing yourself to be courted. Your breakup was an unspoken action that doesn’t or didn’t need to be aired.

      You didn’t see the purpose or need to have the “What are we?” or “Are we together?” conversation when you first got together, so why do you need the “Are we broken up?” conversation after you got caught doing dirt? Was your relationship implied, so why do you need the breakup conversation at the end?

      You can’t expect someone to be ready and willing to talk or hear you out the first few days after you got caught. Expect and accept that you’re broken up during that time, even if they come back and tell you they want to work things out. They’re dealing with what you did, or they could’ve been doing dirt also and realized it was wrong; they wanted to get their shit straightened out and back on track before coming back. Regardless of the situation, you’re relationship or marriage is over until further notice.

      Was it essential to be told your relationship was over after she asked for her car and house keys back? They changed their social media status or blocked you altogether. They changed the internet TV or the gate code for their complex. They put a foot dead in your ass emotionally or physically, but you still needed verification that your breakup is temporary or permanent.

      Some people do because they get pissed when they find out their man or lady found someone else. They want to apologize and make things right, but they weren’t thinking about that when they were cheating and getting away with it; or thought they were. You can believe you are still together, but you can’t tell your ex how they think or feel about it. The moment they found out you were cheating; your relationship was over in their mind; they didn’t tell you; your actions should’ve done that.

      You might think you’re still together, but that other person believes you broke up the moment you stuck your meat in another woman or climbed on top of another man. You’re looking at other people, imagining what it would be like to be with them, instead of enjoying what you have at home. If you’re in a bad situation, why not just leave? Why cheat? If things are that bad, why would you want to stay together anyway? Why not be with that other person? They have something you’re not getting in your current relationship, so why make them a backup when your starter isn’t up to leading your team to a victory?

      When you began cheating with that other person, it was the end of your primary relationship. Your main guy or lady knew you were cheating, and they found somebody else too; they allowed you to think you were getting away with your bullshit. They let you think everything was fine, even though they knew you up to dirty shit. They didn’t get mad or bring it to you because they stopped caring. Instead, they dealt with the end of your relationship and broke up with you while still living together, cheating.

      They didn’t tell you it was over because you told them it was over when you chose someone else over them.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


NOV 11, 2021


      Some people aren’t typical “Bed-sex” people, meaning they don’t get the same pleasure or satisfaction from what’s considered “traditional” sex. They can have sex in bed, and the experience is great, but they prefer having sex in different positions, situations, and places. They’d rather have sex away from the bed. You could still be in the bedroom, but on the floor, up against the wall, bent over the dresser, or in the closet is more to their liking than in bed.

      The type of sex some people enjoy can’t be had in bed. What gets them off isn’t freaky or nasty; it’s natural. What appeals to them is the ability to be more lively, animated, and daring. The thrill that attracts them is the capacity to move around and get into positions beyond the confines of being in bed.

      Bed sex is too natural; it’s enjoyable and satisfying but mediocre. The reason your sex isn’t fully satisfying could be because you’re both having the type of sex you’re not really into to keep the other person happy; you’re both sacrificing what you need to be satisfied. One of you is more bed-sex driven than the other, and you’re both having the type of sex you don’t really enjoy.

      The sex doesn’t last as long when they’re in bed because they want to get it over with. When you’re done, there’s nothing to do but stare up at the ceiling, listening to you complain about why they didn’t have an orgasm or why they came so quickly. There’s no interest in going for another round because it’s just going to end the same way.

      "Bed" sex isn’t what they really want; it’s not the type of sex that drives them to be exceptional or put in the extra effort to do anything other than the bare minimum for an orgasm. There’s nothing left to do but lie there. There’s no thrill or excitement to be had whether you’re done for the night, or you’re waiting to recover and get aroused again. That second arousal may never come because having bed sex doesn’t merit the outcome.

      They like spontaneous and adventurous sex; outside what society has labeled “Normal.” The mainstream myth of having to be in bed to have meaningful sex is the turn-off to bed sex. Being put on hold because one of you wants to wait until you get home or in bed makes things less exciting.

      Back seat sex gets their juices flowing; getting bent over the hood of the car or sneaking off for a quick rendezvous in the men’s room is a turn-on. Knowing you can barely wait to get out to the parking lot, much less home, and into bed makes him hard as a rock and her wet as a sponge. Being pushed up against the car in a dark parking lot for making out is better than bed sex. Women who’ll put themselves out there just a little farther than others keep him faithful and the sex from turning routine.

      They’re both sick of people who think PDA is something to be ashamed of or treated as a negative display of disrespect. You can have horrible and disrespectful sex in bed. You can feel cheap and be used as a quick hookup in bed. You can roll out of a nice, comfortable bed after what you thought was a night of lovemaking, get dressed, and still take the walk of shame when they couldn’t even remember you’re your damn name.

      Being non-bed sexual doesn’t mean you’re incapable of making love, and all lovemaking doesn’t have to be in bed to be romantic. We’ve been trained and conditioned to think making love has to be traditional and in what society has labeled as traditional places. While you’re thinking it means more emotionally when you’re having "bed" sex, it doesn’t change the mentality of another person with a “Hit it and quit it” mentality. The bed doesn’t mean you’re going to evolve into a relationship; a bed won’t turn a one-night stand into something deeper.

      The bed doesn’t allow being sexually open and expressive. It limits the imagination and hinders improvement and expansion. It’s hard to get excited about having sex in a bed because they’re used to it.

      Having a non-bed sexual man increases the chances of his understanding the importance and need for foreplay. As a result, he’ll take more time to get you aroused before penetration. Making out or having an extended amount of foreplay before even getting home resulted in a manual or oral orgasm, which eased the sexual tension and temporarily alleviated the need to rush into intercourse.

      A non-bed sexual man will reluctantly skip foreplay and head for the city of gold. He’ll skip the middleman and take the quickest route to the bedroom because he knows you’re tethered to the bed mentality. She wants foreplay and more time for arousal in bed, but he’ll ask why he should give you the sex you want if you don’t give him what he wants.

      Being non-bed sexual makes you feel like a teenager again; it doesn’t make either of you feel like you’re being hidden. Being in the open, taking the risk of being seen or caught is exciting and arousing, even though you take precautions to remain discreet. Women who are non-bed sexual get off on the fact that he wants you to feel sensual and desired but protected.

      Being open with sexuality and PDA enforces their claim to you and your relationship. It builds self-confidence on both sides. Most women won’t accept or validate the idea of being non-bed sexual because they’re trapped into thinking it’s about voyeurism or being in public. No one wants to put you on display, and they want you all to themselves. It’s being bored with the same old sex they want to avoid.

      Non-bed sexual people have always dated men and women with the same sexual preferences as they have. They were introduced and addicted to sex outside the bed and bedroom. Disrespect or humiliation isn’t the intent but trying to get someone who isn’t non-bed sexual to believe that is a losing battle. Some people are convinced sex at home, behind closed doors, or in a bed is where it belongs and everywhere else is shameful or disrespectful, which is a defense mechanism or dismissal tool.

      You’re stuck in the mindset that sex is for the bedroom or “Behind closed doors.” Why can’t that door be the laundry room, bathroom, garage, or door to the backyard around midnight? Why can’t it be the door to the bathroom stall at an upscale bar, club, or restaurant?

Some men are against non-bed sexual women because it commits them to that woman when they’re out in public. He doesn’t want the outside attention it can draw. But, on the other hand, he can’t play down who she is because that’ll make him unavailable to every other woman. Being all over each other spotlights them to anyone who’s looking; their behavior is considered deplorable, with everyone staring at them like a bad car wreck.

      He’s afraid to show that side of himself because he doesn’t want to look soft, or he can’t admit he doesn’t know how to be non-bed sexual; he won’t ask for what she wants or how to be more of what she wants because he’s a man and men should already know how to be that way, if he chooses to; which he usually won’t.

      Men believe women should sit back and enjoy what he knows how to do and give them. Men should set the tempo, pace, and rhythm, and she should be following his lead, not the other way around. A man won’t let a woman be better at sex than he is; he’s the man and should always have more experience.

      Women are against non-bed sex because they see it as demeaning. He’s asking for hood rat and side piece sex. So she won’t be treated like nasty secondhand slut trash, and that’s what she thinks about sex almost anywhere else but in bed, or at least at home. Non-bed sex is what you get when you’re stumbling out of the club, drunk as hell, and want to get a quick nut before going your separate ways.

      If you’re not a bed sex person, don’t get involved with someone who doesn’t share your idea. You’re not going to convert them or vice versa. Women are quick to make a non-bed sexual man feel guilty about his preferences, claiming it’s about being in public. Instead, you’re trying to find the harmony between the sex you want, the sex they’re comfortable with, and keeping your sex from going stale.

      You’ve done the bed sex thing, and you’re over it. They met someone who opened their eyes to something else, something bigger and different than what they knew, and they won’t go back. You have a better chance, if any, of turning someone non-bed sexual when they’ve never been exposed to it. You’re not going to “Calm” down someone who doesn’t enjoy bed sex as much as other places. There’s a reason they prefer various, non-traditional sex, and it’s not up to you to understand it, change it, or condemn them for it.



Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


AUG 01, 2021


      You broke up to see what else is out there or what you’ve been missing out on by being tied down; what made you think they wouldn’t do the same after you left? You ended the relationship, and as far they were concerned, it was over, and you both were moving on. Why are you pissed off because you can’t go back when you realized you messed up and walked away from a great thing or things didn’t go the way you planned?

      You left with the idea that you were so much a part of their lives they couldn’t live or move on past you. You thought you were the A-list celebrity, and they were playing a supporting role or comic relief. You thought you had a grace period to explore other options, and you could come back within a certain time frame. Still, your relationship, much like buying a firearm in Arizona, had no waiting period, and it only took a short while for them to move on to something better than you.

      You thought you’d try to renegotiate your contract and had the leverage to take your time or demand more. You did the dumping, so why are you the angry one? You wanted your hall pass or your freedom, and now you have it. You grabbed the key to the restroom at the gas station, thinking as long as you had them, you controlled how long others had to wait until you were finished using the facilities. Still, there’s a separate men’s AND ladies room, and you got pissed because they didn’t need to wait on you to get done and return the key. They finished before you and took off, leaving you stranded.

      You ended the relationship, so why are you mad when they’re the ones who should be? They found someone better, and you’re still looking. All the options you thought you were missing out on were never there; you were the victim of your own hallucinations. You don’t even have a reason for the breakup, other than telling them things weren’t working out, or you feel like you’re drifting apart. It would be best if you had been honest with yourself, at least, about why you were leaving and realized you were taking the risk of not being able to backtrack.

      You have this idea in your head that when you’re single, you can’t find anyone, but as soon as you’re in a relationship, men and women seem to come out of the woodwork to get at you, but that’s untrue; women are just nicer to you because they know you’re in a relationship and hope you’re a good person who won’t cheat. So they don't see you as a threat or think you’re going to act like every other man and hit on them.

      Are you really mad at them for moving on or at yourself because you just lost the game you invented and made the rules for? They played by your rules and still emerged on the better end than you. Are you mad because you got beat when you were making up the rules as you go along, and you were still defeated? Is it because you were defeated by someone who didn’t even know they were playing?

      You spent countless hours training your muscles to react without looking at the controller, learning all your characters' fighting moves, and honing your skills until you were a lethal arcade game assassin ready to take on all challengers. Then, you were defeated by someone who picked up the second controller, moved the stick from side to side, and just mashing buttons at random, and you had your ass handed to you.

      You wanted them to wait until you were done playing or realized you weren’t as good at the game as you thought you were. But then, you found out you weren’t the star of your team; they were the franchise player making all the shots and scoring all the points. For every shot you missed, they were the ones fighting for the rebound and feeding the ball back to you. It was someone else who got your team to the championships, not you.

