Half Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A... VOL. 2 

November 16, 2018

BY CHARLES & SAMUEL

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Q: Will a woman lie and say I have a tiny dick out of spite?

A: No... If she says you have a tiny dick, you ACTUALLY just have a tiny dick!


Q: It's been 6 months, why am I not his lady yet?

A: Because you haven't required him to do so; by the 6th month, you're

already doing everything 2 people in a relationship would be doing anyway.


Q: Does he think my tits are too flat and flabby?

A: Depends... Have he ever seem a D-cup pancake?


Q: Why do guys wait until 40 minutes before the club closes to ask me to dance?

A: Because you're the last resort... you're either fat or ugly as fuck!


Q: Does he think I've gained too much weight?

A: If you have to ask, you already know.


Q: Why's he dressing better & working out all of a sudden?

A: He's either fucking somebody else, TRYING to fuck somebody else, or WANT to fuck somebody else.


Q: Why does he always want to fuck me with the lights off at night or from behind during the day?

A: He's saying in some way, shape, or form that you look like shit, but he still wants some pussy.


Q: Why doesn't he ever want me to ride on the back of his motorcycle?

A: You're either too big to balance the bike, or he doesn't want to be seen with you.


Q: Why won't he kiss me after I swallow?

A: Because he's an asshole.


Q: Why does it bother him that my child's name is tattooed on my breast?

A: Most of the time, it's not your son's name, especially if your son's a Jr. or because it would be weird to be caressing/sucking your tits and having your child's name in my fucking mouth!! No man wants to open his eyes and see any kid's name covered in his slobber.


Q: Why do all my friends get hit on when we go out, but I don't?

A: Because you're not only built like you were assembled by a 5-year-old, but you're also not pretty.


Q: Why haven't I met any of HIS friends yet?

A: He's embarrassed/ashamed of you.


Q: Why haven't I met any of HER friends yet?

A: She's worried about what they'll think of you.


Q: Does this outfit make my ass look fat

A: No, your fat makes your outfit look like an ass!


Q: Why won't he pause the video game if I want a quick fuck or to suck his dick?

A: Because he doesn't want to fuck you and you suck dick like shit.


Q: How do I get her to suck my dick more often?

A: Walk up to her, pull your dick out and put it in her mouth.


Q: Why doesn't he take me out dancing as much as he used to?

A: He doesn't think he should have to pay for 3 people.


Q: We fucked once, why hasn't HE called?

A: REALLY??


Q: We fucked once, why hasn't SHE responded to any of my texts?

A: Again, REALLY??


Q: Where are all my yoga pants?

A: Casualties of war in the great battle of, "Yoga pants make your ass

look like a trash bag full of jagged rocks" campaign of 2018.


Q: Why are all my pot leaf t-shirts in the garbage?

A: BECAUSE YOU'RE A GROWN-ASS MAN!!


~~~~~~      


Half Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

Q & A...

November 16, 2018

BY CHARLES & SAMUEL

Click Here to Add a Title


Q: Why does he ALWAYS seem to walk faster than me when we're at the grocery store?

A: It's 2 pm, you're wearing pajama bottoms, a dingy wife-beater, your hair looks like it was rolled with a fucking firecracker and you smell like the girl in high school who fucked every guy she went out with.


Q: What's that look on his face whenever we go out together?

A: "Yeah, I know she looks fucked up, but she buys me weed through".


Q: Why does he act like he doesn't hear me sometimes?

A: Because sometimes you talk too fucking much!


Q: What's he get at the strip club that he doesn't get at home?

A: Women with smaller waists...


Q: Why Does he want me to shave my pussy?

A: Piss isn't a very tasty flavor & he prefers to floss AFTER he eats...


Q: Why does she always want me to shower before giving me head?

A: Your balls stink.


Q: Why won't he let me ride him?

A: Because it's daytime and he can see you, or he can only bench 215 Lbs.


Q: Why do we ALWAYS have sex at my place & not his?

A: REALLY???


Q: Why do I have to call/text most of the time?

A: They're really not interested, or they're playing games.


Q: Does he REALLY mean it when he says looks don't matter?

A: Depends... Do you swallow?


Q: How do I know if she's faking?

A: If You have to ask, she just faked.


Q: Why are all the men who hit on me already drunk?

A: Plausible deniability, or FUI (Fucked Under the Influence).


Q: Why does he keep turning me around when we dance?

A: You're ugly as fuck and he's trying to bust a nut so he doesn't have to put any more time into you as needed.


Q: Why'd he disappear in the middle of the song?

A: He just busted a nut in his pants.


Q: It's 2 AM... Does he REALLY just want me to come over and watch a movie?

A: Yep... ASSHAT.


Q: Does she think I have a tiny dick?

A: She KNOWS you have a tiny dick, and by lunchtime, Monday, so will everyone else at work.


Q: Why does he need meds to have sex with me, but porn gets him hard?

A: Go look in the mirror.


Q: When's a good time for me to ASK for head?

A: When university-educated winged pigs are spotted soaring through the sky!


Q: Why does she shove her tits in my mouth when we're fucking?

A: You talk too much.


Q: When's a good time to ask or bring up having a threesome?

A: Anytime you want to be single again.


Q: Why does his shirt smell like perfume?

A: No comment... ASSJACKAL. 


~~~~~~  

  

Half Truth

An ongoing series of Half Truths

MARS vs VENUS

November 8, 2018

BY D.K. LION

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     As in any battle, one must assess & gauge the capabilities & limitations of the enemy in order to devise the best & most effective offense & defense possible to achieve victory. The battle between men & women being no exception...