      You left your relationship for someone else over something you never asked them for; you wanted someone to read your mind or offer what you wanted without you having to ask for it. You couldn’t communicate; you wanted a mind reader. You wanted to prove you were the best they’d ever meet, but they found better than you when you left. You thought they were holding you back from meeting your soulmate, but it was you who kept them from finding the best for themselves. You weren’t wasting your time with them; they were wasting their time with you!

      You didn’t have a change of heart; you always knew you were going to want to come back; you just wanted to walk away for a while because there was someone you wanted to mess around with and didn’t want to be a cheater. You wanted to see if there was anything new swimming around.

      You wanted to visit all your old hangouts to see if anything new was going on and when you realized there was nothing there but the same people, doing the same thing as they were when you were single, you wanted to come back.

     You got older, and all the men and women you thought wanted you but knew you weren’t available would be nipping at your heels. Still, they’re all older and wrinkled and as desperate as you are and out doing the same thing you are, trying to see if there’s anything new or anything new going on. You wanted a hall pass, an extended bachelor or bachelorette party experience with all the expectations, acceptance, and understanding, but without accountability and none of the guilt.

      Your pride’s already in the shitter; you might as well swallow the rest of it and deal with the reality that you walked away from a good thing for something that wasn’t guaranteed to be there in the first place or hoping to find something new. Instead, you’re going to have to deal with the emotional storm or navigate the barren wasteland of your own doing.

      By the off chance you do stumble into someplace new, your line ticket says 183, and the prospects you’re trying to hook up with just called out “Serving number 17”.

      Choose your stupid; 1. Thinking they were going to wait for you 2. Thinking you could come back. 3. Leaving in the first place. 4. Getting mad because you can’t go back.

      You left for someone who made more money; that doesn’t mean you’ll ever have access to it or spend it on you. You left for someone who had a better body or a bigger, thicker ass, but that also doesn’t mean she’s going to let you hit it from behind.

      Accept you can’t go back, even if they may want to take you back. You won’t be able to convince them you won’t run again. They know you’ll always have a thought or doubt about if you’re doing the right thing by being together, and they put a leash on their feelings for you and the limits of your relationship. You’re now a dog, confined to the limits of the fence you constructed yourself, and you’re pissed because they don’t trust you enough to even take to the park and run around with the other dogs.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


JUL 25, 2021


      He doesn’t want to date you; he wants to have sex with you. He’s not sure if he wants to date you, but he definitely wants to have sex with you. There’s something about you that makes him want you, but he can’t put his finger on it. You’re not the type of woman he normally dates, but when he sees you, he wants you. He doesn’t know if he’s attracted to you, but he REALLY wants to have sex with you. He feels guilty about it because he’s normally not like that; he’s not a “Hit it, and quit it” type of guy, but there’s something physically about you that makes him want to be that way with you.

      The solution? He’ll convince himself he likes you, or he’ll find enough of your physical appearance attractive to justify pretending he likes you. He’ll talk himself into liking you to keep from feeling like a jackass for seeing you as a sex object. He wants to be interested in spending time with you and wants to get to know you, so you’ll give him what he wants from you, but you’re not really his type. He can’t tell if he thinks you’re pretty. Some days you look better than others, depending on if your hair’s pinned up or down; straight versus curly or wavy. Dyed blonde or dark. You look better in skirts and dresses, compared to pants and tops.

      He doesn’t think he’s a player because he doesn’t fit the criteria. He sincerely feels like shit for thinking that way about you, but that’s just an excuse for him. Players go out, trying to build a collection of different women, telling them all the same thing to get sex, knowing he doesn’t want to be with any of them. He’s different because he doesn’t know if he wants to be with you or not, and he doesn’t know why he feels that way. If his guilt were genuine, it would be enough not to pursue you at all. He’s not a player because he’s not trying to hook up with a different woman every weekend or have women for every day of the week; he wants you.

      He doesn’t really know if he thinks you’re pretty. He knows you’re cute enough to have sex with. He doesn’t think you’re as pretty as he tells you he thinks you are, but you’re cute enough to be seen in public with. He knows other men see you and wonder how you got together until they see what he sees in you, and then it’ll make sense. Then they’re thinking the same thing he’s thinking; your face game might be torn up and on the amateur level, but your body is championship material and more than makes up for what you lack in rebounds and free throws.

      You look great in gym clothes, yoga pants, and leggings with your sports bra. However, those super-short spandex shorts you wear makes your ass look ridiculous when you're doing squats. Your body looks tight and sexy, and you’re not wearing makeup, so your face looks plain enough to get you through the door, but not so much when it comes to your regular clothes like jeans, shirts, or lounging around the house clothes. You look pretty decent at work, but you were looking rather rough when you came in on your day off.

      You look a hell of a lot better in your club clothes or what you wear when you go out and have your makeup done. After you have sex, he sees you differently, in a different light. It happens each time you have sex. He acts like you’re beautiful until he gets off, then questions if you really looked like that the whole time or if he was just hypnotized by your body or your face and blinded by everything else. You want to get the hell out of her place or her out of yours as gracefully as possible until the next time you want sex; because she’s the only woman you’re having sex with, you don’t think that makes you an asshole, but you are an asshole.

      You’re a solo player; you don’t have a stable full of women because that’s really not your style. You think you’re a good guy because you’re not playing the field, but you’re playing the game. You’re using player tactics to get a female to have sex with you, based on bullshit. You’re going on dates, talking and texting, getting to know each other, and making her feel like you’re interested in taking it to another level. You’re trying to convince her and yourself you like her when all you really want to do is push your meat between her huge boobs or watch her massive ass cheeks bobble and wobble when you’re tagging it from behind.

      She knows she has big boobs, a huge ass, or juicy lips because that’s all she’s heard since she was 15 years old. She’s used to the comments men make when she walks by and why they approach her. She knows why you walked up and started talking to her, and you know she knows it. You felt like shit for thinking like every other guy, and you genuinely feel guilty about it, but every time you see that fat ass earth quaking in her pants, her rock-hard nipples, or her boobs bouncing when she walks, none of that matters.

      Maybe she doesn’t know; she knows she’s not that cute, and guys don’t talk to her much, regardless of how she’s built. Maybe she’s cute but flat as aboard. Her friends are hotter, and she’s used to guys being nice to her so that she can introduce them to one of her friends. Unfortunately, they don’t go as far as to date her to get to them, so she’s naïve when it comes to men passing by her friends to talk to her. You want to date her friends, but you think you have a better chance at one of them if you sweet-talk her into telling you how to get them or telling them how great a guy you are and cause a little competition to steal you away.

      The fact that you’re choosing her over her friends makes her believe you really like her, and that also makes you an asshole. You know she likes you, and you know what it took for her to have sex with you. You got her to drop her guard and her walls and took advantage of her just because you liked her ass, her mouth, or her boobs. You saved her from low self-esteem and insecurities by dating and spending time together. You turned her out and took her out of her shy shell. You opened her up to be more sensually and intimately affectionate.

      You’re trying to like her and think she’s pretty, but she’s too plain. She’s actually a really nice person, but you need more than nice; you need smoking hot. You go back and forth with whether or not you should do the right thing and end it, but the sex is great; your head’s swimming with disbelief at how someone so plain and average can be as flexible and talented as she is orally and sexually. There’s no way you won't give that up, even though you’re not interested in dating her or having a relationship. You know what you’re doing is having sex with her, and she’s making love to you.

      She changed her wardrobe for you, from jeans and shirts to short, sexy dresses and heels because you made her feel like her body was built to be shown off, and she had the curves to rock that shit. You couldn’t keep your hands off her. You made her fall for you to fuck her from behind because she had the biggest, fattest ass you’ve ever seen in person. Every time you bust a nut, your 20/20 vision comes back, and you realize you don’t really think she’s pretty; you just wanted to see her boobs bouncing while she was riding you.

      You should feel guilty; you’re not a typical player who wants many different women, but you played someone into thinking you wanted more than what you really did. Just because you feel bad about what you did doesn’t change what you did. You didn’t want to be an ass for just wanting one PART of her; instead, you became a bigger ass for tricking her into thinking you wanted ALL of her. 


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


JUL 11, 2021


      When you catch your woman cheating, you’re going to be mad as hell. You’re full of rage, frustration, humiliation, and confusion with nowhere put it but the guy standing in front of you. Unless he knew about you, he’s not the person to take it out on. If he knew you or knew about you, there’s no reason you shouldn’t want to kick his ass for disrespecting you and betraying your friendship. Cheating with your lady is icing on the cake. You can be mad at him, but don’t take away from what she did. If he didn’t know about you, leave him alone; that was her choice. You should be mad at her, not that other man; why the hell are the two of you fighting?

      Are you fighting because you got cheated on or because you know the guy they cheated with? Are you fighting because they knew about you the whole time and they didn’t care? Were you friends? Are you fighting because you cheated, and they’re getting you back? Are you pissed because your boys told you she was doing you dirty, and you defended her; now you have to go back and admit you were wrong?

You feel like a damn fool, and you want to redeem yourself. The natural thing to do is to throw blows with that other guy; the quickest way to show your anger is to jump on him, but he’s as much the victim as you. You’re not going to put your hands on that woman, even though you want to, because that’s not how you were raised; at least most men were, but you can’t underestimate what a man will do when faced with that situation.

      You really want to slap the shit out of her. She knows you want to put hands on her throat, but she knows you won’t. She’s safe, no matter what you do and how mad you get. She’ll stand there screaming, crying, and trying to stop you two from fighting. She’s watching you go after each other, hoping somebody will come and break it up. Because you won’t, and legally shouldn’t punch her in the face, it’s not an excuse or reason to pardon her role in the situation or make light of her being the reason you’re all together.

      She’s standing in the corner, watching you fight. She acts like she doesn’t know who the other guy is and when that doesn’t work, she’ll bring up shit that has nothing to do with or even compares to the magnitude of what she did. You don’t empty the dishwasher, so she cheated on you. You leave the toilet seat up, so she cheated on you. You’re working so she doesn’t have to, so she cheated on you. You pay the bills instead of buying her expensive things, so she cheated on you.

      She knows there’s a good chance at least one of you will still want to be with her, so she’ll wait and see which one that is. She’s watching to see who’s willing to fight the hardest for her or who’ll walk away. So she’ll go back and forth, first telling you she loves you and the other meant nothing until you’re done with her, then she’ll switch and tell the other guy the same shit she just told you.

      She can’t wait to brag about having guys fight over her. Two guys fighting makes her better about herself and boosts her self-esteem in some weird way. Maybe she knows YOU were messing around, and this is how she got her revenge; by getting someone else involved to kick your ass. She doesn’t understand or comprehend the danger she’s putting you both in between physical harm, STDs, or legal repercussions for your actions. On the other hand, maybe she does understand, and the fact that you both want her so bad you’re willing to take that chance, she gets off on it.

      This guy didn’t know any more about you than you did about him until you caught them together or he caught you. So why are you fighting each other? She doesn’t want you to fight, but she’s secretly attracted to having two men willing to go toe to toe for her, especially if one of her complaints is that her man doesn’t show her enough attention or feels like he doesn’t care about her. She’ll tell you it’s about time you stepped up and acted like you gave a shit about her; maybe if you’d made her feel that way before, she wouldn’t have HAD to cheat on you.

      She didn’t HAVE to cheat; she CHOSE to. She MEANT to tell you it’s over. Men don’t HAVE to cheat on their women; they CHOOSE to. Don’t get diverted or allow yourself to be thrown in a pit of fire for her bullshit. There’s no gun to her head or knife to her throat; cheating is a conscious choice for her, and the anger and blame are on her because she’s the one who cheated. It’s her responsibility to put her foot down and remain faithful. It was still up to her to go along with it. She could’ve told him to stop or walk away. She could’ve turned him down. She could’ve told you and let you deal with it if she couldn’t.

      Of course, you want somebody to answer and pay for screwing you over and making a fool out of you, but it was her, not the guy you’re wrestling around on the floor with. You should be pissed at her. That other guy’s just as confused and pissed off as you are and wants the same information, explanations, and payback you want. That’s why you’re targeting each other; you’re both frustrated. Even your concept of gravity is messed up right now, and you’re at your most primal. That other guy’s feeling and thinking everything you are and wants to swing on somebody too.

      When men get cheated on, he’ll put her infidelity into “Dog years.” She didn’t hook up with some guy on a whim; she didn’t let a total stranger hit that ass on the first night; she took time to get to know him. He caught her eye and her interest. They spent time together. They dated for a while before it got physical. Her emotions and feelings got involved before having sex with him, and that took 1-3 months. So when she tells you she’s only been cheating for 3 months, she’s telling you how long they’ve been having sex, not how long ago they met or been seeing each other.

      You want to fight each other because you want to believe the other forced her to cheat; you didn’t give her any choice. You want some sensible reason she did what she did. You’re convinced he made her do it; it’s not her fault. They assume you knew about them; you assume they knew about you. It’s harder for men to convince each other they didn’t know about the other. Men are more likely not to care if she has a man or not, as long as she’s giving it up. Men are quicker to hook up with other women no matter what their situation at home is.

      You’re both mad at each other for coming between you and your woman. Neither of you sees her as the common denominator; all you see is another man putting his hands on your woman. You’re fighting because she’s touching another man. You’re fighting because that other guy put his hands on you. He’s a stranger coming between you and your lady. In your eyes, he walked up, pushed you out the way, and started trying to take her home.

      You’re fighting each other because both of you want your explanation and questions answered first. This other guy has no business asking you or your lady a damn thing, and you want each other to go away. You do not think that everything you feel you is entitled to go for them. You’re going to want to beat the shit out of somebody, and the perfect candidate’s standing right in front of you. You’re not thinking about how big or small you are when you’re face to face with the guy who’s bending your lady over behind your back or having sex in your bed when you’re at work.

      You don’t even know each other, and you still want to fight instead of looking to her for doing you both dirty. So before the pushing and shoving match begins, remember who the real villain is. 


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


JUN 13, 2021


    If you look at every woman a man has ever cheated on or treated like shit, they’ll most likely have common denominators between them. That denominator represents his “First witch,” The woman who treated him the worst he’s been treated or broke his heart. She’s the reason some men are players or refuse to commit to one a monogamous relationship. He has better and more faithful relationships with women who don’t have the same physical or projected personality traits as his witch.

      She was his first emotional bully. He did absolutely nothing wrong or out of pocket, besides the fact he thought she was pretty. She treated him like shit; she rejected and embarrassed him publicly. She baited him for humiliation and exclusion and encouraged, if not demanded, others to follow her lead and example. She was insulted by his thought that he’d had a chance with her when she’s flaunting her assets in front of the captain of the basketball or football team. More popular and better-looking guys are coming at her, so how dare he think he rates the same privilege?

      He’s determined to get payback by punishing every woman who reminds him of his witch. He’ll seek out a relationship with every size 6, blonde, or popular female who used to be a volleyball player in high school because she represents his witch. She could be nothing like the woman he wants revenge on, but because they resemble each other physically, he’ll cheat on her, generally treat her like trash and take advantage of her and destroy her self-esteem to get back at the one who destroyed his. His first witch made a fool of him in high school. She used him when she needed the best lab partner in class; otherwise, she couldn’t give a shit about him. She knows he liked her and encouraged her boyfriend to torment him mercilessly.

      Whatever the case was back then, it still haunts him to this day, and now it’s payback time. He’s lost the weight, the braces came off, and he’s rocking the body of a Greek god. He can’t get to his actual witch, but he can and will take revenge on anyone who reminds him of the witch who cast that first spell that made his life a living hell.

      Every time they meet someone new that represents or resembles their witch is like going back to their high school reunion and turning into his witch. First, she doesn’t recognize him because she’s too busy checking him out and wondering why she doesn’t remember him from back in the day. Then, when she finds out who he is, she’ll allow herself to be crucified, based on what she did to him when the tables were turned.

      She’s been married and divorced 3 times with 4 kids and no father figure; she’s living on welfare or just barely making it check to check, and that makes him feel great. On the other hand, she made him feel like shit when he wore bargain store clothes or hand-me-downs. The popular guys she kicked him to the curb for and picked on him are the guys who bailed on her when she got pregnant and haven’t heard from them since, or they’re just as bad off in life as she is. So now she wants a chance with the guy she treated like shit because he’s doing pretty damn good for himself, and he plans to use her situation to exact his revenge.

      He’s used to having any woman he wants now, but he wants the one who didn’t want him back in the day or used and treated him like shit. But, of course, things can go the other way around, and men will seek out their witch, and that’s the only successful relationship they’ll have. So he’ll bend over backward for the woman who reminds him of the girl he couldn’t have when he was younger. In his mind, he finally won; he got the cheerleader, the popular girl. She’s the girl every guy in school wanted, maybe even a few teachers.

      She doesn’t have to look like his witch, and he could overhear something she said or the way she acts and speaks in general. He sees how she treats other people and sees his witch in how she treats other men who remind him of himself when he was younger. Men won’t take the high road and avoid women who remind him of his witch; he owes it to himself and others who had the same witch, and they haven’t or can’t deal with her specifically. So his revenge on her will be on his and their behalf. He can’t get to the actual person, but he can get to other women who represent her.

      It’s like wanting to or getting back at the bully who tormented him and made his school life miserable for no reason other than he was different and didn’t fit in where they were. He thinks he can get his self-esteem and confidence back through surrogates. He can get revenge and payback, but the obsession will never live up to reality.

      Some men can’t consciously be a good, faithful man to any woman until he’s made peace with the damage and issues he had with his first witch. He won’t stop being a player until he’s made enough of an impact to have taught his witch a lesson. Still, he’ll never be satisfied because no matter how many women he treats the way he was treated, he can’t reach the woman he really wants his vengeance on; the surrogates he chooses will never be close enough to satisfy his bloodlust.

      It’s not that he can’t be or stay faithful; he won’t stay faithful to any redhead because he was hurt in the worst way of his life by a redhead or anyone else who shares any of the physical traits of his first witch. He only needed to be devastated once before he hardened himself, so any other witch who came across his path won’t be as effective or influential to his life as his first witch. Black men will date black women specifically but will always cheat with white or Hispanic women because black women were his first witch.

      Women think he’s petty and ridiculous, but he’s no more ridiculous than women who think all men are players or trying to get into her pants. Every time women see or are approached by a particular type of man, she’ll relate him to the men who hurt her in the past; her ex that cheated, her ex-husband, her kid's father, etc. She may not date him for revenge, but she won’t give him a chance to get close enough to hurt her heart, based on who he reminds her of from her past. That's no different than a man who wants and needs to get back at his first witch.

      The witch is different from a heartbreaker because the heartbreaker could’ve been his friend who didn’t feel the same way about him as he did for her. Instead, the witch intentionally hurt him and set him up for others to hurt and humiliate him as well. His witch and heartbreaker could’ve been the same person, but the heartbreaker could’ve also cared about him or felt bad about breaking his heart. She still tried to be friends but eventually let go because the revelation of his feelings and her lack of reciprocation ruined the friendship. The heartbreaker feels bad; the witch feels good about herself at his expense.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAY 26, 2021


     Sex isn’t something you can learn to be good at; you can improve your natural talent and technique, but you can’t go from horrible to fantastic or bad to good. You think practice makes perfect, but that’s not true either. You’re not going to get too many chances to make a good sexual first impression or establish yourself as a formidable lover, so while it’s best to gather as much information and knowledge to improve the skills you do have, you have to be mindful of what you’re learning and who you’re learning it from.

     Not everyone’s going to be sexually well-matched, based on general incompatibility. You want to learn about sex in general to please various types of people with various levels of experience, but your teacher is training you for their type of sex. If one or both of you isn’t open-minded or willing to accept that you don’t know everything or you’re beyond learning anything new, your sex is always going to be horrible, or at the very least, unsatisfactory to who has the issue with your sex the way it is now.

     You learn the most of your sexual preferences, knowledge, skills, and abilities from just a few people in your life. No matter how many different partners you have, you’ll learn the most from the first or second person you have sex with, the first or second older or more experienced lover, and your first “Freak.”

     Your first-timers taught you the basics; how to do it, what to do, and where things should go and not go without permission. Men become sex addicts, always searching for whoever will have sex with them, and they’ll be selfish with their partners. He’ll choose females on his sexual level because he has a pretty good idea she’s lacking in practice and wants to be the best she’s ever had. After all, she has very little to compare him to, from technique to his “Size.”

     His goal is his own satisfaction, and he won’t care too much about hers. First-timers will make men greedy, demanding assholes focused only on the next time they can get off. He sees nothing wrong with going to sleep or being finished for the night after just 5 minutes.

     She’ll learn every guy she has sex with doesn’t or isn’t going to love her, even though she’ll wait until she loves him, based on her understanding of love is up to that point in her life.

     You’ll learn the 3 basic positions: missionary, cowgirl, and doggy style; plus being introduced to the front seat of the car; he doesn’t know how to talk her into the back seat yet, and her parents won’t give them the time or opportunity to be alone at home long enough when he comes over to do anything. Men and women establish themselves as being biomechanical or biochemical. He’ll be wrapped up in the physical act of sex, and she’ll be thinking you’re making love.

     She’ll experiment with oral sex and develop a temporary preference for or against it. She’ll have a gag reflex and won’t swallow, even though she’s been going down on him for a while, but that was different because she was doing it then to hold him off from pressuring her to have sex. He wants to do what he’s been looking at in porno movies, but he doesn’t know how or where even to start.

     There’s no foreplay, and she’s unaware of the benefits or concept, past mutual manual stimulation and oral, but that was also for diverting the focus from intercourse.

     You’ll learn and develop your pace, technique, and rhythm from your first older or more experienced man or woman. You’ll learn the most about different positions and choose your favorites. You’ll realize, set, and extend your level of sexual comfort and your boundaries.

     She’ll experience receiving oral sex, and it’ll be mutual. She’ll realize what she’s been missing out on with her first-timers. Men will quickly decide whether or not they enjoy giving oral sex and establish their prequalifying checklist for doing so; for example, he’ll decide if he prefers her pubic hair completely shaved, trimmed, or natural. She’ll try swallowing and develop a preference or disliking for it. You’ll learn about stamina and foreplay and decide whether or not you care about the importance of either.

     Boys will begin to stop kissing. He thinks you’re both beyond it, and he’s kissed her enough in the past when they weren’t having sex, and he finds it unnecessary or a waste of precious time when they could be having sex instead. It’s time to go to the next level, and kissing is only good for when you can’t have sex, as in saying hello or goodbye.

     Before intercourse, manual and oral sex was the alternative and a substitute because she wasn’t ready to give it up. Now that you’re having sex and it’s turned into foreplay, they’re no longer interested. He has no intentions on what he feels is “Going backward.”

     Females still want to kiss or kiss more because she gave him an amazing gift by having sex. Her first time was good for what it was because she had nothing to compare it to; the first older, more experienced guy opened her eyes and gave her an even bigger gift than she gave her first guy: her first orgasm.

     He paid attention to her, read her body language like second nature; he responded and reassured her she felt good. He complimented her and put her at ease, even when she lost the stroke or stepped out of the rhythm momentarily. He made her the focus of satisfaction, putting her orgasm ahead of his. He made things all about her and gave her oral first, then sex, not one or the other. She had her first multiple orgasms before they even had intercourse.