- Women have more sensually sensitive areas than men. The back of the neck, between her shoulder blades, her ears, waist, & thighs are just a few.


- Women can dance with other women but it's weird as hell to see 2 guys dancing together, like a fruit-filled dance battle.


- A straight woman can kiss another straight woman; enough said.


- Men can sit with their legs open; well, so can a woman... as long as she's prepared to have a lot of men dropping shit & picking it up in front of her if she's wearing a dress or skirt.


- People generally trust a woman more than a man.


- A woman can compliment another woman's body/figure; she can compliment a woman's ass or tits... Men can't do the same; "Hey Johnny, your dick looks good in those jeans" just doesn't sound right.


- Women can compliment her friend's man more than once and in more detail. While a woman can complement specific parts of his body, anything other than, "okay, he's sexy as fuck" might get your ass kicked. A man can't say some shit like, "You bro, your girl's got some big ass titties & a fat ass!" no matter how long you've been friends.


- Men can piss standing up.


- It's easier and more discreet for a man to jack off & cum than a woman to play with her pussy.


- It's easier and takes less effort for a woman to suck her man's dick than it is for him to eat her pussy.


- Women are multi-orgasmic & will always be capable of out-fucking a man, which also makes her more capable of sexually satisfying multiple men at one time. Where a man can barely fully satisfy 1 woman, much less 2 or 3.


- Men lose weight/build muscle faster than women; however, women are generally more motivated to get into shape than a man as they get older.


- The women's clearance section in any clothing store will always be at least 3 times the size of a man's.


- There are almost always FULL curtains in the shower stalls in the women's locker room of the gym. For some odd, nasty-ass reason, the shower curtains in the men's locker room all look like they were split in HALF to make 2 curtains.


- Men can play fight/wrestle more so than women.


- An overweight, unattractive female will always get hit on or offered dick before her male counterpart.


- A woman can maintain her standard for the entire night; a man's standard will reduce by a half point for every half hour closer to closing time; he'd rather get his dick sucked by an overweight beastmonster with no teeth and snot dripping from her nose before he goes home with a dry dick.


- Most women have more clothes in her closet than a man.


- A group of men won't let one their friends hang out with them looking like shit; it brings down the stock of the entire group; A woman will at least let one of her friends go out looking like trash; either on purpose to make themselves look better, to keep from looking like a bad friend, or not wanting to hurt their feelings.


- Women won't try to have a conversation with each other through the bathroom stall while taking a shit.


- A man will abandon/sell out his friends or bail out on guys night out for random pussy quicker than a woman will ditch her friends for random dick.


- Women stay mad/angry longer than men.


- Women can go long without sex than a man.


- Most men cum/orgasm much quicker and with less effort than a woman.


- A woman will suck her man's dick before he'll eat her pussy.


- When it comes to sexual history, men will always lie UPWARDS to seem like a ladies' man, where women will most likely either tell the truth or lie DOWNWARDS to avoid been seen as a slut.


- It (should) take a man less time to get ready to go out for the night than a woman.


- Men are less noticed if they wear the same clothes to the club 2 weekends in a row more than a woman would be.


- Women put more care into how they look; men care more about what they have.


- Women wash their hands after using a public restroom more than men.


- Women will ALWAYS get hit on more than men.


- Men are more likely to take a shit in a porta-potty.


- Workplace dress codes are ALWAYS more strict for men than women.


- Women can give each other, "pet names"... A man can't call another man, "Baby Boo-boo" or, "Sugar-nuts".


- Women can give each other, "Just because" gifts, birthday cards, & say, "I love you", after a phone conversation. A guy can't say, "I love you, here's a teddy bear I saw at the store & it reminded me of you" to his boy.


- Women can hug each other tightly with no time limit.


- Men will generally pay more for a drink at a bar than a pretty girl.


- Women take rejection from a stranger better than a man.


- Men bounce back from a breakup quicker than a woman. A man will use another woman to fuck in order to forget about his ex.


- More men dress up like women for Halloween than women will dress up like a man... Halloween; the one day a year where a man can come out the closet, without being judged.


- Women can give each other massages, men can't do the same; "Yo Brian, you look tense turn around and let me rub your shoulders"? Wait, what???


- Women can refer to her guy as, "Young man" or, "Dirty old man". You'd better not call your woman a, "Dirty old lady" It doesn't have the same effect.


- Women are better at reading body language.


- Women have a more accurate, "Gaydar".


- A 50-year-old woman knows that when she gets hit on by a 26-year-old, he most likely just wants the pussy. A 50-year-old man will actually try to have a relationship with a 26-year-old woman.


- When eating out, women are more likely to send food back to the kitchen than men.


- Women will lie more about her age and/or weight & body type while men will lie more about his income and education.


- Male strippers earn more in tips than female strippers. Men are cheap and tip smaller bills, where women are normally tipping with their husband's money and will generally tip larger bills. Plus, male strippers allow more physical contact than females will.


- Women are more likely to report sexual harassment.


- Women fake orgasms WAY more frequently than men.


- Men avoid commitment longer/more than a woman.


- Women generally fall in love before a man.


- Women are more likely to say, "I don't know".


- Women are more likely to clip coupons and bargain shop.


- Men watch more porn.


- Men are more likely to believe a stripper actually likes him.


- Men are more likely to attempt to operate/assemble something without reading the instructions.


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