     That older man or woman will introduce and finalize your natural oral ability and technique instead of just a tool. Men decide if they’re going to be selfish or reciprocate. You’ll finalize your decision to swallow, spit, or not even have his cream of meat in your mouth. Women will have their first soaking wet or “Squirting” orgasm. Men choose to stay selfish and greedy like teenagers or care about their partner’s needs and satisfaction. The importance of generosity will be settled. You’ll find out what happens if you’re unwilling to give as much as you get.

     Men and women will decide to shave, trim, or keep their pubic hair natural. Racial preference will be explored and decided by now. Preferences in physical features and/or assets; He’ll become a breast or butt man, and she’ll decide what features turn her on as well. You won’t always have to wait or initiate; they’ll come after you when they want it, but not the same way the first-timer did. The older man or woman will make it sexy and seductive, not a debt owed or collected.

     The first “Freak” will change everything you think you know about sex. You’ll find out the things you see in porn are best left to your imagination, not the application. You’ll find out how good or terrible you really are, and it’ll be obvious. You’ll question how many times and how many people you’ve had fake an orgasm with you. They’ll be much more open and experienced than you and will finalize all your preferences.

     From positions to fantasies to technique and confidence, the freak will concrete your sexual prowess and abilities if they haven’t been already set. You’ve been studying karate up to this point, and the freak will teach you the sexual arts of the Shaolin Temple.

     The freak will surprise you with how much they want sex. You got used to being turned down left and right, and the freak can’t get enough. They’re not bound by traditional expectations or dictated by what society believes is appropriate. The freak doesn’t care about what other people are saying, as long as you’re happy and they’re satisfied.

     You’d think they were teenagers again by how hungry they are for sex. Women won’t complain about him always pawing at her or feeling her up like she did when she was with her first-timers. Men will try to go back to being selfish, but the freak will leave him quick, fast, and in a hurry, if he tries that shit, and take your reputation along with it. The freak will penthouse your confidence or crash it into the sub-basement.

     Your confidence in your ability to satisfy someone who has less experience will be off the charts. The freak will give you the assurance to be who you truly are and not care about anyone else’s opinion. The freak will bring you back to foreplay, but on a different level, and teach you all types of new tricks and activities. You’ll discover you’re not a typical “Bed-sex” person; you’re into intense foreplay, and you want it when you want it, where you want it. One or both of you can’t or don’t want to wait until you get home, the kids are in bed, or nighttime.

     The freak will sneak off with you to the men’s room stall for a quick hookup and won’t give a damn who saw her walk out, fixing her skirt. She’ll let him bend her over in the dark part of the parking lot, as long as she can get her pants up or dress down before anyone sees her, even though they know what’s going on. They don’t give a damn about anyone commenting on her being groped or making out with her man in public.

     The freak will teach you everything you thought was weird before is actually what you’ve always wanted but didn’t know how to accept it. What you thought was dirty and disrespectful in your sexual infancy is now what you can’t or don’t want to do without. They’ll bring you out of your box and step you up to a level you find fun, sexy, and enjoyable.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAY 2, 2021


     Some things you’re not going to understand if you’ve never been in someone else’s shoes or situation. Until you’ve been broke or poor, you can’t begin to understand.

      Condiment sandwiches. Ketchup, mustard, relish, or mayo. When you’re poor, you’ll put the craziest shit between two slices of bread and make it work. Poor people know about bread-and-butter sandwiches, not toast with butter and not “Peanut” butter. Just plain old bread and butter.

     Pancake syrup or honey sandwiches. Pinching the ends to keep it from leaking all over, plus eating it fast enough so it doesn’t soak the bread. Not just because they tasted good, going hungry was the alternative. When you’re poor, eating the ends of the bread wasn’t up to debate; You’d better not open that new loaf until those ends were gone and didn’t get caught trying to hide them in the garbage.

     Poor people don’t have the money for hotdogs or hamburger buns; poor people know bread. All beef hot dogs? Not at $4 a pack; poor people's hot dogs were $1.19 and made out of chicken, beef, and pork. Buffalo, turtle, and squirrel meat was possibly somewhere in there too. The only lunch meat in the fridge was Bologna; we knew the right time to flip it when we fried it. We made our own pizza; cheese, pasta sauce, and whatever meat were in the fridge. There was no need to buy Chili-mac in a box; all it took was noodles, meat, and sauce. And we called it “Goulash”.

     Hot school lunches were the closest thing to fast food some of us got. Kids with money saw it as gross, and it was a TV dinner for poor kids. If it weren’t for taco or enchilada day, we’d never have tasted Mexican food. The fried rice was a combination of the rice from last night and anything else getting ready to go bad in the fridge with two scrambled eggs. Soy sauce was a teaspoon of vinegar in the hot grease while it was cooking.

     Poor people knew about sugar water with a lemon in the glass. The word “Presweetened” was as foreign as the Pakistani language when making juice from drink powder. It wasn’t right unless you heard that wooden spoon scraping the extra sugar you added across the bottom of the pitcher. We made our own popsicles, with juice in the ice cube trays or a plastic cup of juice in the freezer. Poor people know if you put a little water in the empty juice carton with a little sugar and shake it up, there was enough for one more swallow.

     The concept of cheese being a dairy product was foreign when you’re poor. Government cheese was oil-based, and it didn’t melt; it just lost its structural integrity when you heated it up or baked with it. Poor people knew their cheese was nacho-ready when the end of the puddle was burned around the edges, or there was a pool of oil surrounding the outer perimeter of the plate.

     Rich and middle-class people had spices; poor people had season salt. The fried chicken had a slight fish, bacon, and pork chop flavor to it; because the grease you used to fry the chicken is the same grease you kept in the coffee can go on the stove. It had sludge on the bottom made of cold animal fat and food bits from when you used it before and kept adding to it. That’s still damn good grease to poor people; you’d better not pour it out.

     The cake mix bowl battle royal; only poor kids know about standing next to mom or dad while mixing cake batter. You were stretching, popping your knuckles, and limbering up to either snatch the bowl and run or fight to the death. Getting ready for the cake mix bowl clash made you feel like the manager of a retail store on Black Friday, and it was your job to open the doors.

     All the other kids in the house were laying traps, hiding in wait, or poised to attack as soon as you got the bowl touched the counter. Fighting for the cake mix bowl was the closest to professional rugby most poor kids got to play. You almost cried when you were told you had to share with everybody; secretly, I think parents enjoyed watching this pageant of violence and brutality.

     Halloween was as joyous as Christmas and disappointing as the night before the summer break was over and school starting the next day. You made your costume; being a pimp, bum, or clown was easy and cheap. Halloween was that night you got all types of candy you’d never have the chance to have, and you were happy as hell; opening each piece was like finding another present under the tree with your name on it.

     What sucked is when you all had to put EVERYTHING in a pile and take turns choosing just one piece until everyone had an equal amount of candy. Your parents wanted each child to be able to have and sample candy they couldn’t have otherwise. Your extra hard work to get more candy than your siblings was all for nothing, especially when you also had to share with someone who didn’t even go trick-or-treating, and they had nothing to contribute to the pile!

     Poor kids know about protecting their good batteries like military secrets; Batteries were like vintage coins, especially if they were name brand. When you were done using them, you took them out of whatever you were using them for and hid them! Even your parents would steal your good batteries for the remote when your back was turned!

     Poor people had “Play clothes.” When you came home from school and finished your homework, you put on that shirt and pair of pants that were designated for playing. Get caught outside in your church or school clothes, and that was your ass! Poor people know about putting their good clothes folded under the mattress to keep the creases. Rich and middle-class people had electric irons with steam. Poor people had the iron slab with the wooden handle that burned through everything if they weren’t careful. Only a seasoned operator knew how to handle that weapon of textile destruction. Dry clean clothes weren’t an option.

     You couldn’t run the heat AND the dryer, so you had to make a choice; be cold with warm, dry clothes or be warm and take the chance with the clothesline outside and Satan’s iron anvil to get the frozen wrinkles out.

     Poor kids saw hand-me-downs as new clothes; they’d never worn them, so they weren’t used. Poor people know about using socks as mittens; they were a barrier between bare skin and the hot baked potatoes they kept in their coat or jacket pockets for hand warmers. Last month's electric bill determined if the air or heat was going to get used this month. Poor kids know about sleeping in coats or opening the oven and propping your feet up on the door to get warm.

     When it rained, snowed, or there was slush on the ground, you put your feet into plastic shopping bags before you put your shoes on, and you walked to school. No matter how much you try, you couldn’t avoid every puddle, and even though your feet were freezing, at least they were dry.

     Rich people have toolboxes; poor people had the “Junk drawer” People with money had styling brushes and combs; poor people had the stovetop hot comb. Buying a spatula was a waste of money when a fork could do the same thing. Wrapping paper? We used the Sunday morning comics; we didn’t care about what the gift was wrapped in!

     Kids with money had book covers; poor kids had brown paper bags, which allowed for self-decorating. Poor kids only had red rubber balls in school; at home, dodgeballs were slightly underinflated basketballs. Poor kids knew about making basketball hoops from a milk crate. Kids with money had jump ropes; poor kids cut the power cords from old appliances.

     Televisions didn’t come with remote control; that was the job for the youngest brother or sister; they didn’t get to watch anything they wanted; they were responsible for channel changing and volume control. That one week during the summer when they unscrambled all the premium movie channels was the height of the year; that also meant the “Nudie channel”! Poor people couldn’t afford to call a tow truck; they called that friend who had straps or chains.

     The poor first aid kit had aspirin, adhesive bandage assortment, and peroxide. There were cough drops and half a bottle of cold medicine that was for emergencies only. If you had an athletic bandage, it was borrowed, or from that time, you HAD to go to the ER 3 years ago. Other than that, when you got sick, you were just sick and had to muddle through it.

     With government health care, by the time you got an appointment, you were better anyway. Sore throat? Warm water and salt. Temporary cough and throat relief, a spoonful of honey. There was no such thing as unpaid sick days; you couldn’t afford it, or you were scared to lose your job when they realized they could do without you.

     Poor people knew that one guy who had a 50-gallon drum cut in half with the piece of the metal fence over it: the ghetto BBQ grill. Poor people could make a single bag of charcoal last 4-5 cookouts; they added stones and bricks to the grill; hot is hot. Poor people couldn’t get drunk off regular beer; they had a high malt liquor tolerance.

     Poor kids extended the 5-second rule to 3 minutes, depending on what it was, what was stuck to it, or how long ago the floor was cleaned. Poor kids know about going back to check if anyone had put anything else in the garbage and if that half sandwich was salvageable.

     Poor people had a 5-minute phone limit because there was no call waiting. Friends couldn’t call until after business hours because someone was waiting to hear about a job. If you went to the bathroom and your parents heard the toilet flush, be prepared to disclose whether or not you had to pee or shit.

     Poor kids know about sharing deodorant. Kids with money know showers and fresh, hot bath water per person. Poor people know about taking baths in order of how dirty or stinky you were; being the 3rd person in the tub of the same water everyone else had to bathe in. You had to boil a pot of water to make the tub hot again. You were trying to get clean in a tub of partially warm chicken broth.

     Poor people know about living check to check because they had to, not because they were financially irresponsible. Poor people know about choosing food over bills. The final shutoff notice determined which bills got paid that month. There was no deciding between expensive sneakers and being late on rent. Rich and middle-class people know about choosing; poor people know about sacrifice. 


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


APR 18, 2021


     He wants you to call out his name during sex because he wants you to talk to him; you’re not vocal at all. He wants you to talk dirty, but he has no imagination, experience, or spends WAY too much time online. The shit that turns him on from watching porn sounds good when he’s stroking his own, but it’s not the dialogue he’s interested in; it’s the sex. 

     He can’t get aroused by what he’s watching and what they’re saying at the same time, and his confusion is messing up his rhythm and his stroke. He can’t stay fully hard because he has too much on his mind. He can’t concentrate on getting off because he’s trying to watch, listen, and imagine the two of you acting out the scene and talking to him like that. He’s trying to rub his tummy, scratch his head, and bust a nut, all at the same time, and it’s not working right.

   Why does a man want you to call his name out loud when you’re having sex? That’s how you tell him he’s the shit. That’s how you tell him he’s hitting all the right spots, but he knows you have a problem with being vocal. He’s getting what he needs without making you feel awkward about saying anything that makes you feel ridiculous or uncomfortable.

     Men and women are more than capable of talking to other people how they want their partner to speak, but they can’t or won’t talk to each other that way. Moaning and heavy breathing is a woman’s reassurance tactic, while men tend to mutter one or two quick comments under their breath about how good it feels. She might throw out a “Damn or shit!” every so often, but it’s so general and random, it’s hard for him to get turned on by it. He can’t get motivated to get more out of her vocally. She may be enjoying the hell out of herself, but her lack of verbal reassurance, united with her just lying there, makes him think otherwise.

     It may seem silly to you when he tells you to say his name, but he’s giving you a way to give him what he needs and be considerate of your feelings in the process. He knows you’re not a dirty talker. He knows you’re uncomfortable with it. He knows your parents raised you a certain way, and talking like that would make them turn over in their graves if they thought you spoke like that, even though you can with your friends. He’s not upset or mad because you can’t say what he wants you to say. He knows you’re trying, and that means a lot to him. 

     Men are auditory creatures when it comes to sex; since you won’t say anything to get him excited to hit it better, slower, and harder, he’ll let your body do the talking for you. That’s why he turned you over to get it from behind. You can’t or won’t open your mouth to tell him anything, so he’ll ask your ass and hips for a performance report. He’ll grab you by the waist and pound into you, smacking your ass cheeks against his crotch, causing as much noise as possible. Your booty clapping around his shaft is your applause, the standing ovation you can’t give him. You can’t call out his name, but your ass is talking loud and clear!

    You don’t know what to say for the same reason; you have no imagination, no experience, and you feel weird and awkward talking dirty because you’re not comfortable saying words like “Dick, cock, pussy, cum, and fuck”. You can’t speak to him and tell him that he gives you some of the best sex you’ve ever had because you’ve been raised to believe that type of talk is something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. You feel silly talking about your sex with him, but not too foolish to enjoy it. You’re both grown now, and it’s time to put that shit aside. Do what needs to be done to keep each other secure that your sex is still top-notch. It’s time to put away what other people think of you and put more into what makes you both feel good about being together sexually.

     He wants you to tell him how big he is and how he fills you up every time. He wants you to say to him you can barely take all of it. He loves your voice and wants to hear some nasty shit come out of your mouth, but he knows you’re not like that. He knows that’s an issue for you. He knows you’re not used to it, and you’re trying to give him what he wants, but it’s hard to break out of that shell and get past being taught women who talk like that are slutty and don’t respect themselves.

     He doesn’t want you to do or say anything that’s going to take away from experience, so he’ll meet you in the middle and tell you to say his name. That’s all he wants; that’s why he asks, “Who’s is it?” That’s why he makes comments like, “This is all mine; that ass belongs to me!” All he’s looking for is a YES! or some sort of agreement. Hell, you can nod your head up and down for all he cares. It doesn’t take much to bob your head up and down. He’s getting what he wants and needs when all you have to say is, “It’s all yours!” He gets his dirty talk, and you don’t have to be embarrassed by saying anything too off the wall.

     He wants you to say his name because he doesn’t know how to ask for anything else. He doesn’t know how to bring it up outside of the bedroom, so you don’t know what he wants to hear when you’re in the middle of having sex, and you’re only paying half attention to what’s coming out of his mouth. He’s trying to multitask sexually and verbally, plus trying his best to make sure you have an orgasm.

     He wants you to say his name out loud because you won’t say anything else. You can’t say anything without blushing and giggling like a damn schoolgirl when he’s trying to give you the grown-man goodness. That isn’t the time you think you’re funny and pretend to say another man’s name. Your laughing ruins the mood, and while you think it’s cute and funny to mock him or joke about it with a stupid voice, you do not realize this is serious for him. That’s not the time to laugh; you think he’s just being a man, but it’s an emotional thing for him, and he’s risking the confidence in his sexual ability every time you have sex, and he wants you to say something, say ANYTHING! His pride is on the line, and to him, you’re not taking it seriously.

     He’s asking you if you came or had an orgasm because that doesn’t require you to say anything dirty or nasty, but he still gets you to be vocal; both men and women need verbal as well as physical stimulation when having sex. That’s why he wants you to tell him when you’re cumming, “I’m cumming” It is simple to say; it’s not dirty or raunchy. It doesn’t require any dirty or nasty words, but it satisfies his need for dirty talk. Saying his name is more than just actually saying his name; it says more than that.

     Women want men to understand how important foreplay is to her; being vocal is important to men, and she has to understand that just as much as she enjoys his understanding. Don’t get caught in that stupid battle for bedroom power. Just because he doesn’t see the point in 30 minutes of foreplay, you’re just going to lie there and not give him what he needs, to be spiteful. You might as well not even be having sex because you’re both being assholes, and you’re using sex as behavior modification.

     You can say some of the craziest, most off-the-wall shit during sex, and he won’t care because you’re vocal. You can tell him he’s knocking bricks off your ass, and he doesn’t care; he knows what you mean. You can tell him he hasn’t shoveled the snow off the driveway like that in a while, and he’ll STILL understand what you’re talking about. You don’t have to say nasty words; say something. And if you can’t think of anything, if nothing comes to mind, say his name.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAR 31, 2021


     They recruited you, or you took it on yourself to play matchmaker. Your friend saw someone and pointed him out to you or the group. There’s someone you know, and you think they’d make a good couple. You all work together. As soon as he walked in the door, your friend commented, and you took that as a hint to get the ball rolling. Men will take the chance, walk over, and introduce themselves. Women will recruit their friends directly or indirectly by commenting how good he looks or enlist their girlfriend’s assistance if she’s shy.

     You saw him looking as well, and you took the hint. You either sent your man over to encourage him to come over, or you approached him yourself to nudge him. What happens when he tells you he’s flattered, but he was actually checking you out? Now you’re stuck in a situation where you have your shy friend on one side and a guy you’re also attracted to on the other, but you’ll feel like shit for taking him up on his offer to get to know each other.

     You went on your own or were sent over by your friend, and they’re watching. They’re trying not to look like they’re paying any attention, but they are. What do you do? Take him up on his offer for a drink and conversation, or do you insist on talking your friend up? You’re hoping he’ll drop his pursuit of your interest and talk to her. He’s a good-looking guy, and you really like his style and personality, and the longer you stand there talking to him, the less you’re thinking about the reason you walked over in the 1st place.

     They recruited you for a specific mission; to bring that man over to meet your friend, but his bunkers are hardened, and his defenses more advanced than you expected. The entire time you and your friends were checking him out, he was checking you out. You planned this to be a simple snatch and grab, but he had a counterattack you weren’t ready for. You’re cut off from your unit with no support or communication. Your battle plan’s crumbling, and you can’t even call on your friends to help without admitting the guy she’s interested in wants you instead.  

     Where do you go from here? Does “Girl code” apply? Does the unspoken obligation of loyalty apply in this situation? Is there a betrayal of friendship in the making when he tells you he likes you instead of your friend? How will she interpret the situation if/when you sit down, have a conversation, or take him up on his invitation for a drink or meal after work hours? Will she believe you really went over for her, or will she think you snaked him from behind her back? Will you concede and back away, even though you’re getting more into him the longer you talk to each other?

     Sooner or later, time will answer all those questions for you. It’s been twenty damn minutes, and you still haven’t gone back to your friends; it’s safe to assume she knows you’re no longer talking about her, and the two of you are hitting it off. When he stands up, takes your hand, and turns towards the dance floor, she knows it’s not about her anymore. The secrets out; do you remain faithful to your friendship and decline? If you’ve been standing there laughing, talking, and letting him get close, she already knows where your head is.

     Just because she “Saw him 1st” doesn’t give a woman exclusive rights to someone she’s interested in. They never met, so there’s no code violation. It would be different if they’d met and were getting to know each other, only to have him shift his interest after meeting you.

     The facts are simple; your friend pointed out a guy you’re both attracted to. She’s shy, so you went over to tell him that he should come over and meet her, but his interest is in you. He’s trying to get to know you, and you’re giving him your friends’ personal resume’. He doesn’t want to hear about her, and he wants to know about you, not because he’s an ass, but because he thought sending you over was a little juvenile than her prefers in the women he likes. Regardless, he’s trying to get to know you, and the longer you talk to him, the more interested you are in him.

     Should you continue to talk up your friend? If so, for how much longer? He’s clearly not interested, so why should you both miss out? His mind won’t change if you bring him over for an introduction; you’ll make him uncomfortable when he excuses himself and walks away because he believes you’re not interested or because he knows you’re not going to budge with hooking him with your friend. You hope he’ll be interested in your friend after meeting her; is that the right thing to do, or are you setting her up to get her feelings hurt and damage her already fragile self-image?

     There’s going to be a crossroads, all of which leads to the same destination. One, he comes over, introduces himself, and walks away, convinced your obligation to your friend will keep you from giving him a chance. Two, he meets your friend, then turns his attention back to you in front of her. Three, he comes straight out and tells you he doesn’t want to meet your friend, and while he respects your loyalty, if you’re dead set on passing him off, he’ll thank you and walk away. Lastly, you can sit down with him and hope your friend understands.

     Either way, he’s not into your friend, so why sell yourself short? What’s wrong with going after him? You just pumped your friend up to be this great person, so she should accept what is and be happy you met someone good for you.

     Are you obligated to say no even if there’s no girl code violation? If he’s a good friend, he’s a free game to the first person who shows initiative and approaches him. When you approached him for your friend, he made his feeling for you know. You never gave it much thought, but you’re putting serious thought into him for yourself since he brought it up. You risk offending him and running him off when you keep trying to push him off on your friend. You make him feel like property instead of a person, and he doesn’t see why he can’t have what he wants. You’re contracting him to somebody he doesn’t want and taking away his choice.

     Your mutual friends will be more critical of your decision to get to know him over your friend, but that’s not your problem. You had every intention of hooking them up with your friend, but things don’t always work as planned. They’ll see your actions as a violation of the girl code because they know you’re more outgoing and has fewer issues meeting men. They see it as out of all the guys you could have, and you ended up with the guy your friend was interested in.

     This doesn’t work for men because they have a different outlook on this situation. Jimmy and Johnny are out for the night, and they notice Sarah. Jimmy walks over and starts to talk Johnny up, but she’s more into Jimmy. When he introduces her to Johnny, and she’s clearly more into Jimmy, Johnny will “Resume” himself for about 10 minutes before he concedes, backs off, and moves on to let Jimmy and Sarah interact. Johnny assumes Jimmy’s out to hook up, and when he’s done with Sarah, He’ll step in and take his turn. If Jimmy and Sarah end up dating, Johnny won’t care; he won’t see it as a “Bro code” violation because by then, he would’ve already met someone else.

     If you feel that bad or torn about it, explain the situation to him and how you feel about talking to him in front of your friend. Exchange numbers and talk later. 


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAR 21, 2021


     Don’t think for one second; men are the only ones who hate condoms. Men try to get out of using a condom more openly; it’s more expected for them to want and try to go in raw without one. Women are just as reluctant to use a condom as men, depending on their endgame. Her awareness of personal safety keeps her common sense in check, so she’ll insist, even though she doesn’t really want to. She can’t stand condoms any more than he does, but she knows they’re important and necessary. Women go both ways when it comes to spur-of-the-moment sex; some can stop and wait for him to get one from his car or the other room. Some women can wait until the next time they’re together, but men don’t want to wait that long. Neither does she, but she knows it’s the right and safe thing to do. Some women believe sex with a condom loses spontaneity; when you have to stop and get one.

     Men don’t like the feeling of having a filled condom on after he’s released himself and gone soft. She thinks he looks weird or gross with a used, fluid-filled balloon hanging from his stump. He has to stop, pull out, dispose of it, slip on another, and come back for the next round. That’s takes away from the sensuality or the experience. She knows if he’s soft with a filled condom on, there’s still the risk of spillage or losing the condom altogether inside of her.

     Men are more vocal, defensive, and defiant when it comes to using a condom. Women have more of the same issues, and excuses men have than you think. Women don’t have to bring up not wanting to use protection so much because they know the man’s going to try to go in without it. She knows he’s going to try and talk her out of using one, so she doesn’t have to. Men avoid buying condoms in case he sees or meets a pretty woman at the store. She’ll notice he has them in his cart, and that tells her he’s having sex with at least one other woman. The same goes for men; they avoid women who have condoms in their shopping cart because he knows she will require them to wear one, and he can’t use the “I don’t have anything” excuse.


     She won’t buy condoms on her own because she’s embarrassed by the looks she gets when she put the box on the counter for purchase. She doesn’t want him to think she has an STD or sleeps around. Her reputation and image are important to her, and she’d rather risk her health than a negative impression. She’d rather sit at the health clinic or pharmacy, waiting on a prescription for antibiotics, than to be seen buying condoms.

     She’s been taught not to be difficult. She doesn’t want to inconvenience him or ruin the mood by making him stop to get one or stop altogether because he doesn’t have one. She feels like she teased him. She feels like she’s asking for a kidney or lung if she demands he wears one. She feels selfish because she’s the only one getting something out of it since he says he can’t feel anything with a condom. She doesn’t want him to think she believes he has something for her to be worried about.

     He says he can’t be satisfied or enjoy sex with a condom. He’ll lie about not being able to bust a nut because he’s numb from wearing a condom. She feels the same way; she says she can’t feel it either. He actually busted his nut, but she doesn’t know any better. She didn’t see the condom when he pulled it off, so she has to believe him when he says he didn’t cum; that’s why he went into the bathroom and flushed it. He got his nut off, and he’s no longer interested in having sex, but he’ll ask what’s the use in continuing if he can’t feel anything.

     He’ll give her trash dick and blame it on the condom. It doesn’t feel good, so she loses interest; their sex suffers drastically. She enjoys sex, but it’s not the same, so she won’t try as hard to do anything memorable or special. She doesn’t like condoms, and there’s no reason to go out of her way to make it special; that option flew out the window when the rubber wrapper ripped open.

     Women agree to have unprotected sex because she knows plenty of other women who’ll give them what he wants. She’ll give in to keep him interested. That’s a lie; he can still bust a nut; he wants the full feeling. He wants the ownership and bragging rights of talking her out of using a condom and exploding inside of her, which is what she wants just as bad as he does. It’s easier for her to sit back and let him think; he smooth-talked his way into not using one than her to risk having him think she lets every man inside her without one.

     There are condoms for women. But neither of them wants that because it’s still a condom, a barrier that keeps them both from the “Full feeling.” They’re not particularly fond of that option either. Women also say it doesn’t feel natural, or it feels like they’re not really having sex or making love; they’re just fucking. Using a condom makes her feel like she’s no different than a one-night stand, and a condom is what’s used with someone they just met or when they’re having sex with more than one person.

     Women won’t require a man to wear a condom because she wants to trust him and trust IN him enough to believe he doesn’t need one. He’s WAY too good-looking to have anything she should be worried about. He’s a nice guy. Men and women are more concerned about risking pregnancy over their health. They want to avoid a baby more than an STD. The reality and fear are more realistic for a woman because her sexual and reproductive health is monitored more closely than men. After all, she goes to a gynecologist and gets tested regularly for potential issues more than men.

     Men don’t worry about their sexual health as much until a woman tells him he needs to have himself checked or he develops symptoms. Men believe they’re impervious to STDs. They haven’t gotten anyone pregnant yet, so they don’t think they’re able to have kids. She can’t have any more kids. She doesn’t see the need for condoms because she’s on birth control.

     She’s only heard of or had experience with latex condoms, and she’s allergic. Other alternative materials seem too foreign or unnatural than rubber, and she won’t even try it. Condoms smell horrible. He has to stop and wash his hands between the rubber, lube, and spermicide after he slides it on. It smells even worse after all the lube has been worn off during the friction of use. She’s breathing through her mouth the whole time. She can’t go down on him while he’s wearing one because she’ll be choking and gagging the whole time.

     Women avoid using condoms with men she sees as relationship material. Not using a condom is the first step to dating exclusively on the way to a relationship. She didn’t use protection when she sucked and swallowed him; she figures if it’s safe to go down on him, there’s no reason they can’t go unprotected and have him shoot his load inside of her. Besides, condoms aren’t 100% anyway. Her friend got pregnant, and she used condoms, but what that friend didn’t tell her about were those times she had sex without one.

     She enjoys the same friction-based pleasure men get from unprotected sex. Condoms rob and cheat her out of a physical and emotional connection with a man. She’s turned on by feeling him shoot his load inside. She likes the claim he makes on her when he does. She enjoys feeling his head swell up right before he explodes. Taking him to the back of her throat and swallowing is orgasmic for her. The thought of sucking on rubber makes her not even want to do it. Condoms take away from the sensuality, feeling of commitment, and emotional intimacy. They’ve been together long enough not to need them anymore.

     No matter how much he complains or resists, it’s still up to her to insist he wears one or not; “if he can’t wrap it, he can’t tap it!” It’s her choice to let him inside of her unprotected. He can walk away mad and pissed off all he wants; he can stomp his feet and never talk to her again, he can call her every name under the sun, and it’s still ultimately her choice to have unprotected sex.

     It’s hard for her to get or stay wet with a condom. It’s difficult for him to stay hard or last long if he’s wearing a condom. He’s telling her sex is boring and uneventful when he has to wear one. Her pride is at stake, as well as her confidence in her ability to please and keep her man, so she’ll agree to go unprotected. Condoms; 30 minutes of protection; 18-year sentence with a child, or a life sentence with an STD. 


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAR 11, 2021


     Walk up and say hello or keep walking. You look creepy as hell when you walk by, see somebody you want to talk to, and you either stop and stare or give some fucked up stalker look, thinking it’s your sex face. You look creepy as fuck with your chin tucked into your chest, head tilted slightly to the side, and your eyes wide open. That shit isn’t sexy; you look like a fucking zombie who wants to eat her brains or a psycho who wants to chew on her hair. Things you think are sexy have the opposite effect, and you’re not turning her on; you’re scaring the shit out of her, even if she thought you were cute, to begin with.

     You’re trying to be something you’re not. You’re not a player, and you’re nowhere near as smooth as you think you are. Just be yourself, and if she likes you, she’ll like you for you. You don’t need to impress her with some fake shit; you’re going to end up fading to black after a while. When your true nature comes out, you’ll look like an ass. You’re trying to look like the super-seductive guys in the movies. First of all, you don’t look like the guys on TV, you’re not built like the guys on TV, and you aren’t making the same money as the guys on TV.

     What you don’t say is just as important and effective as what you say, and timing makes all the difference. When a woman asks you to tell her about who you are, that isn’t an invitation to impress her with the car you bought or the rims and Blue-ray player you just had installed in your dashboard. She’s asking about you, not what you have or just bought. She’s not asking about your house or the watch you keep fiddling with, hoping she’d notice. If that’s what she’s asking about, you don’t want that type of woman anyway. Please don’t talk about your ex and why you broke up because she knows she isn’t going to get to the whole truth anyway. You may not come right out and lie, but you’re going to make yourself look more like the victim than the truth.

     You think you have this semi-smooth, semi-seductive look on your face when you walked past and checked her out, but what she saw was some sort of half-man, half Komodo dragon. You think you look sexy when you lick your lips, but she sees you as having ashy lips. You’re sucking and biting your bottom lip, thinking you’re giving her wet panties, but you really look like you’re trying to hide a big ass cold sore or mouth Herpes. Your eyebrows look weird because, like everyone else in the world, there should be two of them. You don’t know how to shave. Your chin, neck, and back of your head look like a crispy rice chocolate bar.

     You think your eyes say, “I want you,” but they really say, “Run for your fucking life; I’m here to kill you!”. If there’s more than one woman in the group, none of them can tell which one you’re really looking at because your creepy fucking stare is all over the place, unfocused on just one person. It looks like you’re looking through them, and it’s hard to pinpoint your intentions. They’re not looking back at you because they’re talking about how hot you are; they’re trying to figure out which one of them is going to have to ask security to escort them to their car when they leave.

     You think you’re the shit, so you stumble out on the dance floor, walk up behind her, put your dick on her back and start grinding on her. At first, she thinks you’re cute because you haven’t said anything yet to show how fucking weird you are. Then you grabbed her by the hips and started butt-banging her. After 2-3 songs, you’ve dry humped her enough to where you busted a nut in your pants. You came back from the restroom and thought you would get laid, so you start acting as she belonged to you. It didn’t get that far, and after one dance, you’re trying to hold her hand and act like you’re together, which doesn’t sit well with her at all. She’s just out with her friends having fun, and you’re trying to land her into a full-blown relationship by the end of the night.

     She’s not playing coy when she turns away each time you walk by. You keep looking at her with one eye wide open and the other half squinted. You look like she just dumped hot bacon grease in your lap by the look on your face. When she says, “No,” it doesn’t mean try harder or come back later. No means no, plain and simple. She’s trying to be nice, but you don’t get the hint. She doesn’t want to sample your drink. Especially from the same straw you’ve had in your mouth all night or just put your nasty ass finger on so she can suck it out. If she wanted a taste, she would’ve asked or ordered her own. The last thing she wants is you shoving something that could be germ-infested, spiked, or backwashed. She already said no thanks, so why are you still trying to shove your glass in her face?

     You smell like smoke or pot when you walk by, and she’s praying you won’t stop and try to talk to her. The look on your face tells her she’s not that lucky. You’ve walked by way too many times with that fucked up look and finally had enough alcohol in your system to where you don’t give a damn about getting turned down or being embarrassed by any negative reaction. You keep trying to put your arm around her waist with that serial killer look in your eyes, and she’s scared to death of rejecting you, so she told you she’d take YOUR number, hoping that’ll be good enough. You keep trying to take her phone and put your number in, but she knows as soon as you do, you’re going to call yourself so you can have hers, and she doesn’t want that.

      Why does she look so pissed off? Because you’re the 5th guy in 30 minutes to walk up and ask her why she looks pissed off. You don’t need to be all up in her ear, especially when your breath smells like shit or B. O. You’re creeping her out with your fucked up looks, soaking her ear with all your slobber, and burning her nose with stank-ass.

     You’ll stare at the woman at the stoplight, thinking she’s just going to roll down the window and fall for you at first sight. You actually think you’re going to convince her to follow you to a drugstore parking lot or gas station to exchange numbers or hook up with you later. Better yet, you’re hoping your crazy fucking look of desperation or psychosis will coax her from the bus stop and into your car; what’s even worse is when you’re riding in the passenger seat. Your stereo’s blasting and she knows it’s that loud so nobody can hear her scream for help.

     Stop hitting on women at the free clinic. You got some shit wrong with your dick; that’s why you’re there. She’s there for the same reason, and you figure you both can hook up while the antibiotics work their way through your systems. You’ve got cauliflower growing from the tip of your dick, and she’s got bread dough pouring out from between her legs, but you could care less. Your crazy ass stare says she can be the bread bowl, and you’ve got all types of vegetable-looking things growing on your dick. Between the 2 of you, you can make one hell of a pot pie!

     You wanted her to think you were more popular than you are, so you made sure she noticed you walking up to every woman in the spot to say hello. Instead of impressing her with how many people you knew, you actually turned her off. Any man who tries that hard to be liked by so many women will turn off a woman. She thinks you’re a player who wants to add her to the pile of conquests you already have under your belt. You walked by with your phone up to your ear like you were talking to someone about important business, and it worked for you pretty well. You got her to notice you; that is until your phone actually rang, then she knew you weren’t talking to anyone!

     Your constant walking back and forth in front doesn’t give her the safest feeling about you. You think you’re showing interest, but she thinks you’re waiting for her not to pay attention so you can slip something in her drink. She thinks you’re a fucking psycho more and more each time you walk by. She notices you, and she knows you keep walking by, staring at her. She doesn’t smile back because she thinks you’re cute; she’s smiling back because you look like you have some form of facial deformity or birth defect, and she’s showing support for you being comfortable enough to go out in public with your face looking like you’re taking a shit on yourself.

     At the gym, you look weird as fuck following someone around, trying to work out right next to them. You’re bouncing your creepy fucking stare off 3-4 different mirror angles, and that makes you look even more like you need Holy water and a fucking exorcism instead of protein or pre-workout. You’ve tried to meet them at the water fountain countless times, and believe me, they notice, but not in the way you want them to.

     Where’s the confusion between what you think is sexy and what you’re actually putting out in the air? You think you’re overflowing with sensuality and masculinity, but you’re actually oozing fear, stank, and a lack of personality.



Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


MAR 03, 2021


     Why do so many men have to be players? Maybe you should be asking what made him that way. Do guys wake up one day and decide to bullshit women and tell them what they think they want to hear, to get some ass? Maybe his dad or friends influenced him to think with his dick instead of his head or heart. It also could be because women built him to be a player. They broke him down and reassembled him into the filthy piece of shit you called him after you found out you weren’t the only woman he was messing with.

     Did you tell him you didn’t NEED a man; you WANTED a man? Every time you told him that, you told him he had limited value, and you had one foot out the door. You told him if he pissed you off or if you didn’t get your way, you were out the door. Every man wants to be needed, and if he’s with you, he wants you to need him. You confused NEED with NEEDY. You thought he was going to stay where he’s not needed. True, if he wasn’t happy with the situation, he should’ve just ended it, but he liked you and was hoping sooner or later, you’d realize how stupid your statement was.

     Women complain that men make them the way they are; guarded, bitter, hard to trust, etc. Why’s it’s so hard to believe women can’t break a good man down and resurrect him into a player? He was a damn good, decent man at one point and was totally against the player role. He wasn’t even thinking about the player mentality until you made him one. You were dating or getting to know more than one guy. You planned to slowly weed them out until the best choice for you was left, but you wanted all of them to put their best foot forward to prove themselves to you. How’s that any different from men who do the same with women? Is it just because he’s having sex with them? That may be fucked up, but how’s that any different than you going out with the same number of men and allowing them to pay for everything with nothing in return?

     You’re not sure if you’re ready, but you put yourself out there like you were. You’re online with profiles on several dating sites. You’re frequently attending singles night events, and you even tell guys you’re single and looking for a good man. You found one who’s interested in you and wants to put the time, effort, and availability to be with you. Then, you turn around to say you’re not ready after a month or two while he’s getting attached to you. You’ve got too much going on, and you just realized you don’t have the time, or you haven’t truly healed from your last breakup. You couldn’t have figured that out any sooner than right then, and thereafter, he’s developed feelings for you.

     You’re not as available as you claimed to be with two jobs, kids, and all their activities. Personal issues. Breakup or divorce you’re not healed from. You made it easy for him to become a player because you weren’t honest with him or yourself about wanting more than just a fuck. You thought if you told him you wanted a relationship, you’d run him off, and now he only sees you as a fuck with no hope of commitment. He’s thinking sex is what you’re about with every guy you’re going out with. You’ve engrained the “You can’t turn a whore into a housewife” mentality in his head about you, all because you were afraid to tell him the truth about what you really wanted.

     You like him, but you’re not over your ex. You want him to wait for you, but you want him to wait for you while you go out and spread your wings. You want him, but not just yet. You want to keep him around because he’s dependable and respectful. He never pressures you or makes you feel like you owe him anything. You feel like you need to see what else is out there before you settle down again. You know he’s a good man, but you’re not ready for a good man yet; there’s so much you’ve missed out on by getting married so young and staying in the relationship too long.

     He’s been burned by putting all his eggs in one basket, only to have the basket smacked out of his hand, smashing his eggs on the floor. His solution is to have multiple eggs in multiple baskets, so if something happens to one, he has another basket of eggs to take to market. You’re playing hard to get, and you think it’s cute, funny, or you think it makes him want you more. To him, you’re playing a stupid fucking game, and he decided to do the same to you.

     “I’m talking to somebody.” What the fuck does that even mean? You were talking to someone else while you were going out with him, and you want to give the other guy a chance because you think they’re a better fit. You gave this guy a chance, and now it’s only fair to give the other guy the same chance, so you want him to step back and wait while you weigh your options.

     You’re ambiguous as hell about wanting to be with him, but you want to make sure the guy you REALLY want isn’t breaking up with his girlfriend anytime soon. He’s your alternate since your primary’s already taken, and you know as soon as he’s available, you’ll sideline the other; after jumping back and forth, it’s only a matter of time before the alternate gets burned so many times he’ll turn to ash and re-emerge as a Phoenix-level player.

     He thought you liked him. He thought you liked him because you told him you liked him, and your body language said you liked him. You enjoyed spending time together, and everything’s going great. You waited until you got home to text him; you didn’t feel the spark, and you weren’t interested in seeing him again AFTER you told him to his face you wanted to see him again. Maybe it was the 10 minutes of making out at your car that gave him the wrong idea about your interest, to have you change your mind 15 minutes or the car ride home later. You’ve been going out for a couple of weeks, and out of the blue, you ended it because your ex came back into the picture, and you’re going to try again to make it work. Even though you like him, your friends convinced you that you were too young or it’s too soon after your breakup or divorce to get serious about anyone.

     When it’s just the two of you, you have the best time; but when your friends come around, you pull a 180 and turn into something else. You treat him like you’re too good for him, and you can do without him. You make him feel unimportant, and you could care less if he stayed or went because there are plenty of guys out there who wants to hit that shit. You’re doing him a favor by being with him. You let your friends laugh at or talk shit about him because he’s not on their level or fit their mold for you. You don’t stand up for him at all.

     You’re not the same person sober as you are drunk. You call him a player because the only time you’re fun to be around is when you’ve had a few drinks; otherwise, you’re pretty fucking boring, and he’s not about to finance your drinking in order to spend time with you. You’re cool as hell at the bar or the club, but other than that, he wants nothing to do with you; and by your standard, that makes him a player. You made him into a player.

     You stopped doing what you did when you first met. You wore sexy dresses, makeup, and heels. You made time to go out on dates, and the sex was wild and incredible. You actually put effort into how you looked when you went out with your friends or when you first started dating. In the beginning, you supported and encouraged him, but now it seems you could care less, so he found someone who gave him that.

     That’s no different than women who cheat or end their relationships for men who pay more attention to them and give them what their man wouldn’t. Women won’t understand or agree because it points out that women do the same thing. Maybe that man has a credible defense for being a player; it blatantly points out her equality in manufacturing him into a player.

     You use sex as a bargaining chip, a reward, or punishment. You ration sex according to how he behaves or what he does for you. You’re always threatening to leave, or you walk out on him every time you get pissed off. You’re gone for a few days, giving him time and the opportunity to meet other women. You make it hard for him to unleash his inner freak or come at you with a fantasy. Some of his ideas may be weird as fuck, but others are completely doable; you’re just too worried about how you’d look to others or where he got the idea from.

     You disappeared after 1-2 dates. You took his number and never called, or you sent him a text later that night to say you really weren’t interested or you were in a relationship, but thanks for the drinks. You allowed him to sit there all night, off the market, knowing you had no interest. You ask why men always have to have more than one woman because he’s thinking like a farmer; the more seeds he plants, the more crops he can harvest. Just like a woman who dates more than one man, she’s trying to find the best candidate for what she wants, but she wants something from each of them; she wishes she could take the qualities she wants and create a superhero.

     You turned him into a player by showing him that’s what you’re attracted to. You wanted him to be different; you wanted a thrill-seeking bad boy who treated you like a princess instead of a good, faithful, solid, caring man who treated you like a queen. You made him a player. He was a good man until your bullshit put a sour taste in his mouth and ice where his heart used to be. You got involved with him, knowing you weren’t compatible, hoping you could change him. You took him off the market under false pretenses, then got mad when he turned into a player and cheated on you or dumped you for someone else.

     Before you say it, you’re right; he didn’t have to turn into a player. He could’ve just walked away to play the field or be with someone else, but your bullshit didn’t surface until his emotions were invested. As a woman, you know how hard it can be to walk away when your heart’s in it. Leaving is easier said than done.

     There’s truly no great excuse for anyone to play games with anyone for any reason. The next time You ask why men are players, ask yourself what happened that could turn him into a player. Ask about the bullshit women put him through in his past that made that good man a player. He sure as hell wasn’t born that way you made him that way.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


FEB 21, 2021


     What's the purpose of trying to change someone? Even if YOU believe it's for the best, trying to get, someone to change leads nowhere but downhill faster than the speed of sound. Why would you want someone to change who they are? Eventually, they're going to revert right back to what's natural and organic. Believing you should change something about yourself is even hard to do. No one likes to change. The older we get, the harder it is to uproot ourselves and change.

     The truth is change is something to be done because you WANT to change, not because you think you should, or it's the best thing for you to do. Smoking, for example, people know they SHOULD stop smoking; they know it would be better for their health to stop smoking, but until they genuinely WANT to stop, the change will only be temporary.

     The realistic consequences of putting someone in the position to change to keep them around or for someone else will cause that person to rebel, become dismissive, or defiant. They'll resent you for trying to change them. They'll see it as you tell them they aren't good enough or don't deserve you the way they are. Granted, certain things may not mesh with your ideas, beliefs, or goals. But in reality, those things should've been discussed, weighed, and measured a hell of a lot sooner than later. Being honest with each other from the beginning and looking at the bigger picture would've spared you both the misery in trying to change and being asked or required to change.

     Some things are pretty easy and reasonable to change; others can be a little harder but possible. Some things are just fucking ridiculous to think can be changed. People are just as stupid for thinking they can change someone as the person they believe needs to change.

     It's ignorance in its purest form to expect someone to stop drinking, smoking, or drugs. Someone you know may complain continuously about not getting a good job, but they just don't want to wait. If he was a bum who didn't want to work when you met, chances are he'll be a bum on your 2nd anniversary; you can't expect them just to jump up and change their routine of sitting on your couch, driving your car, and mooching off you. You can force a homebody to change and want to go out every other weekend suddenly. You can't turn a party guy into a binge-watching homebody. You can't force a shy person to be more outgoing, and you can't calm down the life of the party.

     You absolutely, positively, can't/won't under any circumstance change someone's religion, NO MATTER WHAT!

     You can't change the way someone dresses. If she was dressed like a soccer mom when you met, don't try to change her into a short, tight dress-wearing centerfold two years later. Suppose he embarrassed you on the first date with his "Gangster gear," consisting of sagging skinny jeans, sunglasses, a backward ball cap, and a t-shirt with a cartoon character smoking weed on it. In that case, He's going to embarrass you on your 2nd anniversary when you're heading to the car on your way to a nice dinner, and he has on a ball cap and, "Doo-rag." with a bandana hanging out his back pocket.

     You can't turn a meat-eater into a vegetarian/vegan and vice-versa. You're not going to force someone to give up burgers, pizza, beer, or cigarettes. Just because you're working out and taking a more active interest in your health and fitness doesn't mean someone else has to. Trying to get someone to change their physical appearance tells them you have an issue with how they look. You'll never convince someone to have the body you want them to have until they're ready to make those changes. That's YOUR choice, and asking or trying to change someone to match your interest makes you an unfair ass. Even if the goal is for them to be healthy, that's still up to them. You can't force a person with diabetes to follow their treatment plan if they don't want to; it may take having a severe reaction or the loss of a limb to get them to realize the need for change. Some people just might need that stroke to get them to change the way they treat their bodies. Again, that change has to be their own decision.

     You can't force someone to change or give up their friends just because you think they're a terrible influence. They may very well be the scourge of the earth, but that means nothing to them. Unless they're ready to walk away from those people, you're banging your head against a brick wall. HIS friends are all players, and HER friends are party girls. HIS friends smoke weed all day, and HER friends want her to go out every weekend and meet other men. She thinks he's goofy and can't take anything seriously. He thinks she's always serious and can't relax.

     She thinks he's too old for video games; he should be doing more "Grown-up" things. His hobbies and interests are juvenile or boring. Priorities. She thinks he should concentrate more on his career and climbing the corporate ladder than his drone racing or monster battle card collection. You're into PDA, and they're not. You're not going to force your sexual requirements or needs onto anyone. You're not going to change someone's mind into doing something they have no interest in doing. Oral. Anal. Multiple partners. If that's what you're into, don't date or get into a relationship with someone who's not into any of that. It's better to be an ass for walking away because she won't suck your dick than to be a piece of shit for fucking around on her for someone who does blow you.

     Getting into a relationship with someone who wants kids when you don't is just plain fucking stupid on your part. Nothing would make you a bigger fucking idiot than to even put yourself in that situation. You deserve every shitty thing that happens in your relationship if you're guilty of this.

     Accepting people won't change unless THEY want to be the only way change will occur and take hold with lasting potential. No matter how much you love someone, how much they love you, no matter how much they KNOW they should change, and it would be the best thing for them to change unless they genuinely WANT to change. You're staring down the business end of a loaded, double-barreled failure, with a hair-trigger and a drunk, half-blind hillbilly behind it.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


FEB 07, 2021


     He won't change because he has no reason to; he has all the power. He doesn't want to have to re-train someone new. He doesn't want to risk running into someone who'll call him out on his bullshit or who'll send his ass back to the bricks when he gets out of pocket and acts a fool. He won't change because he's the center of attention. You do whatever he tells you. Your kids do what he tells them. He controls the house, the finances, the cars, where you go, who you see, what time you get home, and whether or not you're allowed to step out the front door. He won't change because, in the eyes of his friends, he's "The man" He knows if he badgers you long enough, you'll give in.

     She won't change because you won't put your foot down and be a man. She makes the real money, and you'd rather stay home, playing video games and smoking weed. Working part-time at the local gas station and jacking off to internet porn is better for your life. Not having the drive or initiative to go out and get a real job is why she won't change. You're content with sleeping until late afternoon in her bed and letting her give you a fucking allowance. She won't change because that's HER car you're driving around in. You won't disagree with or upset her because it's HER place, and you don't pay for shit. She won't change because she controls the pussy.

     Being in a controlling relationship is never a good thing, whether you're the controller or the controlled. It's a big ass pile of explosives, waiting for the right spark to ignite that shit and blow the fuck up. Both physically and mentally, when someone takes control of a relationship, nothing good can come from it. You're destined for a relationship full of possible physical and mental abuse, heartache, pain, humiliation, degradation, exclusion, and isolation.

     While both men and women can be controlling, men are more physically dominating than women. Men isolate their partners from their friends and family, creating a total dependency on the controller for their identity. They cease having their own name and become property, "That's Jimmy's lady or Sam's wife." You no longer have a first name for him or his friends. They constantly criticize; nothing's ever good enough for their standards; the bathroom isn't clean enough. The chicken's too damn dry. The laundry doesn't smell like fresh linen. Your meatloaf doesn't taste like his mom's. He threatens her. His love comes with conditions. He'd love you more if you lost a few pounds if you're dyed/cut your hair. If you made more money, he'd be nicer to you. He's built a sizeable amount of debt between the two of you, and he knows your credit will suffer if you leave him. His jealousy, accusations, and paranoia is matched only by his anger. He doesn't respect her need for alone time. She can't go out with her friends or even to the store for apple juice without him flipping the fuck out. He makes all the decisions... He makes you earn his trust or any good, decent treatment whatsoever.

     He treats you like shit if you don't believe what he does or if you disagree with him. From his religion to what type of movies you watch, it doesn't exist or matter to him if he doesn't like it. It's not important; YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT! He makes you feel unworthy; your job, the amount of money you bring in, education, none of that measures up to what he brings to the table. He teases you about your flaws, and he knows what buttons to push to make you feel like shit. He criticizes the way you look, your weight, your clothes, etc. Your ass is too big or not big enough. Your tits are saggy. He makes you feel inadequate in the bedroom. Sex with you is a fucking chore, an obligation. He makes you do things in bed you're uncomfortable with. He doesn't respect your point of view, and your beliefs are insignificant. He discourages your goals and interests. Going back to school, getting a better job, losing weight, taking on new interests. To him, your place is at home, catering to him.

     Women keep score; "You did this, so I'm going to do that." She'll spy, stalk, and snoop through every text, email, and call in your phone log, looking for evidence of something. She'll subconsciously create shit that's not even there. She convinced you're fucking around on her, and she just hasn't caught you yet. You're guilty until she's satisfied you're innocent, but we all know she'll NEVER believe in your innocence. She's demanding. She constantly argues over BS.

     She's ALWAYS right. She wants things HER way and will get pissed when she doesn't get it. She controls the sex. She wants 100% of his time, money, attention, and affection. She'll go as far as to put him in a position to choose between her and his children. She blames you for other women checking you out. It's YOUR fault because you work out. It's YOUR fault you have a coworker who likes you. She exaggerates her role in the relationship and belittles your contribution. She's never satisfied with how much you make, the gifts you give, or the time you have for her. She questions your motives behind everything; if you bring home flowers, you MUST have done something wrong. She humiliates you in public. They threaten to leave you every other fucking day. You're not allowed to have a personal life at all. She compares you and your relationship to others. Jimmy bought his wife a diamond ring. Paul took his kids to an amusement park for their vacation. The smiths down the street went to Europe for their anniversary, so by proxy, YOU have to one-up them to please her. She rubs other men in his face. Johnny at work tells her all the time how hot she is. Darius wants to fuck her so bad. So-and-so would give her the world if she asked for it.

     People wonder why someone would stay in a controlling relationship. Leaving is far easier said than done. They started off nice. They're charming and great to be around, as long as they're getting their way. The sex is amazing. You feel as if you deserve the treatment you're getting; you don't believe anyone else wants you. Being with someone who treats you like shit is better than being alone. You don't know any better. You believe you can change them. You love them. There's nothing healthy about having a controlling partner; that shit will fuck you up on the inside and the outside. A controlling relationship will not only fuck your head up but will stick with you for a long time, and will affect your future relationships, whether you want it to or not. When you've finally had enough, take the time to heal and ensure you have the closure you need to approach your next or future relationship with an open mind and heart. Be aware of the behaviors and warning signs of a controlling partner. Communicate your feelings, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. The controller or the controlled; neither is a role that'll earn you an award.


Dark Truth

An ongoing series of Dark Truth


JAN 10, 2021


     We want what we can't have, from rights and freedoms to acquisitions and opportunities. Sometimes we don't realize or even think about the things we can't have until we're told we can't have them. We're notorious for wanting things just because we're told we can't have them; they mean little to nothing to us until we've been denied access. We see things as privilege, as something we're owed or have a right to, just because someone else does. We often turn away from things that are available to us, as long as we have access to them, but as soon as they're taken away or are no longer an option, we get our asses in a vice grip about having a right to it.

     As a society, we will walk past the healthier foods in the grocery store and head straight for the bullshit that makes us overweight and unhealthy. We prepare our foods in animal fat, lard, and grease. We'll question the ethnic pride of someone who doesn't eat the "Traditional" foods of their particular race that may be dangerous to their long-term health. We pack our plates as if we're NEVER going to have another meal in our fucking lives. We make fun of those who choose to consume healthier foods or focus on their weight, diet, and fitness. We choose alcohol and cigarettes over better food choices. We'll even position our children to consume the same shit that leads their parents to issues like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.

     On the other hand, what if, by some situation, those same people were told the same bullshit they've been stuffing themselves with for years was the only thing they could ever have going forward? What if we were told we could only have fried foods, instead of broiled or baked? What if we were told we could ONLY have soda or energy drinks, and fruit juice or water was denied for consumption? What if we were told how we cook and eat now was the ONLY way we could cook or eat for the rest of our lives? There would be riots in the streets, DEMANDING the same access to healthier foods! We want what we can't have; it's not a matter of even wanting it in the first place; it's about not being denied what everyone else has access to.

     We want what we can't have because we can't have it. We complain about things we can't have, even though we don't even want them. We feel the need to speak up for access and opportunities we're not even interested in. That supervisor's position at work you haven't given a second thought is now your primary focus. Only AFTER management declared it was a position they were only looking to fill with someone with a degree, even though you could do it with your eyes closed. You didn't give it any attention until the option was taken away from you. You never gave thought to the idea of going to the gym you signed up for and have been paying $30/month for the past 4 years, until AFTER you got that letter stating no one over/under a certain weight could work out there. NOW you want to go; just because you fall in the category of the restriction.

     Relationships are no different; we don't want someone as long as no one else does. We don't give them the time of day until AFTER they start seeing someone else or someone else has taken an interest in them. As long as they're around when we want them to be, as in friends with benefits. We don't want to settle down with just one person, satisfied with just a sexual agreement, until that one time they tell you they're not available for sex, they don't answer their phone, or when they tell you, they've moved past your agreement. We don't want to listen to our partners when they're asking for something reasonable in the relationship, such as verbal affirmation, more time together, or affection. As soon as the relationship ends or too late to salvage, the other person will try to do whatever they can to give what they've been asked to give. Or even better, they will get pissed off when they see someone else giving their ex everything they denied them. Some people have issues with their partner showing PDA until they stop, then they get bent in the ass, wondering what the fuck happened. THEN they want it.

     Many times we don't even know we want something until we're told we can't have it. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with us will become a front-line focus when we learn others can't have it. We'll even fight for other people to have things we don't even agree with, just because THEY'RE told they can't have it. We'll stick our nose where it doesn't belong because of something someone else can't have, just because they can't have it. We would've and could've gone our entire lives, not having access to things in life and not missing out on a damn thing. Just learning it's off-limits to us is enough to get our underwear up our asses and put ourselves on the front line of any crusade to get it. Something as simple as music, for example. Tell a die-hard fan of rap who condemns country music with every breath they can't EVER buy a country album will find a reason to complain, just because they're told they can't have it.

     People bitch about having the right to vote, but they don't. Rest assured, they have plenty to say when elected officials do things they disapprove of. Tell someone who hasn't voted for 3 years in a row they've lost their right to vote and watch them turn bitch and want it. We want what we can't have. Tell someone satisfied with working the grill at a fast-food joint for the last 5 years they can never apply for any other job, and watch them turn bitch. We fight for anything we can't have. Tell a 15-year retail store cashier they can never apply for a management position, and they're on the phone to the corporate office, claiming discrimination. We want what we can't have. As long as we can see it, we don't want it; as long as it's an option, we'll walk right past it. Take that option away and watch us freak the fuck out about it. We want what we can't have.



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